Boyfriend not supportive on girlfriend's failure and his birthday wish for me was asking me to change because I make him mad.

[deamiga]

16 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is this a BDSM situation? Over and over you seem to relish the humiliation, control and abuse.

Over and over you ignore advice that you are in an abusive relationship.

Over and over you go on and on about how much he hurts you and how much you seek this out.

 

Btw he told me that by changing he means breaking the ice because I am cold. And by that he doesn't mean just showing love but sexting as well, to make him feel loved. That is why he also thinks I am cheating. 
I just don't know what to say. If that is all he wants, why does he have to accuse me for cheating, mention the exams I failed, getting angry, yelling, sometimes offending... he can say what he doesn't like or what I should do more often. He doesn't have to make me feel like s*** just because of that.

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, deamiga said:

Btw.......

So you do welcome the abuse and just want to go on and on about how you're a helpless victim and he's the big bad wolf and refuse to change that.

[schlumpy]

1 hour ago, deamiga said:

 I don't understand how you can judge someone for failing exams in university, while you have only the high school degree and didn't go to university. 
He pretends that there is somebody who just has sex with me and that is all, who doesn't love me but only uses me for his needs. And that is not true. I would never allow myself that. 
 

That's another element to think about that puts a different light on things.

Is he trying to sabotage your education because it makes him feel inferior and that he will lose you over it?

You are in a world he doesn't understand and we distrust what we don't understand.

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, deamiga said:

I started crying and shaking. I don't know why I think I love him and don't end this relationship. 
I know it is wrong and that is not how love is supposed to be. But I want to be with the guy I feel in love in the beginning...

It's hard to end a relationship, even a bad one. 'The beginning' is long gone and it won't come back. Your BF is an abuser and he was successful at stripping you of your self-worth and your better judgement. That's what abusers do, they're super sweet at the beginning to make you fall for them then they can better mistreat you without you going away. Your bf is no different than all the other abusers out there. It doesn't matter why he's like this, you cannot fix him and abusers don't change. EVER.

You're not in love with him, you're in love with an idea you have of him, you're in love with memories from the beginning, memories you've become emotionally dependant of. 

It's time to break it up, time to block him, and find yourself again. More you let it drag more he'll refine his abuse and harder it'll be to get away from him.

How would you feel if a man treated your mother, your sister, or your best friend like this? Would you find this acceptable? Of course not....so it's not acceptable for you either. 

Leaving will be hard but there is no alternative. You do it, you end it like you pull a band-aid off. You will get over him and it won't take much time. When women leave abusive relationships soon after they feel an huge sense of releive and wonder why they have not done it earlier. There is always something and someone better waiting for us. 

 

[astutise]

5 hours ago, deamiga said:

Btw he told me that by changing he means breaking the ice because I am cold. And by that he doesn't mean just showing love but sexting as well, to make him feel loved. That is why he also thinks I am cheating. 
I just don't know what to say. If that is all he wants, why does he have to accuse me for cheating, mention the exams I failed, getting angry, yelling, sometimes offending... he can say what he doesn't like or what I should do more often. He doesn't have to make me feel like s*** just because of that.

I posted on here a few weeks back about a similarly manipulative guy, who like your bf, was also very sweet and lovely at the beginning.

I'm SO glad I took the advice of posters here and got rid and STAYED AWAY - he and I did talk a few more times after I ended it, I limited it only to text and I could see, as people on here predicted, he just became more manipulative and tried to tear into my self-esteem. I rejected meeting up with him and few weeks ago said a final goodbye and blocked him. These types of people don't change - apart from switching to their real self from the false, nice self to lure us in at the beginning. Then once the inner weirdo comes out, all bets are off. At the time, I felt like you - confused and wanted the sweet guy back - those feelings do fade. It feels rubbish at first, and confusing, like you lost something good but really I figured out I didn't, because the good stuff was all fake, never real. How can I lose something that didn't really exist?

Please get rid of him, asap. To save your future sanity.

[kendahke]

10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is this a BDSM situation? Over and over you seem to relish the humiliation, control and abuse.

Over and over you ignore advice that you are in an abusive relationship.

Over and over you go on and on about how much he hurts you and how much you seek this out.

 

Diamiga!!!!

Is. This. A. BDSM. Situation?

Please no more wistful retelling of what he did to you. Please answer Wiseman's question!!!

You keep sticking your hand in the fire over and over again and keep crying about your hand getting burned and how the fire shouldn't burn your hand, but yet you go build another fire and stick your hand in it.

Edited November 8, 2020 by kendahke