kenziejane Posted October 27, 2020 Posted October 27, 2020 I met this guy on an app and our first date was last week. It was honestly the best first date of my entire life. And I've been on a lot. I saw him again on Sunday, and went to his place. I thought it was great...I was there for a few hours. We talked, had dinner, watched a movie, and yes we hooked up. It all felt fine until we finished hooking up. He said he hadn't realized how late it was. I said okay, and got my stuff together. He walked me out, kissed me goodnight, and that was that. He seemed a little annoyed at the time...he's super weird and strict about his sleep schedule. Like has mentioned it multiple times and told me how he goes to bed at the same time every night. However, I figured he'd ask me to go when he was ready and it was only about 9:30 when I went home. I had a weird feeling in my gut the whole drive home and the next day. Then that night I get a text that says something about how picky he is about his sleep, and that I might've messed up his schedule the other night and he might've just shut up and tried to keep it to himself all day. It sounded like he was trying to be jokey, but came off passive aggressive. I was a little dumbfounded...he'd told me more than once I could stay as late as I wanted (which I wasn't planning on doing anyways as I worked in the morning) and definitely did not seem like he wanted me to leave when we were cuddling and making out on the couch. I said 'you could've kicked me out if you wanted to go to bed', and he said 'yeah but that would've been mean'. So then I just felt sort of dumb. Like I'd overstayed my welcome, missed the signs, and just had no idea he was ready for me to go. I also feel bad...I knew about his sleep schedule...but again I figured he would say when he was ready for me to go. He was weird again this morning. Said he was exhausted, needed to reset for the next few days and mentally was swimming. The weather made him feel off, etc etc. I said I was sending him virtual hugs and that was seriously like 9 hours ago. We've never gone this long without talking. But I know he's not dead or anything because he's posted on social media lol. So now I'm all sorts of confused. It could very well be he's having an off day and needs to recharge mentally...but I think it's weird for him to be silent for so long. And now there's a part of me wondering if he just was interested in sex. It didn't seem like it...but I've been wrong before. Or the sex was bad? But I really, really don't think that's it either. My friend said I should shoot a text and ask how his day was, but I don't even want to do that. I'd rather just wait for him to say something to me. The whole thing is weird to me.
Foxhall Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 8 minutes ago, kenziejane said: And now there's a part of me wondering if he just was interested in sex. this is correct I am afraid, he now wants you to lose interest without telling you straight out, painting himself as an oddball prevent you from getting attached to him without hurting your feelings- 5 1
Ellener Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 30 minutes ago, kenziejane said: he's super weird and strict about his sleep schedule. Like has mentioned it multiple times and told me how he goes to bed at the same time every night. 31 minutes ago, kenziejane said: I might've messed up his schedule the other night and he might've just shut up and tried to keep it to himself all day. Sounds like he has a few issues which are nothing to do with you @kenziejane Yes, wait for him to contact you. And don't read too much into casual sex. Chalk it up to experience... 1
Miss Spider Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 (edited) Yes sex but he sounds rude and completely weird. I don’t understand why you would even want to see him again? Edited October 28, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 6
Interstellar Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 Yes he’s rude and has no social skills. Even if you interrupted his sleep schedule he should’ve just kept it to himself and not go whiny Karen on you. People who are athletes or who go to the gym regularly tend to be obsessive and rigid about their sleep schedules, ie. getting 8-10 but it still doesn’t excuse his behavior. Forget this guy. 1
Ami1uwant Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 You shouldn’t have slept with him and just gone home. 1 2
CaliforniaGirl Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 What a disgusting way to speak to you even if he did just want sex. But yes, that is clearly what he was saying. My blood pressure went up reading this. The things he said...he's pretty much garbage (at least based on that, I don't know him). Jesus, next time just...don't. I mean...this is what he turned out to be. Next time wait until you know who you're dealing with. 5
poppyfields Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 (edited) I dunno, sometimes you just won't know who you're dealing with until after you have sex, so may as well get it over with to avoid getting too attached in case they do go weird on you afterwards. Weird can go the other way too, clingy, possessive, controlling. Best to find out these things early imho. Good you found this out now kenzie before you became too invested. Next. Edited October 28, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Trail Blazer Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 He sounds OCD or something along those lines. He also sounds like a whiney @$$ punk who's not worth the bandwidth used to swipe right on. I don't think he was just looking for sex. I mean, perhaps he just was, but I really doubt anyone would use such an elaborate excuse to deliberately turn you off. He's just weird. Throw this one back in the sea. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 He's either got poor social skills, he's trying to pull a slow fade, or there's someone else he entertains at night and he didn't want those two worlds colliding. I wouldn't see this guy again.
