schlumpy Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 As difficult as it will be, I think you have no choice but to turn this matter over to the police. What has been done to you is illegal in many states in the US and I'm wondering is some international law has been violated as well. You have the chance of a lifetime. You have won the lottery. Don't let someone snatch that away without fighting back. I doesn't matter that you feel you don't deserve it. Your fiancée thinks you do. Show him that he can trust you and allow him show that you can trust him.
Wiseman2 Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 4 minutes ago, schlumpy said: As difficult as it will be, I think you have no choice but to turn this matter over to the police. Then the fiance will have to leave her behind in the states for several months as a complaining witness with no forensics and no ID because they where allegedly disguised as cops and that is purportedly why she's "afraid" of cops and why she is hiding out away from the fiance.. What else could the guy say upon hearing that?
Mystery4me Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 @RileyG How exactly did he 'get you a work permit'? I know a bit about immigration to the UK and you don't just 'get someone a work permit'. What is your exact status in the UK? Did you obtain a visa before arriving? Which one? Or did you enter as a tourist? 3
Author RileyG Posted November 2, 2020 Author Posted November 2, 2020 My life has been full of conflict and people looking down on me and thinking the worst. I needed space to figure out what is happening. I've not been been the best person I could have been. I've been homeless, nearly turned to narcotics. My Mom always taught me in a round about way to run. I'm not in any legal trouble. I have the permits for the UK. I've spoken with my fiance. He is going to pick me up from the hotel. He has already said he isn't angry at me. He just wants to understand what is happening.
Wiseman2 Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 (edited) 7 minutes ago, RileyG said: I've been homeless, nearly turned to narcotics. I've spoken with my fiance. He is going to pick me up from the hotel. He has already said he isn't angry at me. He just wants to understand what is happening. Ok. This time it's time to be honest with him. If you're still in trouble with or worried about drugs, drinking, homelessness, etc. be honest. Running indicates hiding from the truth. So what are you really afraid of? For example why are you hiding in a hotel? Edited November 2, 2020 by Wiseman2
Author RileyG Posted November 2, 2020 Author Posted November 2, 2020 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: Ok. This time it's time to be honest with him. If you're still in trouble with or worried about drugs, drinking, homelessness, etc. be honest. Running indicates hiding from the truth. So what are you really afraid of? My fiance believing whoever sent this and it resulting me being put on a plane back to New York.
Wiseman2 Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 3 minutes ago, RileyG said: My fiance believing whoever sent this and it resulting me being put on a plane back to New York. Who "put you on a plane back to NY"? Are you in a hotel in NY where you live? Where is the fiance? What exactly did this mystery ( maybe ex) person send or imply? First you claimed they were compromising pics? Don't you know who took these pics? 1
schlumpy Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 2 minutes ago, RileyG said: My fiance believing whoever sent this and it resulting me being put on a plane back to New York. You have to make a decision Riley. Is that you in those videos, pictures and words? Is that who you are and will always be? Everyone has a past where things were said and done that do not reflect who they are today. They made a decision not to be that person. You can do that also. May I make a suggestion? After this is all over and what will happen has happened, please consider finding a counselor that can help you build-up your sense of self-worth, so that you don't run. Regardless of the outcome of this event, you will need to be your own person in life.
Author RileyG Posted November 2, 2020 Author Posted November 2, 2020 4 minutes ago, schlumpy said: You have to make a decision Riley. Is that you in those videos, pictures and words? Is that who you are and will always be? Everyone has a past where things were said and done that do not reflect who they are today. They made a decision not to be that person. You can do that also. May I make a suggestion? After this is all over and what will happen has happened, please consider finding a counselor that can help you build-up your sense of self-worth, so that you don't run. Regardless of the outcome of this event, you will need to be your own person in life. It was the old broken me. Its not me now. I know coming to the UK has been the best decision I have ever made. I need to get out of the thought process my Mom taught me of running away.
