I've been stupid and ran away

[RileyG]

39 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Last I checked, certain foreigners (U.S.) are granted an automatic six months visitors Visa/pass.   You still must apply though.  

This was years ago however.  Perhaps someone more knowledgeable who lives there could clarify that.  

 

Indefinate leave to remain allows me to stay for longer, like a resident but without the official citizenship status

[poppyfields]

Hey Riley, are you happy?  I'm curious where you are, when I visit, I'm in Kent and London.  

Is it weird living in a big mansion?  It would be for me! 

You can Google the different terms, eg chips = crisps, quid = coin.  "Playing silly buggers" is one of my favs! 

Many are the same as US though too.  

Took me less than a day.  Your bf will help you too.  

Enjoy! 

Edited November 5, 2020 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

I'm also curious how your bf was able to obtain a work Visa for you.  That's awesome!  Hope you're enjoying your job.  

A few years ago, I started this process but I needed to find the job first, after which the company/ employer obtained the work Visa for me.  It was quite an arduous process to say the least!  I ended up not going. 

Apologies for all the questions; I'm interested in all things British, and you are literally living my dream!   Mansion or no mansion, I'd be happy in a one room flat!  

Edited November 5, 2020 by poppyfields

[RileyG]

2 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Hey Riley, are you happy?  I'm curious where you are, when I visit, I'm in Kent and London.  

Is it weird living in a big mansion?  It would be for me! 

You can Google the different terms, eg chips = crisps, quid = coin.  "Playing silly buggers" is one of my favs! 

Many are the same as US though too.  

Took me less than a day.  Your bf will help you too.  

Enjoy! 

I am extremely happy, I am in the North in a place called Manchester. I wouldn't say its a big mansion. I lived in a 2 bed apartment with my sister. Going to an 8 bed detached house with a small pool is quite strange. We have a cleaner that comes in and she does look down on me because I am some "common yank" who "doesn't deserve the opportunity shes been given"

The language is strange at times. I don't get how offending someone can be seen as nice. I'm just anxious that in some circles I'm seen as an outsider. My fiance comes from a fairly well off family and they are talking about balls and gatherings. I'm just Riley from NY who's idea of vintage wine was it having a cork from the store. Who's most expensive dress is from Walmart. Its strange, anything I want I am getting. 

 

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

I'm also curious how your bf was able to obtain a work Visa for you.  That's awesome!  Hope you're enjoying your job.  

A few years ago, I started this process but I needed to find the job first, after which the company/ employer obtained the work Visa for me.  It was quite an arduous process to say the least!  I ended up not going. 

Apologies for all the questions; I'm interested in all things British, and you are literally living my dream!   Mansion or no mansion, I'd be happy in a one room flat!  

My fiances company gave me a job, they sponsored me for one, my fiance knew someone at the Home Office? who could fast track it and make it happen. 

I'd be happy with my fiance living under a bridge!

[poppyfields]

31 minutes ago, RileyG said:

My fiances company gave me a job, they sponsored me for one, my fiance knew someone at the Home Office? who could fast track it and make it happen. 

That's exactly what I was thinking, but didn't want to post again, thanks for clarifying. 

It all sounds very exciting!  And lol I hear ya re the British wit!  It can be off-putting til you understand it - the sarcasm, self-deprecation, puns and innuendo.  You will catch on.   I find it funny!  

I love the Brits!  My dream was living and working there, but I recently got engaged myself, in the US.  So quite happy here now. 

Why I mentioned the mansion was because that was how you referred to his home in your original post.  Eight bedrooms is still extremely large though!  Wow. 

Pfft re the cleaner thinking of you as a "common yank." I hope your bf stepped up for you.  But I suppose some of the more snobbish Brits do feel that way.  

Will you and your fiance be moving into your own place soon?  Hope so, so you can get out from under, especially the maid.  I'm sorry you have to deal with that!!  Grrr. 

Edited November 5, 2020 by poppyfields

[RileyG]

21 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

That's exactly what I was thinking, but didn't want to post again, thanks for clarifying. 

It all sounds very exciting!  And lol I hear ya re the British wit!  It can be off-putting til you understand it - the sarcasm, self-deprecation, puns and innuendo.  You will catch on.   I find it funny!  

I love the Brits!  My dream was living and working there, but I recently got engaged myself, in the US.  So quite happy here now. 

Why I mentioned the mansion was because that was how you referred to his home in your original post.  Eight bedrooms is still extremely large though!  Wow. 

Pfft re the cleaner thinking of you as a "common yank." I hope your bf stepped up for you.  But I suppose some of the more snobbish Brits do feel that way.  

Will you and your fiance be moving into your own place soon?  Hope so, so you can get out from under, especially the maid.  I'm sorry you have to deal with that!!  Grrr. 

My fiance owns this house, His parents bought it for him, I sit on the edge of couches and and get scared because it is a massive place and I might break something and I can't replace it. Our bedroom was as big as my apartment. I do wonder what he sees in me and why me. He could have had any eligible British chick, why some waitress from NY.

 

Some of the things they call each other like "N   once" and its acceptable?!?  I don't understand it!

