CloudyHead Posted November 10, 2020 Posted November 10, 2020 I've been dating a guy for a few months. He's become distant over the past few weeks. Today, I asked him if he was still interested in me. He stated he had not lost interest in me but did not want a committed relationship. He likes being with me and talking with me. But, he said he did want to live in a house with a significant other and not have one nickel in the house, no say so over the household, having to maintain a large yard and expenses. Then he asked "Are we really compatible?" I own my home (mortgage of course), do my own yard work, pay my own expenses and lived in the same house for 13 years. He rents a room in a house and, while he maintains steady work, he changes jobs often. We have not even talked about a future together! Never in dating or having a relationship have I had a man tell me that stability in my life is a reason not to have a relationship with me.
Happy Lemming Posted November 10, 2020 Posted November 10, 2020 12 minutes ago, CloudyHead said: ...but did not want a committed relationship. Never in dating or having a relationship have I had a man tell me that stability in my life is a reason not to have a relationship with me. I'm a bit confused... Is he saying he does not want a committed relationship with anyone?? Or he doesn't want a committed relationship with you??
Author CloudyHead Posted November 10, 2020 Author Posted November 10, 2020 He stated he did not want a committed relationship followed by he did not want to live in a house with a significant other, etc. Then he repeated that he does not want a committed relationship with anyone and the reason not having a committed relationship with anyone is that he does not have the time or energy to put into a relationship followed by he wants to do things with me and is interested in me.
kendahke Posted November 10, 2020 Posted November 10, 2020 5 minutes ago, CloudyHead said: followed by he wants to do things with me and is interested in me. Translation: He wants to post up at your house and have sex because he can't do it where he's living. 5
Happy Lemming Posted November 10, 2020 Posted November 10, 2020 (edited) 8 minutes ago, CloudyHead said: Then he repeated that he does not want a committed relationship with anyone OK... Its not you, or the fact you own a house. This guy is someone who likes his life the way he has it set up (being a room mate without owning any major assets) and if you want to participate in his world, there will be no committed relationship. He appears to find value in a very simplistic, minimalist lifestyle. If that is something you can accept, then continue to date him on his terms. If you want a committed relationship with an adult, then "throw him back" and keep fishing. At least the guy is honest and knows what he wants out of life. Edited November 10, 2020 by Happy Lemming spelling 2
Miss Spider Posted November 10, 2020 Posted November 10, 2020 11 minutes ago, CloudyHead said: He stated he did not want a committed relationship followed by he did not want to live in a house with a significant other, etc. Then he repeated that he does not want a committed relationship with anyone and the reason not having a committed relationship with anyone is that he does not have the time or energy to put into a relationship followed by he wants to do things with me and is interested in me. So he is into you. But he is not that into you. Because he does not want to fully commit. Moving in with someone is a much bigger commitment than just doing things with them.
Happy Lemming Posted November 10, 2020 Posted November 10, 2020 33 minutes ago, CloudyHead said: I've been dating a guy for a few months. Can I ask where you met him??
Happy Lemming Posted November 11, 2020 Posted November 11, 2020 1 minute ago, CloudyHead said: We met on a dating site. Minimal effort guy... He wants to live like a 18-19 year old kid who just left home, doesn't want to put in the work for any long-term assets or long term relationships. This is what you get with "on-line" dating. 2
Ami1uwant Posted November 11, 2020 Posted November 11, 2020 2 hours ago, CloudyHead said: I've been dating a guy for a few months. He's become distant over the past few weeks. Today, I asked him if he was still interested in me. He stated he had not lost interest in me but did not want a committed relationship. He likes being with me and talking with me. But, he said he did want to live in a house with a significant other and not have one nickel in the house, no say so over the household, having to maintain a large yard and expenses. Then he asked "Are we really compatible?" I own my home (mortgage of course), do my own yard work, pay my own expenses and lived in the same house for 13 years. He rents a room in a house and, while he maintains steady work, he changes jobs often. We have not even talked about a future together! Never in dating or having a relationship have I had a man tell me that stability in my life is a reason not to have a relationship with me. This does matter. ive talked to women who had bought a house recently ..... 1. Focus on house not on relationship 2 has no money to date 3 they might have chose a house thry are now tied to for 5 yrs. I might not want yo live there or they picked a house without factoring in family life which says they might not be looking to get martied as he mrntioned 4 my name isn’t on the mortgage but they will want me to help out making payments. Thus can be a big issue in potential marriage of mine vs ours. I didn’t choose this place. 5 he might not want yo live in a small/large house or have too much/too lityke land.
