Johnson1 Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 I found out my fiance of a little over a year is going to see a Medium (Clairvoyant) with her daughter sometime this week. She doesn't know that I know she's planning to go. Apparently this 'Medium' had some 'not so nice' things to say about me when they spoke briefly on the phone. Her and I have our issues just like many other couples and we talked about going to counselling because our communication and understanding of each other needs help. To me THIS is not the answer having some psychic dictate to her who I am and how I feel. Not fair. Would you be upset if your fiance went behind your back to see some psychic about you?
ExpatInItaly Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 2 minutes ago, Vocals5 said: I found out my fiance of a little over a year is going to see a Medium (Clairvoyant) with her daughter sometime this week. She doesn't know that I know she's planning to go. Apparently this 'Medium' had some 'not so nice' things to say about me when they spoke briefly on the phone. How do you know what this person told her on the phone? To answer your question, no, I wouldn’t be okay my partner visiting a medium for relationship advice. I went to medium once with girlfriends when I was a teenager, for some Halloween entertainment. Even then, I understood it was for fun. Not for real life advice. Everyone holds different beliefs. Personally, though? I question the judgement, maturity and critical thinking skills of an adult who turns to a clairvoyant for life guidance. It would say a lot more to me about their overall mindset than one visit to a psychic could tell them about their future. 4
Wiseman2 Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 If she did not tell you, how did you know about thier conversation and her appointment? Something like this being a threat to you indicates that you need to postpone going forward and constructively get to the real problems, including the possibility that you're not compatible. If this is enough to make you nervous and it seems you already have major trust issues, it sounds like this is hanging by a thread and you need to reconsider the relationship. 1
Trail Blazer Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 No, I wouldn't be happy about that at all. But then, I wouldn't date somebody who would do such a thing. I refuse to date anyone unless they're agnostic or atheist. 3
Atwood Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 Your use of the word "dictating" is interesting. Is your partner not allowed to seek counsel from others? You say "behind your back", but your partner going to see a medium is not your decision and is nothing to do with you. If I wanted to go and see one, I would go with or without the approval of my partner and would not expect him to attempt to tell me what to do. Don't get me wrong, I do not believe mediums are qualified to give any kind of official advice and I myself do not believe in any of that stuff. However, it matters little who she chooses to confide in when it comes to you getting a say in it, remember that you do not. We are free to talk to anybody, even mediums, about our relationships. Why are you defensive about the medium maybe having some not so nice things to say, are you saying none of your communication or understanding problems are a result of your own doing, or is it all your fiance? Are you both going to go to counselling as well? 1 1
Trail Blazer Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 11 minutes ago, Atwood said: Your use of the word "dictating" is interesting. Is your partner not allowed to seek counsel from others? You say "behind your back", but your partner going to see a medium is not your decision and is nothing to do with you. If I wanted to go and see one, I would go with or without the approval of my partner and would not expect him to attempt to tell me what to do. Don't get me wrong, I do not believe mediums are qualified to give any kind of official advice and I myself do not believe in any of that stuff. However, it matters little who she chooses to confide in when it comes to you getting a say in it, remember that you do not. We are free to talk to anybody, even mediums, about our relationships. Why are you defensive about the medium maybe having some not so nice things to say, are you saying none of your communication or understanding problems are a result of your own doing, or is it all your fiance? Are you both going to go to counselling as well? Reading between the lines, it sounds as though OP is pissed because he and his fianceè mutually discussed counseling as a method for resolving their relationship issues, which they'd presumably do together. OP's fianceè then did an about-face and sought her own counsel, if you will, from an unqualified person who potentially stands to gain a lot from telling her what she wants to hear, rather than giving objective advice. 3
basil67 Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 I see talking to a medium as less invasive than talking her close girlfriends. And I don't see anything wrong with bouncing relationship issues around with BFFS. And after all, if she decides to walk away after talking to either, then obviously they were just confirming what she already believes. If she's committed to you, neither a medium or her best friends cold break that. 1
schlumpy Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 For entertainment? Yes it can be fun. Why would she be so specific as to ask for relationship advice? It makes me think that she doesn't feel that you will answer her truthfully if faced with the same questions. If it's not too late, then answer those questions for her without regard for the relationship dynamics. It could be a turning point or a breaking point. 2
Atwood Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 1 hour ago, Trail Blazer said: Reading between the lines, it sounds as though OP is pissed because he and his fianceè mutually discussed counseling as a method for resolving their relationship issues, which they'd presumably do together. OP's fianceè then did an about-face and sought her own counsel, if you will, from an unqualified person who potentially stands to gain a lot from telling her what she wants to hear, rather than giving objective advice. I can see how it would be frustrating if she agreed to do counselling and then changed her mind, but she'd be free to do that. Additionally, is it not possible that she is seeing a medium and also will attend counselling? I'm kinda confused about what the OP wants other than justification for being annoyed with her? Sure he can be if that's how he feels, but I am unsure about what he can do about it because he certainly has no right to tell her to stop seeing them. I do genuinely hope the fiance attends counselling with the OP but if she won't, OP needs to consider where to go from here. I'm also wondering how the OP managed to find out that his fiance was seeing a medium, has OP invaded her privacy? Furthermore, why would she avoid telling him? Maybe frightened of his reaction? That's a red flag that the OP should also consider. Lying is wrong, but being someone that your partner doesn't want to be honest with is a problem worth examining. I am with you that a medium is an extremely unreliable source of advice, but if someone tells you x, y, z about your partner and you believe them because it's what you want to hear, then aren't you really just looking to consolidate what you already know/think about your partner? I went through something very similar where I latched on very firmly to a particular friend who disliked my ex and insisted they were controlling. It turned out that my ex was indeed controlling and I knew it deep down, I just needed external validation.
