I messed up, How can I get her back

[Blobfish777]

I meet this girl in a language course, she started texting me about work then she asked if you wanted to meet up with me in the library for extra study. We made eye contact she started touching me in library, leaning on me, she was laughing so much at my jokes she couldn’t control herself literally haha. I asked her on a date to the bar she agreed the date lasted for 4 hours she made her move she started biting her lip and she put her hands on the table and asked me “do you like my hands?” I didn’t know at the time this was her shooting her shot so I just made a joke out of it. On the date she dressed up so pretty and I thinking she wasn’t wearing a bra aswell. She kept asking me let’s get another drink, but all that 4 hours she kept making the moves like eye contact, touching me, biting lips, exposing her neck; but I was to scared to reciprocate .(Also, this was my first ever date I didn’t know that all the signs she was giving me was her telling me that she’s attracted to me and wanting to kiss me:/, yeah I know I f***ed up) I asked for a second date she agreed then rejected, She was a international student at my uni in London and had to go back to her country. After me asking for the second date she agreed then rejected she said to me: “look I’m not looking to date anyone atm because I’m leaving for Sweden for 6 months in a week because of the pandemic airports are closing and I think we should be nothing more then friends” Then after a few months being in Sweden she told me she isn’t interested and she is seeing someone else. So I stopped contacting her and it’s been 3 and half months, shes back at my uni in London now I saw on her social media’s. What shall I do, how can I get her back? Did I mess up on the date? Will she still be attracted to me?

Edited October 30, 2020 by Blobfish777

[smackie9]

She realized your inexperience, didn't like the fact you were oblivious to her laying it on so thick it made her feel unattractive/rejected....she was looking for a hookup, served herself on a silver platter and you did nothing. There are no second chances. She's not GF material, so don't waste your time...unless you just want to smash.

[schlumpy]

I don't know why you want to seek her out.

Has she tried to contact you? If there was an interest don't you think she would at least make an effort to put herself in your way?

She sounds like she's in the "Love the one your with" stage of life.

If you just want a roll in the hay call her up and maybe you will get lucky, but long-term relationship? You won't be able to hold her.

She is not GF material unless it's the right guy.

[ShyViolet]

She straight out told you she wasn't interested anymore.  How much clearer could it be?  You can't just get her back as if she's an object that you can just go and take.  Find someone who is actually interested in you.

[Blobfish777]

So it was basically it was just a one night stand then?

Edited October 30, 2020 by Blobfish777

[kendahke]

Biting her lip, twirling her hair---all of that is meaningless. Dry air /not enough carmex and the need for a hair clip or trim at the hair salon.

It is not a signal for interest.  It's a nervous habit..

there is no interest on her part. She's in another country across La Manche. Stop reading more into this than there is.

Edited October 30, 2020 by kendahke

[d0nnivain]

Her stated reason for not going on the 2nd date was that she was going back to Sweeden.  OK she did that.  Now she's back.  All you can do is ask her out again.  If she says no, leave her alone.  

[Blobfish777]

19 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Her stated reason for not going on the 2nd date was that she was going back to Sweeden.  OK she did that.  Now she's back.  All you can do is ask her out again.  If she says no, leave her alone.  

i was thinking those are excuses for not going on a second date, I've been in no contact now for 3 months, shall i contact her or not, she freindzoned me.

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Blobfish777 said:

 “look I’m not looking to date anyone atm because I’m leaving for Sweden for 6 months in a week because of the pandemic airports are closing and I think we should be nothing more then friends” Then after a few months being in Sweden she told me she isn’t interested and she is seeing someone else.

You did the right thing cutting communication. She's not interested. BTW, all these "signs" you apparently read someplace misled you into believing she was into you. The only indication was accepting a date. 

Don't bother with LDRs, they are difficult and frustrating. Delete and block her from ALL social media and messaging apps.

Get on some good dating apps and date locally. Next time don't be distracted by nonsensical "signs" (PUA nonsense like hair twirling, lip biting, etc) instead, pay attention to your date and even more attention to how enthused they are to go on a second date.

