Trail Blazer Posted November 5, 2020 Posted November 5, 2020 2 hours ago, Allupinnit said: ALWAYS being pursued? LOL ok man. I don't have a chip on my shoulder, I just have a a sensitive BS meter. I wonder why Brad Pitt is always held up as the standard by men who are so obsessed with looks. Give me a Tom Hardy any day. Well, no. Not literally always. I'd been unmatched before, I'd been stood up multiple times and I did have to initiate the first dates some of the time. But hey, my OLD experience was pretty damn good, I must say. No shortage of interest forthcoming, and a couple of great relationships which bookended an FWB and a few flings in between. In any case, whether you like Brad Pitt, Chris Hemsworth or Even Tom Hardy, most women would be in agreement that your choice is sound. I'm sure that if Tom were your average dude on a dating site, he'd do all right for himself, too.
Waldo P Schmeer Posted November 5, 2020 Posted November 5, 2020 (edited) 16 hours ago, elaine567 said: Ok, but surely the women you are thinking of dating come from the same time period, and have the same mindset, no? Or are you chasing after younger women I'm a man in my 30s, who dates other women in their 30s, and my most recent relationship was with a 46 year old woman. But all I wanted to do is join the conversation with my own observations and opinions, and to commiserate with the OP who is in the same boat as I. Edited November 6, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
mortensorchid Posted November 5, 2020 Posted November 5, 2020 It's rough because people are rough. And not too bright and make mistakes. Fact.
Calmandfocused Posted November 6, 2020 Posted November 6, 2020 21 hours ago, Trail Blazer said: Well, no. Not literally always. I'd been unmatched before, I'd been stood up multiple times and I did have to initiate the first dates some of the time. But hey, my OLD experience was pretty damn good, I must say. No shortage of interest forthcoming, and a couple of great relationships which bookended an FWB and a few flings in between. In any case, whether you like Brad Pitt, Chris Hemsworth or Even Tom Hardy, most women would be in agreement that your choice is sound. I'm sure that if Tom were your average dude on a dating site, he'd do all right for himself, too. TB That is because you are very attractive. End of! (side note to self: Stop getting cyber crushes on American citizens from Loveshack ) Op, yes it is tough! Yes it’s brutal. No getting away from it. In order to survive dating you need 3 key ingredients: Resilience, Perseverance and a very positive attitude. You haven’t got any of those? Then it isn’t going to happen my friend. It takes work, it takes effort, it won’t just land on your lap. I was my ex husbands first internet date but I can tell you that is extremely unusual. Ive just come off the dating market as I’ve found myself a (very new) relationship. However it’s not been an easy journey I can tell you. I had loads of OLD matches ... presumably because I’m very sexy and attractive for a woman of my age However it was work! Hard work! In recent months I’ve met alcoholics, ghosters, flakers, a man with weird intimacy issues, and so on and so forth. But you know something else: it’s been fun! It’s been interesting. It teaches you a lot about yourself and what you want/ don’t want from life. Yes dating is brutal but the outcome can be very rewarding. 1
Trail Blazer Posted November 6, 2020 Posted November 6, 2020 5 hours ago, Calmandfocused said: TB That is because you are very attractive. End of! (side note to self: Stop getting cyber crushes on American citizens from Loveshack ) Op, yes it is tough! Yes it’s brutal. No getting away from it. In order to survive dating you need 3 key ingredients: Resilience, Perseverance and a very positive attitude. You haven’t got any of those? Then it isn’t going to happen my friend. It takes work, it takes effort, it won’t just land on your lap. I was my ex husbands first internet date but I can tell you that is extremely unusual. Ive just come off the dating market as I’ve found myself a (very new) relationship. However it’s not been an easy journey I can tell you. I had loads of OLD matches ... presumably because I’m very sexy and attractive for a woman of my age However it was work! Hard work! In recent months I’ve met alcoholics, ghosters, flakers, a man with weird intimacy issues, and so on and so forth. But you know something else: it’s been fun! It’s been interesting. It teaches you a lot about yourself and what you want/ don’t want from life. Yes dating is brutal but the outcome can be very rewarding. Don't be silly! Most of the women here on LS have spent time convining me that looks have very little to do with whether they swipe right or not. It's "other" things which make a guy attractive... I guess it was just my fantastic (non-existent) bio... BTW, I'm glad to hear your new relationship is going well!
