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What should I say to her? I really like her and I wonder if she feels the same.

ThatGuyFromThatPlace

By ThatGuyFromThatPlace
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ThatGuyFromThatPlace New Member

ThatGuyFromThatPlace

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To put things into perspective, I'm a guy and I'm 25, and she's a woman in her 20's. I met her virtually through a group that we have partly on Zoom video chat because of COVID. We've both been messaging each other over the past 2 to 3 weeks now, mostly. I think she might like me back but I'm not sure. Our last conversation seems to have come to a stall for now. I made a joke and she sent me a laughing emoji, then I replied with a smiling emoji. That was the last text, and I'm not exactly sure what to say now. I want to text her and say "what's up?" or something like that. And if she does like me, I wonder if I'm interested in her more than she might be interested. I usually ask questions and try to keep the conversation going and ask her about herself to get to know her better, and she does too, but she doesn't ask that many questions about myself very often. It makes me wonder. I might be overthinking it and there could be any reason, but I still wonder why.

If there is the slightest chance that she isn't interested, then I don't want her to be uncomfortable. Something like that happened a couple of months ago with someone else and I don't want it to happen again.  Anyway, one day I asked her if she'd like to talk on the phone sometime and that I'd like to get to know her better, but she gave an unexpected answer. She didn't seem happy and gave a general answer. We've still texted since then, though. But I'm a bit hesitant to ask again, I don't know if it would be appropriate. And I don't know if the answer that she gave was a way to let me down gently or if she was just having a bad day, or something else.

I'm just confused. I don't know if she sees me as someone that she would go out with in the future, or just a friend. And I feel stuck in finding out. I like her a lot, and a part of me wants to go ahead tell her that over text on the app that we're talking on at least and see where we both stand, but I also know that its not a good idea to do things like that over text? I don't know, I just need some help. I don't want to say the wrong thing and ruin anything or step over any boundaries, I just feel stuck.

hokage240sx Established Member

hokage240sx

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I think that if she stopped wanting to talk so much over text. you should try to set up a date in person and see how that goes. 

MeadowFlower Established Member

MeadowFlower

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What was her response to talking on the phone?

 

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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3 hours ago, ThatGuyFromThatPlace said:

  Anyway, one day I asked her if she'd like to talk on the phone sometime and that I'd like to get to know her better, but she gave an unexpected answer. She didn't seem happy and gave a general answer.

What does this mean?

What did she say, exactly?

Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

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Is there a possibility of meeting in person? Or dating? If not, keep it friendly. Do Not text "wassup", it's lame.

If you want better off zoom communication,  see if she's willing to connect with you on social media.

schlumpy Established Member

schlumpy

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10 hours ago, ThatGuyFromThatPlace said:

Anyway, one day I asked her if she'd like to talk on the phone sometime and that I'd like to get to know her better, but she gave an unexpected answer. She didn't seem happy and gave a general answer. We've still texted since then, though. But I'm a bit hesitant to ask again, I don't know if it would be appropriate. And I don't know if the answer that she gave was a way to let me down gently or if she was just having a bad day, or something else.

She got the message and she is either in the no camp or needs time to think it over. The ball is in her court now. You still have texting so don't mention it. Instead, try and show her the best side of you through your writing.

If she becomes interested, she will create a situation where you will get a signal to ask again. She might even ask you out herself depending on how she handles dating.

Meanwhile you need to cool your jets and not invest all your time and effort into her. Date other girls so she knows you have options. Play the long game.

 

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Do not announce that you like her.  Just don't.  It's awkward & usually unwanted info.  

Since she wasn't crazy about talking to you on the phone, I'm not optimistic about this.  She knew it was an escalation on your part especially when you expressed the desire to get to know each other better.  She correctly understood that to mean you like her & would like more.  She backed off & was not enthusiastic about the prospect.  Texting keeps things more distant & less intimate.  She can deal with you when she's bored & it doesn't require much effort or emotional investment. 

If you want to push this ask her to meet you for a coffee or to go for a walk.  If she says no, leave it alone.  She's not interested.  

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Fletch Lives Established Member

Fletch Lives

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If they don't give you the phone number, they don't like you too much.

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ThatGuyFromThatPlace New Member

ThatGuyFromThatPlace

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1 hour ago, schlumpy said:

She got the message and she is either in the no camp or needs time to think it over. The ball is in her court now. You still have texting so don't mention it. Instead, try and show her the best side of you through your writing.

If she becomes interested, she will create a situation where you will get a signal to ask again. She might even ask you out herself depending on how she handles dating.

Meanwhile you need to cool your jets and not invest all your time and effort into her. Date other girls so she knows you have options. Play the long game. 

I understand, I am considering what you said. And if she created a situation where I'd get a signal to ask again, how would I know? What would the signs be? I'm usually terrible when it comes to things recognizing like that. And I'm wondering if there was some kind of signal before but I'm not sure.

