Trail Blazer Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 @leeali do you make it clear from the beginning to the men which you date that you only want to be friends? 1
Wiseman2 Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 If you think he's being deceptive or moving too fast stop going out with him. Dating is a what you see is what you get situation. It's not a therapy session. It's not to fix lecture or change anyone. No one is telling you to hop into bed with anyone. You don't seem ready to date if you have to lecture. And all that lecturing is based on your past and your mistakes and your fears. It's going to be hard to find decent men carrying around this much baggage.
Author leeali Posted November 2, 2020 Author Posted November 2, 2020 8 hours ago, Trail Blazer said: @leeali do you make it clear from the beginning to the men which you date that you only want to be friends? I don’t want to be just friends. I just don’t want to jump into things to quickly
Trail Blazer Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 26 minutes ago, leeali said: I don’t want to be just friends. I just don’t want to jump into things to quickly Do you make it clear that you expect to wait months before any kind of physical intimacy will happen because you must become friends first?
poppyfields Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, leeali said: I don’t want to be just friends. I just don’t want to jump into things to quickly But lelali, you posted earlier that you prefer to develop a foundation through friendship first, aka friends first. But now you're saying you don't want to be friends? I realize you don't want to be "just friends," that ultimately you want a romantic relationship. But my question and TB's question is do you let the men you date know, straight from the get, that you are seeking a friendship first? Before romance which for both men and women involves at least some physical affection, like holding hands, kissing, cuddling by the fire, stroking hair, things like that. It's important to be up front and honest about that just like it's important to you that he be up front and honest about his age. The topic of this thread is "new date is moving too fast." In today's dating culture, 5 dates in, for a man to want to touch, to kiss, is not moving too fast. For a man to wait even that long, most women would view that as too slow!! I understand and respect your values. If you want a friendshio first that is perfectly fine. For some people, that's the way to go, it takes the pressure off, and allows you to develop a romantic connection without much of the bullshyt that goes on today's dating environment. No one is judging you for that, at least I'm not. Just be up front and honest about it, for them and for you. So they don't begin pushing physically before you're ready. Re his age, it appears age is important to you. Or perhaps it's the fact he doesn't feel comfortable disclosing his age right now that troubles you. That is also okay. I asked you earlier if he were to disclose his age now, let's say he's 50 or however old, would you be okay with that, given his original hesitancy to disclose? Do you feel he might be hiding other things as well? How are you judging this? That he's some sort of devious, dangerous sociopath? Rhetorical questions for you to answer. If the answer is yes, if you don't feel like you could ever trust him now, then stop dating him. It's really that easy. Edited November 2, 2020 by poppyfields 2
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