ladybug2021 Posted November 4, 2020 Posted November 4, 2020 (edited) Hi guys! I met a guy on OLD last Sunday, and he lives 3h away from me. We seemed to have a lot in common, he said he is also looking for something serious, he called me on the phone and it was nice. We have been texting, and yesterday he said he wants to meet me in person. Then he asked what do I think about me going to the city where he lives for the weekend so we can get to know each other... I asked him why doesn't he come to my city instead? He said ok he will, but I do the driving! I asked him "what driving?" Then he started laughing and asked if I wanted to meet half way for the weekend. I told him I do not spend weekends out with strangers... I was getting pis*** off with the conversation and then he said oh I am joking, I wasn't serious, etc. I asked him "are you sure you were joking, or were you trying to see if you could get away with it?", to which he didn't respond. Then he started saying he will come to my city and he will have to search for a cheap bedroom in the city I live in. Wait, what!? First of all he said all his family lives in my city, so why doesn't he stay with them? Second, he works as a luxury real estate broker. So, unless he is really bad at his job, why does he have to stay in a cheap hotel bedroom? That seemed to me he was trying for me to tell him to stay at mine... which of course I didn't. Then today he just called me on the phone out of the blue without messaging first, when I was at work. I didn't answer and then I told him that if he wants to call me I appreciate if he sends me a message first because I am working, like he did before. He said sorry and didn't reply anything else. Didn't say ok I'll do that, anything. All of this seems very dodgy to me, and I think he is just looking for casual sex and doesn't want to say it. It's too much too soon. I think an intelligent and respectful man will not ask a woman to drive to him for the weekend or spend the weekend half way "being funny", because he knows it can scare a nice woman with boundaries away. Also, I don't give a shyt where he stays when he comes to my city. I never saw him before in my life! I don't care if you stay in a cheap hostel or The Ritz. All I care is to know where and when are we meeting and doing what. Caring about his life is for after the date if I like him, right!? Are all these red flags and should I delete this guy? Thank you! Edited November 4, 2020 by ladybug2021
shattered91 Posted November 4, 2020 Posted November 4, 2020 (edited) Sounds a little odd to consider driving 3 hours to meet someone for a first date. And yes it sounds like this guy was fishing to see if you would be interested in a sleepover in the near future. Whether these things are red flags is up to you. Edited November 4, 2020 by shattered91 2
Author ladybug2021 Posted November 4, 2020 Author Posted November 4, 2020 (edited) 5 minutes ago, shattered91 said: Sounds a little odd to consider driving 3 hours to meet someone for a first date. And yes it sounds like this guy was fishing to see if you would be interested in a sleepover in the near future. Whether these things are red flags is up to you. Yes they are red flags to me because he wasn't being sincere. He wasn't being funny, that was his real intentions. I don't like people who do this, and this seems to be quite normal for real estate agents and many people who do sales. Edited November 4, 2020 by ladybug2021
ExpatInItaly Posted November 4, 2020 Posted November 4, 2020 I wouldn't be interested in meeting this guy. He's too far away and he's already suggested a weekend-long date for the first meeting. No thanks. Next. 2
Wiseman2 Posted November 4, 2020 Posted November 4, 2020 (edited) 42 minutes ago, ladybug2021 said: I met a guy on OLD last Sunday, and he lives 3h away he Then he asked what do I think about me going to the city where he lives for the weekend This is a case of very poor screening and matching criteria. First of all don't seek out long distance Secondly shut down obvious hookups and cheeky bozos. Get on some quality (paid) dating apps with a good profile and pics. Make sure you appropriately screen out long distance and don't pursue texting with outrageous people. Wasting time and energy over a debate with a long distance creep is going to burn you out very fast. Only reply to local people willing to meet in a timely fashion. Block and delete the rest. Edited November 4, 2020 by Wiseman2 3 2
Author ladybug2021 Posted November 4, 2020 Author Posted November 4, 2020 (edited) 19 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: This is a case of very poor screening and matching criteria. First of all don't seek out long distance Secondly shut down obvious hookups and cheeky bozos. Get on some quality (paid) dating apps with a good profile and pics. Make sure you appropriately screen out long distance and don't pursue texting with outrageous people. Wasting time and energy over a debate with a long distance creep is going to burn you out very fast. Only reply to local people willing to meet in a timely fashion. Block and delete the rest. It was actually through an App that shows you people that you crossed paths locally. I guess we matched because I went to his city a few weeks ago for work and I let the App on. Then when we started talking he said he was actually thinking about moving back to my city because it is where all his family is. BS I think. I have deleted the guy. Edited November 4, 2020 by ladybug2021 1
schlumpy Posted November 4, 2020 Posted November 4, 2020 You handled it very well. If you need validation I say you understood exactly what he was asking and answered appropriately. 1
Author ladybug2021 Posted November 4, 2020 Author Posted November 4, 2020 16 minutes ago, schlumpy said: You handled it very well. If you need validation I say you understood exactly what he was asking and answered appropriately. Thank you! I think I was looking for a second (or third, of fourth) opinion that I was really reading the situation the right way and his intentions.
