Keeves1 Posted November 10, 2020 Posted November 10, 2020 (edited) Hello everybody, as you may or may not know I’m in relationship with Maria. We’ve been together since the start of the year. The last couple of days has been consisted of us arguing alot. (If you want to skip to the important part just scroll down to were I talk about distancing. The word is marked as «pointed» The chair situation is not important.) Yesterday we were arguing about a stupid chair that she wanted to put in the middle of the dining table but I said no because it takes up to much unnecessary space. Then she told me that she were going to move it and place it there even if I clearly said no. She stopped when she could tell I was starting to get angry and she said this: «I was just joking I had no intentions to move the chair» The whole arguing aspect just over a chair was stupid and it got even more stupid when she was just joking all the time.. like how can I know if she were going to move it there or not? So I pointed out that and other arguments that we’ve been having lately. I proceeded to ask Maria what have caused us to be so angry and tense at each other. Well it got even more heated after I asked her that. We were shouting in aggresive voice at each other’s face. Our communication was not a straight line at that point. It just went across because we were not listened to each other. Back to the point hahaa I just lost track a bit. Essentially she told me that the reason why we both are so tense and angry at each other is because I’m staying home and have nothing to do. (Keep in mind that she is still working full time and I have to stay home because it’s not safe to work at a cinema when the pandemic has gotten worse in Oslo. My work has been closed for several months. I still get paid by them) She is applying that we both have less time with each other when we both are working full time so we got to spend the little time we have as good as possible.Quote: «That’s the best solution for us to not being so angry at each other - Maria» So right after she said that I was thinking inside my head that there might be a chance that she wants long distance relationship or if not then just a relationship were I see her just once or twice in a month. Right so then I told her that if you are sick of being around me then we could take distance from home. I can be in my bedroom chilling at my phone and you could be in the living room. She told me that it would not be so nice and I said yes but if this is what it takes for us to get back to normal then why not? I really need help with this because there is bad mood in the house. Also sorry for the long read but I appreciate it! Edited November 10, 2020 by Keeves1 1
Fletch Lives Posted November 10, 2020 Posted November 10, 2020 13 minutes ago, Keeves1 said: Right so then I told her that if you are sick of being around me then we could take distance from home. I can be in my bedroom chilling at my phone and you could be in the living room. She told me that it would not be so nice and I said yes but if this is what it takes for us to get back to normal then why not? Yes, it sounds like you two need some healthy space. Is there another room in the house where you can spend some time, set up shop? Like a spare room, office, garage, anything? I would just start spending time there and great her when she comes in for a visit. 1 1
Author Keeves1 Posted November 10, 2020 Author Posted November 10, 2020 8 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said: Yes, it sounds like you two need some healthy space. Is there another room in the house where you can spend some time, set up shop? Like a spare room, office, garage, anything? I would just start spending time there and great her when she comes in for a visit. Thank you for spending your time to read and help. Yes we do have a guest room and I’m thinking about being there 1
Fletch Lives Posted November 10, 2020 Posted November 10, 2020 4 minutes ago, Keeves1 said: Yes we do have a guest room and I’m thinking about being there Perfect! 1
d0nnivain Posted November 10, 2020 Posted November 10, 2020 You have only known each other for 11 months & already live together. You moved in too soon. You have too much togetherness. You have no foundation for conflict resolution & as a result squabble over inconsequential things like the chair. Dating but not living together would be preferable. Whoever had the apartment 1st should get the master bedroom. The other can be relegated to the guest room if you need space but can't maintain separate residences.
smackie9 Posted November 10, 2020 Posted November 10, 2020 The key here is to change everyone's perception of one another. I see your point and I see hers. Let her move a piece of furniture...it's just a bloody chair. You can move it back another time. Go find a part time job or deliver news papers or something. Working keeps us happy and brain healthy. It's challenging/frustrating to be working full time while your other half is sitting at home not being so productive. She needs to respect personal space yes. When you go to another part of the house, she feels she's being ignored and it makes her upset...better to leave the house to do something. Go out for a walk, grab a coffee, find a quiet place to play on your phone. Pick up some groceries or a nice pastry for her while you are out. Make the outing look purposeful. Go for a walk together after dinner. There you two can just "talk" /reconnect and she can decompress from working all day. 1 1
balletomane Posted November 11, 2020 Posted November 11, 2020 Keeves, when you started dating this girl and had some initial problems, people here warned you that you were spending far too much time in one another's pockets. This hasn't changed. All the advice we can give will only be an echo of the advice you were getting at the beginning of the year. Yes, lockdown is cramping many couples' personal space, but you two weren't giving each other any space to begin with and this is the problem.
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