major_merrick Posted November 11, 2020 Posted November 11, 2020 (edited) A man wants his own place. You have yours, and it will always be yours. You can't really have your house "together" and so he sees no future in that. And I don't blame him for not wanting to subordinate his life and income and future to what you've got that predates him. To an average woman, that concept is not usually a big deal. To a man, it is often a REALLY big deal. I generally consider home ownership as a disadvantage for a single woman looking to marry. Your successful protector/provider types will be put off, and your lazy bums will see you as free lodging. There might be some good guys in the middle, but you'll be looking around longer. When I married my husband, I sold my house and moved into his home and joined his family. His place was better anyway. Edited November 11, 2020 by major_merrick 2
Ami1uwant Posted November 11, 2020 Posted November 11, 2020 34 minutes ago, major_merrick said: A man wants his own place. You have yours, and it will always be yours. You can't really have your house "together" and so he sees no future in that. And I don't blame him for not wanting to subordinate his life and income and future to what you've got that predates him. To an average woman, that concept is not usually a big deal. To a man, it is often a REALLY big deal. I generally consider home ownership as a disadvantage for a single woman looking to marry. Your successful protector/provider types will be put off, and your lazy bums will see you as free lodging. There might be some good guys in the middle, but you'll be looking around longer. When I married my husband, I sold my house and moved into his home and joined his family. His place was better anyway. I agree....in a realationship. You likrly need to grt a house together as ours. as I said before, if you just bought it, it’s difgicult to sell for about 5 yrs without los8ng money. things like starter homes, townhouses could be a little different and easier to move out because it was ehat one person could afford. another issue at play like if irate was gotten as part of a divorce and they can’t survive on single income
mortensorchid Posted November 11, 2020 Posted November 11, 2020 This guy doesn't want to be with you. End of story. I can't believe how many guys I have encountered who are just little boys or complete freeloaders off of women (and some friends). They either don't want to work or expect someone else to take care of them like this. And for him to do what in the meantime? Sit on his ass in front of the TV? Play video games all day? Be online updating his fantasy football roster? Move on. Find a man who deserves you. 4
Wiseman2 Posted November 11, 2020 Posted November 11, 2020 Unfortunately it seems like a lost cause. He's simply not interested in what you're interested in. His reasons are irrelevant. Simply delete and block him. This way you are free to date people you have more in common with. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted November 11, 2020 Posted November 11, 2020 You're way beyond this guy. Now that I'm a home owner, I naturally attract men who are also home owners. I did even before I bought my house, but I guess now it's evident I've got it together enough that men who don't own their own house and aren't serious in their profession don't even try to ask me out. I've had two relationships since I bought my house, and in each case we had initial conversations about selling our houses and picking one out together if we got married. This is what a serious man with his act together would do. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted November 11, 2020 Posted November 11, 2020 4 hours ago, major_merrick said: Your successful protector/provider types will be put off Not really. I only date this kind of man, and they absolutely rave about how refreshing it is to be with a woman who has her act together and finances in order. They still want to pay for everything, hint they'd be happy supporting me, but love that it's clear I want them for them and not their wallet. Clearly a huge turn-on for them. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted November 11, 2020 Posted November 11, 2020 He’s just looking for a reason to keep this casual and that’s what he came up with. I would carry on. He’s not looking to date you in any serious capacity. 6
nope111 Posted November 11, 2020 Posted November 11, 2020 im new here OP, but good for you that you own a home. wonderful. all my partners have been home owners(all 3 if you count a condo as a home---i do). Im a mid age guy but you tell him to get lost if he jelous you own a home. all my partners owned homes and now i do myself. dont let some windbag guy take advantage of you or be jelous cause you got the goods! what assets does he have? ask him that. a house is important like stock. ask him did he buy Amazon at $900 before covid when its worth $3000+ .... dont mess up what you worked hard for waiting ona dating app guy feeding you crappolla. just my worthless 2 cents. 2
pinkpaw Posted November 11, 2020 Posted November 11, 2020 What garbage. If he is just being honest and laying it out truthfully: then the real him is off putting, unless you want a late teen-like lifestyle. How old is he? On the other hand, if he is intimidated/wants a freeloader lifestyle or any other garbage reason then yuck. I detest people who find a way to ruin success. Either way, he's just not good enough for you, tbh. 2
elaine567 Posted November 11, 2020 Posted November 11, 2020 21 minutes ago, pinkpaw said: he's just not good enough for you The bottom line. 2
Miss Spider Posted November 11, 2020 Posted November 11, 2020 I bet he doesn’t even have a bed frame. Mattress right on the floor 6
miss2017 Posted November 11, 2020 Posted November 11, 2020 11 hours ago, CloudyHead said: I've been dating a guy for a few months. He's become distant over the past few weeks. Today, I asked him if he was still interested in me. He stated he had not lost interest in me but did not want a committed relationship. He likes being with me and talking with me. But, he said he did want to live in a house with a significant other and not have one nickel in the house, no say so over the household, having to maintain a large yard and expenses. Then he asked "Are we really compatible?" I own my home (mortgage of course), do my own yard work, pay my own expenses and lived in the same house for 13 years. He rents a room in a house and, while he maintains steady work, he changes jobs often. We have not even talked about a future together! Never in dating or having a relationship have I had a man tell me that stability in my life is a reason not to have a relationship with me. He is doing you a favour by showing you too are not compatible. That is your red flag about him and your green sign to dump him and move along. He doesn't want to grow up and has very little to offer you. You deserve to be with a man at the same level as you. 5
pinkpaw Posted November 11, 2020 Posted November 11, 2020 38 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: I bet he doesn’t even have a bed frame. Mattress right on the floor I went on a few dates with someone who had this! I was so baffled - then when he said he worked part time because he preferred his lifestyle over a job, I realised his mum had paid for his mortgage. It was so off putting- I tried to ask kindly where his bed was. 2
Wiseman2 Posted November 11, 2020 Posted November 11, 2020 If you were dating a few mos., where did you see each other? How long have you known that he rents a room and can't hold down a job? It's not a homeowner issue, it's that he just lost interest and was fading out. Have you considered dating fellow single parents?
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