Psycho ex still bugging me a year out. UPDATE: I think my ex moved in a couple streets over. when should I start worrying about this guy

[Miss Spider]

-Vent-

This is an ex boyfriend that I broke up because we had grown apart and I did not have feelings for him anymore. About a month later, I began a relationship with man that he was loosely acquainted with. 
 

 

He stole our pet dog he agreed I could have, smeared me to a bunch of mutual friends, withheld my stuff, chewed me out through text. I understood all that at the time…kind of. Actually, no. Not really. 
 

But I understand it even less now. It has been a over a year now and he is still at it. He has had several girlfriends in this time. He has moved on. However, he still feels the need to DM people to “warn” them about me. 
 

 

He has told so many lies about me. He told my last ex that I was addicted to benzodiazepines. I’ve done benzos once on an airplane.  He told people I’m a horrible, mean person. I’m paraphrasing, but that’s essentially what he’s said. 
 

Several months ago, a guy took a picture with me and he posted it on social media. My ex DM’d himon Facebook messenger to tell him to watch out for me. I found out tonight that he contacted my ex boyfriend just recently after I broke up with him. I don’t even know what he said but I’m sure it was great. This is the third time that he has contacted him. He’s had to block him on Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat. 
 

He’s long turned a lot of our mutual friends against me. I have to find a lot of new friends now. A lot of them weren’t really my friends to begin with they were more his, but still. He’s done so much damage 
 

Is this normal? When is this going to stop? Will this stop in a few more years when he really finds love? 

should I contact this ex and just say sorry? I really don’t know what else to say to him. But I feel like maybe if I say something he will stop this 

Edited February 17, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Thread title to reflect update

[poppyfields]

Holy smokes!   I'm sorry shortskirt, I have never had that happen, not to that extent.  I did have an ex stalk me but that's a different thing.  I'm not sure what I would do.  Maybe talking to him wouldn't be a bad idea, apologize for whatever wrong he is imagining you did to him? 

I actually have no idea, I'm more posting to say I'm sorry, you don't deserve that.  Hopefully others will have better advice.  Hang in and good luck!

Edited November 3, 2020 by poppyfields

[Miss Spider]

Thank you, Poppy. Gosh. I don’t know. I was really kind of upset earlier when I wrote this. I don’t even know if there’s any real solution. I guess I was more venting out of frustration. I feel upset that this person is still mad at me after a year. That they still harbor this amount of anger towards me that they go out of their way to lie about me to others. I’m not asking for them to like me, but if there were a way to make them hate me less. The last time I tried to talk to them via text, it did not go over well. They attacked me. But that was long ago. Maybe I can try one more time

 

thank you again

Edited November 3, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Wiseman2]

The best thing you can do is delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps.

Disengage 100%. Don't drag it out.

[Timshel]

6 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

10 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

He’s long turned a lot of our mutual friends against me. I have to find a lot of new friends now. A lot of them weren’t really my friends to begin with they were more his, but still. He’s done so much damage 

 

 

Yes, but on the bright side, better ones.

6 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Maybe I can try one more time

 

 

 

Don't feed the beast, it's unlikely an apology will be anything to him than more fodder/ammunition to use against you.  Proof that you are atrocious and that he is correct in his assertions.  All along he has been unhinged.  Whether you were gentle enough in the break up is of no consequence all this time later.  We all have break ups and heart break in life, the difference between moving forward with a modicum of grace and making it a mission to destroy another person for having the audacity to leave is night and day. 

Wiseman2 gives good advice Ssll, the only way is to remove these people from your circle.  Defending yourself will fall on deaf ears, seen as a sign of weakness (which abusers love) and used against you.  Onward, away and upward sweetie.

[Blind-Sided]

That's just how some people are.

My exW is kind of that way.   She is often angry with me for no real reasons.  She wanted out... she's out.  I didn't stop her.  I know she ois still talking to people about how bad of a person I was, and how she had to get out of an "Abusive" relationship.  I have 2 girls... and when I go to some of the Girl Scout events... I can tell that some of those women are listening to her.  I've known most of these women for 7 or 8 years, and now they treat me like I'm a criminal... but I don't care, because they are really no on to me.   I get enough info back from the people who know me to know what she is up to. I guess the worst part is... the exW has talked crap about my new GF to my oldest daughter.  But... here again... who cares.  My GF is nice to the kids, and the kids like her. 

