poppyfields Posted November 8, 2020 Posted November 8, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Unfortunately, that is probably not going to happen. We are only going to get more and more inept at talking without a screen in front of us. It’s very sad. That's certainly part of it but many people don't know how to interact and connect in front of a screen either! They have zero social skills, have no clue how to connect with others, on line or off. "Hey" "Whatupp? "Sup." You ask a question and get "yup." Or "Hey Dtf"? It was extremely rare to find a man who knew how to even put a simple sentence together! Let alone have a decent conversation. If folks devoted even 1/10 the time they do perfecting their "look" for Instagtam or their OLD profile to developing social skills they'd be halfway there. Sorry a bit of a rant today. Earlier this morn, we witnessed a group of young women, who looked like they had just stepped from a photo shoot (I doubt they had just wanted to look like they had), at the market tearing down a guy, laughing at him, all because he had the gall to say hi to them. They weren't even all that hot themselves. Yes it's VERY sad. And disheartening. Rant over, carry on. Edited November 8, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Miss Spider Posted November 8, 2020 Posted November 8, 2020 23 minutes ago, poppyfields said: That's certainly part of it but many people don't know how to interact and connect in front of a screen either! They have zero social skills, have no clue how to connect with others, on line or off. "Hey" "Whatupp? "Sup." You ask a question and get "yup." Or "Hey Dtf"? It was extremely rare to find a man who knew how to even put a simple sentence together! Let alone have a decent conversation. If folks devoted even 1/10 the time they do perfecting their "look" for Instagtam or their OLD profile to developing social skills they'd be halfway there. Sorry a bit of a rant today. Earlier this morn, we witnessed a group of young women, who looked like they had just stepped from a photo shoot (I doubt they had just wanted to look like they had), at the market tearing down a guy, laughing at him, all because he had the gall to say hi to them. They weren't even all that hot themselves. Yes it's VERY sad. And disheartening. Rant over, carry on. That is a good point. I think a lot of times those people never develop that ability because they’ve never needed it. They’ve gotten by with being that way, so why would they change? Someone the other day at lunch told me I was charismatic. I am actually socially extremely awkward and find it difficult to communicate properly. I realize now that the bar is just so low that anyone who can form cohesive sentences of thought with a tiny bit of substance is deemed to have charisma. Lol.
Watercolors Posted November 8, 2020 Posted November 8, 2020 It depends on the context of the situation and what the values are for the man and woman. You can't fit all men or all women into just one category these days. So, to ask if men like it when a woman approaches them, is like asking someone if they like chocolate syrup with vanilla ice cream. Some will, some won't.
poppyfields Posted November 8, 2020 Posted November 8, 2020 2 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Someone the other day at lunch told me I was charismatic. I am actually socially extremely awkward and find it difficult to communicate properly. I realize now that the bar is just so low that anyone who can form cohesive sentences of thought with a tiny bit of substance is deemed to have charisma. Lol. Lol, oh I'm sure it was more than that shortskirts. If this person was a man (or woman) he/she was most likely attracted to you and social awkwardness or not, found you to be quite charismatic. 2
basil67 Posted November 8, 2020 Posted November 8, 2020 12 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Someone the other day at lunch told me I was charismatic. I am actually socially extremely awkward and find it difficult to communicate properly. I realize now that the bar is just so low that anyone who can form cohesive sentences of thought with a tiny bit of substance is deemed to have charisma. Lol. No, not LOL. This is both unkind to yourself and dismissive of the thoughts of a man who was apparently very much enjoying your company. One of my best friends is married to a man who is terribly socially awkward. Honestly, we can't manage to get a conversation with him off the ground - but she adores him. It simply proves there's a lid for every pot. 3
poppyfields Posted November 8, 2020 Posted November 8, 2020 (edited) @Shortskirtslonglashes serious question. Why are you unable to accept a compliment? Not a judgment, just an observation. The other day, I called you a 9-10 (surely a compliment) and your response was "aw thanks, but no I'm not." Now you have a friend or date or whomever it was calling you charismatic and you question it, it's validity and sincerity. Have you ever thought about why that is? Why not just respond "thank you"! You're not alone, many people have trouble accepting compliments; not sure if I ever did, I might have at some point in time. I don't now though! I accept the compliment and simply say "thank you, that's kind of you to say" or something like that. I dunno, may be a great topic for another thread! Edited November 8, 2020 by poppyfields 2
Miss Spider Posted November 8, 2020 Posted November 8, 2020 Sorry. I did not mean to dismiss any compliments... I appreciate the kind words. In regards to charisma, I do appreciate this person felt that way about me if they did; I just know myself to be very socially awkward. It is something I’m working on. There is a lot of nervousness when you are shy and approaching someone you are attracted to you, as in the case of the OP. For a lot of people, communication is a skill that takes some practice. I like OnlyHonesty’s suggestion. Practice on just talking to people in a friendly manner. Then it will be easier for you to segue into a more romantic encounter. Both men and women can gain value from this. Not just jumping into a “hey can I have your number” situation and not rambling fragmented thoughts because you’re anxious 1
Wiseman2 Posted November 9, 2020 Posted November 9, 2020 It seems like you are mixing apples and oranges here. There's dating apps where the women message first. Messaging on an app is not "approaching" anyone. Walking up to a guy and coming on too strong or desperate, yes, kind of gives off a red flag vibe. However you need a thicker skin and better screening for OLD. For example why would you tell someone you're on the site for chitchatting? Or why would you even get into text-sparring with someone? It's simple. Message or respond to messages only with people you are interested in and who are ready, willing and able to meet up in a timely fashion. Otherwise cut through the nonsense, timewasters and use the delete/block feature generously on those sites.
