Dextr0n Posted November 12, 2020 Posted November 12, 2020 Hey there, I'm sure this is going to sound silly to some people but I've recently started talking to a girl online. I sometimes add randomly or receive random requests on facebook. I added this girl but I never initiated anything. She just started to like my stuff and after a two weeks or so, she DM me and we just started talking. At first, it was just fun and games, joking around and a little flirting now and then but after a two weeks of talking and sharing memes and what not, she called me and we talked on video as well. I suddenly and without even knowing, fell for this girl, like really hard, I just can't understand how this is possible. She did tell me she likes me and hinted at the fact that it would be really painful if I'd be gone but it's still uncertain. I feel like she's my soul mate and I never even met her yet, she lives in my home country and I live in another country, both in Europe. We even set a date for January to meet up when I'm gonna go visit my friends back home. Now, my questions are: Did anyone else around here go through anything similar? How is it even possible to fall for someone, ONLINE without even meeting them, it's just so surreal to me. (I must say I never though I'd be experiencing this feeling again, I'm 31 and it's been a while since I've felt this before). Any tips on how to cope with this? I have anxiety now. I think way too much about her (and also think about what she's feeling about me, if it's the same thing and she's just playing it cool, she does message me several times during the day but I'm still not sure if we're on the same page and I feel awkward to even open this subject, as I find it ridiculously puerile and childish to even say it lol "I have strong feelings for you", as we just met and not even in person). I feel like throwing up, that's how intense this is, I'm still amazed about itI am playing it cool and only message her if she messages me as well and I don't come across as needy but it's hard lol. I need to find ways to cope with it somehow. Thanks.
MeadowFlower Posted November 12, 2020 Posted November 12, 2020 Hey @Dextr0n, Yes I am experiencing something similar. And of course it is possible to have an interest in someone you haven't met. I get annoyed when people speak badly of this. Take a step back though and don't get caught up in the emotions that aren't based on anything solid. And wait until you get to meet her in January, don't get your heart involved until after you've spent time with her in person. 1 1
Author Dextr0n Posted November 12, 2020 Author Posted November 12, 2020 It's what I'm trying to do, but geez, this has been a giant mistake on my part, I just left my guard down without knowing.
d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2020 Posted November 12, 2020 It feels real because it's flattering & it's fun to fall in love. You have to let logic control & remind yourself that you have never met this woman. You don't even know her. A video call & some social media exchanges are not valid substitutes for real life interaction in the actual world, not the virtual one. See what happens when you do meet in January when you are home. 1 1
Wiseman2 Posted November 12, 2020 Posted November 12, 2020 1 hour ago, Dextr0n said: We even set a date for January to meet up when I'm gonna go visit my friends back home. Ok when you're home , meet up . In the mean time keep it low key and fun. 1 1
ShyViolet Posted November 20, 2020 Posted November 20, 2020 You can't know if someone is your soul mate if you've only met online and never met in person. This has happened because you want so badly to fall in love, you've made up this fantasy of this person in your head and you are clinging to it. Don't let yourself get so caught up in this. It's not healthy. 1
gamon Posted November 20, 2020 Posted November 20, 2020 Don’t fool yourself. It’s not real until you meet. Most first dates fail because there’s false expectations and/or no spark. It’s all just a fantasy sort of like a movie or TV show until you meet. 1
ThereSheGoes Posted November 20, 2020 Posted November 20, 2020 Though I do believe that a connection can be gathered online, over time (like, months, maybe even years) it's only been two weeks. Just, two. This is the infatuation stage. I want to hear how you feel about her in January.
Miss Spider Posted November 20, 2020 Posted November 20, 2020 (edited) Hmm... random hot girl from a different country messages you on Facebook flirting hard.. tells you all the things you want to hear.... not trying to burst anyone’s bubble, but I want to hear she isn’t a scammer by January. Edited November 20, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
Author Dextr0n Posted November 21, 2020 Author Posted November 21, 2020 23 hours ago, MeadowFlower said: Any updates @Dextr0n Yup, I started being rational and stopped talking and thinking that much about her for like a week lol. Then she started freaking out and thought I wanted to ditch her. Told her to chill and calmed her down, assuring her we'll meet in January. All is good, we talk now and then, I try to keep it at a minimum so that no one gets hurt in this weird thing. I'll keep you all posted on how the January thing goes, if we're still talking by then haha. 1
Author Dextr0n Posted November 21, 2020 Author Posted November 21, 2020 20 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Hmm... random hot girl from a different country messages you on Facebook flirting hard.. tells you all the things you want to hear.... not trying to burst anyone’s bubble, but I want to hear she isn’t a scammer by January. We talked on the phone and on video as well man, I'm not that stupid lol. We even have common friends, we are the same nationality and she lives in the city I was born in. I just happen to live in a different country atm due to work. This happened because I'm really active on social media, tons of girls dm me cause of the stupid stuff I post, she's just one that caught my attention as we both have the same sense of humor.. 2
Author Dextr0n Posted November 21, 2020 Author Posted November 21, 2020 23 hours ago, ShyViolet said: You can't know if someone is your soul mate if you've only met online and never met in person. This has happened because you want so badly to fall in love, you've made up this fantasy of this person in your head and you are clinging to it. Don't let yourself get so caught up in this. It's not healthy. I had 0 intentions of falling in love. In fact, I never thought I'd feel it again lol. I was very happy were I was.
