Myasylum Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 You know... one reason I didn't want to get divorced is because I knew it would be tough out here... Now here I am and it's far more brutal than I even thought! Not only is it hard just to meet someone as it is, but when you do you have to hope they aren't crazy, or drag all this drama around with them. They say there are millions of fish in the sea... but I don't see any. It's just crazy out there. You start to wonder if it's even worth while at all. Grow out my hair/beard and live my days out in the woods. I guess the trick is not to take anything personally and just move on. Idk? If your not Brad Pitt I feel for ya' all. 5 1
ccas93 Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 lmao, I totally feel your pain, but even if you are the proverbial brad pitt or very good looking it's still tough. Maybe even tougher to actually meet your match, because attractive women these days are usually connected with a million guys trying to get at her via social media and dating apps. Ridiculous amount of competition these days for high quality women, esp in urban areas. 1 1
Author Myasylum Posted November 2, 2020 Author Posted November 2, 2020 Ridiculous amount of competition these days for LOW quality women as well. 3 1
ShyViolet Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 1 hour ago, Myasylum said: It's just crazy out there. You start to wonder if it's even worth while at all. I've come to the conclusion that it's SO not.
Trail Blazer Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 That's life, bro! It's brutal for both sexes. It doesn't matter how good looking you are - you may get a lot of matches, but as many of women can attest to, they struggle to land what they actually want. 2 1
Author Myasylum Posted November 2, 2020 Author Posted November 2, 2020 Is neither sex not trying enough? Are peoples standards just so high that no one seems acceptable anymore? Has the whole world simply gone mad??
CaliforniaGirl Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 10 minutes ago, Myasylum said: Is neither sex not trying enough? Are peoples standards just so high that no one seems acceptable anymore? Has the whole world simply gone mad?? Why don't you explain a little about what you have been experiencing? This is pretty broad. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 I think some people are genuinely happier single than in a couple that feels too compromised. It's more socially acceptable to be single than it ever has been before. I say good for these people for having the courage to be true to themselves. Some people find love later in life and that's ok. I think you get out of dating what you put into it. So far I haven't found anyone I want to live with long term, but I've had some wonderful times and made beautiful memories along the way. 2 1
Miss Spider Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 (edited) 22 minutes ago, Myasylum said: Is neither sex not trying enough? Are peoples standards just so high that no one seems acceptable anymore? Has the whole world simply gone mad?? Yeah there are a lot of reasons to be picky/stay single, but still, people still are pairing up just fine. According to one of your posts, you are 50 years old and you went on a date with a girl who apparently had a class to go to. Not mad at you, but maybe you’d have less problems if you dated someone more mature/closer to your age? Edited November 2, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 3
Maldives Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 (edited) That's why I don't use dating apps anymore and meet people in real life for example I joined a Meetup and met a nice girl so much easier because U don't have to go thru the rigma of building attraction thru text that's so hard. I mean mines not a date but it's so much easier than all that fanfare on dating apps. One thing I really disliked about online dating apps is being ghosted Edited November 2, 2020 by Goodguy05 3
kendahke Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 2 hours ago, Myasylum said: If your not Brad Pitt I feel for ya' all. This is providing the "Brad Pitt" isn't bat-sh*t crazy with a drinking/drug problem and likes to beat up on women. 2 1
kendahke Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 35 minutes ago, Myasylum said: Is neither sex not trying enough? Are peoples standards just so high that no one seems acceptable anymore? Has the whole world simply gone mad?? No. Everyone is on "why-bother-itis". For about half an hour, they thought sigining up for the online dating was a good idea... then after that half hour was up, they decided that whatever it was they were on had passed and it's just something to do to alleviate boredom. That's OLD these days... people aren't obligated to put in effort. 1
Author Myasylum Posted November 2, 2020 Author Posted November 2, 2020 20 minutes ago, kendahke said: This is providing the "Brad Pitt" isn't bat-sh*t crazy with a drinking/drug problem and likes to beat up on women. And yet no one cares... it's still Brad Pitt. And yes Online Dating is terrible. The endless texting over and over again that leads to nothing. 1
SumGuy Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 2 hours ago, Myasylum said: Is neither sex not trying enough? Are peoples standards just so high that no one seems acceptable anymore? Has the whole world simply gone mad?? I would say those who have an entitled mindset we’re always mad. It does seem fairly common but not everyone is that way. Those that are not work at filtering those that are, to get to something real, something that has a chance. 1
MsJayne Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 1 hour ago, Myasylum said: Is neither sex not trying enough? Are peoples standards just so high that no one seems acceptable anymore? Has the whole world simply gone mad?? Yep, a lot of people are quite misguided about what they have to offer in a relationship and they price themselves out of the market. I know a lot of women who are truly deluded. 60 YO girlfriend, once a statuesque blonde goddess, now a wrinkly old lady but convinced that she's still smokin' hot. Has spent the last few years in a sea of dating confusion, unable to understand why "high quality" men, (she wants a doctor, a lawyer, anyone who comes with built-in prestige and a respectable bank balance), aren't beating a path to her door. She looks down her nose at guys who are actually in her league. I think this kind of self-delusion is pretty common behaviour now, whatever a persons age. Back when I was still dating I used to leave the sports car at home and turn up to dates in an old Ford that I own, complete with a few dents and an engine rattle. Why? because I wanted to avoid the kind of men who would think I was beneath them because I was driving the wrong kind of car. And yes, the world has gone barking mad. Narcissism and greed are rampant, and so are appallingly bad manners, and both women and men are guilty. 3 1
