Are these considered red flags, or just signs that he's really interested?

[CLS63AMG]

9 hours ago, Velvet teddy said:

I don't like to label people as narcissists.

But those are all the signs of a narcissist. 

Love bombing, conversations about himself, playing the victim, insulting the ex.

And i didnt  read calm's post till after i made those observations. 

Yup I had one a few years ago, after 2 weeks she said she loved me and after that begged to me to marry her, its all BS. 

[Velvet teddy]

1 hour ago, CLS63AMG said:

Yup I had one a few years ago, after 2 weeks she said she loved me and after that begged to me to marry her, its all BS. 

Yeah i don't get people who even fall for the BS. Let alone the people spouting  the BS.

 

[Wiseman2]

11 hours ago, angelsface200 said:

 upgraded his membership so that he can take a guest with him, 

He seems to like gym dates, so "a guest", doesn't mean you.

Take your time. One step at a time.

He's clever. It's like saying "I got a car with a passenger seat in it for you" What?

Unfortunately you seem to be enjoying and buying his clever lines for now.

Edited November 13, 2020 by Wiseman2

[Allupinnit]

People assume that simply marrying the right person takes out the work needed to put in a marriage. Happy is work.  If you're miserable in a 60 year marriage I'm going to guess at some point one or both people stopped trying.

[Ladiixmk]

Thank you everyone for the advice. Another thing I've noticed - he complains about everyone and everything. He has complained about his parents, his sisters, his cousins, his boss, his pets, etc. Today we were on the phone, and he spent the first 50 minutes of our conversation filling out his application while talking me through it, and the whole time he kept complaining about the application, about people coming into his job (he was at work), etc. Then he tells me everything in his life is bothering me, and I'm the only one keeping him sane in his life.  

I'm starting to think this won't work out in the long run. I understand life can be stressful, but man.

ETA: I sound hypocritical in this post because I'm complaining myself LOL. Just venting for now I guess  

Edited November 14, 2020 by angelsface200

[basil67]

I'd stop dating someone based on chronic complaining alone.  

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, angelsface200 said:

. Today we were on the phone, and he spent the first 50 minutes of our conversation filling out his application while talking me through it, and the whole time he kept complaining about the application, about people coming into his job (he was at work), etc. 

Unless he's paying you $200/hr., why are you wasting your time on this?

It may be time to reflect on the voids in your life if you are filling it up with this type of nonsense.

Keep yourself busy with friends, family, interests, hobbies, groups,clubs, classes, professional achievement, volunteering and you won't have time to hang on the phone as a faceless garbage can for some misanthropes griping.

Manage your time better.

[Fletch Lives]

One of the biggest problems in dating is guys moving too fast.

[Saracena]

On 11/12/2020 at 7:58 PM, ExpatInItaly said:

He's trying to slot you into the life he imagined with his ex. 

 

 

While I totally agree with the other posts this was what resonated with me. He wants a 'relationship' to fill a void of some sort or replicate a lost one. In my experience this is why a lot of guys move so fast in the beginning.

The chronic complaining would be even a bigger red flag.......

[Gaeta]

Been there. You cannot make him slow down. He'll slow down 2 days and he'll get back to his annoying self. It's time to end this. You've dated a few weeks and you're realizing you're not a match, that's what dating is for, to filter and find a good match for yourself. End this now before Thanks Giving and before meeting his family.

[Calmandfocused]

He complains because the world and everyone in it are complete morons and we cannot appreciate how wonderfully amazing,  spectacular and special your boyfriend is.
 

What idiots we are for not recognising your boyfriends brilliance and importance and how insulting that he has been forced to apply for a job using exactly the same process that all us lesser human beings have to endure. He must be utterly insulted. 
 

Of course you must listen to his whining and moaning. You are there to serve a purpose Op. His purpose! 
 

Op do me a favour: start whining and moaning to him about something to do with you and see what happens. 

Let us know if/ when you do. I predict an eye opener. 

[Ruby Slippers]

On 11/13/2020 at 11:23 PM, angelsface200 said:

Today we were on the phone, and he spent the first 50 minutes of our conversation filling out his application while talking me through it, and the whole time he kept complaining about the application, about people coming into his job (he was at work), etc.

