scratch Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 Things have gone relatively well the last three times I've been out with a new woman. Good conversation, positive attitude and body language. Most telling of all, each responded positively when I went to kiss them. This is the part I find confusing. Each time, after about ten minutes of fooling around at my house or thiers, they put on the breaks. "I'm not ready for this," "I don't want to go any farther," and "this isn't the time and place" were the explanations I received. My questions: 1. In my experience, each time I've enjoyed a continued relationship with a woman, they never put a halt to things midstream. Not to say that every woman has slept with me on the first date, but when we haven't, we manage to avoid ending the evening in the bedroom together. Thus, what are the chances that a girl will fool around with a guy, cut it off midstream, yet still be romantically interested? 2. Why fool around for a considerable length of time if you're unwilling to have sex? 3. Is there something a man can do that either turns the women off (or on) mid-hookup?
elijahBailey Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 Thus, what are the chances that a girl will fool around with a guy, cut it off midstream, yet still be romantically interested? pretty high. She probably doesn't wanna look cheap or too easy. Relax. If you got as far as what you said, you're doing fine. 2. Why fool around for a considerable length of time if you're unwilling to have sex? see above 3. Is there something a man can do that either turns the women off (or on) mid-hookup? uhm.... probably a million possibilities. But, hey, BO comes to mind
kitten chick Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 It is likely that it has less to do with you and your activities and more to do with the connection that your making with these women and your age. The older women get the more seriously they are likely to be taking relationships and the more they understand themselves. When you're young you don't necessarily have the maturity level to realize what sex really means to you and how it will affect you. Many women will be more likely to sleep with you on the first date when they've reached their mid 20s to mid 30s because they've been around the block a few times. Many women will be more likely to ask you to wait at the same ages because they're tired of the game and are looking for a more serious relationship. They know that they will become attached to a man that they have a connection with (even in a short relationship) shortly after they start sleeping with you. Many men fall into this trap as well yet are less likely to realize that they will become attached once they sleep with someone they are seeing. When they do, if they are not comfortable with the situation they will bolt. If they are comfortable with the person that they have attached to then he is more likely to stick around. These are all generalizations and don't apply to everyone but I believe them to be true for the majority of well rounded individuals. If you're looking for a relationship with these women then wait for them to be ready. If you're looking for just sex then cut them loose because you have different objectives for the relationship.
Art_Critic Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 Most women worth having do this and don't give it up that easy.. You just need to relax and keep up the romancing.. Maybe the next date after a halted episode you bring her flowers before a nice dinner with some nice conversation.. As soon as she feels comfortable she will give it up.. Does't sound to me like you are doing anything wrong.. Show some patience
Author scratch Posted October 13, 2005 Author Posted October 13, 2005 1. You've been out with this woman 3 times. That is not a "continued relationship." That said, believe it or not, there are women out there who DO hold off on sex in order to get to know someone. Holding off doesn't mean that she's not interested. If she's not interested, she wouldn't be letting you grope her and shove your tongue down her throat. Small points of clarification. These were 3 first dates, not one woman with whom I've been out three times. Second, I wasn't claiming that these were continued relationships; in my experience, every time I've had a continued relationship, the girl has never directly told me to stop. If we waited, it was because we were never in first date situations where sex was a ready option. Edit: Thanks for the replies. Perhaps you guys could discuss the frequency of stopping (or being asked to stop) and a relationship developing, versus the frequency when a request to stop occurred and there turned out to be relatively little spark.
loony Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 My questions: 1. In my experience, each time I've enjoyed a continued relationship with a woman, they never put a halt to things midstream. Not to say that every woman has slept with me on the first date, but when we haven't, we manage to avoid ending the evening in the bedroom together. Thus, what are the chances that a girl will fool around with a guy, cut it off midstream, yet still be romantically interested? Hm. If you give her the feeling that you were only using her for fun she might stop in the middle of the fun despite having feelings for you. I once continued having feelings for someone even though I kind of sensed that he wasn't after the whole package and just the, ahem, fun part. 2. Why fool around for a considerable length of time if you're unwilling to have sex? Did you tell her about your attitude concerning sex? Women might want to, but still resistent because of the feeling that someone is out to use them. And is sex on a first date not a little bit too fast? I mean, for most people I guess it is. They might not share your same view on this topic. 3. Is there something a man can do that either turns the women off (or on) mid-hookup? I guess, he either does it before, see above, or he might become a bit too aggressive. You can always push a little bit at at one point if someone doesn't want to they will tell you to stop.
kitten chick Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 Perhaps you guys could discuss the frequency of stopping (or being asked to stop) and a relationship developing, versus the frequency when a request to stop occurred and there turned out to be relatively little spark. I stop it every time I think there's a possiblity for a relationship. I almost always stop it when I know there's no possibility for a relationship but every once in a while someone slips through the cracks.
