dangerous Posted November 12, 2020 Posted November 12, 2020 Just venting, but interested in how others might read this situation... I met a lady via online dating and went on two daytime dates over two weekends (due to Covid restrictions), and tbh I had my suspicions about a couple of things: 1. She talked about herself all the time, ALOT, and asked very little about me. She said she wanted to see me again, and was keen with texting and calling, BUT I just didn't feel any "spark". She certainly didn't promote or reciprocate any physical escalation at all. 2. I learnt that she hadn't been in a relationship for around 12 years. Anyway, last weekend, after the crap UK situation of a lockdown #2, I felt pretty deflated and decided I just wanted to relax alone at home, so I texted her and said I wouldn't be around at the weekend and talk soon. She replied quickly and said, have a nice time. Hmm, I just had a feeling.. On the Monday, 2 days later, I was back to life, and work, and I texted her saying I was back and how was she? I didn't hear back all day, and thought it a bit strange that no reply. I mentioned it to a friend, and he said she is just a normal, busy woman, not needy. I had my suspicions. Next day, she sends me a text, saying the reason she didn't respond is because: She could see I didn't check my messages all weekend, that was a red flag to her. So she deleted my number! (the only reason she replied was because I sent her a new message on the Monday). And its happened to her before that men have messed her around! Talk about red flags.... NEXT lol
basil67 Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 Sounds to me like she also felt no spark and that combined with you putting off seeing her, she chased it up to lack of interest on your part. I don’t see any red flags 9
CLS63AMG Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 2 hours ago, basil67 said: Sounds to me like she also felt no spark and that combined with you putting off seeing her, she chased it up to lack of interest on your part. I don’t see any red flags Yup, that isn't a "fiasco" at all, its a typical process of an online date where you weren't a match. 4
Miss Spider Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 (edited) Where are the red flags? Looks like she could see you weren’t that interested and she lost interest too. >.> Edited November 13, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 7
elaine567 Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 Why did you think it was OK to drop off the planet all weekend and then think you could pick up where you left off as if nothing happened? You assumed too much. You showed her a big red flag and she blocked you. No woman really wants a man she is dating to go MIA over the weekend. Why would she put up with that blatant lack of interest? She was correct to block you. 5 1 1
Wiseman2 Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 11 hours ago, dangerous said: I just didn't feel any "spark". She certainly didn't promote or reciprocate any physical escalation at all. 2 boring dates. Be glad she did half the work of the delete and block process. 1 1
OnlyHonesty Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 Quote She talked about herself all the time, ALOT, and asked very little about me. Why would you want to meet someone like that again? why would you contact them? 1 1
smackie9 Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 16 hours ago, dangerous said: Just venting, but interested in how others might read this situation... I met a lady via online dating and went on two daytime dates over two weekends (due to Covid restrictions), and tbh I had my suspicions about a couple of things: 1. She talked about herself all the time, ALOT, and asked very little about me. She said she wanted to see me again, and was keen with texting and calling, BUT I just didn't feel any "spark". She certainly didn't promote or reciprocate any physical escalation at all. 2. I learnt that she hadn't been in a relationship for around 12 years. Anyway, last weekend, after the crap UK situation of a lockdown #2, I felt pretty deflated and decided I just wanted to relax alone at home, so I texted her and said I wouldn't be around at the weekend and talk soon. She replied quickly and said, have a nice time. Hmm, I just had a feeling.. On the Monday, 2 days later, I was back to life, and work, and I texted her saying I was back and how was she? I didn't hear back all day, and thought it a bit strange that no reply. I mentioned it to a friend, and he said she is just a normal, busy woman, not needy. I had my suspicions. Next day, she sends me a text, saying the reason she didn't respond is because: She could see I didn't check my messages all weekend, that was a red flag to her. So she deleted my number! (the only reason she replied was because I sent her a new message on the Monday). And its happened to her before that men have messed her around! Talk about red flags.... NEXT lol It's covid, people are isolated and she was glad to have someone to talk to. So she went a little overboard. It's covid, you two just met, and well, social distancing is priority during this second wave...so no effort for physical contact is a no brainer. You told her you won't be around to talk on the weekend..that's prime dating time, you didn't look at her messages...she saw you possibly blowing her off for someone else, or you lacked interest in her. She had been ditched before, and she felt she beat you to the punch....she pretty much could see you weren't that into her, so she wasn't going to waste anymore time. I see no red flags from her. 3
kendahke Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 sounds to me like you're feeling a way because she didn't demonstrate devotion to you right off the bat. you told her that you were putting her on the shelf for the weekend and she interpreted that you have no interest, which it sounds like to me, too. whatever game you thought you were playing rather backfired on you. 4 1
Ruby Slippers Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 You clearly weren't feeling it and she moved on. No muss, no fuss. I see no "fiasco" here. 3
FMW Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 Your ego may just be bruised because someone that you didn't deem that great in the first place decided to shut the door on things before you did. It's not reasonable to expect someone to be eagerly waiting around for you when you're not making yourself available to them on a weekend. She's entitled to her determination of what is a red flag just as much as you are. Sounds like you only contacted her again because you had nothing better going on at the moment after you came out of your funk over the latest lockdown. No loss, certainly no fiasco. Don't make your mood even worse by overthinking it. Look forward to better connections to come. 3
Ellener Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 20 hours ago, dangerous said: She could see I didn't check my messages all weekend, that was a red flag to her. And saying that is a red flag to me! Another person would 'pass' if you were obsessively checking messages all weekend... Don't see it as a fiasco, or think about it any further I'd say. 1
Ellener Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 9 hours ago, elaine567 said: No woman really wants a man she is dating to go MIA over the weekend. 2 meetings and a few messages= dating? 1
Author dangerous Posted November 13, 2020 Author Posted November 13, 2020 My point was, that I had a weekend off and I let her know that, so it's quite understandable that I might not be checking my messages. To assume I am ignoring her, or dating someone else, or as someone here said "game playing" is in my opinion way out of line. Deleting me says alot more about her attitude than mine. Clearly not a match. 1
Author dangerous Posted November 13, 2020 Author Posted November 13, 2020 7 minutes ago, Ellener said: 2 meetings and a few messages= dating? exactly its not even dating yet!