schlumpy Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 When you were at his home did you notice anything else? Was everything a bit too neat and in it's place? Were towels placed with hotel precision in the bathroom? His reaction to getting off schedule suggests an obsessive personality. BTW, do find that sex on the first date helps to create a long term relationship? If that is of interest to you.
Wiseman2 Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 (edited) Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. He treated you like a hooker. Don't even negotiate. Next time wait until you see what you want and act accordingly. If you want random sex/ hookups, you'll have to get used to being treated like this. A blow-up doll jerks like this discard when done. If you want to date and develop a relationship, find out more about the guy before you have sex. Edited October 28, 2020 by Wiseman2 1 1
snowboy91 Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 10 hours ago, kenziejane said: So then I just felt sort of dumb. Like I'd overstayed my welcome, missed the signs, and just had no idea he was ready for me to go. I wouldn't feel dumb. He's trying to pretend that he's OK with you staying as long as you want to keep you happy and hiding signs to the best of his ability, when secretly he does get frustrated with your visits messing up his sleep schedule. Or he's even trying to convince himself that he can adapt around you, and gets cranky and tired when it turns out he can't. Either way, he isn't able to assert himself all that well, so it's going to be a lot of effort going forward to get the truth out of him, unless you can have an honest conversation about expectations where he doesn't feel forced.
CaliforniaGirl Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. He treated you like a hooker. Don't even negotiate. Next time wait until you see what you want and act accordingly. If you want random sex/ hookups, you'll have to get used to being treated like this. A blow-up doll jerks like this discard when done. If you want to date and develop a relationship, find out more about the guy before you have sex. 1
Gaeta Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 (edited) Thank your lucky star that this isn't gonna work. Can you imagine life with a man like this! Can't go to a movie night, can't have dinner with friends and family without him getting ready to leave at 20h cause he has to be in bed at 21h, can't count on him for anything if it interferes with his sleep. My goodness, dating him would be like moving toward death a little closer. Edited October 28, 2020 by Gaeta 1
d0nnivain Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 11 hours ago, kenziejane said: My friend said I should shoot a text and ask how his day was, but I don't even want to do that. I'd rather just wait for him to say something to me. I have a different take then everybody else. He may have told you about his sleep issues but you didn't know until you saw this in action up close & personal. It's a real issue for him & seems to dominate his life. I doubt this is fully a choice. I don't see meanness on his part. I see a guy trapped in an OCD thing that he doesn't have the words to explain. You have your panties in a twist because after some post sex back & forth when he point blank told you he was not functioning well after having his sleep disrupted, you are upset that it has been a whole 9 hours since you heard from him. You say that is the longest you have ever gone without speaking. So if he goes to be at 10 is he really blowing up your phone at 7 a.m. every morning? That would annoy the heck out of me from a man I hadn't met or only went on 1 date with even if we did have sex. As for your statement above that I quoted, that is a pet peeve of mine. IMO it's an unfair "s*** test" where you don't take any action but instead sit & stew getting madder & madder because somebody you barely know can't read your mind. Now that is passive aggressive & sooooo unfair. You don't like what's going on with him & whatever weirdness happened around his sleep schedule. OK fine. I think it's pretty odd too but instead of addressing it with him like a mature adult you are sitting there waiting for him to figure out that you are upset & why. That is totally not fair. If all of this made you never want to deal with him again, that is legitimate but then you wouldn't care enough to even post this thread. So you do want to pursue this but you are unwilling to take any action to move things forward. Listen to your friend. Reach out to him if you want to move forward. If you are done, be done & stop caring. 1