Author scratch Posted October 13, 2005 Author Posted October 13, 2005 If she asks you to stop, and then doesn't see you again, it's a "connection," "spark," "chemistry" thing. If she asks you to stop and sees you again, then a relationship is developing. Genuis in its simplicity. No reason to fret about it - just ask them out again, and see what happens. For the record, I just did a little remeniscing. The last time I slept with a woman not on the first or second meeting/date was three years ago. This isn't to say that I nail every woman I date - simply that if it hadn't happened by date two, it never ended up happening. Does this seem unusual?
loony Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 - simply that if it hadn't happened by date two, it never ended up happening. Does this seem unusual? It's unusual I would say.
JS17 Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 For the record, I just did a little remeniscing. The last time I slept with a woman not on the first or second meeting/date was three years ago. This isn't to say that I nail every woman I date - simply that if it hadn't happened by date two, it never ended up happening. Does this seem unusual? Boy those city chicks are fast! It is unusual, I don't know many girls that will have sex on the first or second date consistently. Most have slipped up once or twice but generally it takes longer than that. All depends on what you're looking for scratch.....
Art_Critic Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 Boy those city chicks are fast! It is unusual, I don't know many girls that will have sex on the first or second date consistently. Until I was in my early 30's EVERY girl I had slept with I did so on the first date..
JS17 Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 Until I was in my early 30's EVERY girl I had slept with I did so on the first date.. Hookers don't count (just messin with ya)
Author scratch Posted October 13, 2005 Author Posted October 13, 2005 Until I was in my early 30's EVERY girl I had slept with I did so on the first date.. Was that because if a girl didn't give it up you would not call her again, or because if a girl didn't give it up, she was never willing to do so in later dates either? My suspicion is that I'm experiencing the latter.
Art_Critic Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 Was that because if a girl didn't give it up you would not call her again, or because if a girl didn't give it up, she was never willing to do so in later dates either? My suspicion is that I'm experiencing the latter. Well.. Acually I should have rephrased the answer.. All the women I have ever dated until my early 30's I slept with and all I did so on the first date.. I think that the older we get ( guys and girls ) sex on the first date isn't as important and we know that the better relationships come from sex that happens later in the scheme of things.. Scratch.. I think you are getting older and the women you are dating are holding out to see if you are relationship worthy. Like I said .. Patience.. If you want her you may have to work harder to get her.. Try working harder and try more second dates.. or third dates..
lindya Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 Was that because if a girl didn't give it up you would not call her again, or because if a girl didn't give it up, she was never willing to do so in later dates either? My suspicion is that I'm experiencing the latter. Welcome back, Scratch. Did these women say/do things when you first met them that indicated they would be likely to have sex with you early on...or on a very casual basis? Is there a possibility that they gave that impression in order to get your interest, but that really they're looking for a relationship and will only have sex with you in that context?
Author scratch Posted October 13, 2005 Author Posted October 13, 2005 Well.. Acually I should have rephrased the answer.. All the women I have ever dated until my early 30's I slept with and all I did so on the first date. Let me get this straight - every single woman who agreed to go out on a first date with you ended up sleeping with you? I find that staggeringly implausible, regardless of how many dates took place before the sex.
Author scratch Posted October 13, 2005 Author Posted October 13, 2005 Welcome back, Scratch. Did these women say/do things when you first met them that indicated they would be likely to have sex with you early on...or on a very casual basis? Is there a possibility that they gave that impression in order to get your interest, but that really they're looking for a relationship and will only have sex with you in that context? Thanks, L. Actually, two alluded to the fact that first-date sex wasn't really their program. However, their coming back to my house was a factor I also took into account. The third mentioned an interest in casual sex, and invited me back to her place, but had other guests (hence the "time and place" quote). I don't feel that they were being manipulative in trying to trap me in a relationship. In none of the cases was I resentful, just disappointed based NOT on the fact that I didn't get laid, but on the suspected correlation between them stopping things and lack of interest.