Wiseman2 Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 3 hours ago, Vocals5 said: . Her and I have our issues just like many other couples and we talked about going to counselling because our communication and understanding of each other needs help. This is the real issue not some parlor game she and her daughter are going to together.
ShyViolet Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 (edited) I would be seriously concerned and turned off if my partner was going to a medium or a psychic for actual life advice. "Mediums" are not real. Edited November 2, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 4
Wiseman2 Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 6 hours ago, Vocals5 said: I found out my fiance of a little over a year is going to see a Medium (Clairvoyant) with her daughter sometime this week. She doesn't know that I know she's planning to go So what? What if she read horoscopes and it said something you didn't like? You're taking this much too seriously.
introverted1 Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 6 hours ago, Vocals5 said: I found out my fiance of a little over a year is going to see a Medium (Clairvoyant) with her daughter sometime this week. She doesn't know that I know she's planning to go. Apparently this 'Medium' had some 'not so nice' things to say about me when they spoke briefly on the phone. Her and I have our issues just like many other couples and we talked about going to counselling because our communication and understanding of each other needs help. To me THIS is not the answer having some psychic dictate to her who I am and how I feel. Not fair. Would you be upset if your fiance went behind your back to see some psychic about you? I'd be upset if someone I was considering marrying was going to a medium for anything other than entertainment. If counseling is needed, find a legitimate provider you see together.
Fletch Lives Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 Well, that's her religion, so to speak. Nothing you can do about it, really. 1
mark clemson Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 (edited) It sounds to me like how you feel about the medium is somewhat similar to how you'd feel about ANY friend or counselor of hers bashing you behind your back. She is "putting words in your mouth" but doesn't even actually know you at all. This is magnified I'd assume by the fact that this represents (for you) an odd belief AND the fact that presumably the medium is in the role of trusted counselor for her. It's a tough situation in a way - here are some things to consider: - Is "faith" in this sort of thing a dealbreaker for you? What if it intensifies later on (a distinct possibility from what I've heard)? - How much damage has already been done to your relationship? - Could there be SOME truth to what the medium is saying. Not necessarily future predictions, but are you really such a great partner that there's little to no truth to what the medium is saying? These folks tend to have high emotional intelligence from what little I have seen. - Is this worth putting the wedding on hold for? - You might consider talking to a lawyer about the implications of marriage in your jurisdiction. Will she be "entitled" to half your savings and decades of spousal support the day after the wedding and such? Will you only be able to leave the marriage "with cause"? If so, and this whole thing makes you uncomfortable, you might need to consider whether it's better to not be legally tied to her for the time being. This belief is part of who she is and/or part of who she is becoming. It MAY blow over/be a "phase" or it may become quite integral to her belief systems and thus her life. You need to be prepared for both of those possibilities. Edited November 2, 2020 by mark clemson
smackie9 Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 (edited) A proper medium has ethics, and wouldn't be meddling in peoples relationships telling them what they should do. She's one that uses parlor tricks...to keep clients coming, they simply tell them what they want to hear. You should look at the bigger picture...if your fiance is going to a lot of trouble and money to talk smack about you, then you should be jumping ship. This has wrong written all over it and I would run for the hills. Edited November 2, 2020 by smackie9
d0nnivain Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 I thought mediums talked to the dead. I don't see where talking to a medium who is channeling dead people will offer insight into a relationship with you. I think the occult -- mediums, psychics, tarot card readers etc -- can be fun entertainment but they aren't to be taken seriously. You certainly don't make life decisions based on what they say. I'd have serious reservations about marrying somebody who believed this BS. 2
major_merrick Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 I would be upset. Very upset. The occult is not entertainment. Mediums are not counselors, they talk with "dead people." If they are frauds, they simply stand to benefit from telling a person what they want to hear. That will confirm your fiancee's thoughts against you, rather than helping. If mediums are not frauds, then they are either in contact with the dead or with evil spirits. And you REALLY don't want that! There is no up-side to this one. The only good thing I can see about this situation is that this is your fiancee, not your wife. You can still back out without going through a messy, expensive divorce.
