Wiseman2 Posted October 24, 2020 Posted October 24, 2020 5 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: I met this guy a week ago on OLD, we felt an instant connection and texted and talked on the phone every day until last Thursday when we met in person. Whether or not it's true or a made up story, he's not responding. Stop contacting him. Unfortunately one-and-done dates are all too common, even it seemingly went well. Try to let go. If things settle down for him, or if he changes his mind, he knows your contact info. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted October 24, 2020 Posted October 24, 2020 It could be both that he was worried about his daughter and that he wasn't that into you, OP. The two are not necessarily mutually exclusive. Since he's posting on FB, he's able to send a quick message if he wanted. So OP, I agree with your choice to write this one off. He's not feeling it. 1
poppyfields Posted October 24, 2020 Posted October 24, 2020 (edited) @ Beach, I don't think he's done anything wrong either. I just don't think he's interested after they met in person, based on everything I've already posted so won't repeat As far as giving the benefit of the doubt, sure she could do that. Wait, hope. As long as it doesn't prevent her from chatting and meeting with other guys, she has nothing to lose. Me? I'd be done. Based on my experience and well, common sense really. And having a strong intuition and sense of how interested men behave, especially after a first meet. Certainly not like this, that's for sure. But heck, ya never know. Everyone's different. Edited October 24, 2020 by poppyfields 1
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted October 24, 2020 Author Posted October 24, 2020 38 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Whether or not it's true or a made up story, he's not responding. Stop contacting him. Unfortunately one-and-done dates are all too common, even it seemingly went well. Try to let go. If things settle down for him, or if he changes his mind, he knows your contact info. One thing I value is consistency. So unless a major tragedy happened (but he wouldn't be posting funny memes on Facebook if it did), there's no excuse to stop contact this way. This shows lack of interest, playing games, or an emotionally unavailable man. I want nothing to do with that, so if he contacts me again in the future, I'm out. 2
boymommy Posted October 24, 2020 Posted October 24, 2020 I had this happen to me many times while OLD. Promising contact then after the first meeting, the excuses started (no matter how legit sounding they may be) I learned super quick that if a guy wants to get a relationship off the ground he will. Nothing will stop him. Guys say they are busy or create excuses because they arent feeling it or are pursuing multiple women (especially on dating apps!) Move on. If this guy comes back around then okay but for now pursue other options. This guy isnt feeling it. 1
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted October 24, 2020 Author Posted October 24, 2020 20 minutes ago, poppyfields said: @ Beach, I don't think he's done anything wrong either. I just don't think he's interested after they met in person, based on everything I've already posted so won't repeat As far as giving the benefit of the doubt, sure she could do that. Wait, hope. As long as it doesn't prevent her from chatting and meeting with other guys, she has nothing to lose. Me? I'd be done. Based on my experience and well, common sense really. And having a strong intuition and sense of how interested men behave, especially after a first meet. Certainly not like this, that's for sure. But heck, ya never know. Everyone's different. I'm done too and already chatting with other men. That's funny what you said about intuition, because if I think about our date, it was good and I liked it, but it was very friendly, no romantic vibes whatsoever. And on the phone and texting he seemed very open and available, and on the date he seemed distant and different, although friendly. So yeah I guess he just didn't feel it. From my experience there are guys who create a fantasy in their minds of how the woman is, and then if she doesn't correspond in person to that fantasy, they're off. And don't even want to know the real person. My intuition tells me that was the case. Anyway I'm out. 1 1
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted October 24, 2020 Author Posted October 24, 2020 2 minutes ago, boymommy said: I had this happen to me many times while OLD. Promising contact then after the first meeting, the excuses started (no matter how legit sounding they may be) I learned super quick that if a guy wants to get a relationship off the ground he will. Nothing will stop him. Guys say they are busy or create excuses because they arent feeling it or are pursuing multiple women (especially on dating apps!) Move on. If this guy comes back around then okay but for now pursue other options. This guy isnt feeling it. Too late if he comes around after no contact for many days. He had his chance. I'm out. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted October 24, 2020 Posted October 24, 2020 He published a funny meme on fb? ... then he's just not that into you. I have a view different than many people on this board. Unless his daughter was near death, I think a man who is interested in someone would have the energy to reach out to the person quite quickly. Like daughter comes home after doctor says things are OK. Next thought: contact that woman I liked! If she had cancer, then that's one thing. Basically the rule is this: never assume someone's failure to follow up is because of circumstance. Never assume that! Circumstance only explains things in 1 percent of the cases. Most likely he enjoyed the date with you, but didn't feel anything particular strong.
poppyfields Posted October 24, 2020 Posted October 24, 2020 7 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: This shows lack of interest, playing games, or an emotionally unavailable man. I want nothing to do with that, so if he contacts me again in the future, I'm out. And this^ is precisely why interested men don't or should not go NC after a first meet. Smart men understand this.
boymommy Posted October 24, 2020 Posted October 24, 2020 4 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Too late if he comes around after no contact for many days. He had his chance. I'm out. Yes I would agree with that. That was the standard I set for myself too. I didnt read every response so I missed that part.
poppyfields Posted October 24, 2020 Posted October 24, 2020 9 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Too late if he comes around after no contact for many days. He had his chance. I'm out. I'm with you girl. Also worthy of note is the fact that this is being done directly after the first face-to-face meet. Assuming he is interested (big assumption) guy would have to be a complete moron not to realize the message he's sending. So again, assuming he's interested, but "busy" or has "a lot on his mind," like Beach suggested, do you want to date a moron? Didn't think so.