Art_Critic Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 Let me get this straight - every single woman who agreed to go out on a first date with you ended up sleeping with you? I find that staggeringly implausible, regardless of how many dates took place before the sex. No..It's true.. I will say this though I was picky and I only went out on dates that were really already in the bag.. I never had to ask a girl out until my late 30's..( I did in High School a few times though but that doesn't count) They have alway's asked me out.. and when a girl asks a guy out..the stage is already set..
lindya Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 I don't feel that they were being manipulative in trying to trap me in a relationship. I probably worded that wrongly. There have been times where, if I think about it, I've emphasised certain values I hold or a particular aspect of my personality in order to get someone's interest...and have maybe misled them as to exactly who I am. Not deliberately (it's something that, with a bit of hindsight and analysis, I realise I've done). I think in relatively high tension situations, as first dates often are, many people can feel a bit uncertain about exactly who they are and what they want at that precise time. If you think the chemistry's there, I don't think you should give up on this girl/these girls (no wonder you haven't been posting lately!)
TUDOR Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 Yes welcome back scratch. My wife made me wait almost 3 months before ever giving it up to me. Before her I would have never waited that long but something about her made me wait. But she commented one time when we talked about sex that after a couple of months I might get a BJ. This kind of pissed me off. My feelings are if you are going to go there you mind as well go all the way. The concept of fooling around then stopping it makes no sense to me. As adults I would think if you are going to put the ball in motion to mess around then there is an implied ending that will come to pass. In my book this is called a cock tease!
JS17 Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 My feelings are if you are going to go there you mind as well go all the way. The concept of fooling around then stopping it makes no sense to me. As adults I would think if you are going to put the ball in motion to mess around then there is an implied ending that will come to pass. In my book this is called a cock tease! Nah T, you and I are usually on the same page. I see where you are coming from but I don't see it that way at all. There's really very little emotional connection and intimacy in oral sex, although some would disagree on the intimacy part. You get better oral when the woman really wants to give it but many women can give a BJ without really caring at all. IMO there's much more intimacy involved in sex and society has conditioned us to believe that it's much more "valuable". Because of this there are many ETB women out there that are willing to do anything so long as it isn't sex. Scratch - I, and my friends, have found that around the city men will demand it within the first few dates or you're history. I tend to date men outside the area for this reason (amongst others). They haven't worked out for other reasons. I have a handful of friends that will put out easily but most of them are younger and going through that phase. Have some patience with these women or move on. You still haven't told us what you're objective is....
JS17 Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 And side note, every guy that I've had a good relationship made ME wait and sometimes it never even happened.
TUDOR Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 Nah T, you and I are usually on the same page. I see where you are coming from but I don't see it that way at all. There's really very little emotional connection and intimacy in oral sex, although some would disagree on the intimacy part. You get better oral when the woman really wants to give it but many women can give a BJ without really caring at all. IMO there's much more intimacy involved in sex and society has conditioned us to believe that it's much more "valuable". Because of this there are many ETB women out there that are willing to do anything so long as it isn't sex. .... Love you too! While I agree with you that women can give oral without really caring at all, I think having sex can be the same level of non caring to a large degree for men and some women. But how is letting a man be nose deep in your honey hole any less sexual or intimate than f*cking? And as far as oral...if you are going to make me cum whether it is by giving me a BJ or whacking me off....the end result is still the same as you get when having sex....in a round about way. But be honest, would you let a guy go down on you then not have sex with him? I mean I am happy to get a BJ if that is all you want to do but I also think if you are going to go there then why not go the rest of the way. It is so much more than kissing or little dry humping...I mean once you pull off the clothes how do you in good conscience then stop. The clothes shouldn't come off if you don't want to go there which is completly ok...but to stop is cruel and teasing I think. Not to be confused with someone that is not ready, if you are not ready, than you aren't ready. But don't continuely let it go there if you aren't.
morrigan Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 what are the chances that a girl will fool around with a guy, cut it off midstream, yet still be romantically interested? If she didn't find you attractive during the date, I doubt she would have invited you to her home, much less anything else. Just ask her out again and enjoy yourself, everything is casual at this point. Why fool around for a considerable length of time if you're unwilling to have sex? The person doesn't want it to appear as if they do this on every first date they have, or that they can be seen as just a fling. Everyone has their comfort factor. Some people more likely to refrain from having sex early on with a person if they would like to date them seriously. As far as the turn offs, make it clear you find her attractive, but be relaxed about it if she decides to stop.
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