Author RileyG Posted November 2, 2020 Author Posted November 2, 2020 2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Who "put you on a plane back to NY"? Are you in a hotel in NY where you live? Where is the fiance? What exactly did this mystery ( maybe ex) person send or imply? First you claimed they were compromising pics? Don't you know who took these pics? No I'm not in NY I am still in the UK. I was saying worst case scenario is my boyfriend tells me to go back to NY. I have checked out of the hotel. Waiting for my fiance now
d0nnivain Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 5 hours ago, RileyG said: I've spoken with my fiance. He is going to pick me up from the hotel. He has already said he isn't angry at me. He just wants to understand what is happening. 2 hours ago, RileyG said: I have checked out of the hotel. Waiting for my fiance now The pictures & the posts about your past will not irreparably damage your relationship. You running away & refusing to talk to him will cause him untold pain. Stop hurting him. If you want a sustainable mature relationship talk to him. He is your support system. You running away is you rejecting him, his love & his support. That will make him feel like s***, like you don't trust him. The emails about your past were nothing. The idiotic way you handled this is fundamentally damaging to your relationship. You are the problem in the present, not your past. I'm glad you are talking to him again. That is the only thing that will help. 2
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 (edited) 23 hours ago, RileyG said: I think I've been really stupid and need some help. Background I was 26, When all this started 28 now. I was a drifter living with my sister and no real prospects. Last year, I was working in a bar/restaurant in Manhattan when this British guy walks in (We don't get visitors to NYC) we get talking and my boss tells me I need to attend to other customers, The guy stays to the end of the night and I go over and talk to him. He offers to buy me a drink, I say okay and know somewhere we go off and we are getting along really well. We get to know each other on walk to the bar. We have a really good time. The bar was closing, He said what would I like to do now. We ended up (by my suggestion! not his) back in hotel room, drinking out of the mini bar and I did end up making out and we engaged in other passions. Things took off from there, He was working over in New York for his work. We were going steady. and it was a lot of fun. He felt like the love of my life. It was just so right if you understand? Whilst he was back in the UK I really missed him. He turned up at the bar unexpectedly and I was over the moon. He was leaving for the UK. We were on what I thought I was our final date and we were only going to see each other on skype and the odd trip over, we'd be a long distance relationship. We were in Central Park on a horse ride, I was savoring the time together as I knew I'd be soon at the airport seeing him off for I don't know how long. He just randomly said "Come with me Riley the Impulsive". I said yes without a second thought. I lived with my sister. We had money. I spoke to my sister who said to listen to my heart. Next thing I knew I was packing a bag and he booked me a ticket. The flight was magical. I have never flown first class but it was a great start to my new life. We got to his house and it was a mansion. He treated me like a princess. I decided to stay on and my boyfriend got me a work permit and I actually have been really settled. I have a good job. I am happy. We are still very much in love. Last week was our "Riley moving to the UK" anniversary and my boyfriend (now fiance) asked me to marry him. We announced it on Facebook. Some of my high school friends were shocked telling me I had rushed in to it and I was dating above my weight. My fiance got a series of messages, some had pictures of me in compromising positions, (before I got with him) but they have made it out to whilst we were dating, They also said I'm a "regular down the family planning center". My fiance knows I have had an abortion after being raped. I packed a bag and I've ran away. My fiance has been texting, asking me to go back. He wants to talk, I've been hiding in this hotel. I don't know what to do. I have until Wednesday at the latest as the UK enters a new lockdown and I'll need to be on the last flights to get back to NY. I'm scared to talk to my fiance in case he gets really angry at me (He has never before) and I am stuck for the month with him being miserable. I don't know what to do. I've been perfectly honest with my fiance (he knows about my past. Knows about my abortion, the circumstances behind it and how I've got my life on track). All he said was we needed to report it to the police. The only thing I have kept from my fiance is my attacker was dressed as an LEO, identified himself as one whilst another "kept lookout". Ever since then I've been scared of the police. I know all the police are not bad however I do not wish to deal with them. My mind is going so fast. I just need calming down and to talk my thoughts through. First thing I want is a break-down by gender of "some of your high school friends" (who said you were dating above your weight). I'm guessing a large subset of males who would rather be banging you. I can barely understand why a logically-thinking you would even hesitate from this point. You seem to be in another world far from anybody who every really knew you before... SO... there would be nobody around who could even point and laugh and tell stories behind your back (or whatever the concern is here) You're already there (in UK)... so it should be splendidly easy to STAY there. This guy seems to be entirely sincere... and the impulsive part of you already jumped onto the merry-go-round. So now it's time to tow the line and stay the course. Tell him truth, and ONLY TRUTH... and tell him precisely how YOU feel (about friends back home betraying you) (huge probability it being MALEs back home). And then move on with your shared UK life. (but stop threatening to waste such an awesome beginning now two years after you took that chance) Edited November 2, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author RileyG Posted November 2, 2020 Author Posted November 2, 2020 This is true. We talked and my fiance wasn't angry. We are talking about things as he wants to help. 2
