migi Posted October 25, 2020 Posted October 25, 2020 (edited) Hi guys. I would like to know your opinion on this situation. My boyfriend knows that a friend of mine broke up with her boyfriend 7 months after they were dating and he was saying bad stuff about her. I explained him that it was him who dumped her, they had sex, he got waht he wanted and he left her while she loved him. He continued calling her names that is why he had sex with her and he left because that is what she wants too. And so he told me that you will be influenced by them and you will sleep with other boys too. I was trying to explain him that I know my principles, I know what I want and I am mature enough to not be influenced by others. I took an example to make it more clear. I mentioned to him his best friend who had many relationships and told him that his other friends weren't influenced from her at all. He told me that I should not change the topic to his friends while we were talking anout mine. He also pretended that he doesn't think his friend isn't a nice person. He said "She has changed many boyfriends the way she wanted, but I don't call her names And that is what concerns me. He calls my friend names who was a virigin 20 years old and her boyfriend dumped her, but he doesn't call his friend a names who changed many boyfriends just beacuse she didn't like them anymore (I have to mention that they were all rich and she had profited from them). Once he called me names too during an argument (he asked for forgiveness then and said that he didn't mean it). And now that I mentioned to him that he was protecting his friend who had many partners while calling me and my friend names who had just one (because he is my first boyfriend as well), what does it mean to him? That he doesn't value me more than his friends or that he protects them but not me. And his answer was "I am not protecting her and I said it to you because I was angry and I didn't mean it" I don't get his way of thinking and not being realistic. It makes me nervous. What is your opinion on that? What I don't find it normal too is the fact that he thinks I might be influenced from my friends while I have never shown that I am undetermined. I am feeling so bad and I don't know why I found myself crying right now just because of this discussion. I think he doesn't love and value me more than his best friends and he probably would never protect me about this situation the why he does with his best friends, even though he is the first for me Edited October 25, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language
kendahke Posted October 25, 2020 Posted October 25, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, migi said: Once he called me names too during an argument ...would have been the last time he saw my face. Edited October 25, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2 1
Author migi Posted October 25, 2020 Author Posted October 25, 2020 (edited) 13 minutes ago, kendahke said: ...would have been the last time he saw my face. I like this answer. I wish I wasn't so involved and so much in love that time so I could do the same. Now is probably to late to do something that should have happened 1 year ago Edited October 25, 2020 by migi
ExpatInItaly Posted October 25, 2020 Posted October 25, 2020 9 hours ago, migi said: I like this answer. I wish I wasn't so involved and so much in love that time so I could do the same. Now is probably to late to do something that should have happened 1 year ago Why is it too late? Your boyfriend is an ass. Time to dump him. 3
Wiseman2 Posted October 25, 2020 Posted October 25, 2020 You don't like this "BF". He treats you poorly, you don't trust each other, he's not into gossiping about your friends, you stalk and get upset about his social media likes... And the list goes on. Talk to a trusted adult about what a healthier relationship looks like and the kind of disrespectful nonsense you are hanging onto with this clown. You need to end it. You know that, so just do it. 1
Calmandfocused Posted October 25, 2020 Posted October 25, 2020 (edited) Having double standards and “one rule for you and one rule for him” is a common phenomena in abusive relationships. Get rid of this hypocrite. Edited October 25, 2020 by Calmandfocused 2
Author migi Posted October 25, 2020 Author Posted October 25, 2020 (edited) I see that you are also giving opinions including the first thread. It was my cousin who wanted an opinion on that. Btw she broke up with him. The two other threads of this account have nothing to do with the first one Edited October 25, 2020 by migi
d0nnivain Posted October 25, 2020 Posted October 25, 2020 He's your 1st BF. That doesn't mean he's your last. It probably means that he won't be your last. He called your friend names. That is not good. He made assumptions about her behavior -- that she wanted sex based upon facts he knows about his promiscuous friend. He's also closer to his friend then yours & therefore feels protective of her while he doesn't know your friend as well. It's easier to throw shade when you don't know the person. You & your BF are both learning -- about yourselves, about each other, what a relationship looks like & your own places in the world. You can only speak for yourself. But you do need to have boundaries & standards. If you feel disrespected, have enough self esteem to address it. If you don't get an apology & changed behavior reassess the wisdom of sticking around. 1
Author migi Posted October 25, 2020 Author Posted October 25, 2020 7 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: He's your 1st BF. That doesn't mean he's your last. It probably means that he won't be your last. He called your friend names. That is not good. He made assumptions about her behavior -- that she wanted sex based upon facts he knows about his promiscuous friend. He's also closer to his friend then yours & therefore feels protective of her while he doesn't know your friend as well. It's easier to throw shade when you don't know the person. You & your BF are both learning -- about yourselves, about each other, what a relationship looks like & your own places in the world. You can only speak for yourself. But you do need to have boundaries & standards. If you feel disrespected, have enough self esteem to address it. If you don't get an apology & changed behavior reassess the wisdom of sticking around. Actually I don't know what made me feel so bad. The fact that he was being a hypocrite because he was was showing that he had princples and called my friends names while he was protecting his friend who was the same as my friends, even worse. I got mad because he called me names once too. So here we are at the same point. He protects his friend but not me. Am I not that important in his life as his friends are? What would I expect if we break up? I would be a b*** even though I did nothing to be called so, just beacause he doesn't love me.