 

My boyfriend told the cleaner not to come again and contacted the agency for another. Some of his friends have commented calling me dumb and simple because I was a waitress. We have more channels than DirecTV on our TV, as a "typical yank" as I've been called I should be watching, but I do enjoy a good board game or chess game.

[RileyG]

When the cleaner told me I was a "typical yank" and a "common yank" it did make me question why my fiance picked me of all people as I say. I'm Riley from NY nothing special.

[Trail Blazer]

@RileyG I'd consider myself a well-travelled man and there's definitely this apprehension from people outside of the U.S. about Americans.  In my opinion, most (westerners) respect America for mighty country that it is, but many aren't overly enamored by much of U.S. culture or many of its inhabitants.

In my own experience, I've never found anything personally untoward, but there is definitely some feeling you get that Americans are seen as aloof but engaging when it suits (usually to gloat about how good America is), culturally dim-witted and wilfully ignorant of the world beyond their shores.

I wouldn't worry about what others think.  Jealousy is a curse.  I suggest you start believing in yourself more and convince yourself that you deserve your unbelievable luck in life.  "Haters gonna hate" as they say.  All that matters is that your fiancè has your back!

Edited November 5, 2020 by Trail Blazer

[basil67]

33 minutes ago, RileyG said:

My boyfriend told the cleaner not to come again and contacted the agency for another. Some of his friends have commented calling me dumb and simple because I was a waitress. We have more channels than DirecTV on our TV, as a "typical yank" as I've been called I should be watching, but I do enjoy a good board game or chess game.

Did his friends tell you this to your face?   What has your boyfriend done about it?

[RileyG]

10 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

@RileyG I'd consider myself a well-travelled man and there's definitely this apprehension from people outside of the U.S. about Americans.  In my opinion, most (westerners) respect America for mighty country that it is, but many aren't overly enamored by much of U.S. culture or many of its inhabitants.

In my own experience, I've never found anything personally untoward, but there is definitely some feeling you get that Americans are seen as aloof but engaging when it suits (usually to gloat about how good America is), culturally dim-witted and wilfully ignorant of the world beyond their shores.

I wouldn't worry about what others think.  Jealousy is a curse.  I suggest you start believing in yourself more and convince yourself that you deserve your unbelievable luck in life.  "Haters gonna hate" as they say.  All that matters is that your fiancè has your back!

I have found in the UK alot of Brits think US citizens as "idiots" because of the current president. I got called a red neck by someone in a Tesco store. I educated them on what a "red neck" is

 

I just need to figure out why me,  I must be special somehow. 

6 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Did his friends tell you this to your face?   What has your boyfriend done about it?

He told them until they apologize to me and they mean it they are not his friend he followed it up with, "actually I pick Riley over you. Do not contact us again" 

[Timshel]

'England is the most class-ridden country under the sun. It is a land of snobbery and privilege, ruled largely by the old and the silly.'  George Orwell

It is a country where a homeless pauper with blue blood will be held in higher esteem than a middle (working) class millionaire.  They do still have the colonist monarchy.

It would be difficult as an American to advise the social nuances of the U.K., it's a real thing. 

Take advisement from your fiance regarding his social circle but never feel less than Riley, adapt certainly, and educate yourself of the culture in which you live.

Edited November 5, 2020 by Timshel

[SincereOnlineGuy]

25 minutes ago, RileyG said:

 I do wonder what he sees in me and why me. He could have had any eligible British chick, why some waitress from NY.

 

Based on your own independent assessment of your being 'content' and happy with your setting...

 

I cannot emphasize enough that you just recognize that your own uniqueness stands-out differently there  (and thus seems even more appealing)  than it would if you were on Flatbush Avenue.  (er, well, ...  maybe I should use  "in Manhattan" instead?)

 

BUT it can be darn tough for you to recognize your own appeal and focus on your future together, without thinking YOU should be somehow deciding for him  that you aren't worthy.

 

If you went to a website and looked at porn in 2020 right now...    you'd find an assortment in modern times that Al Bundy's old copy of "Big'uns" magazine could not even hope to match.

There is understanding to be drawn from that, in an age where you can turn on your computer and find uniqueness in every form  from literally all over the world  like never before, and while indeed you are perhaps but one drop of water in the Pacific Ocean (as a person, among people)...  if we scooped you out with an eye-dropper, and put you in The Atlantic Ocean...

 

You could easily be filled with micro-organisms seldom found in the Atlantic, and SO unique-seeming as a result.

That represents your uniqueness in his environs.   Now all you have to do, is be yourSELF and toe the line, only for as long as YOU are happy to be there.

 

Even IF he is quite a privileged individual who can basically have whatever he wants...   SOMEbody somewhere has to BE the seemingly-fortunate person he wishes to pursue as a life partner.

 

What if your name was Bessie Wallis Warfield  and you were from Baltimore.   Does that sound random  enough to seem an example somehow parallel to you?

 

The script continues with you marrying for the first time at age 20.   By the time you're 29 you are separated and headed for divorce.

Soon after age 32, you marry a man who divorced his own wife to marry you.