poppyfields Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 (edited) 8 hours ago, Vocals5 said: Apparently this 'Medium' had some 'not so nice' things to say about me when they spoke briefly on the phone. How do you know this? Are you also "psychic"? Lol. Or did your fiance tell you? If so, why would she do that? Have you asked yourself this question? It would seem she's trying to tell you something, indirectly. Things about you she is unhappy about but instead of telling you directly, she tells it from the perspective of the medium or psychic or however you're labeling such person. Since you asked, I'd think my fiance was whacked, lost his marbles, if he disclosed he was seeing a psychic. Edited November 2, 2020 by poppyfields 2
Trail Blazer Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: So what? What if she read horoscopes and it said something you didn't like? You're taking this much too seriously. Really? If she's giving the opinion of a medium any sort of credence then it's extremely concerning. It's not about dismissing the bull$h°t from an unqualified source, it's about the damage that can be done when people buy into nonsense. Fake news can cause an immense amount of damage. 1
Wiseman2 Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 (edited) 14 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said: Really? If she's giving the opinion of a medium any sort of credence then it's extremely concerning. It's not about dismissing the bull$h°t from an unqualified source, it's about the damage that can be done when people buy into nonsense. Fake news can cause an immense amount of damage. It's on par with palm reading, tea leaves, tarot cards, etc. It not therapy and that's why the concern over basically pallor amusement is silly. She and her daughter are not wasting his money on this nonsense so what's the issue? Is he really that insecure that an amusement dictates whether his gf stays with him or not? Sounds as "threatening" to me as a mother daughter pedicure. Edited November 2, 2020 by Wiseman2
Trail Blazer Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: It's on par with palm reading, tea leaves, tarot cards, etc. It not therapy and that's why the concern over basically pallor amusement is silly. She and her daughter are not wasting his money on this nonsense so what's the issue? Is he really that insecure that an amusement dictates whether his gf stays with him or not? Sounds as "threatening" to me as a mother daughter pedicure. You're missing the bigger picture. It doesn't sound like she's going there for fun. She's seeking advice from someone unqualified and that advice, if acted upon, could be quite damaging to the relationship. The reason why fake news is so dangerous is because it resonates with people's prejudices. OP's fianceè could be avoiding seeing professional, qualified counsellor as she's unwilling to entertain unbiased, objective analysis and instead seeks confirmation bias.
Miss Spider Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 (edited) I would be upset I would like to believe the person I am going to marry is more logical than to believe that someone has extra-sensory perception and is charging $9.99 a minute to predict their future. Edited November 2, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes
poppyfields Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 (edited) 38 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said: Really? If she's giving the opinion of a medium any sort of credence then it's extremely concerning. It's not about dismissing the bull$h°t from an unqualified source, it's about the damage that can be done when people buy into nonsense. Fake news can cause an immense amount of damage. Exactly. She's feedng him negative info from the medium about him, so if me, I'd be like wtf, why are you sharing this shyt with me? You got somethin to say, just tell me for chrissakes, don't give it to me second hand from some "medium/ psychic." Would piss me off! Edited November 2, 2020 by poppyfields
Trail Blazer Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 5 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Exactly. She's feedng him negative info from the medium about him, so if me, I'd be like wtf, why are you sharing this shyt with me? You got somethin to say, just tell me for chrissakes, don't give it to me second hand from some "medium/ psychic." Would piss me off! Yes. It seems like she's feeding her prejudices with confirmation bias, which she's in turn using to throw back in OP's face. If that's what's happening then that's very toxic behavior.
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