Ellener Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 I am so sorry you got hurt @RileyG You will probably be eligible for political asylum status to stay in the UK. The US government has so far refused to accept the Covid-19 crisis and globally has the largest number of pandemic deaths, here is what political asylum in the UK is defined https://www.gov.uk/claim-asylum If your boyfriend marries you you will become a UK citizen. 1
Miss Spider Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 8 minutes ago, RileyG said: This is true. We talked and my fiance wasn't angry. We are talking about things as he wants to help. Glad to hear that. I thought so. Also, I am sorry some people marginalized your problems here earlier. That is not characteristic of our community. 1
Tigrael Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 22 minutes ago, Ellener said: I am so sorry you got hurt @RileyG You will probably be eligible for political asylum status to stay in the UK. The US government has so far refused to accept the Covid-19 crisis and globally has the largest number of pandemic deaths, here is what political asylum in the UK is defined https://www.gov.uk/claim-asylum If your boyfriend marries you you will become a UK citizen. This is terrible and incorrect advice. OP is not eligible for asylum status in the UK due to Covid. She can go back without a fear of persecution, no idea where you got that idea from. And just marrying her boyfriend will NOT make her a UK citizen. There are a number of other factors involved that need to be fulfilled, as well as a number of years. Do not give incorrect advice about something you have no knowledge about. I am curious though OP, what is your status in the UK? What visa/work permit do you have? 1
Author RileyG Posted November 2, 2020 Author Posted November 2, 2020 1 hour ago, Ellener said: I am so sorry you got hurt @RileyG You will probably be eligible for political asylum status to stay in the UK. The US government has so far refused to accept the Covid-19 crisis and globally has the largest number of pandemic deaths, here is what political asylum in the UK is defined https://www.gov.uk/claim-asylum If your boyfriend marries you you will become a UK citizen. Why would I claim asylum? They wouldn't me surely?
Author RileyG Posted November 3, 2020 Author Posted November 3, 2020 I checked with my boyfriend, he says I don't need to claim asylum as I have work permits and I'm on something called the "two year route". I know I've had a bad time back in NY but I don't think its asylum level.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 3, 2020 Posted November 3, 2020 Is there something in your past you haven't' shared with your fiancé? Something that you fear will end your relaitonship? I'm a bit confused about the whole story. 3
Author RileyG Posted November 3, 2020 Author Posted November 3, 2020 7 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Is there something in your past you haven't' shared with your fiancé? Something that you fear will end your relaitonship? I'm a bit confused about the whole story. I'm scared of being abandoned as these pictures/videos, Some were taken without my knowledge and I don't know how many of them are out there.
Trail Blazer Posted November 3, 2020 Posted November 3, 2020 46 minutes ago, RileyG said: I'm scared of being abandoned as these pictures/videos, Some were taken without my knowledge and I don't know how many of them are out there. Why do you think he would abandon you? Where's the logic in thinking that?
Trail Blazer Posted November 3, 2020 Posted November 3, 2020 12 hours ago, SincereOnlineGuy said: You're already there (in UK)... so it should be splendidly easy to STAY there. Way off-topic, but this paragraph reminded me of the Netflix series The Haunting of Bly Manor. The little English girl, Flora, would describe everything as "perfectly splendid."
Author RileyG Posted November 3, 2020 Author Posted November 3, 2020 12 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said: Why do you think he would abandon you? Where's the logic in thinking that? People have always left me.
Trail Blazer Posted November 3, 2020 Posted November 3, 2020 19 minutes ago, RileyG said: People have always left me. Have you considered therapy? You have abandonment issues which are causing you to behave in a dysfunctional and illogical manner. You do not want to jeopardize the relationship you have with this fantastic man. However, your behavior could see you realize a self-fulfilling prophecy if you push him away instead of communicating issues. 1 2
Wiseman2 Posted November 3, 2020 Posted November 3, 2020 1 hour ago, RileyG said: I'm scared of being abandoned as these pictures/videos, Some were taken without my knowledge and I don't know how many of them are out there. Didn't you resolve this when "someone"sent them to him?
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