poppyfields Posted November 7, 2020 Posted November 7, 2020 (edited) 45 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said: Most of the women here on LS have spent time convining me that looks have very little to do with whether they swipe right or not. It's "other" things which make a guy attractive... Right TB, that ever so elusive somethin somethin, which Calmandfocused apparently believes YOU have! Take the compliment!! Crushes are fun. Edited November 7, 2020 by poppyfields 1
nope111 Posted November 11, 2020 Posted November 11, 2020 i can honestly say and not be ashamed that i have never asked a women on a date. Why??? because the few women i been with were my friends first, then we was partners. My best friend in life was my last partner. we better friends now than ever and shes so friggin awesome! i love her. gots no idea about that dating thing. I never had to ask a woman on a date. if you can tell me how ill give it a go,,,,maybe(shrugs).
miss2017 Posted November 11, 2020 Posted November 11, 2020 (edited) On 11/2/2020 at 5:25 AM, Trail Blazer said: Both sexes hope to punch above their weight, however, I think it could be said that women are the only sex out of the two where they somewhat expect to be able to land a guy outside of their league. I cannot understand how in this century people still think in terms of "inside or outside my league", like people have different categories based on looks or bank account. How ridiculous this is! We are all human beings in this planet, so we are ALL in the same league! Some men and women know what they want and that's it. There are no "leagues", there are only people who match each other. Edited November 11, 2020 by miss2017 1
elaine567 Posted November 11, 2020 Posted November 11, 2020 5 minutes ago, miss2017 said: I think it could be said that women are the only sex out of the two where they somewhat expect to be able to land a guy outside of their league. Every struggling or discontented guy on here is expecting to land a girl out of his league. The only guys who aren't, are those who are near or at the top of the tree, so are attracting the best of the best anyway, but even then...
elaine567 Posted November 11, 2020 Posted November 11, 2020 13 minutes ago, miss2017 said: I cannot understand how in this century people still think in terms of "inside or outside my league", like people have different categories based on looks or bank account. How ridiculous this is! It's not ridiculous, it is pragmatic. 14 minutes ago, miss2017 said: We are all human beings in this planet, so we are ALL in the same league! An admirable thought, but tell that to the rest of the world...
Mysterio Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 I have closed all Dating aps for myself I believe that when I am not looking or trying to make it a priority. A great woman will come. Never will it be like this. I target a woman for a romantic relationship and then she is super delighted by that and reciprocates in full. In my head. I will be going about my business. I will run into an acquaintance while I am out and about. They will have a female friend with them. The friend will like me and want to inquire if I am single. She will basically make the moves on me/charm me into asking her out. Its like for me. The Universe does not want me to have a well thought out planed dating situation. I am more attracted to women that can sustain and stimulate conversation with me. Despite that I think I am a sucker for a pretty face.
basil67 Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 @Mysterio The Universe doesn't want anyone to have a well thought and planned out dating situation. We can't plan how and when others arrive in our lives or what the outcome will be. 1
elaine567 Posted November 13, 2020 Posted November 13, 2020 Yes we can leave it all to chance but it is possible to help it along a bit, by putting oneself into situations where meeting someone may be more likely. 4
SumGuy Posted November 14, 2020 Posted November 14, 2020 On 11/11/2020 at 7:15 AM, miss2017 said: I cannot understand how in this century people still think in terms of "inside or outside my league", like people have different categories based on looks or bank account. How ridiculous this is! We are all human beings in this planet, so we are ALL in the same league! Some men and women know what they want and that's it. There are no "leagues", there are only people who match each other. Agree, but people will be people and have an inordinate desire to seek status; alas in the most simplistic terms, looks and money for example. One of the secrets in dating for me was to find people who don't think in terms of leagues (the whole looks and money thing), plenty of them. A set of "filters" that steer those who are all about leagues away, and attract those who find leagues ludicrous. I've pretty much given up on conversations where someone says "How did he/she get him/her? They are clearly out of their league." What a conundrum. Clearly there must be something very off or different here since their theory doesn't fit the experiment. It just couldn't be their theory is wrong, never. I'm not certain I want to educate them, would make just more competition for me. 2
