Should I contact him to ask if he is ok, or he is not into me?

[girlnextdoor2020]

47 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

No, my story is well known on here by the regulars. In fact after our 1st meeting I had decided to not see him again and told myself I will let him know if he calls me back. When he called me back to invite me on a second date I thought to myself I have no real reasons to refuse, he had been a gentleman during our 1st date, he was well put together, articulate....ok I'll go on a 2nd date (I told myself). I arrived to our 2nd date first, I was waiting for him at the door and saw him park his car and walk toward me. I remember thinking...wow this guy walks with a lot of confidence like Liam Neeson  , I didn't see that last week (I told myself)! I was still not convinced after our 2nd date but after our 3rd date I absolutely wanted to see him again and again. 

I went on that 2nd date because he came across as a serious man but also I had just spent 3 years chasing down 'chemistry, attraction, connection' and I had nothing to show for. I wanted to do something different, and it paid off.

That being said I would not have gone on a 4th date if my attraction had not grown beyond that 3rd date. 

Thanks for sharing. Maybe I need to do the same, as to me chemistry and connection are major in whom I want to see again.

Last month I turned down a guy who I went on a first date because I didn't feel that chemistry and connection, although he seemed serious and a conscious man. Maybe it was a mistake and I need to do things differently too.

Edited October 26, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020

[girlnextdoor2020]

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

Hang in there.   We all have to believe that Covid will be over one day.  Hey, the Spanish flu of 1918 & the plague ended, didn't they?  

I think some hiking groups are meeting up.  Have you tried one of those?  What about just walking in your neighborhood every day?  Granted I'm married but I met so many new people in this pandemic just doing that.  

I walk every day in a public park near the sea where lots of people go for walks, running and cycle. Never met anyone.

Yes I know about those hiking groups. The thing is they walk for hourssssss and I am not fit for that!

[kendahke]

3 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

If we didn't have had all that texting and calling before we meet, and only exchanged a few text messages or one phone call and then meet, my idea of him from the date would have been totally different.

What you did was build an artificial construct around who you wanted him to be and invested in that instead of meeting him where he actually was.

He's not who you built him up to be--that's why spending too much time doing texting, etc., is highly unwise. Meet them a.s.a.p. so you don't build artificial constructs and latch onto who you want the guy to be.

[d0nnivain]

1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

I walk every day in a public park near the sea where lots of people go for walks, running and cycle. Never met anyone.

Yes I know about those hiking groups. The thing is they walk for hourssssss and I am not fit for that!

Try looking to see if you see any of the same people every day & then start saying hello to them.  Nothing much just hi, good morning, whatever.  You will be surprised at the positive response you get.  

There are hiking groups for the rest of us that only go a mile or two.   Look for one of them.  

[d0nnivain]

2 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Maybe I need to do the same, as to me chemistry and connection are major in whom I want to see again.

Last month I turned down a guy who I went on a first date because I didn't feel that chemistry and connection, although he seemed serious and a conscious man. Maybe it was a mistake and I need to do things differently too.

I know what you mean.  I have always needed that instant chemistry.  If it wasn't there from the beginning it never grew over time for me.  Yes, personally & compatibility deepened over time  & sometimes, even if the initial spark was there it faded quickly if the personality was there. 

Doing something different may be in order if what you have been doing wasn't working.  For me the 2 things I did differently with my husband were he was the 1st man I dated who was younger than me and 2).  I sat back more, let him take the lead & bit my tongue.  I tend to be fast-paced in everything I do -- speaking, reading, reacting etc.  It's just my pace.  I worked on containing most of my "alpha" energy.  It was hard at time because my husband is very low key.  A few months into our marriage when he could really see my chomping at the bit & trying so hard to let him be the "head" of our household he finally told me to stop.  While he appreciated the gesture, it was just frustrating both of us.  That is not to say I wasn't myself while dating him but that I reigned myself in to allow him to shine. 

