Trail Blazer Posted November 7, 2020 Posted November 7, 2020 (edited) 52 minutes ago, poppyfields said: @TB, there are always exceptions to what I posted, nothing is ever black and white. You're girlfriend did most of the pursuing in early stages and in worked out because there was a very strong interest from the get-go. Before you even met in person, correct? That makes a huge difference. When there is strong mutual attraction from the get-go like that, she could have stood on her head, drunk, on top of a bar stool, and you'd still be attracted! Lol Ok, I'm exaggerating but you know what I mean. I think ideally, once you begin dating and mutual attraction has been established, there shouid be a balance of give and take. I don't like the word "chased" because it implies the woman (or man) is running away and needs to be chased after to be caught. For me, when disinterested (or on the fence) and distancing myself or "running away" for the love of *, please no, do NOT chase me! But I do prefer for the man to lead during early stages. Not sure why, maybe it's biological or inherent or whatever, but when a man is interested in me, and displays his interest by pursuing me (not chasing), it inspires romantic attraction and interest in me. It's often increased my attraction and raised my interest level! Again, not sure why exactly. I don't think it works that way for men, jmo. My girlfriend told me (after we'd been dating for a bit) that she was very selective in who she showed interest in. That's the operative word, who she showed interest in. I'm talking about on the Bumble app, not once a date has happened. Hence, she liked using Bumble as she was the only one who could send the opening message. Like every attractive female on a dating app, she'd received an overwhelming amount of interest. Almost every right swipe she made resulted in a match. There's no feeling of being pursued when it's always a match. Everything happened so quickly between us. We matched on a Sunday morning and met up that evening. I did suggest we meet up that evening, but only in response to her expressing strong interest in doing so initially. I gave her the option to meet that night as I was going to be in a different state for almost a month for work. She accepted and it was an amazing date. However, the interest level from my end prior to the first date was only moderate at best. The interest level remained high for a whole month until I returned home and we had our second date. I agree with you that pursued is a much better term than chased. And as you stated, "once dating has begun and mutual attraction has been established" there should be a balance. In my case, there's a very healthy balance which is why the relationship has been going so well one year on. It is different for men in terms of being pursued, in response to you last paragraph. It's an ego boost, but it doesn't generally change attraction levels. It makes life easier if there's mutual attraction, as it gives a guy the green light to go ahead - but it doesn't make a female become more attractive (in my opinion). Edited November 7, 2020 by Trail Blazer 1
poppyfields Posted November 7, 2020 Posted November 7, 2020 (edited) Thanks TB. For me, a man's interest won't create attraction or interest, I need to be attracted first. But when I have been interested, him taking the lead and pusuing me has often increased my attraction. It's also turned me off in some cases, if/when he pursued too hard or aggressively. I never used Bumble. But another poster, Gaeta has, and found her wonderful boyfriend using that app. Knowing myself, I think I'd be uncomfortable being the one to send the initial message, maybe not, never tried. I only used one dating site (not POF), and only for a very short time before meeting my fiance.. I was extremely discretionary about who I chose to chat and interact with, and eventually meet. Believe it or not, he was actually only the second man I met! I'm glad Bumble worked out for you though and that you found each other! Edited November 7, 2020 by poppyfields
SSM3 Posted November 7, 2020 Posted November 7, 2020 Keep the faith. I met my gf on a dating app and never thought I would meet anyone. I've never been this happy before, just try and remain positive. I met her when I was least expecting it, so they can work.
poppyfields Posted November 7, 2020 Posted November 7, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Trail Blazer said: My girlfriend told me (after we'd been dating for a bit) that she was very selective in who she showed interest in. That's the operative word, who she showed interest in. TB, this^ is exactly what I meant when saying it's just that somethin somethin a man possesses that intrigues us. Like exactly. It's subjective and selective. Your girlfriend no doubt had many men responding, my guess is attractive men (I did). But there was something about you, your look that intrigued her. Stood out to her. That interested her. I'm glad you posted it, hopefully what I previously posted about that, that certain somethin somethin, makes more sense now. Edited November 7, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Trail Blazer Posted November 8, 2020 Posted November 8, 2020 8 hours ago, poppyfields said: TB, this^ is exactly what I meant when saying it's just that somethin somethin a man possesses that intrigues us. Like exactly. It's subjective and selective. Your girlfriend no doubt had many men responding, my guess is attractive men (I did). But there was something about you, your look that intrigued her. Stood out to her. That interested her. I'm glad you posted it, hopefully what I previously posted about that, that certain somethin somethin, makes more sense now. She had attractive men, she had ugly men... the whole hog. Pretty much any right swipe she did, it would be a match or she'd get matched once her profile was visible to the guy at the other end. She did go on a few dates before me, but only about four of five over the space of a whole year. One guy she said was a model and his parents were loaded, but all he could talk about was himself. He didn't seem interested in her at all, which put her off immensely. At the end of the day, the somethin' somethin' had to have more substance than could be discerned from a dating app profile. I'm glad I made the cut in her eyes, because I'm a very happy camper! 1
poppyfields Posted November 8, 2020 Posted November 8, 2020 (edited) 7 hours ago, Trail Blazer said: She had attractive men, she had ugly men... the whole hog. Pretty much any right swipe she did, it would be a match or she'd get matched once her profile was visible to the guy at the other end. She did go on a few dates before me, but only about four of five over the space of a whole year. One guy she said was a model and his parents were loaded, but all he could talk about was himself. He didn't seem interested in her at all, which put her off immensely. At the end of the day, the somethin' somethin' had to have more substance than could be discerned from a dating app profile. I'm glad I made the cut in her eyes, because I'm a very happy camper! Yeah I can definitely relate! But for me at least, that somethin somethin started with the pic and profile (straight good looks weren't enough) but ultimately went beyond. Way beyond! And I have no doubt your girlfriend is happy she made the cut in your eyes too! Edited November 8, 2020 by poppyfields 1
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