For me... her anger makes me happy inside, because I honestly did nothing, and she has to live with her anger. Maybe some day she will let it all go, and turn into a normal person again.  But if his anger is upsetting you... then block him, and ignore it. He won't change... so you do.

[Fletch Lives]

You have a stalker. Contacting him is one of the worse things you can do. It often encourages more stalking.

Cut contact and then the next step is a restraining order. Watch a few episodes of Protection Court.

[d0nnivain]

He hasn't done any damage.  Stop giving him credit he doesn't deserved.  He's living in your head, rent free.  Kick him out. 

People you got to know through him, who became mutual friends with you because of your relationship stayed friends with him after your break up.  Perfectly normal & to be expected.  Why you expected to walk out of that relationship with his friends makes no sense.  Who cares what people who weren't your friends to begin with think of you now?  Most people can see a disgruntled EX for what he is.  I'm sure they barely listen when he carries on about you.  They just care.  

Anybody who knows you 1st now & gets a message from your EX warning them about you is going to rightly conclude that your EX is bitter & crazy.  If anything, these new folks think you dodged a bullet.  

Do not reach out to this nut.  You will only empower him.  What do you have to be sorry for?  

Block.  Delete & ignore him.  

[mark clemson]

Two words: sore loser.

[Ruby Slippers]

I agree that you should delete and block him everywhere.

If that doesn't work, threaten a restraining order if he contacts you or anyone you're connected to ever again. A restraining order bars the offender from contacting any of your family or friends even on social media. 

[Watercolors]

17 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

-Vent-

This is an ex boyfriend that I broke up because we had grown apart and I did not have feelings for him anymore. About a month later, I began a relationship with man that he was loosely acquainted with. 
 

 

He stole our pet dog he agreed I could have, smeared me to a bunch of mutual friends, withheld my stuff, chewed me out through text. I understood all that at the time…kind of. Actually, no. Not really. 
 

But I understand it even less now. It has been a over a year now and he is still at it. He has had several girlfriends in this time. He has moved on. However, he still feels the need to DM people to “warn” them about me. 
 

 

He has told so many lies about me. He told my last ex that I was addicted to benzodiazepines. I’ve done benzos once on an airplane.  He told people I’m a horrible, mean person. I’m paraphrasing, but that’s essentially what he’s said. 
 

Several months ago, a guy took a picture with me and he posted it on social media. My ex DM’d himon Facebook messenger to tell him to watch out for me. I found out tonight that he contacted my ex boyfriend just recently after I broke up with him. I don’t even know what he said but I’m sure it was great. This is the third time that he has contacted him. He’s had to block him on Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat. 
 

He’s long turned a lot of our mutual friends against me. I have to find a lot of new friends now. A lot of them weren’t really my friends to begin with they were more his, but still. He’s done so much damage 
 

Is this normal? When is this going to stop? Will this stop in a few more years when he really finds love? 

should I contact this ex and just say sorry? I really don’t know what else to say to him. But I feel like maybe if I say something he will stop this 

You give your ex power by defending your reputation with these people. You take away power from your ex but simply ignoring his behavior and their responses to his behavior. You need to realize that people will make up their own minds about your role and everything. There's nothing you can do to change the way people think about you. And there's no reason for you or need for you to contact them to defend yourself. Just stop. It's time to block and delete your ex and stop letting him live in your head, as another poster suggested.
 

[Acacia98]

18 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

Is this normal? When is this going to stop? Will this stop in a few more years when he really finds love? 

should I contact this ex and just say sorry? I really don’t know what else to say to him. But I feel like maybe if I say something he will stop this 

Whatever you do, do not contact this guy and apologize. He is unhinged. The normal rules do not apply here.

You need to completely remove yourself from his view. Block him everywhere. For good measure, block all your mutual acquaintances too. If it's a tenable option, close all your social media accounts (frankly, I would do this). If it's not, don't post anything about your personal life online. And don't allow people to, say, take pictures of you and post them online.

It won't last forever . It will stop when he has someone new to launch a campaign of hatred against. That will happen eventually. But you need to "cease to exist" first so that he can get bored.