Why would you sit on the phone with him for 50 minutes to do busywork? After 2 minutes, I would have said, "OK, let's talk later once you're free to talk."

I agree that it would be best to end this before the holidays. Negative people won't bring anything to your life but negativity.

[Ladiixmk]

Thanks everyone for the advice! I searched up narcissism and he does fit a TON of the criteria. However, I also wonder if it's social awkwardness....?

These are the signs of narcissism I see:

1. He always finds a way to change the topic to himself. For example, we were watching a video on YouTube called "Deadlift Pass Out compilations" (DEFINITELY not my idea lol). I kept squirming during the video because some of the guys were passing out and knocking their heads on walls or on the floor. I said "Man, I don't think I can ever go to a deadlift competition because I'd be afraid to see someone pass out". His response? "Next year, my main goal is to deadlift 600lbs. I currently can do 300lbs, I think" Okay...

2. He's also a bit of a showoff, but I'm not sure if this is a guy thing or just me because I had an ex who was somewhat similar. For example, he said he was taking a walk outside, so I asked how was the weather. He goes "it's pretty nice out, wait let me show you", and decides to send me a video of his whole body while walking outside and flexing his muscles. Or the other day he was talking about how he needs a new TV, then sent me a picture of his TV, where you can clearly see his reflection where he was shirtless and flexing a muscle.

3. He kind of lacks empathy. He would make fun or talk down on some of the people who come into his job (some of them slip up their words or say something mindlessly). I would try to see things from their side, and then one day he told me "wow, you defend other people a lot" which I respond "No I'm just trying to see things from their point of view". Or we were playing The Walking Dead game and towards the end, the main character died. I was crying, but he was all like "Umm, yea so that's part 1 of the game! On to part 2!"

4. He was abandoned as a child . He told me about a month ago that his mom did drugs and his dad disappeared, so his grandma had to take care of him, until she passed away when he was a teen...

 

But then I think it's social awkwardness because

1. Not going to lie, he has been supportive. I'll tell him I have a problem, and he'll actively search up solutions online for me, which I appreciate. BUT let's say he does find a solution, he'll read the wholeeeeee product page, ingredients list, etc. This also explains the 50 minute application situation.

2. He's a bit clueless about the world. I'm 26 and he's 24, so the age gap isn't that big. But for instance, he didn't know Barbados was a country; which of the Koreas was the "bad one"; whether or not he currently has healthcare or that he could go on his parent's healthcare plan for 2 more years; that he can even sign up for healthcare at his job; who Amanda Bynes or Brittney Spears is; etc. It's kinda hard having intellectual conversations with him because he doesn't know much about the subject, and he quotes memes a lot.

[Ladiixmk]

On 11/19/2020 at 9:56 AM, Saracena said:

While I totally agree with the other posts this was what resonated with me. He wants a 'relationship' to fill a void of some sort or replicate a lost one. In my experience this is why a lot of guys move so fast in the beginning.

The chronic complaining would be even a bigger red flag.......

I read this too and thought about it more, however now I realize that he complains about everyone and everything lol not just his ex. Also, they only dated for 7 months and he says she was extremely immature.

[Wiseman2]

Why even bother dating a babyman you need to google-diagnose and give grade school tests about current events to?

Pull yourself together and date men you respect.

[Stret]

On 11/12/2020 at 6:06 PM, Calmandfocused said:

Narcissistic Personality Disorder 

Red flag number 1: He’s “Mirroring you!” Read up on this. You like it, He likes it. 
 

Red flag number 2: He’s love bombing you. Wants to go from 0 to a 100, future faking, progressing the relationship way too quickly. 
 

Red flag number 3: disrespectful and bitter towards the ex. Over shares the details. Makes himself out to be the victim. 
 

I could go on but I won’t. 
 

Be very careful. 

This!!!! 
Been there, met those people and they mirror your likes and dislikes trying to forge a connection to hoover you in. 

Sociopaths also use this tactic. They both will break you down in the end one way or another. Narcissists will always have another source of narcissistic supply and will eventually cheat.