RileyG Posted November 1, 2020 Posted November 1, 2020 I think I've been really stupid and need some help. Background I was 26, When all this started 28 now. I was a drifter living with my sister and no real prospects. Last year, I was working in a bar/restaurant in Manhattan when this British guy walks in (We don't get visitors to NYC) we get talking and my boss tells me I need to attend to other customers, The guy stays to the end of the night and I go over and talk to him. He offers to buy me a drink, I say okay and know somewhere we go off and we are getting along really well. We get to know each other on walk to the bar. We have a really good time. The bar was closing, He said what would I like to do now. We ended up (by my suggestion! not his) back in hotel room, drinking out of the mini bar and I did end up making out and we engaged in other passions. Things took off from there, He was working over in New York for his work. We were going steady. and it was a lot of fun. He felt like the love of my life. It was just so right if you understand? Whilst he was back in the UK I really missed him. He turned up at the bar unexpectedly and I was over the moon. He was leaving for the UK. We were on what I thought I was our final date and we were only going to see each other on skype and the odd trip over, we'd be a long distance relationship. We were in Central Park on a horse ride, I was savoring the time together as I knew I'd be soon at the airport seeing him off for I don't know how long. He just randomly said "Come with me Riley the Impulsive". I said yes without a second thought. I lived with my sister. We had money. I spoke to my sister who said to listen to my heart. Next thing I knew I was packing a bag and he booked me a ticket. The flight was magical. I have never flown first class but it was a great start to my new life. We got to his house and it was a mansion. He treated me like a princess. I decided to stay on and my boyfriend got me a work permit and I actually have been really settled. I have a good job. I am happy. We are still very much in love. Last week was our "Riley moving to the UK" anniversary and my boyfriend (now fiance) asked me to marry him. We announced it on Facebook. Some of my high school friends were shocked telling me I had rushed in to it and I was dating above my weight. My fiance got a series of messages, some had pictures of me in compromising positions, (before I got with him) but they have made it out to whilst we were dating, They also said I'm a "regular down the family planning center". My fiance knows I have had an abortion after being raped. I packed a bag and I've ran away. My fiance has been texting, asking me to go back. He wants to talk, I've been hiding in this hotel. I don't know what to do. I have until Wednesday at the latest as the UK enters a new lockdown and I'll need to be on the last flights to get back to NY. I'm scared to talk to my fiance in case he gets really angry at me (He has never before) and I am stuck for the month with him being miserable. I don't know what to do. I've been perfectly honest with my fiance (he knows about my past. Knows about my abortion, the circumstances behind it and how I've got my life on track). All he said was we needed to report it to the police. The only thing I have kept from my fiance is my attacker was dressed as an LEO, identified himself as one whilst another "kept lookout". Ever since then I've been scared of the police. I know all the police are not bad however I do not wish to deal with them. My mind is going so fast. I just need calming down and to talk my thoughts through. 1
basil67 Posted November 1, 2020 Posted November 1, 2020 I'm so sorry this happened to you. You don't need to go to the police about any of this. Just give your social media a rethink. Do you know who sent the pictures and gossip to your fiance? If so, block and delete them. Then block and delete any friends you have in common with them. Also, block and delete your old school friends who were rude. Only keep keep the friends who are solid in their support of you and who you trust not to gossip. Then go back to your fiance and let him help you. 3
Author RileyG Posted November 1, 2020 Author Posted November 1, 2020 I'm petrified at how my fiance will react, He has been lovely so far. I'm scared he will be angry for me not telling him about the reason I don't like law enforcement. When I explained what happened he said I can tell him at my own pace. I'd much prefer to do the few communication via text. Is that wrong of me?
d0nnivain Posted November 1, 2020 Posted November 1, 2020 Whey did you run away from your FI? He knew most of it & was supporting you. Go back to him apologize & learn to spot an ally when you have one 3
schlumpy Posted November 1, 2020 Posted November 1, 2020 Looks like some of your friends are jealous and are determined that you not leave the reservation of misfits. It has always been a fantasy that friends will be happy for your success. I recommend you cut ties with anyone from your past life. Ghost all of them.
spiderowl Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 Your fiancé sounds loving and supportive. What is the worst that could happen if you spoke with him? If he judges you, that would be unfair and show him in a different light. You know you need to talk to him. Running away achieves nothing. At worst, you could end up having to return home. At best, he is worried about you and afraid of losing you. All the indications are that your fiancé cares about you and probably has some questions about the relationship photos and who sent them. You have already been honest with him so he would only be trying to make sense of this latest development. It sounds as if he loves you. If so, he will want to understand and to protect you. Give him chance to show how he deals with this. He wants to talk to you; he hasn’t abandoned you. 2
ShyViolet Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 The fact that your fiancé texted you asking you to come back and wants to talk to you is a good sign. Why don't you talk to him? It sounds like he will probably be understanding about this.
