I'm over quite literally ALL of this

[Waldo P Schmeer]

 

****Bitter post- just skip if you're not into that kind of stuff****

I'm sure we've all gone through it, but I am at the stage where the person that I am ridiculously smitten with will never see me the way I want to. I just kind of always assumed that you stop feeling these things when you're younger at some point. But no, I'm right here in my mid 30s borderline unwilling to accept that the universe has shown me the most amazing woman that I have ever met, and its just not possible to be with her  This is dumb. This is dumb, and I don't even want to play anymore.

This makes me feel like I'm missing out. Like I was excluded from something that I wanted to be a part of. She makes me regret every decision I ever made- like I should have been prepared for this. And I actually am worried that I am going to start using her as the "measuring stick" for any women I meet going forward. And please don't reply to say "don't do that". I know its wrong and that I shouldn't do it- hence, the "I am actually worried that.." that I tacked on to the front of that sentence 

The rules are stupid, I'm annoyed, and yes, I know that I'm being childish. Nothing that is "supposed" to be, is. We have so much in common. Didn't help. We are fans of the same kinds of arts and entertainment, can't get her to walk to the corner for a cup of coffee with me. Make her laugh ALL THEE TIME, and still no incentive to spend a little time w me.

Beginning to think that its strictly a "looks" thing- its the only explicable reason I can think of. When we boil down all that other garbage I spoke of, like commonalities, and whatever, none of it matters. People get attracted and then pretend to be into the same stuff until they actually Stockholm syndrome themselves into "having things in common". Then they REALLY do have things in common because they forced themselves to due to the attraction to the other person. And if this sounds bitter, it probably is. Because everything is stupid now anyway. So there.. I said it.

I say that its a looks thing because I was actually quite above average when I was younger. I'm not being a jerk- I just was. With the hindsight of life, I can look back and say that I was a nice looking kid. And women would rain down on me. I could say anything, be as one dimensional as I wanted, be as RUDE as I wanted, and didn't have to put in effort. I see now that they were just PRETENDING that I was fascinating just to be around me. I refuse to do that. But I also see that I am not the "firecracker" that I was in my 20s because, well, life beat the living daylights out of me, and I let it. Yea, I deserve it I guess *shrug*, for having problems just like everyone else. And women still do approach me all the time, because I do have a great personality and I am funny. But the women who approach me usually have qualities that let me know when to bolt - such as dishonestly and secretiveness. But the one woman who I am willing to go above and beyond for and WANT to learn about doesn't see me. This is frustrating and stupid. I feel like the universe does stupid stuff like this as a joke. Like somewhere there's a cosmic face laughing at the powerless little ants who live constant humiliations everyday. Good for you. I wish that I could find you and throw you off a 3 story parking garage like a rag doll.

I'm annoyed and throwing a tantrum because I am at the complete mercy of biased human logic, just like everyone else. Im still learning about the deeper side of life now that Im in my 30s and I have truly observed that the more honest that I am with women, the less and less it works out for me. Seriously. I was a young man who just like ANY other man who's learning about life used to lie. I'm not a bad person. Everyone's done it and are lying to themselves if they say they never lied in dating/relationships. I grew up and realized that I need to be honest to people. And that's where it all went to hell. 

Anyhow- going to bed- screw everyone. Good night.

Edited November 12, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[Miss Spider]

I am sorry to hear about your problem. For what it is worth, I found your post to be a very well written and encapsulates the frustration of unrequited affections quite nicely. I feel for you, but only you have the power to break the spell she has over you. You are the one that placed her on that high pedestal and only you can knock her off of it. Time to use the same logic you’ve made these assessments to get over her because she really ain’t all that, 

screw you too, night 

Edited November 12, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Chilli]

Too long for me but eh l read the first and last bits got the story.

Anyway your only 30s , it's about your choosing , and you've been choosing all wrong. Have a nice sleep.

Edited November 12, 2020 by Chilli

[d0nnivain]

I think you taking a break from dating is a good thing to let your emotions calm down.  You have to let the bitterness seep out of you & that takes time. 

You are an attractive man if you have women pursuing you.  You may have been more attractive when you were younger but we all were.  

This one woman doesn't return your romantic feelings.  Yes that sucks & it hurts.  But she is not a unicorn.  There are other women who share the qualities you like in her.  There are other women with similar looks.  When you calm down you will make peace with letting go of the fantasy of her.  Then you can heal from the pain of losing her.  Once you  are not so upset you should be more open to finding a woman who returns your affection.  It's OK if you use her as a measuring stick because lots of people have good qualities so they should measure up.  It will only be a problem if you are looking for a clone where everything is the same except this version loves you back.