 

Before you are age 40, you meet the Prince of Wales and take up an affair with him... eventually leaving your husband to become his mistress.   The Prince of Wales becomes the King of England (and all hell breaks loose because you are twice-divorced).

The King of England leaves his throne to commit to you.

 

Now this isn't about the lacking values of Bessie Wallis Warfield.   It is about her randomness and how completely far-fetched it was that she lived that life...

 

The chances that they would remain together for 35 years are somewhat unfathomable.

 

But somewhere in that you can recognize your randomness as an American woman in England, and perhaps a core understanding (made mostly in hindsight) that Wallis Simpson  did on some level have similar relationship wishes to many of us.

 

SO you just owe it to yourself to continue to be yourself  and evolve forward with your focus on your relationship and the inner rewards it brings to you.

 

Stop with the self-doubt.

(if he treats you poorly, then come back to LS and grumble about that all you want -  but don't effectively break up with yourself  on his behalf)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[RileyG]

I know, I know. I am just a natural worrier.

[poppyfields]

23 minutes ago, RileyG said:

I know, I know. I am just a natural worrier.

Riley, you have a special connection with him, that's why he chose you.  Please stop seeing yourself as "just a waitress" from NY who shops at Walmart.  You are so much more than that!  

My guess is he is so used to high society upper crust snooty Britsh women and finds you refreshing and adorable!  

Watch the movie "Kate and Leopold," you wil love it!  Also watch "Pretty Woman."  

You found your prince Riley, almost literally.   Embrace and enjoy, the world is your oyster! 

Edited November 5, 2020 by poppyfields

[RileyG]

9 hours ago, poppyfields said:

Riley, you have a special connection with him, that's why he chose you.  Please stop seeing yourself as "just a waitress" from NY who shops at Walmart.  You are so much more than that!  

My guess is he is so used to high society upper crust snooty Britsh women and finds you refreshing and adorable!  

Watch the movie "Kate and Leopold," you wil love it!  Also watch "Pretty Woman."  

You found your prince Riley, almost literally.   Embrace and enjoy, the world is your oyster! 

That's all I was though. I know I should see myself as something better, I remember one of our first dates. I offered to cook for him at my apartment, I didn't have a lot of money, I got the ingredients from work, the cook was going to throw them out as had that days use by on them. I did let slip to him and he said I should worry the food was good but the company is better.

 

Some of the people he knows from school are totally up themselves. My fiance says that ALOT and he is nothing like them. He is so different and just so laid back. Last year when I come over I was at an event with him and everyone was telling me what to do, where to stand, being told to go home if I can't keep up. My fiance saw it was upsetting me (because they were being nasty) and he said to leave off me and asked what I would like to do. I said "I'd like a sit down and a drink, everything is going so quick" and within a minute I had a drink and was sat down with my fiance. He also used to meet me after work (when we wasn't doing anything after I got off work) he would insist on walking me back to my apartment, Even though it was a long way away from his hotel. He did that every time we wasn't doing something (Which wasn't often). 

 

I remember one time I said "I've never ordered room service". We ordered room service. Also never had breakfast in bed as much as I have since being with my fiance. He tells me I'm his princess and he will treat me as one.

 

But I always have a niggling doubt if you get me?

[SincereOnlineGuy]

You are like the woman on the internet who is trying to appeal to (whoever 'tips' her the most).

 

She draws attention for just being herself... but she simultaneously lets herself derive the message:   "I need to change, to be/seem like more of these other girls"

 

SO she cuts her hair, does her make-up differently, and then no longer stands-out  (which drew most of the attention anyway).

 

Blending-IN is great...   if you are in grade four...  or grade nine...   (and don't want to be mercilessly teased)

 

But beyond that, you should just take the handoff and run straight up the middle as was your original design.

 

 

[Wiseman2]

Have you seen "My Fair Lady"? there's plenty of interesting humor about British English.

[RileyG]

I was just describing how I feel. Sorry I'll be quiet.

[elaine567]

23 hours ago, RileyG said:

I have found in the UK alot of Brits think US citizens as "idiots" because of the current president.

No, nothing to do with Trump, the Brits have always seen Americans in general as  being a bit "idiotic".

[Miss Spider]

^lol 

[RileyG]

Some Brits aren't too bright themself.

[poppyfields]

18 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Brits have always seen Americans in general as  being a bit "idiotic".

I'm envisioning a Brit saying this, and I'm chucking. Lol   I never sensed they meant it,  it's their dry sarcastic wit that may seem like an insult but not really.   

The Brits I know all have quite a high regard for Americans.  

It's often (not always) just their weird humor, takes a bit getting used to.  

For me, being born and raised in NY, it's not much different!  

Edited November 6, 2020 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

9 minutes ago, RileyG said:

Some Brits aren't too bright themself.

Some "people" aren't too bright themselves.  

[RileyG]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

Some "people" aren't too bright themselves.  

What do you mean?

[poppyfields]

4 minutes ago, RileyG said:

What do you mean?

That every nation has its share of "not so bright" people.  Americans, Brits, Italians, Spanish, etc there are stupid people all over the world. 

Edited November 6, 2020 by poppyfields