Miss Spider Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 (edited) Wow. How would they get those pictures. That is against the law. Awful. I’m so sorry that this happened to you. Stay calm. Go back and explain everything. If he loves you he will trust you and you both can move forward. Edited November 2, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes
Author RileyG Posted November 2, 2020 Author Posted November 2, 2020 8 hours ago, d0nnivain said: Whey did you run away from your FI? He knew most of it & was supporting you. Go back to him apologize & learn to spot an ally when you have one Its all I've ever known, from Mom running away from Dad. He is my world and I hope he doesn't think anything bad about me. 8 hours ago, schlumpy said: Looks like some of your friends are jealous and are determined that you not leave the reservation of misfits. It has always been a fantasy that friends will be happy for your success. I recommend you cut ties with anyone from your past life. Ghost all of them. One or two have been really supportive. The rest not so, My ex's are poisonous as well. I see the comment of "rags to riches" and I am a gold digger. I am not I said to my fiance I am willing to sign anything he wanted me to so I couldn't get any of his money. My finance said it was not required. Some love to tell me I am "trailer trash" and I don't deserve what I have and I should realize my fiance will get bored of me when he learns how uneducated I am. I admit I don't know full culture or anything. He has said he loves it when we've been out at dinner and I've just been me. 6 hours ago, spiderowl said: Your fiancé sounds loving and supportive. What is the worst that could happen if you spoke with him? If he judges you, that would be unfair and show him in a different light. You know you need to talk to him. Running away achieves nothing. At worst, you could end up having to return home. At best, he is worried about you and afraid of losing you. All the indications are that your fiancé cares about you and probably has some questions about the relationship photos and who sent them. You have already been honest with him so he would only be trying to make sense of this latest development. It sounds as if he loves you. If so, he will want to understand and to protect you. Give him chance to show how he deals with this. He wants to talk to you; he hasn’t abandoned you. The worst that could happen in my mind would be he gets me a flight ticket back to New York. I consider where I am now home. I know I need to talk. He has always cared about me and protected me. I'm just really scared. As more has happened since my post 3 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Wow. How would they get those pictures. That is against the law. Awful. I’m so sorry that this happened to you. Stay calm. Go back and explain everything. If he loves you he will trust you and you both can move forward. My ex will have sent my friends from back home the photos and all the details. As he saw me as a conquest. However today I received a picture of our house saying they can get me at anytime. All my UK friends received it (We have a lot of mutual close friends) and they have been supportive to. My fiance has said he wants to protect me. He wants me home. I'm just petrified about how my boyfriend will react to the threats. Especially last night. I haven't given any of my friends back home my UK address. 1
Wiseman2 Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 10 hours ago, RileyG said: . I'd much prefer to do the few communication via text. Is that wrong of me? If you want to lose him, yeah, just text after running off.
spiderowl Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 These so-called ‘friends’ of yours who sent the pics and made threats are anything but! Any decent fiancé would want to protect you. These people are obviously jealous and trolling you. Your fiancé may want to involve the police; this is something you can discuss with him. Please contact him; he sounds kind.
Author RileyG Posted November 2, 2020 Author Posted November 2, 2020 15 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: If you want to lose him, yeah, just text after running off. I'm too ashamed of what is happening to him 11 minutes ago, spiderowl said: These so-called ‘friends’ of yours who sent the pics and made threats are anything but! Any decent fiancé would want to protect you. These people are obviously jealous and trolling you. Your fiancé may want to involve the police; this is something you can discuss with him. Please contact him; he sounds kind. I don't understand why. Why is it so bad I am happy?