Wiseman2 Posted November 4, 2020 Posted November 4, 2020 1 hour ago, ladybug2021 said: It was actually through an App that shows you people that you crossed paths locally. I guess we matched because I went to his city a few weeks ago for work and I let the App on. Then when we started talking he said he was actually thinking about moving back to my city because it is where all his family is. BS I think. I have deleted the guy. Excellent. date locally, not what some app's datamining throws at you.
poppyfields Posted November 4, 2020 Posted November 4, 2020 (edited) ladybug, was he the first to initiate contact on OLD? I'm guessing yes since guys are typically the initiators when OLDing. If so, toss him back, seriously. If he were looking for a "serious" relationship or any relationship, ask yourself why he would intentionally reach out to a woman who lives three hours away and not locally? Why would you if you did? He's either a commitmentphobe, married or in another relationship, an emotional scammer, seeking an occasional hook up or seeking pen pals. Do not pass go with this one ladybug. I realize I'm generalizing, but when men initiate contact who live a distance away, block them. Nothing good or positive will come from that. OLD is difficult enough without the distance factor and this guy just sounds shady regardless. Be smarter than that. Edited November 4, 2020 by poppyfields 1
ShyViolet Posted November 4, 2020 Posted November 4, 2020 This guy sounds like more trouble than he's worth. You shouldn't have even considered him as a potential dating partner once you found out that he lives 3 hours away. That makes no sense. Don't set yourself up for these difficult, long-distance situations.
Ami1uwant Posted November 4, 2020 Posted November 4, 2020 From someone who has actually done long distance dating 2-3 hrs apart. he doesn’t want yo stay with his family because he coukdnt date you without thrm getting into his dating life. He doesn’t want family time know he’s in town. driving 3 hrs each way in one day can be hard. I’ve also had met the person mid way. We might agree on staying at same hotel in different rooms. Or one stay st a hotel where other lives. Thrn you plan on a more routine meeting just as if it was meeting someone lis last. whivh way you go depends on where you live. If one lives in a city with things to do it’s easier than meeting in a small town 2 hrs away with nothing to do. from the traveler to new place...you plan If this date doesn’t go well. You have a list of things you can do in your own.
Author ladybug2021 Posted November 4, 2020 Author Posted November 4, 2020 3 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: From someone who has actually done long distance dating 2-3 hrs apart. he doesn’t want yo stay with his family because he coukdnt date you without thrm getting into his dating life. He doesn’t want family time know he’s in town. driving 3 hrs each way in one day can be hard. I’ve also had met the person mid way. We might agree on staying at same hotel in different rooms. Or one stay st a hotel where other lives. Thrn you plan on a more routine meeting just as if it was meeting someone lis last. whivh way you go depends on where you live. If one lives in a city with things to do it’s easier than meeting in a small town 2 hrs away with nothing to do. from the traveler to new place...you plan If this date doesn’t go well. You have a list of things you can do in your own. Thank you, but the issue here wasn't the distance itself, but his dodgy requests.
Ami1uwant Posted November 4, 2020 Posted November 4, 2020 Also on LDRs.... you should try try and learn more about them to see if you have a lot in common. You should also ask about what would happen if this did work out long term. Would one move to the other city or you both decide in a third city And go there.
Author ladybug2021 Posted November 4, 2020 Author Posted November 4, 2020 23 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: This guy sounds like more trouble than he's worth. You shouldn't have even considered him as a potential dating partner once you found out that he lives 3 hours away. That makes no sense. Don't set yourself up for these difficult, long-distance situations. The only reason I considered was because he said he was considering moving back to my city (he used to live here and said all his family lives here). But now after all his dodgy requests I think that was just BS to get me hooked.
