Myasylum Posted November 1, 2020 Posted November 1, 2020 So... I went on a second date with this girl and things were going great! We where making future plans, and complenteted me in being "a gentleman". It was pretty nice. Then... she ask me if I wanted to go to this bar I've never been too. I said sure! Sounds like fun! Then I said, whats there that you want to go? She goes... "My ex boyfriend". I go what?? Is this some sort of test? She goes, you don't have to go. It would be kind of difficult explaining the situation, but you can go if you want too. I'm like... ah? No. I have to work in the morning anyway. She gave me this big hug and she was on her way. Next morning I knew she had a class so I just sent her a message saying that I hope she has a good day at class. Well... I haven't heard from her since. I'm not a chaser. So I really don't want to pursue this any further. I want her to contact me... but am I ever curious! I almost want to message her again and ask what happened. Part of me thinks I should have went with her... at least then I would haven known what happened. Idk? Any suggestions? I hate dating. Just one stupid situation after another. Thanks!
ShyViolet Posted November 1, 2020 Posted November 1, 2020 That's a very strange thing for a girl to do on a date. You were smart to say no and then end the date. That's what any self-respecting person would do. And then the fact that you texted her the next day and she never answered..... she's not interested. Maybe she said the "ex-bf" thing to intentionally scare you off because she had decided she was no longer interested. Why would you message her again when you were already the last one to text her and she never answered? Leave her alone. 5
Miss Spider Posted November 1, 2020 Posted November 1, 2020 You definitely did the right thing. Sounds like she might have been trying to use you to make her ex jealous. She wasn’t even being sly about it either lol. 5
La.Primavera Posted November 1, 2020 Posted November 1, 2020 Clearly she isn't over her ex and that is where her head was at during the date. She had an agenda that night and you lost your value the second you said no to participating in her games. Good for you. You seem to want something genuine with someone, so my advice would be to lose her number. She isn't worth the time or energy. 1
Author Myasylum Posted November 1, 2020 Author Posted November 1, 2020 I often wonder if I'm the only one dealing with this kind of craziness. I'm telling yea... every time I think I meet someone nice something crazy happens... then I find myself backing away from dating a couple months just to get my head on straight again. You wouldn't think things would have to be so hard.
Trail Blazer Posted November 1, 2020 Posted November 1, 2020 That's just weird. And no, it's not just you who finds navigating through the dating world frustrating and perplexing.
Ami1uwant Posted November 1, 2020 Posted November 1, 2020 Maybe he wanted to satisfy a threesome fantasy she had..... i don’t kniw ehst sort of time line we are on since this date. she coukd have been not over her bf. This coukd have bern a different reason entirely. 1
Watercolors Posted November 1, 2020 Posted November 1, 2020 Yes, your instinct not to follow her to that bar where she could pine over her ex-boyfriend (or whatever the reason she wanted to go to that specific bar really was). But why did you text her the next morning? What you should have done is just delete/block her and move on to the next OLD match instead. For whatever reason, she is not interested in you as what she did was pretty sh*tty. I mean, who would even want to join someone in their quest to pine for an ex in a public venue while on a date with someone else? Nobody in their right mind! Do not chase her. Do not accept any breadcrumb texts that she sends to you. Because she will breadcrumb you. She needs the ego boost. Esp. if she's still thinking about her ex-boyfriend, she's not thinking about you or any other guy as a fresh start. Gather up your dignity and move on, my friend! 1
Timshel Posted November 1, 2020 Posted November 1, 2020 3 hours ago, Myasylum said: Then... she ask me if I wanted to go to this bar I've never been too. I said sure! Sounds like fun! Then I said, whats there that you want to go? She goes... "My ex boyfriend". I go what?? Is this some sort of test? She goes, you don't have to go. It would be kind of difficult explaining the situation, but you can go if you want too. I'm like... ah? No. I have to work in the morning anyway. She gave me this big hug and she was on her way. Next morning I knew she had a class so I just sent her a message saying that I hope she has a good day at class. Well... I haven't heard from her since. I'm sure reading this back it's plain to see...sometimes typing something out gives clarity. She wanted to make her ex jealous. Good for you not going like a hapless dolt along with it..
