poppyfields Posted November 10, 2020 Posted November 10, 2020 (edited) I think people will often say they want casual (when in fact they're open to a relationship with the right person) to avoid the pressure that's often placed on them by their partner pushing, pushing, pushing. Where is this going, what does this mean, we need to spend more time, when will I meet your family, what do you want, etc etc etc. I've heard this complaint from sooo many guys, on line and off - my brothers, men in the group I used to attend, my own boyfriend, now fiance. Instead of simply relaxing and allowing it all to move forward slowly, gradually, naturally. Moving from casual or FWB to "relationship" does happen. More often than you might think. And not because they "fell into it," but because the feelings and intimacy escalated and they both realized they wanted more. Edited November 10, 2020 by poppyfields
Miss Spider Posted November 10, 2020 Posted November 10, 2020 (edited) xxxxxxxxx Edited November 10, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes
Allupinnit Posted November 10, 2020 Posted November 10, 2020 57 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Disagree. When I first met my ex, he told me he was NOT looking for a relationship, he had just ended one. Three nights later he asked me to be exclusive and we were together six years. It happens. Three nights later, not after two months of being agreed-upon FWB. 3 1
Mystery4me Posted November 10, 2020 Posted November 10, 2020 Unfortunately you set yourself up for failure at the start by agreeing to a FWB when it's clear you are looking for something more serious. By telling you he doesn't want anything serious, what he meant is he wants sex without all the added responsibilities of having a girlfriend. And you gave him exactly what he wanted, as opposed to what you wanted, which is why you are now feeling like this. It's only a matter of time until he moves away/finds someone else who he actually wants to be serious with. As mentioned, you are basically a time and physical needs filler. As Poppy stated, there is always that 1% chance a FWB will turn into something more, but 99% of the time it won't. 2
poppyfields Posted November 10, 2020 Posted November 10, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Allupinnit said: Three nights later, not after two months of being agreed-upon FWB. My response was to a separate issue being discussed. First issue: FWB transitioning to relationship. Second issue: When a man tells a woman he doesn't want a serious relationship, believe him. He won't ever change his mind about that. My response was to the second issue, read what was quoted in my response. Edited November 10, 2020 by poppyfields
Allupinnit Posted November 10, 2020 Posted November 10, 2020 Well in these instances it seems like the OP wants to hear the advice that keeps her hanging in there, so I imagine she'll take yours. Sometimes we have to learn things the hard way. The OP had already been on a few dates with her dude before he dropped the "casual" bomb on her so I really don't think you can compare your situations. He'd been out with her already, decided she'd be ok for fun and told her so. She said she only agreed because she was sick of online dating. Now she wants to flip the script because she's getting attached. Someone almost always gets hurt in a FWB situation. 1
poppyfields Posted November 10, 2020 Posted November 10, 2020 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Allupinnit said: Sometimes we have to learn things the hard way. I wholeheartedly agree with that! The OP will continue seeing him, but not because of anything I said. Very VERY rarely do people follow advice on these forums, they do what they want, and let chips fall where they may. If they get hurt, so be. That's how they learn. That's how many of us have learned. By making mistakes and learning therefrom. It's how I learned and believe you me, I've made some doozies! Lol Edited November 10, 2020 by poppyfields
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