Edited November 3, 2020 by Acacia98

[MsJayne]

I've had similar done to me, and much worse because I stupidly ignored it until it got really out of hand and then had to take out a restraining order to stop him. Ex BF had stolen a 'phone bill of mine around the time I started backing off the relationship, back in the days when we had paper bills delivered, and he rang my family and friends, my employer, work colleagues, and one complete stranger - the guy who'd repaired my fence -  to slander me.  Your dude needs setting straight if he's really doing this to you, and a restraining order can give a stalker a big shock, especially if you have it served somewhere that other people will witness it. I sent mine to the house he shared with a bunch of other guys, ( I rang one of them and warned them the police would be coming around and explained why), and so not only did he get the humiliation of being exposed as a stalker in front of his mates, but they were furious at him because they were all pot smokers and the fact that his actions had resulted in cops coming to their front door meant he was about as popular as a turd in a punch-bowl. Not sure about where you are, but here you have to be able to prove that what they're doing is detrimental to you, like you couldn't just say , "He's saying bad things about me", you'd have to be able to prove he has deliberate vindictive intent. A screen shot of any messages he's sent to people you know should do it, because that might also be construed as using a carriage service to harass and intimidate. Give it to him, stalkers deserve to be exposed. 

[poppyfields]

Hey shortskirts, have you decided what to do?  The TRO sounds like a good idea.  Talk with a lawyer in your state (state requirements for TROs vary), many have free consults.  

Anyway, hope you're okay!  Hasn't been a great year for you, has it.  Fingers crossed 2021 will be much better!  

[Miss Spider]

On 11/4/2020 at 10:06 AM, poppyfields said:

Hey shortskirts, have you decided what to do?  The TRO sounds like a good idea.  Talk with a lawyer in your state (state requirements for TROs vary), many have free consults.  

Anyway, hope you're okay!  Hasn't been a great year for you, has it.  Fingers crossed 2021 will be much better!  

I have decided not to worry about it too much at this point.  I will definitely go down this path if it gets any worse. The people who he spoke to about me( his acquaintances) don’t have much overlap with the people I want in my life/my friends anymore. So i am at peace that if he wants to talk and they want to believe him, fine... But the guys he’s messaged about me have told him to grow up 

Actually, poppy, this year has been one of the greatest years of my life in terms of contentment. Yes, there have been some really hard times this year. I feel that they were necessary for my self discovery. I have a much better grasp on who I am now and what I want. And that makes me feel so much more content than I’ve ever felt. 
yes, I would love to have a better social life and new friends.it is hard .But at least I’ve taken out the trash now know what I want/don’t want. That is a better start than I have ever had 
 

thank you all so much

Edited November 6, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Miss Spider]

OK. So wow at this. 
I believe I told some people already about how my crazy ex’s( who is the subject of this thread) most recent  ex girlfriend messaged me on Facebook to give me back my passport he was holding hostage from me. He is so tacky/crazy. I cannot believe I ever dated him. For shame . 
 

Anyway, in a sort of enemy of my enemy is my friend fashion I befriended this chick and learned a lot more about this guy. He is apparently going around dragging her too!! 

She was having a similar issues with this ex that I was having throughout the relationship. But in addition to the problems that I was having with him( like him being a needy bish), he did a lot more to her. 
 

First he used her as basically a housekeeper. Then he  cheated on her with a model. He was actually living with her and sleeping with all kinds of chicks and she was supposed to be okay with it. When she kicked him out for his behavior, he has accused her of being crazy and kicking him out for no reason leaving him homeless (boohoo) to all the people who know them. She has done so much for him too it seems and he completely burned her. 

 

I am just LOLing at this guy but also kind of furious. He is such a D bag to do this to this girl seemingly nice girl and THEN proceed to twist it so again he looks good in the eyes of other. He is a a semi public figure as well. So he wants to look good at all times. Protect his reputation at all costs. 
 

 

He makes me sick

Edited November 8, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Miss Spider]

Also , apparently he just got a new apartment 5 minutes from my home.  

[Interstellar]

Well, if you’re into spirituality or divine intervention and stuff you can check out fiverr. There are freelancers there that can cut so called etheric cords. They’re cords of attachment that can be negative or positive that we have with other people. Just search for “cords of attachment.” on there and pick somebody with a ton of positive reviews and you feel is reputable, and just explain to them. They will charge you a fee and maybe this can help.

Edited November 8, 2020 by Interstellar

[Miss Spider]

I did send him a message.