d0nnivain Posted October 25, 2020 Posted October 25, 2020 53 minutes ago, migi said: Am I not that important in his life as his friends are? What would I expect if we break up? I would be a b*** even though I did nothing to be called so, just beacause he doesn't love me. If you don't think your BF is treating you well, get a new BF. It really is that simple. As for what he says about you after you break up, who cares? If he's out of your life, his opinion no longer matters. You will always know the truth no matter what he says about you. 2
Author migi Posted October 25, 2020 Author Posted October 25, 2020 15 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: If you don't think your BF is treating you well, get a new BF. It really is that simple. As for what he says about you after you break up, who cares? If he's out of your life, his opinion no longer matters. You will always know the truth no matter what he says about you. Yeah, but it still would hurt though
d0nnivain Posted October 25, 2020 Posted October 25, 2020 i know but it will hurt less than sticking around & selling your soul 1
Author migi Posted October 25, 2020 Author Posted October 25, 2020 4 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: i know but it will hurt less than sticking around & selling your soul You are right and it really hit me. Anyway I am not sure if I have to break up now. I love him a lot, but the way he was thinking made me mad and I don't know if this will happen again or be a problem in the future. I am still mad at him but not sure if I want to break up
d0nnivain Posted October 25, 2020 Posted October 25, 2020 Just because you are upset with him in the moment you don't automatically have to break up. Knee jerk reaction break ups usually lead to reconciliation & then you end up on a dysfunctional path of break up make up. Things may be starting to add up for you -- him calling you names, him having double standards, whatever other things you are starting to Q. That is OK. It's part of growing & figuring out who you are & what you boundaries are. You don't have to answer every Q about your life this second. The fact that you are asking Qs & taking a 2nd look is all that is required. Keep your eyes open. Maintain your own self worth & move forward being true to yourself. 2
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted October 25, 2020 Posted October 25, 2020 He's not good to you or the people you care about, so dump him and look for a healthier relationship. Problem solved. 1
Miss Spider Posted October 25, 2020 Posted October 25, 2020 There are a lot of red flags here. Besides your boyfriend S shaming your friends, he is exhibiting controlling behavior. Please be wary. 2
Wiseman2 Posted October 25, 2020 Posted October 25, 2020 5 hours ago, migi said: I see that you are also giving opinions including the first thread. It was my cousin who wanted an opinion on that. Btw she broke up with him. The two other threads of this account have nothing to do with the first one Ironically the advice is exactly the same. You need to end it, he is acting like a jerk. 2
Author migi Posted October 25, 2020 Author Posted October 25, 2020 (edited) 7 hours ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: There are a lot of red flags here. Besides your boyfriend S shaming your friends, he is exhibiting controlling behavior. Please be wary. You mean I should end the relationship because he insulted my friend? Or for the other things that happened? Edited October 26, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language
MsJayne Posted October 25, 2020 Posted October 25, 2020 (edited) Mostly what I got out of your post is that your BF is a hypocrite, is disloyal, is rude, and basically pretty stupid. Why do you want to be with this embarrassing clown? You're way too smart for him and you question the garbage that he spouts, and that's why he's horrible to you, because he knows he's wrong. I can tell you this, you are not in love with him, you are just emotionally dependent on him. The moment he started with the name-calling you should have slammed the door shut in his face. Try it next time, and slam it hard. Dump this low rent dude. Edited October 26, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language 2
kendahke Posted October 26, 2020 Posted October 26, 2020 22 hours ago, migi said: I like this answer. I wish I wasn't so involved and so much in love that time so I could do the same. Now is probably to late to do something that should have happened 1 year ago You need to differentiate between being in love and being co-dependent upon this mess. It's not too late for you to gather up your dignity and self respect and leave. You really like being treated this way? You really think you don't deserve better?
kendahke Posted October 26, 2020 Posted October 26, 2020 5 hours ago, migi said: You mean I should end the relationship because he said me that my friends were b**? Or for the other things that happened? You need to end it because he talks to you like a dog--forget your friends right now--he disrespects you and you're still hanging around waiting on him to flip into someone he has no intention on being. 1
smackie9 Posted October 26, 2020 Posted October 26, 2020 Your BF is of poor character period. He's rude, pushy, narcissistic in the way he talks down to you. Your opinion doesn't matter to him, he will always win. He wants to make sure he pushes you down even harder each time you try to stand up to him. Breaking up will always hurt, it's part of life, and it should never deter you from doing what's best for your own self worth. Put your big girl panties on and get to it before it gets any worse for you. 2
Author migi Posted October 27, 2020 Author Posted October 27, 2020 Actually there have been two days we didn't talk to each other much because I was expecting him to do something. Anyways I called him twice yesterday, he hung up. He pretended he didn't want to talk to me and wasn't interested. He called me today and while we were discussing, I was trying to explain him how he made me feel. I started the sentence "What if I offended and insulted you, and..." (i have never done that though) he interrupted me and said "You don't have any chance to insult me". I asked me "You have to insult me?" and his answer was "Yes I have". I asked him to repeat it again and then I said I didn't want to be with him anymore. He did nothing to show regret or ask for forgiveness. It looked like he thinks what he said is totally ok and he pretends I don't want to break up because of that, but because he said something like that to my friends. I feel terrible and like a piece of s***. I told him that just because I have tolerated him and justified everything he did, it doesn't mean he has the right to do so. I didn't expect that, I am feeling so bad
d0nnivain Posted October 27, 2020 Posted October 27, 2020 Yesterday's conversation if you can call it that shows that you need to end things. He was disrespectful to the point of rudeness. 1
Author migi Posted October 27, 2020 Author Posted October 27, 2020 9 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Yesterday's conversation if you can call it that shows that you need to end things. He was disrespectful to the point of rudeness. I feel terrible. I love him but I hate him! He is so childish. He is still trying to find excuses for everything. "I did that because you did this", "You changed me", "You made me agressive".. so immature
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