Girl I was dating left me for my best friend - but I still have to work with both

[aj1995]

This might be hard to fit in an internet post, but here it goes.

So I (25 M) had started dating someone I got to know (25 F) from work. I had known her for about a year or so before we started dating, and we had been together for about four months. At about that four month mark, I was able to get a longtime friend of mine (21 M) a job at the same company me and her worked for, since we're both in the same career field.

From here is where my troubles begin - after my friend got hired, my gf started to get very distant with me. After about another month of trying to figure out what was wrong to no avail, she broke up with me. A week later, she started dating my friend.

I feel completely blindsided by this. I've known this friend since we were both in elementary school together, and was the one to introduce him and my now-former gf. I feel incredibly betrayed and hurt by both. To make things worse, I still have to work with the pair of them everyday. To make matters even worse, the job we all work together at is what I'd consider my "dream job," it took me seven years to get into the position with the company I'm at, and leaving would be a big career and financial loss for me.

So long story short, I have no idea what to do. I'm being forced to observe all their relationship milestones and s*** since I have to see both of them everyday. They've been together now for about two months and are already living together. This relationship was just the fourth I've ever been in - I was cheated on in all previous three.  I feel extremely hurt, depressed, my confidence is totally shot, and don't know where to turn.

Any help is appreciated.

[FMW]

Don't give up your dream job because of these two.  

This was a big betrayal and I it doesn't seem like it now, but you will come to terms with it and move on in time.  I don't want to minimize your investment with her, but four months of actually being involved is still pretty early on in a relationship, no matter how long you knew her beforehand.  The so-called friend clearly wasn't one, but that's also something you will process and move on. 

I've had a similar experience and lost a long time friend because of it.  I've had to watch someone I loved with their new person on a regular basis.  Those experiences suck, but you will deal with it and heal.   

It's still new and the feelings are raw, but again, do NOT let them drive you away from the job you love.  Ignore them as much as you can, don't have any interactions with them unless you absolutely have to for your job.  In time, it really will get easier.

As far as having a history of being cheated on, I've had a little experience with that as well.  If you spend some time thinking about it you'll probably see that you overlooked some things along the way that were little (or maybe even big) warning signs.  Learn from those experiences and don't gloss over these warnings in the future. There are plenty of good and faithful people out there looking for partners, don't waste your time and emotion on those who aren't.      

[healing light]

I am sorry this has happened to you. I'm sure the multi-layered betrayal must sting.

I would not give up the dream job, but I would keep your interaction with the two of them strictly professional/very minimal if possible. Are you able to transfer to a different department in your work where you don't have to interface with them as much?

In the meantime, I would look into tapping/Emotional Freedom Technique. It may seem silly at first, but I find it helpful for lessening the visceral response to emotional upsets. You can find how-to videos for free online via YouTube. 

Do you have someone you can talk to about all of this? I'm assuming your former best friend may have been pretty intertwined in your life, but to keep the drama to a minimum I would only discuss it with people who don't have any connection to either of them whatsoever. It may help to find some type of counselor for this purpose if the betrayal impacts your daily life too much.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear that. They sound like a couple of snakes .

Distance yourself as much as possible. Delete and block both of them from all your social media and messaging apps.

[DarrenB]

Wow, unfortunate. I'm sorry for you, really.

Perhaps ask your manager or senior management to see if they can grant you a more independent role that doesn't include them. As much as the saying goes where you shouldn't allow personal relationships to affect professional, I'm sure it's already taken a toll on you - especially if you're posting this on a forum.

[gamon]

You broke a cardinal rule. Don't date at work. Keep business and pleasure separate.

Now you're paying the price. Good news is that you probably won't make this mistake again

 

[Miss Spider]

Do you know that saying  “ don’t crap where you eat”... this , this is why 

Edited November 10, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Pumaza]

Never date at work. Never date your boss or coworkers.

It ends and you wont catch a break till you go home. 

Dont know your age.But none of them are your freind or cared for tou. Be happy you lost both.Eventhou its hurt.

Is it posible to get a other position at a department where you dont have to see them much or atall?

If not, ignore them like a wall. And learn from this.Never date people you work with.Sone jobs even put it in the contract. You will be fired if you do that.

And that girl is a H0! Like she just go around sleeping with coworkers..Not someone you want to be with i bet.