 

“Haha your ex gave me my passport back. Thanks a million for keeping it from me. You’re lame for what you did to her. And stop messaging [my ex]. You realize he thinks you’re a complete idiot” 

Then I blocked him 

 

lol I’m goin off. Don’t care. This guy has grated my last nerve . I got my passport back now I just need to get my dog back 

Edited November 10, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Wiseman2]

Make sure you clean up all the details get all your stuff back and sever all ties permanently without rancor and sarcasm before you start jumping into dating again.

New people can perceive ex problems and anger better than the person feeling it. Until you are whole again, you'll only attract negative people.

[SumGuy]

On 11/8/2020 at 12:12 AM, Shortskirtslonglashes said:

OK. So wow at this. 
I believe I told some people already about how my crazy ex’s( who is the subject of this thread) most recent  ex girlfriend messaged me on Facebook to give me back my passport he was holding hostage from me. ...

Not so much wow as this ex is helping him as well as you because he was in major violation of the law, if she had it she was an accomplice.   If you are in the US, I am not certain you or he realize how much of a major federal felony (sorry felonies, multiple) it is to steal someone's passport like this (and yes him holding onto it without your permission even if you initially gave it to him is theft) and not the kind of thing the federal government lets go. 

He would have been contacted, questioned and they will prosecute if he resisted.  And that is if he is an upstanding boy scout person, any hints of links to certain countries, groups or ethnicities and he would have been in for a  whole world of trouble.

The fed isn't so much concerned about your ability to travel but someone using your stolen passport directly or as a template to make a fake passport.  You can imagine the people in the market for stolen US passports.  It's up there with counterfeiting in the feds eyes.   If he held on to it for a long time, evidence of tampering or any stamps for travel you did not take he could still be in trouble.

 

I wish you the best with the dog.  I understand pets are treated just like things, so proof of ownership of the thing, like who registered the dog license, paid for the dog, set up the vet, adopted the dog, etc. are what it is about.  Small claims court?

Edited November 10, 2020 by SumGuy

[Miss Spider]

Thank you. I did consider small claims court in the beginning. But I knew that was what he wanted. He wanted to emotionally drag it out and I would have to see him.  I don’t have any proof I own the dog. It is chipped under his name, his number on her tags, etc etc. he purchased the dog as well. But he purchased it for me. Also, I don’t want the trauma for the dog.

 

this is more of a vent than anything else. But I wanted to say that I have experienced more of my ex’s shenanigans

yesterday, his ex texted me very distraught

she said: Why did you message him to cause me trouble when I gave you your passport back? You could have him back at any time without making him hate me—he’s obsessed with you. You can block me without ever explaining but I wanted to give you a chance to explain. I know he lies. 

 

I apologized to her profusely. I said it was my fault. I didn’t consider her side of things. I just wanted to gloat because he annoys me so much with bothering guys I date, spreading lies about me, etc and what he did was a federal crime. I didn’t know that she was still trying to get on his good side so I didn’t know that I shouldn’t have told him that she gave it back to me. I said I am just so sorry

 

She said: He was going to find a reason to hate me anyway. But what did you say? Because the man is… I lack words.It is a federal crime to keep a passport, which I also told him. And I agree he shouldn’t have been messaging your boyfriend. But he is very stuck on you.He said we formed an alliance?Sorry but I am super confused. He is very angry with me and I’m just trying to protect myself.I obviously can’t I obviously can’t trust what he says, so I apologize for messaging you

 

I said that I am super confused also. I am just so sorry to have dragged her into it after she did me that favor. I feel so bad. I gave her the screenshot of the text that I sent him before I blocked him. I wonder if she will ever forgive me. I just feel so awful about this whole thing now. She did me a favor. I guess no good deed goes unpunished.

 

Edited November 13, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Miss Spider]

Update. She just messaged me and it looks like she has forgiven me and she asked me what my favorite video game is. I think maybe I may have made a new friend? At least I am hoping. I’m just so happy right now

[Miss Spider]

I’ve never been a spiritual person, but it is strange how when you ask the universe for something and you want it really bad, but you let it go it/stop attaching yourself to it, it somehow comes to you in the weirdest ways. Practically falls in your lap.I have been wanting this friendship for a really long time

Edited November 13, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[FMW]

Sounds promising!  Just remember to think about how your actions may affect her going forward so she doesn't feel burned again.  Probably best to try and not make the ex a further point of bonding either.  See what you have in common other than him going forward.