[d0nnivain]

Just now, Blobfish777 said:

i was thinking those are excuses for not going on a second date, I've been in no contact now for 3 months, shall i contact her or not, she freindzoned me.

If you want to go on a date with her you have to talk to her.  

If she says yes, great.  If she says no thanks that is your answer.  

You won't find out by asking me.  You need to talk to her.  

[Blobfish777]

44 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

You did the right thing cutting communication. She's not interested. BTW, all these "signs" you apparently read someplace misled you into believing she was into you. The only indication was accepting a date. 

Don't bother with LDRs, they are difficult and frustrating. Delete and block her from ALL social media and messaging apps.

Get on some good dating apps and date locally. Next time don't be distracted by nonsensical "signs" (PUA nonsense like hair twirling, lip biting, etc) instead, pay attention to your date and even more attention to how enthused they are to go on a second date.

The date lasted for 4 hours she kept asking lets get another drink, she did lean over to me touched me hugged me, are these signs. She also asked to hold hands which i mentioned in the first message, but i kinda just laughed and made a joke out of it. She was enthusiastic throughout the date, but towards the end of the date i kind of got a little drunk and probs said something that put her off.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

As d0nnivain said, all you can do is ask. 

I don't think she's interested anymore or she probably would've been in touch with you, but you won't know until you make a move. 

[Miss Spider]

She’s not interested. She may just be a tease by the sounds of it, You didn’t necessarily mess up on the date. Look at the forum. People go on first dates all the time to find out they are not that interested in a second. Part of the process . Next 

[ajequals]

you Can't. All you can do is be the best you can be and wait to see if she comes back around. Learned this first hand myself. she's not yours, it was your turn till it wasn't 

[gamon]

She couldn't have been more obvious. My guess is she thinks you're into guys.

 

[Blobfish777]

. 

Edited November 8, 2020 by Blobfish777

[Blobfish777]

On 11/7/2020 at 4:20 PM, gamon said:

She couldn't have been more obvious. My guess is she thinks you're into guys.

 

What do you mean by she couldn’t have been more obvious? 

Edited November 8, 2020 by Blobfish777

[gamon]

She was giving you every sign that she was into you and looking for intimacy, affection, and probably sex.

 

[Blobfish777]

1 hour ago, gamon said:

She was giving you every sign that she was into you and looking for intimacy, affection, and probably sex.

 

Yeah I’m an idiot, it was my first time. If she had that high of an attraction does that mean she will come back? But the thing is if she does come back why would I want her back when she dropped me? 

Edited November 9, 2020 by Blobfish777

[gamon]

No, she's gone but look on the bright side, you can attract women. You just need to figure out what to do next.

 

[Blobfish777]

5 minutes ago, gamon said:

No, she's gone but look on the bright side, you can attract women. You just need to figure out what to do next.

 

Yep I guess, it sucks tho but ayo you learn from your mistakes. Now I know what to do when girls give me signs lol. Thanks man

Edited November 9, 2020 by Blobfish777

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, Blobfish777 said:

Yeah I’m an idiot, it was my first time. If she had that high of an attraction does that mean she will come back? But the thing is if she does come back why would I want her back when she dropped me? 

No, it doesn't mean that. Crushes come and go. This one is gone, for her. 

Attraction often dies when the other person doesn't reciprocate, especially when they happen to meet someone who is expressing mutual interest. Suddenly the old crush is just a memory. You were way too late in the game. 

[Miss Spider]

If her attraction was that high, she wouldn’t have dropped you just because you didn’t make a move on the first date. It doesn’t work like that 

[Wiseman2]

Next time stay sober ( universal turn off to drink too much) make it brief like a coffee date.

Stop reading PUA garbage about "signs", simply pay attention, stay sober and if they say yes to going out again.

That's all you need to do.

[Blobfish777]

So what you are saying it was basically a one night stand then? So let’s say if I did reciprocate and do eveything in the book at the end of the day it would of been a one night stand? 

Edited November 10, 2020 by Blobfish777