deamiga Posted November 12, 2020 Posted November 12, 2020 Hello! Can you please lighten me up on this situation? (Don't give your opinion based on other threads that have been posted on this account, because I am a friend of the girl and I just wanted an opinion about my relationship) Me and my boyfriend are having a LDR. We have met in person and our relationship started as a normal one for about 6 months, then I moved to another country. Since then, we started fighting a lot. Things have gotten better now, we have arguments but not as in the first months. What I wanted to ask, is... My boyfriend wants me to do something or change something or do something more often, but I don't know what exactly. When I ask him, he tells me "I'm not going to tell you, you have to figure it out yourself". It sounds crazy but I really can't find it. I think that is what communication is about. We are two different people, two different psychologies, we can't just know what the other person wants. If you can't understand something on your own, then the partner should tell you what he likes, he doesn't like, wants more often or needs... What I offer him, is what I think he needs and I still fail on finding that. Can you guys tell me what would you want or expect from your partner in a LDR?
Wiseman2 Posted November 12, 2020 Posted November 12, 2020 32 minutes ago, deamiga said: , he tells me "I'm not going to tell you, you have to figure it out yourself". You know he's abusive and this is yet another example of gaslighting and crazymaking. Talk to trusted adults/counselors about it. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2020 Posted November 12, 2020 It's a mind reading s*** test & is wholly unacceptable. I would point blank say to him something along the lines of I care about you a lot. If it's in my power there is a lot I would do for you but the Amazing Kreskin is not my father. I can't read your mind. So either tell me what it is you want or I'm done playing this game. From my perspective the only thing I can think of with this BS that I'm supposed to read your freakin' mind is that you want me to break up with you because you don't have the balls to dump me. So what is it? What exactly do you want me to do? Then I'd let the fight rage until it was resolved or we were done. I don't do passive aggressive well. Communicate or go away. 1
Author deamiga Posted November 12, 2020 Author Posted November 12, 2020 19 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: You know he's abusive and this is yet another example of gaslighting and crazymaking. Talk to trusted adults/counselors about it. I don't understand what it has to do with abuse.
d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2020 Posted November 12, 2020 Abusive might be a strong word but it's manipulative. It's certainly not loving, kind or supportive. He wants to make you jump through hoops as proof of your love. No matter what you think he wants, he will always say no that's not it, just to keep you on your toes, chasing after him.
introverted1 Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 On 11/12/2020 at 8:53 AM, deamiga said: Hello! Can you please lighten me up on this situation? (Don't give your opinion based on other threads that have been posted on this account, because I am a friend of the girl and I just wanted an opinion about my relationship) So both you and your friend are in LDRs with douchey guys? I guess birds of a feather is really a thing. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 On 11/12/2020 at 2:53 PM, deamiga said: What I wanted to ask, is... My boyfriend wants me to do something or change something or do something more often, but I don't know what exactly. When I ask him, he tells me "I'm not going to tell you, you have to figure it out yourself" This is manipulative and immature, and frankly, I wouldn't bother trying to squeeze it out of him if he's going to be a clown like that. He can either be an adult and tell me what is bothering him, or he can fudge off. What sort of things do you two fight about?
Author deamiga Posted November 14, 2020 Author Posted November 14, 2020 3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: This is manipulative and immature, and frankly, I wouldn't bother trying to squeeze it out of him if he's going to be a clown like that. He can either be an adult and tell me what is bothering him, or he can fudge off. What sort of things do you two fight about? Actually we don't fight much or for big things. Sometimes jealousy of him, or things we say but the other misunderstands... Anyways we have discussions which I am going to post on another thread, because I would want opinion of others.
Author deamiga Posted November 15, 2020 Author Posted November 15, 2020 (edited) Btw he told me I should be more "woman" in this relationship. I didn't get it so I asked. And I got the same answer "You are not stupid not to understand, you should know, I won't tell you. A girl knows what her boyfriend wants. If you don't understand it, then we are breaking up and that's it. We are not going to teach each other. I am just telling you I am not happy." I told him that we should communicate because we are different and want different things, but it looked like he ignored it and still was thinking that I should know or find on my own what he wants. It looks childish... Edited November 15, 2020 by deamiga
d0nnivain Posted November 15, 2020 Posted November 15, 2020 23 minutes ago, deamiga said: Btw he told me I should be more "woman" in this relationship. I didn't get it so I asked. And I got the same answer "You are not stupid not to understand, you should know, I won't tell you. A girl knows what her boyfriend wants. If you don't understand it, then we are breaking up and that's it. We are not going to teach each other. I am just telling you I am not happy." I told him that we should communicate because we are different and want different things, but it looked like he ignored it and still was thinking that I should know or find on my own what he wants. It looks childish... He's an idiot. Accept his offer to break up. Tell him you can only be more "woman" if you find a real man who can communicate instead of playing games & demanding that you read his mind. 1
ShyViolet Posted November 18, 2020 Posted November 18, 2020 Why on earth would you be with someone who plays mind games with you like this.... it makes no sense whatsoever. 1
Caauug Posted November 20, 2020 Posted November 20, 2020 On 11/16/2020 at 6:41 AM, deamiga said: Btw he told me I should be more "woman" in this relationship. I didn't get it so I asked. And I got the same answer "You are not stupid not to understand, you should know, I won't tell you. A girl knows what her boyfriend wants. If you don't understand it, then we are breaking up and that's it. We are not going to teach each other. I am just telling you I am not happy. Tell him to cut out the porn, it's not real and real life is not like that.... LDR are hard work, likely even harder now with Covid… and if there are travel restrictions??? I'm feeling your pain, it's not good. Maybe find a local BF that you can understand???
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