student2001 Posted November 12, 2020 Posted November 12, 2020 I am a recovering addict, and happened to meet a now former friend of mine in inpatient care a few months back. We now both attend outpatient care, and while I initially thought being friends with him would be a good idea, I also find it hard to be around other recovering addicts, so I had to set boundaries. I've told him so and even unfriended him on social media. I know he was hurt by this and I feel badly about it, but I need to take care of myself. He used to message me on social media every now and then just to say that even though we don't really cross paths anymore, he still thinks of me and hopes I'm doing okay. That was sweet, but I again need boundaries. So yesterday when I left the clinic, I found an envelop put underneath my wiper. When I opened it, it was a Christmas card with a gift card to the local art supply store, as he knows I enjoy various forms of art. He included a note wishing me well and the same to my family. So ... it doesn't seem he's respecting my boundaries. Am I overthinking it when I think this is almost stalking, or is it just a sweet gesture?
Wiseman2 Posted November 12, 2020 Posted November 12, 2020 Talk to your therapist mentor/sponsor about it. Mention it makes you uncomfortable, confused and seems "creepy". In general, you're correct. Addiction treatment is to focus on healing, it's not a singles bar and you should be unencumbered in your recovery. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2020 Posted November 12, 2020 It was done with good intentions, not malice even though it violates your boundaries. If you are uncomfortable, send it back. Accepting it is acquiescence which sends mixed messages & sets you up for more surprise gifts. It's a bit creepy that this person knew then sought out your car. .
Miss Spider Posted November 15, 2020 Posted November 15, 2020 I understand why you found it a bit creepy. He did not respect your boundaries. You told him you did not want contact with him. He did not listen to you and he found a way around that.
Pumaza Posted November 15, 2020 Posted November 15, 2020 I get your point.you are right.recovering you dont need any triggers. It do look creepy a bit.But hiw he know where you attttt?If you want to be left alone dont give info. He may just wanted to show you he still care for you. But you can thank him and let him know more clear that even passing by to leave gifts are not what you want. Talk to your therapist about it,how to handle stuff like this. You sound like you serious about your recovery.All the best.Keep going.You will make it.Nice job May God guide you. 1
ShyViolet Posted November 16, 2020 Posted November 16, 2020 If you have explicitly told him not to contact you, and that you can't be friends with him right now, and he still did this, then that was inappropriate of him. He probably was just trying to be nice, but he's not very good at respecting boundaries or knowing what's appropriate.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 16, 2020 Posted November 16, 2020 (edited) On 11/12/2020 at 8:35 AM, student2001 said: I am a recovering addict, and happened to meet a now former friend of mine in inpatient care a few months back. We now both attend outpatient care, and while I initially thought being friends with him would be a good idea, I also find it hard to be around other recovering addicts, so I had to set boundaries. I've told him so and even unfriended him on social media. I know he was hurt by this and I feel badly about it, but I need to take care of myself. He used to message me on social media every now and then just to say that even though we don't really cross paths anymore, he still thinks of me and hopes I'm doing okay. That was sweet, but I again need boundaries. So yesterday when I left the clinic, I found an envelop put underneath my wiper. When I opened it, it was a Christmas card with a gift card to the local art supply store, as he knows I enjoy various forms of art. He included a note wishing me well and the same to my family. So ... it doesn't seem he's respecting my boundaries. Am I overthinking it when I think this is almost stalking, or is it just a sweet gesture? This is quite convoluted. I'm first tempted to contemplate the picture MINUS the fact that you and he are recovering addicts. Then I'm inclined to ponder the way A.A. works, for example... where it is others who have been there, who are best equipped to understand and BE the (sponsor/inspiration) one needs to stay sober and clean. You're a young woman (according to profile) and we just can't get a complete read here as to whether this person is being completely pervy, OR whether he's being sincere. Then there's the consideration that if you basically unfriended him on social media because he's an addict, is that fair on your part? I think the A.A. wise guys are firm in their do not begin new relationships while in recovery stance. (I know nothing about N.A. that way) And to the extent we here can tell, that (possibility, as HE views it) might be the main thing in his mind. But you are nowhere near to that state, and it wasn't your question. (deep sigh) I guess you would be wisest if anticipating that he (would rather be banging you), and that his interest is connected to that. (it's blunt, but NOT unreasonably far off base) Sooooooooooooooooooo... IN the interest of your own recovery, you're probably best in not going near him merely because HIS interests wouldn't be good for your recovery. Edited November 16, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Removed Extra Spaces
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