Trail Blazer Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, Myasylum said: Is neither sex not trying enough? Are peoples standards just so high that no one seems acceptable anymore? Has the whole world simply gone mad?? There's many online articles and opinion pieces which cover this topic. A Google search will perhaps uncover hours of reading for you to mull over. In my experience, I think that many, many women are just too fussy. The reasons are multifaceted. Very simply, I think that in most places supply for men outstrips demand. Both sexes hope to punch above their weight, however, I think it could be said that women are the only sex out of the two where they somewhat expect to be able to land a guy outside of their league. When most men who want a relationship are happy to engage in sex if a relationship isn't viable - it means that they'll lower their standards to ensure that gratification for fulfulling their sexual needs aren't delayed too much. Don't get me wrong, many women are on OLD just for sex - I've experienced this first-hand. However, women have their choice of men when it comes to OLD; even very average looking women - so, this artificially inflates their own worth. When it comes to choosing someone with whom a woman wishes to have a relationship, many who've previously used OLD just for sex, have becomes accustomed to pulling a certain standard of man. So, when that same standard of man wants to continue having casual sex with women below their league, women cannot understand why they are just getting used for sex. A man will have sex with a woman in a lesser league than he, but he's much less likely to settle down with a woman below his league. Women, on the other hand, value more in men that just their looks. That's because woman's needs are more complex than men's. Whilst a man wants a woman who's attractive, kind, supportive of his goals and doesn't nag the crap out of him, women want more than just eye candy. In fact, what makes a man attractive is way more complex than what makes a woman attractive to a man. A guy can circumvent looks (to some degree) if he's got any combination of money, status, charm, intelligence and the like. No sexes' needs are right or wrong. Both sexes have an equally important part in biology and, so, our wants and needs, whilst shaped by evolutionary biology, are now complicated somewhat by the way in which OLD has changed the dating landscape. When you're swiping past all these profiles, they aren't all on their for the reasons we might hope or think. A lot of men are just on for sex. A lot of women are on there because they're bored and swiping is fun whilst providing them a massive ego boost by having all these guys swipe right on them. Believe me, there are people who are trying. Hwoever, many are just on for their own reasosn first and foremost and really don't care about anyone else at the other end. It has truly become a meat market where not too many people feel like they've benefited from the experience. Edited November 2, 2020 by Trail Blazer 3
SumGuy Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 8 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said: .... Women, on the other hand, value more in men that just their looks. That's because woman's needs are more complex than men's. Whilst a man wants a woman who's attractive, kind, supportive of his goals and doesn't nag the crap out of him, women want more than just eye candy. .... Kind of sounds like a guy wants more than just looks, makes sense. Plenty of women want those same things...a man who is attractive, kind, supportive of her goals, and doesn’t nag the crap out of her. It is far from complex once you get out of your own way, which is usually the hard part.
CaliforniaGirl Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 7 minutes ago, SumGuy said: Kind of sounds like a guy wants more than just looks, makes sense. Plenty of women want those same things...a man who is attractive, kind, supportive of her goals, and doesn’t nag the crap out of her. It is far from complex once you get out of your own way, which is usually the hard part. Of course. Both men and women want a great person that they're attracted to. 1
Trail Blazer Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 34 minutes ago, SumGuy said: Kind of sounds like a guy wants more than just looks, makes sense. Plenty of women want those same things...a man who is attractive, kind, supportive of her goals, and doesn’t nag the crap out of her. It is far from complex once you get out of your own way, which is usually the hard part. When a guy just wants sex, what he wants in a relationship goes on the backburner. Looks don't even matter as much as the desire to find someone quickly becomes priority over things that are prioritized for relationships. When a woman wants sex, she's not going to compromise, at least in the looks department because she simply doesn't have to. She doesn't have to because there is no shortage of men who just want sex. The problem arises when the woman who didn't have to compromise on looks for sex finds that she wants to be in a relationship. She's become accustomed to attracting a certain kind of guy. A guy who, perhaps, compromised looks for the quick gratification of sex. Correct, both sexes' needs are not just contingent upon looks. However, I feel that women's overall standards for looks is very high due to male's pursuit for sex overinflating women's egos. Men, on the other hand are only really attracted to looks when it comes to a relationship, with the other aspects being secondary. However, men are accustomed to dropping their standards for sex, so when a guy chases a woman, he doesn't usually overinflate his value like women do.