Ami1uwant Posted November 4, 2020 Posted November 4, 2020 Just now, ladybug2021 said: Thank you, but the issue here wasn't the distance itself, but his dodgy requests. Have you asked thrm about if they ever met someone long distance desire?
Author ladybug2021 Posted November 4, 2020 Author Posted November 4, 2020 1 minute ago, Ami1uwant said: Have you asked thrm about if they ever met someone long distance desire? Didn't understand your question. What is long distance desire?
poppyfields Posted November 4, 2020 Posted November 4, 2020 (edited) 12 minutes ago, ladybug2021 said: Thank you, but the issue here wasn't the distance itself, but his dodgy requests. They're related though. Guys who reach out long distance typically are dodgy, that's why best to stay away from that. I'm not talking about LDRs, when one parther has to move or be away for a while, my fiance and I went through that, it was fine. I'm talking about a man who lives a distance away who intentionally makes first contact from a dating app and claims he wants a serious relationship. There are hundreds of women to contact locally, why would he intentionally choose a woman where it would be a challenge to spend real time together? Ask yourself that lady, please. Him being shady, him living 3 hours away, they're related. Edited November 4, 2020 by poppyfields
DarrenB Posted November 4, 2020 Posted November 4, 2020 Reeks of desperation... For someone that has an allegedly esteemed career, he's got an awful lot of time on his hands focusing on spending compact time together instead of actually getting to know you. Send him on his way, otherwise the 00:15 train to Trainwreck City is on course. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 4, 2020 Posted November 4, 2020 4 hours ago, ladybug2021 said: Are all these red flags and should I delete this guy? I see you already deleted him because they were red flags to you. So good for you. I think he was pushy & only looking for sex with minimal effort on his part. For 3 hours away, I would have considered something where you each travel 1.5 hours to have a meal in the middle the proper 1st meet. If he wanted to come to your city & get himself a hotel / room for the night that would fine but not your concern. For him to expect an invite to your house is just wrong. 3 hours ago, ladybug2021 said: I don't like people who do this, and this seems to be quite normal for real estate agents and many people who do sales. I do not understand the basis for your overly broad characterization that this is normal for certain professions. Yes, sales take a great deal of self confidence & they are people who can tolerate rejection but I think you are overstating the idea that certain professions have no decorum. 1
Author ladybug2021 Posted November 4, 2020 Author Posted November 4, 2020 3 minutes ago, poppyfields said: They're related though. Guys who reach out long distance typically are dodgy, that's why best to stay away from that. I'm not talking about LDRs, when one parther has to move or be away for a while, my fiance and I went through that, it was fine. I'm talking about a man who lives a distance away who intentionally makes first contact from a dating app and claims he wants a serious relationship. There are hundreds of women to contact locally, why would he intentionally choose a woman where it would be a challenge to spend real time together? Ask yourself that lady, please. Him being shady, him living 3 hours away, they're related. I already deleted him. 1
poppyfields Posted November 4, 2020 Posted November 4, 2020 (edited) 16 minutes ago, ladybug2021 said: The only reason I considered was because he said he was considering moving back to my city.. They all say that! Lol. Edited November 4, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Author ladybug2021 Posted November 4, 2020 Author Posted November 4, 2020 Just now, d0nnivain said: I see you already deleted him because they were red flags to you. So good for you. I think he was pushy & only looking for sex with minimal effort on his part. For 3 hours away, I would have considered something where you each travel 1.5 hours to have a meal in the middle the proper 1st meet. If he wanted to come to your city & get himself a hotel / room for the night that would fine but not your concern. For him to expect an invite to your house is just wrong. I do not understand the basis for your overly broad characterization that this is normal for certain professions. Yes, sales take a great deal of self confidence & they are people who can tolerate rejection but I think you are overstating the idea that certain professions have no decorum. I wasn't saying about the decorum, but about having the guts to throw things out there and see if the other part does what they want. That's what sales people do.
poppyfields Posted November 4, 2020 Posted November 4, 2020 1 minute ago, ladybug2021 said: I already deleted him.
Author ladybug2021 Posted November 4, 2020 Author Posted November 4, 2020 1 minute ago, poppyfields said: They ALL say that! Lol. Perhaps your BS meter needs some fine tuning? My BS meter is fine, hence my question here and me already deleting him.
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