Author Dextr0n Posted November 21, 2020 Author Posted November 21, 2020 22 hours ago, smackie9 said: I blame dopamine. Whew, tell me about it. hahah 1
Author Dextr0n Posted November 21, 2020 Author Posted November 21, 2020 22 hours ago, gamon said: Don’t fool yourself. It’s not real until you meet. Most first dates fail because there’s false expectations and/or no spark. It’s all just a fantasy sort of like a movie or TV show until you meet. True, it's what actually made me wake up a bit. But I still do hope she's as good as I think she is. Just found out I'm a hopeless romantic, bare with me. haha
LivingWaterPlease Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 On 11/12/2020 at 12:21 PM, Dextr0n said: At first, it was just fun and games, joking around and a little flirting now and then but after a two weeks of talking and sharing memes and what not, she called me and we talked on video as well. I suddenly and without even knowing, fell for this girl, like really hard, I just can't understand how this is possible. She did tell me she likes me and hinted at the fact that it would be really painful if I'd be gone but it's still uncertain. Well, you lucky bum! Since you don't live in my country I must explain that calling you a bum in this context isn't an insult! Lol! I say enjoy it for all it's worth! I had a more radical similar experience in that I fell for someone a friend set me up with the very first time he messaged me. Right from the first sentence my heart leaped! Lol! The feeling never left the entire time we dated. He was long distance, we never were exclusive and there were some huge differences we could not have overcome. But he thrilled me from the top of my head to the tips of my toes the entire span of time that we dated. And broke my heart when he married someone else. Since I'm sharing this, though, I am SO thankful we didn't marry for reasons I won't post here. God pulled me out of the line of a bullet that was headed straight for my temple!! 2
Author Dextr0n Posted November 21, 2020 Author Posted November 21, 2020 4 minutes ago, LivingWaterPlease said: Well, you lucky bum! Since you don't live in my country I must explain that calling you a bum in this context isn't an insult! Lol! I say enjoy it for all it's worth! I had a more radical similar experience in that I fell for someone a friend set me up with the very first time he messaged me. Right from the first sentence my heart leaped! Lol! The feeling never left the entire time we dated. He was long distance, we never were exclusive and there were some huge differences we could not have overcome. But he thrilled me from the top of my head to the tips of my toes the entire span of time that we dated. And broke my heart when he married someone else. Since I'm sharing this, though, I am SO thankful we didn't marry for reasons I won't post here. God pulled me out of the line of a bullet that was headed straight for my temple!! Experiences are important, even if they sometimes hurt. 1
MeadowFlower Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 24 minutes ago, Dextr0n said: Told her to chill and calmed her down, assuring her we'll meet in January. See that you keep your word here. Thanks for the update.
Miss Spider Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 1 hour ago, Dextr0n said: We talked on the phone and on video as well man, I'm not that stupid lol. We even have common friends, we are the same nationality and she lives in the city I was born in. I just happen to live in a different country atm due to work. This happened because I'm really active on social media, tons of girls dm me cause of the stupid stuff I post, she's just one that caught my attention as we both have the same sense of humor.. Oh OK I see, that definitely sounds better Keep calm.hope it works out for you 1
Author Dextr0n Posted November 21, 2020 Author Posted November 21, 2020 2 hours ago, MeadowFlower said: See that you keep your word here. Thanks for the update. Oh I will, I need to know if she's the real deal.
gamon Posted November 22, 2020 Posted November 22, 2020 11 hours ago, Dextr0n said: But I still do hope she's as good as I think she is. Of course you do.
Author Dextr0n Posted December 29, 2020 Author Posted December 29, 2020 Hey all, just wanted to give you all an update on this thread in case someone's interested. Unfortunately, I had to cut her off. We were ready to meet up in January, she even wanted to come to me for Christmas and New Years but flights were blocked. Now, after I found out flights will be off for the rest of January and maybe more... I just couldn't take it anymore. The fact that we were talking daily and we couldn't be together irl, was killing me slowly and I fell into an awful depression because of it. I explained everything to her and told her we need to stop talking but she said this isn't right, that we should keep talking until we can actually meet. I don't know if she got it but I kinda left her on read as well, I feel awful about this but I had to do it for myself and my well being. I obviously discovered new things in me that I need to work on, I'm an emotional wreck and I got attached way too hard so I had to end it. Now I have to get through this and it feels like a damn break up, lol. FML!
Miss Spider Posted December 29, 2020 Posted December 29, 2020 Sorry it didn’t work out, but I think you made the right decision. Find a nice local girl. 1
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