max3732 Posted November 14, 2020 Posted November 14, 2020 I'm going to sign up for another virtual speed dating event and wanted help with how to approach the first few moments with a new woman. Usually what happens is the second we're alone in the virtual room we both say "Hi, nice to meet you" and mention the other person's name. Then I usually try to start with a question, although sometime she gets it out first. Is there a better way to handle this first impression? Basically how do you transition smoothly from having her 1st pop up on the screen to asking her questions and getting into a conversation? After that initial moment I'm having trouble deciding on a good opening question. I have a whole list of questions, but it feels awkward to go from "hi, nice to meet you" to "what 3 things would you bring if you were trapped on an island" or a question like that. So a lot of times I end up commenting on something behind her in the room/something she's wearing or what she thinks of speed dating. Once we start talking a bit I feel more comfortable asking the questions on the list, but I'm afraid I'm not doing well with the first impression. I've got like 4 to 7 minutes to talk to her so I guess she realizes we're operating off a time limit. It's just when I meet someone in person I usually start out with something lighter like "how was the drive over here" or "have you eaten here before" or something like that. So asking her what she's most proud of in her life or what she finds attractive in a man seems a bit abrupt to me. In the previous events out of maybe 6 women I talk to I'll be interested in 1 and I usually get really nervous when I see her. So I'd like to have something ready to go.
SumGuy Posted November 14, 2020 Posted November 14, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, max3732 said: ... "what 3 things would you bring if you were trapped on an island" or a question like that. ....So asking her what she's most proud of in her life or what she finds attractive in a man seems a bit abrupt to me. .... Yikes! I'd say avoid the list. To me those sound like job interview questions. Maybe it is the nature of speed dating though. I can't see making any meaningful connection in 4-7min. or even observing most social conversational niceties. Are there questions you can think of that would help her make the decision if she would like to talk to you more? Are there deal breakers best to just get out front? If you want to try the humor route, you could ask her your "standard" first meet conversational openers...like "how was your drive over here?" Edited November 14, 2020 by SumGuy 1
Author max3732 Posted November 14, 2020 Author Posted November 14, 2020 1 hour ago, SumGuy said: Yikes! I'd say avoid the list. To me those sound like job interview questions. Maybe it is the nature of speed dating though. I can't see making any meaningful connection in 4-7min. or even observing most social conversational niceties. Are there questions you can think of that would help her make the decision if she would like to talk to you more? Are there deal breakers best to just get out front? If you want to try the humor route, you could ask her your "standard" first meet conversational openers...like "how was your drive over here?" I'm just visualizing this women I'm attracted to appearing on the screen where we are both looking right at each other and trying to figure out what to say/do. Now that you mention it something I've done that I think worked well is using my "standard" first meet conversational openers since we're both doing it from home and her answer shows if she had a sense of humor. Going along with humor. What do you think of "Is this how your parents met"? There are a lot of deal breakers I'd love to find out about, but like you said I don't want it to sound like a job interview or an interrogation. Like does she have/want kids, smoke, etc. What's really important to me are basic values, but with the time limit I don't want to be too serious or think I have time to get too in depth. I also don't want to do the typical "what do you do for work, what do you do for fun", “where are you from” questions since I'd like to be more memorable and interesting. Even if I get to the same information, I don’t want to phrase it like that. What would be good “value” questions that wouldn’t sound like a job interview/interrogation? As far as helping her decide if she'd want to talk to me more. I'm not sure what women are looking for and how to convey what's most important about me in a way that doesn't come across as bragging. The kinds of questions I'm thinking of besides the "standard ones". This would come right after “Hi, nice to you meet you.“ Why are you speed dating? What kinds of vacations do you like? Have you been doing anything fun lately?.. later on asking “what do you find joy in”, but that’s too hard right off the bat. Prefer to spend time in cities or suburbs? Her relationship with her family. So maybe “Do you usually look forward to Thanksgiving?”
Miss Spider Posted November 14, 2020 Posted November 14, 2020 (edited) I am not the best conversationalist, so I probably should avoid giving advice here. But I do want to drop a tip that’s worked for me that I feel might be helpful to you. A trick I use when I am feel awkward in a situation is to actually acknowledge and be honest to myself and others about it. You can use an observational type of humor here, but you can just comment on it. She can probably relate to the feeling speed dating being a very awkward situation where you a forced to shoot out questions at random people in a very quick, unnatural way. Just laugh about it. Be natural Edited November 14, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 3
smackie9 Posted November 14, 2020 Posted November 14, 2020 (edited) First thing I would ask is what are some of your favorite things? then go from there. or "So tell me a little about yourself." Edited November 14, 2020 by smackie9
Happy Lemming Posted November 14, 2020 Posted November 14, 2020 (edited) Personally, I prefer an intelligent woman, I might ask what books are on her nightstand?? Favorite author?? Something along those lines, but that is just me... I don't think I would ask about being trapped on an island, it requires too much thought for "Speed Dating" and you might make her feel inadequate for not being able to think on her feet. Maybe an easy choice... mountains or the ocean, which do your prefer?? Edited November 14, 2020 by Happy Lemming
Ruby Slippers Posted November 15, 2020 Posted November 15, 2020 I've never done speed dating... but I say keep it simple at first. Initially you just want to establish a light, fun mood with easy questions.
Author max3732 Posted November 15, 2020 Author Posted November 15, 2020 21 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: I am not the best conversationalist, so I probably should avoid giving advice here. But I do want to drop a tip that’s worked for me that I feel might be helpful to you. A trick I use when I am feel awkward in a situation is to actually acknowledge and be honest to myself and others about it. You can use an observational type of humor here, but you can just comment on it. She can probably relate to the feeling speed dating being a very awkward situation where you a forced to shoot out questions at random people in a very quick, unnatural way. Just laugh about it. Be natural How about if I say something like: "nice to meet you. Even though this is speed dating hopefully we'll have a chance to get to know each other without it sounding like an interview and have a fun conversation too". Then however she reacts I'll either respond organically or get into one of those "get to know you" type questions. 1
SumGuy Posted November 15, 2020 Posted November 15, 2020 21 hours ago, max3732 said: ... Now that you mention it something I've done that I think worked well is using my "standard" first meet conversational openers since we're both doing it from home and her answer shows if she had a sense of humor. Going along with humor. What do you think of "Is this how your parents met"? ... I like that! It acknowledges the oddness of the situation, and can lead to her opening up about how her parents met. One would think that means nothing but a lot can be gauged and people are more likely to feel comfortable talking about something not directly related to their current selves. You may get tidbits about her view on relationships, and when you reciprocate and talk about how your parents met how you approach it and view it can show some of your values. 1
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