Wiseman2 Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 8 hours ago, Myasylum said: I didn't want to get divorced Sounds like you are not ready to date. It's that simple. Jumping into dating with a chip on your shoulder about your divorce is a surefire way to sabotage your chances. 2 1
Blind-Sided Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 (edited) OP.... First... I do understand... but if you feel this way deep inside... you will never find anyone. The reason is... you will just put out a "Sad-Sack" vibe, and you will probably say things that will give a negative feel to the people around you. Not to mention... you can't find someone, or be happy with someone, until you are happy with yourself. With your opening comment... "You know... one reason I didn't want to get divorced is because I knew it would be tough out here"... that's part of your problem also. You have the menial image of a long term, stable relationship, and you probably don't actually want to put out the effort to find someone new. So... while you are saying it's tough... what have you actually done to find someone? Have you looked at yourself in a mirror lately? Do you need to clean up a little? I'm not saying you are dirty... but what do you look like? Do you need a haircut? Do you need a wardrobe change? OK... a little over a year ago... my divorce was final, and I was worried about some of these things. I grabbed a couple of my female friends, and said... "Be honest, and tell me what you think." Both of my close friends said I was fine, and just needed to put on a smile, because no one wants to be around a sad-sack. Because of that... I spent a a bunch of time by myself, to get myself into the right state of mind. (Spent New Year's eve alone) But then... when I was least expecting it... I went on a group outing, and that night was great. It seemed like there was 3 single girls fighting over me. One of those three became my GF, and it has been very nice ever since. Anyway... just do a little self refection... put on a positive persona... and go out and have fun, and don't worry about a night by yourself. Oh... one last thing... with COVID... there are a lot of people staying home. So, don't get down on yourself until this world is back to normal. Edited November 2, 2020 by Blind-Sided 2
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 14 hours ago, Myasylum said: Ridiculous amount of competition these days for LOW quality women as well. What’s your definition of low quality?
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 A lot of people don’t have a realistic view of what they have to offer a partner, and end up trying to date out of their league. 1 1
SumGuy Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 8 hours ago, Trail Blazer said: When a guy just wants sex, ...., he doesn't usually overinflate his value like women do. I'm sure this is accurate for some men and some women. My direct personal experience says otherwise. In my experience men overinflate their value all the time, their ego is incredibly fragile. They think they are in better shape than they are in, they think they are more interesting than they are, they think they are better in bed than they are, they think their contribution ot the relationship is more than it is, they think they are smarter and more important than they are (this is so common there is even a word for it "mansplaining"...I just love that word it describes so much behavior I've seen in L2 meetings, from women as well as men). If she is below his "league" and she doesn't warm to his advances there is something wrong with her....and maybe women in general....which quickly turns into she overinflates her value. Same on OLD or dating in general where men go on and on about how great they are (usually just a list of baseline half-way decent traits) and get hurt and offended when they can't find a woman. Somehow it is always women who are messing up the pre-ordained "natural order" by such actions. Bullocks. If one must use the transactional metaphors of the market, and view the dating world through such a lens, then accept that a persons "value" is whatever the market will bear....value changes all the time, there is no natural order, just supply and demand. If women have such an easy time getting the sex they want then they are not overvaluing themselves at all...that is just the market. Men that get hurt by this somehow want to think this is unfair while saying that is the way it is. If one buys into such market views, it is not unfair, in fact far from it. It is free and open competition with zero barriers to entry....it is far more fair than most markets. It's like complaining your business fails when you have a sub-standard product, that may be hard to use, poor marketing and when customers complain you blame them. Of course your business is going to fail, why shouldn't it? Just to be clear, I think the market analogy (really a transactional analogy) for dating or relationships is a poor one that leads to bad decisions, all the while understanding that many people subscribe to it and appear to take comfort in it. Personally, I have strived my entire life to steer clear of dating those with such a mindset....and invariably have never experienced all those stereotypical awful or confusing things women do. Alas the few times I ignored this is when the stereotypical behavior arose. 4 1
mark clemson Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 (edited) My thought would be, once COVID is over and/or things start normalizing in your area, make yourself as attractive as possible and hit some Meetups. I did this for interest purposes. But it was somewhat amazing to me how some women look at me and it would be like "THAT'S what I'm talking about" in their expression. Then they would see the wedding ring (I never went to these things without it on) and (usually) they would cool down. So meetups, interest groups, and the like are (will become) good places I believe. I think some women who, like you, are burned out on OLD, start trying them. I THINK it would be relatively easy to walk away from a meetup with a phone number and a coffee date or similar scheduled. There is usually small talk/socializing at the start and end. However, women are fussy, so you need to appear as "quality" as much as you can (to get your foot in the door), pick the ones that seem to like you, and have your social skills game going. Edited November 2, 2020 by mark clemson 1
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