 

Edited by ThatGuyFromThatPlace
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ThatGuyFromThatPlace New Member

ThatGuyFromThatPlace

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8 hours ago, MeadowFlower said:

What was her response to talking on the phone?

 

I don't want to say out in the open. Is there a way you can message me?

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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2 minutes ago, ThatGuyFromThatPlace said:

 Is there a way you can message me?

New members don't get PM privileges until you have been around a while & have a minimum # of posts.  Read the FAQs for details.  You can pay to be a member then you get automatic PM privileges I think.  

Mystery4u Established Member

Mystery4u

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39 minutes ago, ThatGuyFromThatPlace said:

I understand, I am considering what you said. And if she created a situation where I'd get a signal to ask again, how would I know? What would the signs be? I'm usually terrible when it comes to things recognizing like that. And I'm wondering if there was some kind of signal before but I'm not sure.

 

You are looking at this the wrong way. It's not about her giving a signal or a sign about what she wants you to do. It's about YOU knowing what you want, and going for it.

If you want to ask her to meet up, then do it. No sign or signal needed. If she declines then you stop talking to her and move on to someone else.

You are the man, time to start acting like one.

  • Like 1
d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Listen to @Mystery4u  It's OK to ask her to meet.  It's better then dithering & waaayyyy less awkward than some random unwelcome declaration out of the blue.  The ask is also the declaration without being so stark & jarring.  

If she says no, take that at face value then move on.  

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Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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I agree it's not a good sign that she declined the invite to talk on the phone. If she were interested, she would have given you her number and welcomed a phone call. I also agree it won't hurt to ask her out, anyway. If she says no, then you know she's definitely not interested and you can back off.

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normal person Established Member

normal person

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1 hour ago, ThatGuyFromThatPlace said:

I don't want to say out in the open. Is there a way you can message me?

If the answer isn't "yes, here's my number" then she probably doesn't like you in the same way. If you're worried about making her uncomfortable, you tested the waters and she showed you how she was feeling about it. 

Edited by normal person
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Be Cool Member

Be Cool

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Anyone notices a rising trend in online dating stories that eventually don't work out, all due to Covid-19?

Yes, because online romance seldom, if not never, works.

Romantic relationships should be, and must be, built up in real life between two real people.

To answer OP's question: When you have to wonder if she likes you or not, the answer is always NO. 

If she liked you, you'd know it. 

Please go out, date as many women as you can at the same time. Get laid as much as you can. Hit the gym. Focus on yourself. Your current circumstance is due to the fact you are not dating and getting sex, enough.

Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

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If you cannot feel that she likes you ... if she got vague when you said she wanted to talk on the phone, then she's definitely not interested in romance with you. If she were interested, she would have responded with high enthusiasm and joy at the opportunity to talk on the phone with you.

Don't worry. What you're figuring out is that a pleasant conversation with someone (and some pleasant texting) is NOT an indicator of interest. 

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Giovane Established Member

Giovane

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3 hours ago, ThatGuyFromThatPlace said:

I understand, I am considering what you said. And if she created a situation where I'd get a signal to ask again, how would I know? What would the signs be? I'm usually terrible when it comes to things recognizing like that. And I'm wondering if there was some kind of signal before but I'm not sure.

Personally, I think it's not "manly" to wait for a situation where you can be absolutely sure and don't have to risk being rejected. I think there's a high chance that women will perceive that you like them, but they will also perceive that you're hesitant, and they will not be impressed. You have to be brave enough to "do the heavy lifting" and signal to her that you like her! And you can't be shaken by the possibility of being rejected. Not just in this particular situation, but in general.

As others have already pointed out - you already did that. (Good for you!) And I also agree that her reaction was probably a way of turning you down in a gentle way. I'm sorry for that.

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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Hi. Could you be more specific about what kind of group this was that you met her in? Thanks 

MeadowFlower Established Member

MeadowFlower

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I think you need to give her another chance, even though she appeared to not be interested to talking on the phone. Like others have said, ask her out. Is this girl shy? 

DarrenB Established Member

DarrenB

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If she wanted to initiate a closer connection with you, she would contribute a lot more than she has. 

Don't try to reason with the situation or become in-denial - judging by what you've stated she doesn't seem that interested in you, on a romantic level. Perhaps as a virtual friend or someone to talk to, but not someone of whom she'd want to romantically involve herself with. The thing is with texts there's no emotion, and the energy is completely lackluster. Are you both local to each other? perhaps ask if she wants to meet in person for a coffee or something or video call, don't ask about phonecalls again because people find it uncomfortable, especially if they haven't met you in person yet.

However, like a majority of people that come here, they neglect the signs and continue pursuing only to be left more distraught and confused than they already were. We don't know the situation in it's entirety, though. 

Miss Spider Established Member

Miss Spider

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I agree. If she was interested in you she would have met you at least halfway.you did enough 

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