poppyfields Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 (edited) 14 hours ago, kenziejane said: We talked, had dinner, watched a movie, and yes we hooked up. It all felt fine until we finished hooking up. He said he hadn't realized how late it was. I said okay, and got my stuff together. He walked me out, kissed me goodnight, and that was that. He seemed a little annoyed at the time... This^ is where he would have lost me, for good, done. I mean you just had sexual relations with the man for the first time and he kicks you out afterwards, annoyed because he needs his sleep? Could he have been any more insensitive or rude? I agree with Wiseman, short of giving you money, he treated you like a hooker. No thank you! I'm shocked that anyone could defend this guy, and who knows if this "I need my sleep" story is even true? Clearly he wanted you gone after sex, which sure is his perogative but getting annoyed about it? Again this was first time sex! If me, the whole thing would have left me feeling like crap; no way would I sign up for another round of that. I hope you decide to next him, keep us posted. Edited October 28, 2020 by poppyfields 3 1
smackie9 Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 (edited) All he could do is complain and dump the blame on you, when he got sex! and a nice evening...what is he God's gift? That you should be in aw in his presence. He's a selfish bas%$#&, jerk face, class A a**h***. There are guys like him...funny I was thinking about my friend's experience with such a guy. He was extremely late for their first date, and he did it again on the second, so she said something about it...well she showed me the text messages....this guy was a mental case, saying she was inconsiderate and how dare she criticize him... he had something important to do and blahblahblah. Then he backed off and asked her out again, she said forget it, and wow then he got really rude. So that being said, girl run for the hills. This is just the tip of the iceberg. When it's this bad out of the gate, it's all down hill from here. You should never give this guy any excuses, he's being a jerk to you and you shouldn't tolerate it for one second. Don't be a pushover. Kick him to the curb. And BTW you did nothing wrong, you are not the problem here....he is 100% Edited October 28, 2020 by smackie9 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 You hooked up with him before he got a chance to get to know you and see what makes you different from other women. That's too much, too soon. He's probably wondering how many times you've gone to a man's house on the second date. He may have been sincerely interested, but you hurt your own chances. 2 1
smackie9 Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 (edited) 11 minutes ago, GeorgiaPeach1 said: You hooked up with him before he got a chance to get to know you and see what makes you different from other women. That's too much, too soon. He's probably wondering how many times you've gone to a man's house on the second date. He may have been sincerely interested, but you hurt your own chances. You are right...even tho it's a modern age, women have more freedom, and expect equality, the age old attitude still rings true...a man won't respect you when you jump into the sac with them right away. I watched a show where they interviewed 5 guys and asked them dating relationship questions...one out of the 4 thought it was OK, the rest said, not GF material they can't be trusted. Edited October 28, 2020 by smackie9
mark clemson Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 Although I kind of like @Foxhall's theory, it's probably statistically more likely that he's simply a weirdo. I suspect there are people out there who have "learned" the first few steps of the dance quite well, but then have no idea about (or possibly little interest in) taking it further. Move on...
notbroken Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 He's a jerk. Sorry you had to learn it that way. Next. Hard Next. 2
Miss Spider Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 (edited) Oh yea you really missed your chances big time, OP. With this guy who at best is pathological level obsessive about his sleep and at worst is a manipulator who doesn’t treat women with basic human dignity. Should’ve taken your time with this one [/sarc] Edited October 28, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 9 hours ago, Gaeta said: Thank your lucky star that this isn't gonna work. Can you imagine life with a man like this! Can't go to a movie night, can't have dinner with friends and family without him getting ready to leave at 20h cause he has to be in bed at 21h, can't count on him for anything if it interferes with his sleep. My goodness, dating him would be like moving toward death a little closer. See the first thing that jumped to my mind - granted, I know I could be wrong - is that his schedule isn't really this inflexible. I'm thinking it's all an excuse to be able to DTD and then get rid of her fast. I'm sorry, that's where my mind went. Again...I could be wrong. But that all just sounds suspicious. Stupidly so. If not, it's still...well, just kind of untenable. Sure, this may be an actual issue for this man. I get it. Even if it is, being "done" and then shoved out the door is never going to feel good to the OP. (To probably most people but obviously not to the OP so whether it feels okay to a very few people is really irrelevant.) 1
kendahke Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 From everything you describe about him, sounds like he's got a whole lot going on, psychologically.
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