Author dangerous Posted November 13, 2020 Author Posted November 13, 2020 2 hours ago, pinkpaw said: The red flag in this story is you. How?
Author dangerous Posted November 13, 2020 Author Posted November 13, 2020 9 hours ago, elaine567 said: Why did you think it was OK to drop off the planet all weekend and then think you could pick up where you left off as if nothing happened? You assumed too much. You showed her a big red flag and she blocked you. No woman really wants a man she is dating to go MIA over the weekend. Why would she put up with that blatant lack of interest? She was correct to block you. 1. we are not really dating, it was just a start, so I do not feel I owed here any commitment. 2. I was courteous enough to say I wasn't around, not MIA. 3. Your accusations here read to me about entitlement and demands, not something I am looking for in a partner at all! 1
JRabbit Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 13 minutes ago, dangerous said: My point was, that I had a weekend off and I let her know that, so it's quite understandable that I might not be checking my messages. To assume I am ignoring her, or dating someone else, or as someone here said "game playing" is in my opinion way out of line. Deleting me says alot more about her attitude than mine. Clearly not a match. How old are you OP? I can not imagine a single woman I know, thinking a guy is still interested after having a date, then dropping off the face of the earth for 2-3 days in terms of communication Sorry, you may not like it but it is 2020, and people expect some sort of communication. I get trouble from guys, for not replying within hours. I would expect to be dropped too if I didn't talk for a few days. This is the new norm. 5 1
Ruby Slippers Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 21 minutes ago, JRabbit said: I can not imagine a single woman I know, thinking a guy is still interested after having a date, then dropping off the face of the earth for 2-3 days in terms of communication This is the new norm. Yes - but there's nothing new about it. Women know very well that when a man is interested, he makes it clear and wants to spend time with you. If you really liked this woman, you wouldn't have taken the weekend "off" from spending any time with her, and she's very aware of that. 6
JRabbit Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 3 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: Yes - but there's nothing new about it. Women know very well that when a man is interested, he makes it clear and wants to spend time with you. If you really liked this woman, you wouldn't have taken the weekend "off" from spending any time with her, and she's very aware of that. So true, well the confident women anyways. There will always be others who can have a man fly around the world for them and still think the man isnt interested
Ellener Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 1 hour ago, dangerous said: 1. we are not really dating, it was just a start, so I do not feel I owed here any commitment. 2. I was courteous enough to say I wasn't around, not MIA. 3. Your accusations here read to me about entitlement and demands, not something I am looking for in a partner at all! you're still over-thinking it! It does not matter what some random person on the internet thinks about you- and it's not important if you don't meaningfully 'connect' to everyone in the universe 59 minutes ago, JRabbit said: it is 2020, and people expect some sort of communication. Given the enormous failure rate of online dating to create a long-term relationship maybe that's the problem. Anyone can act 'compliant' for a few hours/days online. If you need time to yourself @dangerous that's something someone will need to know. If you are looking for a series of short-term things then sure, 'play the game'. The only 'red flag' here regarding yourself @dangerousis thinking it's been a 'fiasco'. That sounds just as insecure as a woman/man who needs constant communication. 1 1
Miss Spider Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 (edited) You are not even interested in her though. I thinK everyone has been there. . Guys have ‘gone off’ on me for not responding to them after a date or so. But there was a reason why I didn’t respond to them(low interest). I didn’t go on to say oh wow what red flags because he took offense to me not responding to his messages. There is an expectation people have even at the beginning when you start dating to show your interest in them. To try to turn it and blame them for acknowledging this is kind of a red flag on your part. Take accountability... you showed lack of interest because you weren’t interested in them... they followed suit Edited November 13, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 3
basil67 Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 1 hour ago, Ellener said: Given the enormous failure rate of online dating to create a long-term relationship maybe that's [expecting communication] the problem. Anyone can act 'compliant' for a few hours/days online. The last time I dated was 1992....way before OLD. Even way back then, it was quite normal to expect that someone who's interested in going out again would be communicative. 3
Author dangerous Posted November 13, 2020 Author Posted November 13, 2020 Yes I agree, I was not that interested. JRabbit, your answer would show me that you are one of the women who I would class as demanding. Not for me. Ellener, believe me I am not overthinking, and i used the term fiasco loosely, I really am not that bothered. It was however an experience which illustrated "polarisation" on disparate expectations of OLD, mine certainly, and judging by the responses so far, from many others too. And yes, i need time to myself, and will not compromise this in a relationship, so I am certainly not everyone's "cup of tea" 1
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