FelicityT Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 Hello after a few years of no contact I received a text from my ex. We didn’t part on good terms but I don’t hold grudges. He contacted me asking for help with a tax question as thats my line of work. It was cordial Even friendly. No talk about the past. Then he texted again as the tax issue was still not resolved three days later. We started to catch up and he told me he was moving to another state within six months. He said “ I have a girlfriend so the move has to be strategic “ I asked what that meant and he said she had family obligations and couldn’t make the move but would be spending a lot of time there in Michigan where he is moving. I asked how long they dated and he said two years. They don’t live together. He texted me again tonight about another question and we had another nice chat. I looked at his social media and saw he had taken down all of her photos except the ones she is in that were group photos where they are clearly a couple but all the rest are deleted. Seems strange. Am I missing something ? why is he texting me ?
Wiseman2 Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 (edited) Refer him to a CPA, so he can pay for tax advice. Stop volunteering your services. Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Edited November 13, 2020 by Wiseman2 6
Versacehottie Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 Guys monkey branch too. I think sometimes when they are thinking about breaking up with their current girlfriend, they will test the waters with ex's or new people. I think until there is something more concrete with his effort and his purpose, take it with a grain of salt as far as what it MEANS. I think a lot of time it has to do with EGO and they are checking to see if they have marketability outside of their current relationship. Also nostalgia and comparison to what isn't working in their current relationship compare to what they now see through rose-colored glasses with an old one. Keep in mind if you got back together, he could do the same comparison thing and have nostalgia and wonder if he made a mistake breaking up with her. Idk, in my observation, behavior like this is often about the person (him in this case) himself--his indecision, his ego, need for some reassurance. It doesn't mean he ISN'T interested but you really have to take the context into account and if it's "anything" it will take more than this to prove it to you. *btw, haven't even scratched the surface of the fact that maybe it's not something he "SHOULD" be doing. And if he does it to his current girlfriend when he feels conflicted, and you got back together, he would do it to you as well. Something to think about. Wait it out to see what it really means and keep living your life in the meanwhile
Mystery4me Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 Why are you even responding to him? He's an ex - exes are in the past, they should not be in the present. 2
HadMeOverABarrel Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 I agree with VersaceHottie except for the wait it out part. There's nothing to see here so just keep it moving. He's not offering anything of value to you. Not only, but he's audacious enough to approach you asking for free advice while getting his ego stroked that you'd still entertain him after a bad breakup followed by years of silence. Bleh! 2
schlumpy Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 37 minutes ago, FelicityT said: Hello after a few years of no contact I received a text from my ex. We didn’t part on good terms but I don’t hold grudges. You would be safer and more secure if you did. Anger against an ex can be damaging if you obsess on it but it can also keep you from being drawn back into a relationship you once had good reason to leave.
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, FelicityT said: Am I missing something ? why is he texting me ? He's texting you because you are a tax professional & he has a tax question. You may be the only one he knows in the field. He's a client, nothing more. If you don't want him as a client, refer him to a colleague. There are no tea leaves to read & nothing to decode. He told you about the GF & the upcoming move to make it crystal clear that this out of the blue contact was not a bread crumb or him wanting to know if the door was open to reconciliation. He's not interested & his life has gone forward without you. It was purely about your professional expertise. Answer his Q, fix his problem, send him a bill & move on. Edited November 13, 2020 by d0nnivain 3
smackie9 Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 (edited) I don't think he's looking for anything from you other than tax advice. He probably "hid" those photos from public view knowing you would be checkin his stuff out. There is a setting for that...they are not deleted, you can block them from a certain person on your friends list or the public. But in his case you already got in there before he could and you saw who he was with. Take a good guess why? To stop you from knowing who she is, contacting her and spilling the beans about your breakup whatever that entailed, damaging his reputation. If he thought that why contact you? He didn't think about it until after.... If the issue isn't resolved politely recommend an alternative tax service and be done with it. Edited November 13, 2020 by smackie9
Author FelicityT Posted November 13, 2020 Author Posted November 13, 2020 Thank you for your responses. If he reaches out again I will update.
CLS63AMG Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 Had it happen to me couple months ago, we dated back in 2018 but she was too busy for my tastes (gone for 2 weeks, then again for a month+ after only dating a few months) and I ended it. She was from OLD and figured I'd never see her again, but I got a DM via instagram from her commenting about my new puppy. She basically came over, we walked the dog, had sex and she left, never heard from her since lol. She just needed to get laid.
Lotsgoingon Posted November 14, 2020 Posted November 14, 2020 Look, he knows you're smart and you know your field, so he got past the awkwardness and called you for tax questions. I once called an ex out of the blue to get help on formatting a graduate school paper. Didn't mean I wanted to date her. Just meant I felt more comfortable calling her than calling someone else. Once you guys made small talk, then he told you the truth of his situation. There is nothing going on. Yes, people call on exes (especially exes who expertise they respect) all the time, with no secret motive. True story: my ex had breast cancer (she's doing fine now). Well I was in the waiting room when she was having one of her surgeries. I strike up a conversation with a woman a seat or two down. Turns out, she was the ex-wife of a guy who came in for surgery. The guy didn't have anyone else to call apparently. He called the ex. And in fact, I called my ex after a few years and asked for some advice on dating a woman with kids. My ex had married a guy with kids. I asked my ex for tips, and she gave me excellent insights, shared a ton about her own struggle dealing with step-children. Nothing weird whatsoever. I sent emails to my ex when each of my parents died--since she knew them well. She wrote me wonderful, consoling notes. No flirting, no sense of any restarting of anything. Maybe for some people, an ex is dead. For many others, the ex is someone they once loved, someone that in some matters they really feel they can trust, and so they reach out to their exes.
Miss Spider Posted November 15, 2020 Posted November 15, 2020 (edited) Sounds like he needed a tax advice and you are reading a little too much into it. Leave exes in the past. Edited November 15, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes
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