CLS63AMG Posted November 15, 2020 Posted November 15, 2020 (edited) Was chatting with a cutie starting last week, to the point she would call me every day, our date was set for today, but on our last call two days ago I referred to someone I went to HS with as mentally re-tarded after an accident he had (which is true) and she lost it, said if I said that I must also use the N word and then she abruptly ended the call, we never spoke again. This was after her telling me several times over the preceding days how she was on OLD with no expectations but was so glad we connected, hadn't felt like this in years etc. Bananas. Edited November 15, 2020 by CLS63AMG
Mysterio Posted November 16, 2020 Posted November 16, 2020 On 11/13/2020 at 3:31 AM, basil67 said: @Mysterio The Universe doesn't want anyone to have a well thought and planned out dating situation. We can't plan how and when others arrive in our lives or what the outcome will be. Basil. My three male friends have wives that fit in line with how they wanted their lives to be. MO/CP wanted no kids. Their wives complied or were into that. MK wanted to have kids. I know his wife did. They had kids. MO is at 29 yrs with his wife and married 24. CP is at 24 yrs with his wife and married 22. MK together 22 yrs and married 20. They all met their wives when they were out in a social environment and were sort of pushed into each other by other forces. For me to settle down. I think its more of two factors. Its slower for me to have an intimate relationship with a woman in terms of the physical being prevalent. I am not dating 7 women in a span of a yr. I am confident I will meet someone. Its just that I don't know when and were it will happen. In the last 10 yrs my Romantic Prospects were 2 in 2012 with the second one being BF/GF for 6 months. 1 in 2013, we had a great date and make out situation and I was different. More assertive. 1 in 2015 met off of Match. Coresponded back and forth on a weekly basis. I took her out for her B-day. It was like dating Ann Hathaway. No chemistry. 2017 I asked out my Aerobics instructor at her other job. We went for lunch. I told her I had a crush on her. She said she was married. No big deal. I moved on. I even introduced myself to her husband at the gym. Met a woman on Tinder in early April 2020. It lasted a month. She said she thinks she had an STD and we never got together after that. Even though I said lets both of us go to the Doctor together. Of all the girls I dated. I felt her and I had the most chemistry. She has other problems, so I don't think we could over come them. One of them is that she is still technically just separated from her second ex husband, who already has a new woman and bio child with that woman, since he immigrated to my city from the Caribbean. For me now. I am off the dating aps. I am open to meeting a woman and then seeing our vibe. I just have this side to me that has to be vigilent and not get messed up, like I have seen with other friends. I guess as long as I don't have kids with a woman/cohabit/marry. No major problem can come to me for the most part.
poppyfields Posted November 16, 2020 Posted November 16, 2020 (edited) On 11/13/2020 at 5:01 PM, SumGuy said: Agree, but people will be people and have an inordinate desire to seek status; alas in the most simplistic terms, looks and money for example. One of the secrets in dating for me was to find people who don't think in terms of leagues (the whole looks and money thing), plenty of them. A set of "filters" that steer those who are all about leagues away, and attract those who find leagues ludicrous. I've pretty much given up on conversations where someone says "How did he/she get him/her? They are clearly out of their league." What a conundrum. Clearly there must be something very off or different here since their theory doesn't fit the experiment. It just couldn't be their theory is wrong, never. I'm not certain I want to educate them, would make just more competition for me. I agree SG, I'm the same. Never even heard of "leagues" until joining forums. I think "leagues" are shallow, sorry if that offends anyone, just my opinion. Looks, money, status, punching above, punching below, why such comparisons? What happened to simply meeting and connecting? Why is this not enough? Does what society think trump that? If there's a mutual attraction, why worry about being "less than" or "better than"? And simply embrace your connection, enjoy and play it out? Apparently, people do, in a thread shortskirts had going, her gf was seriously considering ending things with a man she was dating because she felt she was "out of his league." Or he was out of her league, I've never figured out the correct lingo. Lol She felt beneath him in terms of looks, job, status. What is it? Insecurity? Anxiety? Social pressure? Low self esteem? It just sounds crazy to me. I get it's how it is in today's dating environment, but I truly don't understand it. Edited November 16, 2020 by poppyfields
