Sailynn Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 I've been spending time with my ex-GF and we've had some fun. Basically, there have been long talks about feelings and such. We've had moments of romance and intimacy (not sex). My question is, while hearing all these wonderful words from her, whenever we seem to be making a lot of headway toward romance and togetherness, she pulls back. I ask her about it and she says she has to contemplate. Trouble is, I want to finish picking up the pieces of the train wreck our relationship had and continue building things back. When she's with me, her words are loving, her heartbeat is racing, she tells me she gets aroused, there's sexual tension, there's nervousness, there's embracing, tender moments and she thanks me for them, yet, when I try to introduce continuity and opportunities to get together, it seems to fizzle. Maybe I'm chasing her or maybe I'm expecting too much. It's been nearly two and half months since we started talking. Maybe she's fearful. I know trust has to be rebuilt. Anyone gone through this?
alphamale Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 this relationship is basically over and she's trying to put you in "friends" category. My personal recommendation is to find someone else and move on. She's basically wasting your time and keeping you from finding another woman. Once the train derails, its very hard to get it back on the track... Oh yeah, and her actions will tell you her true feelings and not her words. Anyone can say anything at anytime but if they don't follow thru with actions it don't amount to a hill of beans!
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 I fear for you that Alphamale is right, but if you choose to hang on anyway, you'll have to approach it slightly differently. You have no choice but to match her pace. She is setting the pace she is most comfortable with, and at this fragile stage of a second chance, anything you do to change that pace in terms of speeding it up will end your relationship before it can really get started again. When she's with me, her words are loving, her heartbeat is racing, she tells me she gets aroused, there's sexual tension, there's nervousness, there's embracing, tender moments and she thanks me for them, yet, when I try to introduce continuity and opportunities to get together, it seems to fizzle. That means one simple thing - your relationship is 'live for the moment' and she doesn't want to obligate herself to a relationship she isn't sure she wants to commit to right now. You will need to avoid any and all 'fizzle-inducing' talk immediately. Do not discuss the future. Do not discuss opportunities to get together. Do not talk about continuity. These are things she does not want right now. She's enjoying it for what it is, not what it isn't yet (not for her, anyway). You'll need to enjoy it for what it is, too or else you will lose her. You'll have to give her time to catch up with you, and prepare yourself for the very real outcome that it may not happen. Just protect your heart, and do not bank on your future with her quite yet. Just enjoy your tender moments as you have them.
Author Sailynn Posted October 13, 2005 Author Posted October 13, 2005 Lucrezia, you're advice is so spot on. She just called me and also emailed me apologizing for not finishing the conversation and promising me to finish it tonight. I believe there is a yearning and a longing in her heart and she didn't expect it to happen to her when she made contact to become friends three months ago. She as much told me that a couple of days ago. She says she's seeing things about me that convinces her I am a man of character, a good man, so on and so forth and that she was wrong. Actually, those words don't sway me, one way or another. I've been cool and I haven't pushed it. We probably talk once a week and I have been letting her initiate contact on about a 3 to 1 basis. It's been hard not to want to contact her more, but I don't. Alpha, I think you're right in saying that the relationship is over, yet, I believe it WAS over and may now be, in fact, on a fragile thread of restarting. I think it's because I haven't chased her or kissed her butt, so to speak. Just been friendly and fun.
Author Sailynn Posted October 14, 2005 Author Posted October 14, 2005 We went jogging last night and had a good time. We had a sandwich afterwards and she started talking about deep subjects such as, dreams, life, goals and such. Nothing relationship related. This morning she calls me first thing, asking if I'm sore from running. Anyway, she's sort of ho-hum, so I ask her if everything is alright and that I was sensing something different in her. She said she'd would talk about it later. It seems one minute she's up and the next she's down. This is taking way too much energy on my part.
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