Blind-Sided Posted November 9, 2020 Posted November 9, 2020 (edited) OK... I didn't read over all of this, but just wanted to throw in my 2 cents... since I'm a guy. So... this is very much a yes/no question. YES... I like when girls ask me out. It's a great ego booster. BUT.... No... because most girls that will do the asking are a little on the aggressive side for me. What I mean by that is... they are generally the type that are easy... or not trust worthy. I know that sounds bad... but there is some truth to that. In all my years... I've never "Dated" a girl who asked me out... or chased me. I may have gone out, and "Hooked Up" with them... but none were long term, since I wasn't really into them to begin with... and the majority of them were of questionable morals anyway. (There are girls you date, and girls you marry) Later in life... I found out a couple quiet girls from college... that I thought were cute... wanted to ask me out, but they didn't. In that case... I would have said yes. So... while there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking the guy out... he may automatically put you into a category that you don't want to be in, for a long term relationship. Edited November 9, 2020 by Blind-Sided
mark clemson Posted November 9, 2020 Posted November 9, 2020 On 11/7/2020 at 4:09 PM, smackie9 said: Been to many parties where this has happened. It's embarrassing, especially if it's a new friend or coworker that was invited, ugh! Yeah, it's happened to me personally a few times as well, with mixed results depending on the specifics of the situation.
Allupinnit Posted November 9, 2020 Posted November 9, 2020 1 hour ago, Blind-Sided said: OK... I didn't read over all of this, but just wanted to throw in my 2 cents... since I'm a guy. So... this is very much a yes/no question. YES... I like when girls ask me out. It's a great ego booster. BUT.... No... because most girls that will do the asking are a little on the aggressive side for me. What I mean by that is... they are generally the type that are easy... or not trust worthy. I know that sounds bad... but there is some truth to that. In all my years... I've never "Dated" a girl who asked me out... or chased me. I may have gone out, and "Hooked Up" with them... but none were long term, since I wasn't really into them to begin with... and the majority of them were of questionable morals anyway. (There are girls you date, and girls you marry) Later in life... I found out a couple quiet girls from college... that I thought were cute... wanted to ask me out, but they didn't. In that case... I would have said yes. So... while there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking the guy out... he may automatically put you into a category that you don't want to be in, for a long term relationship. This was my experience when dating. If I asked a man out they assumed I was easy and wanted sex. The r'ship was always better and more fulfilling when the man pursued me. 1
Beachead Posted November 9, 2020 Posted November 9, 2020 (edited) @Alvi Hey OP, I'm a guy. I was asked out a couple of times by differenet women. Some of them I felt mutually about, some were unavailable, and some I didn't feel the same way about. But I definitely respected them and appreciated it. To me, it's attractive and it takes the pressure off. I've been through my fair share of rejection and embarrassment. Met quite a few half-committed, flaky and/or rude women..and people for that matter. Been scoffed at, laughed at, ghosted, dumped by text, treated like an item number. It wears on you..makes you want to quit. makes you feel like the smallest, most unattractive human being on the planet. But with little experience and wisdom, I've learned there are a lot of reasons why people do what they do. Why they reject you and why they do it in the manner that they do in it. A lot of it does have more to do with them and their life, than you. It may be difficult to see that, when you're takin eating a cold shoulder or a brush off..but believe that and trust this: A guy worth having you, will show the compassion, the patience and the forgiveness to go beyond the "imperfections" to get to know the real you because they know that's where the real stuff lies. The character, the uniqueness, the pain, the struggle, the insecurities the humanity. That's the person they'd want to know, because that's who they're going to spend their time with. If you want to ask a guy out, ask him out. If you don't, then don't. Do what you want to do and forget what anyone else is thinking. Like I said, if a person is worth keeping around, they'll show you love. - Beach Edited November 9, 2020 by Beachead
Chilli Posted November 11, 2020 Posted November 11, 2020 (edited) Personally l do find it a bit tacky and the sort of woman l'd seriously go for just wouldn't do it anyway and never has. But women have , they just haven't been someone l'd go for anyway and it's turned me off even more. Maybe though if she was someone l'd go for , l might welcome it, not sure. lf she went about it with some class maybe , but the wrong way or too much so would for cert turn me off her too. Edited November 11, 2020 by Chilli 1
CollinW Posted November 12, 2020 Posted November 12, 2020 I loved it and I think most men would. Doing the initial approach doesn't mean taking the lead into he relationship. The only problem is with women they only approach men who they feel are can't miss prospects, which means they're are often out of their leagues. I've had this discussion and a lot of women and they all seem to have that experience where they approach a man who they were crushing on hard, fumbled it because as a woman they weren't required to learn game, get rejected and vow never to initiate again. So maybe it's a good thing women don't approach, if they did they'd only go after the top 2 out of ten like statistics always show.
Pumaza Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 Men dont clave easily.So he is made as the hunter. The women job is to show interest,like let him know she likes him just. And let him do the chasing. If you take the mens role you may end up chasing him whole relationship. When a man wants you he will notice that you like him to,and he will pull out his game and get in action to have you. Let the man be the man. And you be the girl.Otherwise you will feel the outcome if you do the chasing. How sad also if a guy tell you, you chased me. 1
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