SumGuy Posted November 16, 2020 Posted November 16, 2020 2 hours ago, poppyfields said: ..... She felt beneath him in terms of looks, job, status. What is it? Insecurity? Anxiety? Social pressure? Low self esteem? It just sounds crazy to me. I get it's how it is in today's dating environment, but I truly don't understand it. It's a transactional, people as objects way of looking at things. Dovetails well with consumerism and advertising that sells you beauty products (and many other products) by convincing you that the way you are is not enough, so buy what we are selling to be good enough or be better than those around you. So certainly a combination of insecurity, anxiety, social pressure, low self esteem, but also buying into this hierarchical view based on mammon . I don't think it is anything new necessarily, but do believe the internet amplifies it. The weird thing is to me that this view never seems to be helping anyone or lead to any good actions. This is better to me... "..... But she said, where'd you wanna go? How much you wanna risk? I'm not lookin' for somebody With some superhuman gifts Some superhero Some fairy-tale bliss Just something I can turn to Somebody I can kiss I want something just like this..." 1
poppyfields Posted November 16, 2020 Posted November 16, 2020 (edited) 27 minutes ago, SumGuy said: This is better to me... "..... But she said, where'd you wanna go? How much you wanna risk? I'm not lookin' for somebody With some superhuman gifts Some superhero Some fairy-tale bliss Just something I can turn to Somebody I can kiss I want something just like this..." Same! Curious who wrote those lyrics SG, I like! I'm being 100% truthful that whenever I have felt a strong attraction, a mutual connection, which was rare but when it happened it was typically mutual, I never once thought about if he was in my league, or was I in his league; I never considered dating in terms like that. I'm not sure if my boyfriends did, the subject never arose, including with my current. I'm not surprised about it though, I remember when I broke up with the doctor, co-workers, and some others were like, WHAT!!! But he's a DOCTOR!!! Lol Yeah, so, big whoop, he was so cerebral, I was bored to near death. The only time he displayed any real emotion was when I ended it. Anyway, thanks SumGuy for summing it up (pun intended). Edited November 16, 2020 by poppyfields
SumGuy Posted November 16, 2020 Posted November 16, 2020 (edited) 16 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Same! Curious who wrote those lyrics SG, I like! .... I know it as a song by The Chainsmokers, "Something Just Like This". Don't know if they wrote it originally. Edited November 16, 2020 by SumGuy
poppyfields Posted November 16, 2020 Posted November 16, 2020 On 11/13/2020 at 3:22 AM, elaine567 said: Yes we can leave it all to chance but it is possible to help it along a bit, by putting oneself into situations where meeting someone may be more likely. Very true but we still can't know if we will connect or what the outcome will be, can't plan that.
poppyfields Posted November 16, 2020 Posted November 16, 2020 3 minutes ago, SumGuy said: I know it as a song by The Chainsmokers, "Something Just Like This". Don't know if they wrote it originally. Tnx, gonna download.....
basil67 Posted November 16, 2020 Posted November 16, 2020 8 hours ago, Mysterio said: Basil. My three male friends have wives that fit in line with how they wanted their lives to be. [snip] They all met their wives when they were out in a social environment and were sort of pushed into each other by other forces. You are responding to my assertion that The Universe doesn't have a plan. Not sure how the above relates, as the "forces" which connected them to each other were good, old fashioned social skills and networking. It's how we all established relationships prior to OLD
basil67 Posted November 16, 2020 Posted November 16, 2020 On 11/15/2020 at 12:37 PM, CLS63AMG said: Was chatting with a cutie starting last week, to the point she would call me every day, our date was set for today, but on our last call two days ago I referred to someone I went to HS with as mentally re-tarded after an accident he had (which is true) and she lost it, said if I said that I must also use the N word and then she abruptly ended the call, we never spoke again. This was after her telling me several times over the preceding days how she was on OLD with no expectations but was so glad we connected, hadn't felt like this in years etc. Bananas. I can understand it being a red flag, but am surprised at it being a dealbreaker. It could have been better if she'd mentioned your use of the word and made a decision based on your response. Example: "I'm so sorry, I have no idea why that word just came out of my mouth. You must think I'm a caveman!" vs "It's just a word. People get too offended these days"
basil67 Posted November 16, 2020 Posted November 16, 2020 8 hours ago, poppyfields said: I agree SG, I'm the same. Never even heard of "leagues" until joining forums. I think "leagues" are shallow, sorry if that offends anyone, just my opinion. Looks, money, status, punching above, punching below, why such comparisons? My daughter was explaining to me how the algorithms on OLD are all about leagues. People who get lots of likes get matched with others who get lots of likes. So OLD itself perpetuates the league thing.
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