Wiseman2 Posted November 1, 2020 Posted November 1, 2020 Your instincts are good. Don't get involved in thier nonsense, games and on/off situation. RUN. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted November 1, 2020 Posted November 1, 2020 Why even text her again after she tried to bring you to a place her ex-boyfriend would be? You should have been done right then and there. 2
Fletch Lives Posted November 1, 2020 Posted November 1, 2020 She's dating to get revenge on her ex. She was using you. Yup, lots of undesirables on dating sites. 4
Author Myasylum Posted November 1, 2020 Author Posted November 1, 2020 I think its one of those situations that when you're in the middle of it it don't seem real clear, but from an outside perspective you are all right. I guess I text her in the AM just to see what she'd have to say. Which was nothing, Don't know why she waste her time making future plans with me just to leave. Maybe her ex text her in the middle of all this and that's maybe why she decided to get up and leave? Who knows. Another twisted angle of this is that I know her sister. She doesn't get it either.
poppyfields Posted November 1, 2020 Posted November 1, 2020 (edited) 15 hours ago, Myasylum said: I go what?? Is this some sort of test? She goes, you don't have to go. It would be kind of difficult explaining the situation, but you can go if you want too. A bit of a different take from some others but my sense is she knew you wouldn't go, NO sane men would for goodness sake. There was no "ex" at the bar (well there may have been but that's not why she wanted to leave), it was an excuse to end the date. The fact it happened so suddenly in the middle of the date and that she hasn't replied to your next-day text suggests this also. Don't know who initiated the "future talk" but if you did, she went along to be polite. Some women are like this, they simply don't know how to say no or not interested. So they just "go along" and then make up some bizarre excuse to leave. And this was truly bizarre. Calling you a "gentlemen" sounds very nice and polite but suggests to me there was not much sexual attraction on her part. Ex or no ex, she just wasn't feeling it, as they say. Edited November 1, 2020 by poppyfields
Wiseman2 Posted November 1, 2020 Posted November 1, 2020 Unfortunately there are people who jump on dating apps the nanosecond they have a fight with an "ex". 1
carhill Posted November 1, 2020 Posted November 1, 2020 16 hours ago, Myasylum said: So... I went on a second date with this girl and things were going great! We where making future plans, and complenteted me in being "a gentleman". It was pretty nice. Then... she ask me if I wanted to go to this bar I've never been too. I said sure! Sounds like fun! Then I said, whats there that you want to go? She goes... "My ex boyfriend". A woman who is attracted to you wouldn't be bringing up an ex on the second date much less floating the idea of socializing with him. He'd be the furthest thing from her mind. That's instructive. 1 1
smackie9 Posted November 1, 2020 Posted November 1, 2020 (edited) If it doesn't feel right, then it's not......don't hope she contacts you. Move on. TBH you shouldn't have wished her anything...after that she didn't deserve a text of any kind. You are setting yourself up as a doormat. stop it. Edited November 1, 2020 by smackie9 1
elaine567 Posted November 1, 2020 Posted November 1, 2020 15 hours ago, Myasylum said: . every time I think I meet someone nice something crazy happens... then I find myself backing away from dating a couple months just to get my head on straight again. Forget the two month breaks. You are wasting good dating time getting over "crazy" and unsuitable people. See them for what they are and move swiftly on to trying to find better options 1
Alvi Posted November 1, 2020 Posted November 1, 2020 (edited) 20 hours ago, Myasylum said: We where making future plans Just curious what future plans you were making on a second date? Get a puppy together? Get some matching tattoos? Move in together? Get married? Way, way, way, way too early to make any future plans on a second date. The only plan you should make on a second date is to arrange a third date. Way too early for any commitments or declarations. Wonder if any future-making plans made her uncomfortable and she made up some fib about her ex to end your date. I mean, one time a guy I met on the net asked me to marry him on our second date. Instead of calling him insane, I made up some crazy excuse why I have to leave, hugged him and left. Edited November 1, 2020 by Alvi 2
kismetkismet Posted November 3, 2020 Posted November 3, 2020 My guess is that she's on the rebound and was hoping to bring you along to make the ex jealous. Since that means she likely still has complicated feelings for him, there's a chance they wound up back together that night after drinking at the bar. You did the right thing in leaving. No need to get dragged into someone else's unnecessary drama after 2 dates. 1
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