Trail Blazer Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 It sounds like your fiancè is the best thing that has ever happened to you. Now you have the chance to really test that. If he really does love you (not that you have any reason to doubt it), he will want to do whatever it takes to help you through this ordeal. I know how much I love my girlfriend of one year. I remember the first date we went on and just how special it felt. We haven't missed a beat. Sometimes people are just made for one another. If this sounds like you and your fiamcè, you must go back home and talk to him. 1
Wiseman2 Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 29 minutes ago, RileyG said: I'm too ashamed of what is happening to him I don't understand why. Why is it so bad I am happy? How did there "people" who supposedly blackmailed you get his name and contact info? There's too much missing from this story. It's not about fear of police, is it? 1
Author RileyG Posted November 2, 2020 Author Posted November 2, 2020 15 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said: It sounds like your fiancè is the best thing that has ever happened to you. Now you have the chance to really test that. If he really does love you (not that you have any reason to doubt it), he will want to do whatever it takes to help you through this ordeal. I know how much I love my girlfriend of one year. I remember the first date we went on and just how special it felt. We haven't missed a beat. Sometimes people are just made for one another. If this sounds like you and your fiamcè, you must go back home and talk to him. He is, I know he would do anything for me. Last year I was earning minimum wage living with my sister who didn't really want me living with her. I love my fiance a lot. I remember our first proper date, like it was yesterday. He took me to the Statue of Liberty and for the best New York Strip! We was walking past a store. I said a teddy bear looked cute and he bought it for me. Still remember the date like its happening right now.
Author RileyG Posted November 2, 2020 Author Posted November 2, 2020 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: How did there "people" who supposedly blackmailed you get his name and contact info? There's too much missing from this story. It's not about fear of police, is it? If you knew his name (Which is on my facebook) you can easily trace him as the UK publishes something called the electoral role.
Wiseman2 Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 2 minutes ago, RileyG said: If you knew his name (Which is on my facebook) you can easily trace him as the UK publishes something called the electoral role. Who and why would people be blackmailing you? 1
Trail Blazer Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 3 minutes ago, RileyG said: He is, I know he would do anything for me. Last year I was earning minimum wage living with my sister who didn't really want me living with her. I love my fiance a lot. I remember our first proper date, like it was yesterday. He took me to the Statue of Liberty and for the best New York Strip! We was walking past a store. I said a teddy bear looked cute and he bought it for me. Still remember the date like its happening right now. That's all great. Now, please go back home and talk to him. He's extremely worried about you.
Author RileyG Posted November 2, 2020 Author Posted November 2, 2020 5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Who and why would people be blackmailing you? Possibly my ex. He always wanted me back and has said he wouldn't stop at anything to achieve that.
Wiseman2 Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 2 minutes ago, RileyG said: Possibly my ex. He always wanted me back and has said he wouldn't stop at anything to achieve that. So this has nothing to do with the police story and more to do with some sort of revenge porn and unresolved feelings about an abusive ex. Why would your ex have access to your social media? 2
Author RileyG Posted November 2, 2020 Author Posted November 2, 2020 6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: So this has nothing to do with the police story and more to do with some sort of revenge porn and unresolved feelings about an abusive ex. Why would your ex have access to your social media? My fiance wants to go to the police. I don't want to as I said. He doesn't as far as I am aware.
Wiseman2 Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 5 minutes ago, RileyG said: My fiance wants to go to the police. I don't want to as I said. He doesn't as far as I am aware. It's none of your now estranged BFs business. Furthermore you didn't go to an ER or have any forensics done. This has nothing to do with the police story. It has to do with whatever revenge porn was sent to your now estranged BF and your embarrassment about that. It's weird he is willing to talk and work it out, but you're not. Something doesn't add up here 3
Author RileyG Posted November 2, 2020 Author Posted November 2, 2020 10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: It's none of your now estranged BFs business. Furthermore you didn't go to an ER or have any forensics done. This has nothing to do with the police story. It has to do with whatever revenge porn was sent to your now estranged BF and your embarrassment about that. It's weird he is willing to talk and work it out, but you're not. Something doesn't add up here My current fiance was sent it, by I suspect my ex.
Wiseman2 Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 5 minutes ago, RileyG said: My current fiance was sent it You ran away from him so now he's your estranged BF, not your fiance. You are missing the point. You never followed up on your situation forensically and that is your and only your decision. You still don't know why or how your now-estranged former fiance got sent this. How does this add up to you? Why are you hiding from him and what is the real reason? Are you in any sort of legal trouble or are you afraid of your abusive ex?
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