[girlnextdoor2020]

1 hour ago, d0nnivain said:

I know what you mean.  I have always needed that instant chemistry.  If it wasn't there from the beginning it never grew over time for me.  Yes, personally & compatibility deepened over time  & sometimes, even if the initial spark was there it faded quickly if the personality was there. 

Doing something different may be in order if what you have been doing wasn't working.  For me the 2 things I did differently with my husband were he was the 1st man I dated who was younger than me and 2).  I sat back more, let him take the lead & bit my tongue.  I tend to be fast-paced in everything I do -- speaking, reading, reacting etc.  It's just my pace.  I worked on containing most of my "alpha" energy.  It was hard at time because my husband is very low key.  A few months into our marriage when he could really see my chomping at the bit & trying so hard to let him be the "head" of our household he finally told me to stop.  While he appreciated the gesture, it was just frustrating both of us.  That is not to say I wasn't myself while dating him but that I reigned myself in to allow him to shine. 

Well fortunately you got a good man, because usually when a woman shrink to let the guy shine they attract narcissists, controlling and abusive men.

I get what you mean by being less in your masculine energy and more feminine.

On the date with the guy on this thread I know I was very much in my masculine energy because I spent the whole morning solving some issues with my house and getting things done. I also didn’t have proper time to get dressed and do my hair and etc and step into my feminine energy. Maybe he didn’t like my vibe because of that, who knows?

To me doing things differently would also be go to a date without expectations and just have fun. 

Edited October 26, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020

[girlnextdoor2020]

2 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Try looking to see if you see any of the same people every day & then start saying hello to them.  Nothing much just hi, good morning, whatever.  You will be surprised at the positive response you get.  

There are hiking groups for the rest of us that only go a mile or two.   Look for one of them.  

Will do! The ones I checked were like 4-5 hours hiking and I only walk like 1h daily, and that to me is too much. Will check a few more.

[girlnextdoor2020]

Hi guys. I couldn’t stop thinking about this situation so I decided to send him a message on Whatsapp yesterday evening saying ‘Hi hope you are good and your daughter is feeling better’. 

The message was delivered but not only he didn’t reply but he also didn’t even read it. I think he probably saw it and ignored it on purpose.

So I got what I needed to move on without any more questions, and have deleted his number.

Edited October 27, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Hi guys. I couldn’t stop thinking about this situation so I decided to send him a message on Whatsapp yesterday evening saying ‘Hi hope you are good and your daughter is feeling better’. 

The message was delivered but not only he didn’t reply but he also didn’t even read it. I think he probably saw it and ignored it on purpose.

So I got what I needed to move on without any more questions, and have deleted his number.

Yes, let this be the confirmation you needed not to double-text when someone doesn't reply the first time. That's usually enough indication that they're avoiding you on purpose. 

Now you know, so you can close this door. 

[hajk]

On 10/26/2020 at 8:43 AM, Gaeta said:

No, my story is well known on here by the regulars. In fact after our 1st meeting I had decided to not see him again and told myself I will let him know if he calls me back. When he called me back to invite me on a second date I thought to myself I have no real reasons to refuse, he had been a gentleman during our 1st date, he was well put together, articulate....ok I'll go on a 2nd date (I told myself). I arrived to our 2nd date first, I was waiting for him at the door and saw him park his car and walk toward me. I remember thinking...wow this guy walks with a lot of confidence like Liam Neeson  , I didn't see that last week (I told myself)! I was still not convinced after our 2nd date but after our 3rd date I absolutely wanted to see him again and again. 

I went on that 2nd date because he came across as a serious man but also I had just spent 3 years chasing down 'chemistry, attraction, connection' and I had nothing to show for. I wanted to do something different, and it paid off.

That being said I would not have gone on a 4th date if my attraction had not grown beyond that 3rd date. 

@Gaeta Thank you for sharing your story!  I really like your perspective!

Edited October 28, 2020 by hajk