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted October 24, 2020 Author Posted October 24, 2020 3 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I'm with you girl. Also worthy of note is the fact that this is being done directly after the first face-to-face meet. Assuming he is interested (big assumption) guy would have to be a complete moron not to realize the message he's sending. So again, assuming he's interested, but "busy" or has "a lot on his mind," like Beach suggested, do you want to date a moron? Didn't think so. I guess it was not at the date, but after the date, that I got to know him. And nope, don't want that.
Ellener Posted October 24, 2020 Posted October 24, 2020 2 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Oh ok, but during those months, were you posting funny memes on Facebook as he did? You are being way too intense about him. He's not contacting you because you have no relationship and he's had a hectic week. 2 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: I was next to him in his car on our date, so he could possibly have it as well and passed it to me too. That wasn't sensible. Social distance for the pandemic, plus be careful getting into cars with someone you don't know. Maybe you should ask yourself why you are reacting to one date like this? I think a lot of men would find it unnerving. 1
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted October 24, 2020 Author Posted October 24, 2020 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Ellener said: You are being way too intense about him. He's not contacting you because you have no relationship and he's had a hectic week. That wasn't sensible. Social distance for the pandemic, plus be careful getting into cars with someone you don't know. Maybe you should ask yourself why you are reacting to one date like this? I think a lot of men would find it unnerving. Well I am reacting like this because I am a woman and I don't like it. If men find it unnerving then they can be gentlemen and act in a mature way. Edited October 24, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020
Ellener Posted October 24, 2020 Posted October 24, 2020 Just now, girlnextdoor2020 said: Well I am reacting like this because I am a woman and I don't like it. If men find it unnerving then they can gentlemen and act in a mature way. Sweetie, and I'm saying this gently, he hasn't done anything untoward or unusual, you are reading way too much into your brief contact with him. Why? 2
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted October 24, 2020 Author Posted October 24, 2020 14 minutes ago, Ellener said: Sweetie, and I'm saying this gently, he hasn't done anything untoward or unusual, you are reading way too much into your brief contact with him. Why? Just because it is not untoward or unusual that doesn't mean I have to like it.
poppyfields Posted October 24, 2020 Posted October 24, 2020 (edited) 30 minutes ago, Ellener said: You are being way too intense about him. He's not contacting you because you have no relationship and he's had a hectic week. That wasn't sensible. Social distance for the pandemic, plus be careful getting into cars with someone you don't know. Maybe you should ask yourself why you are reacting to one date like this? I think a lot of men would find it unnerving. Ellener, how is she over-reacting? The guy kept in touch ad nauseam before the first in-person meet, and now after the meet, he's gone complete 100% no contact. What else is there to think? Guy is not interested after the meet. And as a result, GND has lost interest. I don't understand why you think she's being intense or overacting. This is a normal and very healthy reaction as far as I'm concerned. Common sense. She's being smart. No sense wasting time with a disinterested man, and if he were interested, no way would he have brushed her off when she reached out, telling her he's "working" and then gone no contact. These early stages and especially after the first meet are so precarious. Smart men know how important it is to stay in touch even if they can't get together again for awhile. Assuming they're interested. What he's done, brushed her off when she called, and gone no contact? But has time to post on FB? Come on now Ellener, this is clear disinterest. Edited October 24, 2020 by poppyfields 2
Beachead Posted October 24, 2020 Posted October 24, 2020 @girlnextdoor2020 Can you clarify this for me OP? What day did he tell you about his daughter potentially having Covid?
Versacehottie Posted October 24, 2020 Posted October 24, 2020 6 hours ago, smackie9 said: I dunno....timing in all this is suspect....I wouldn't hold my breath. If I were you I would continue to chat/meet other men in the meantime. daughter is also in the mom's possession so if he was really into the OP, there's nothing from preventing him from a quick update. Gaeta's right, in either situation you do nothing but I'd bet he's not interested. Don't get butt hurt about it. If it's true that she's sick and even if she is not with him bc she is with the mom, it's likely to have him stressed out. You have to know where you fit in his life at this moment for a ton of reasons. When someone is having a crisis (assuming that is true), you send a quick word of support, which you did and then let them decide how they manage their time during the crisis and sorry no better way to say it but where you rank. And that doesn't mean you wouldn't eventually be important in his life if he is into you but it's a blip on the radar of his life if the other stuff going on is true. Good luck
Versacehottie Posted October 24, 2020 Posted October 24, 2020 1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: I'm done too and already chatting with other men. That's funny what you said about intuition, because if I think about our date, it was good and I liked it, but it was very friendly, no romantic vibes whatsoever. And on the phone and texting he seemed very open and available, and on the date he seemed distant and different, although friendly. So yeah I guess he just didn't feel it. From my experience there are guys who create a fantasy in their minds of how the woman is, and then if she doesn't correspond in person to that fantasy, they're off. And don't even want to know the real person. My intuition tells me that was the case. Anyway I'm out. I think this is the case a lot. That's why you shouldn't talk a lot beforehand, even if the guy is trying. I think it's like a shiny new toy syndrome, where they get over excited and make up fantasies and nothing against you but the real thing is often different than phone conversations without demeanor, expressions etc. More than half of communication is non-verbal and it's actually missing during that presumed faux closeness. Also lots of guys probably freak out when they realize "what have I gotten myself into"--overpromising by talking every day for hours and now they feel like they have to keep it up. Especially if you give off an insta-relationship vibe which i have to be honest, you kinda are. It's a lot of pressure. You have to help manage these initial stages by not giving too much too soon. All of the "great" conversations you had would have had much more impact in person & he actually might have wanted to get to know more about you for real because it would have been happening in his real life, ie more magical. and no matter what more realistic. Hard to live up to a fantasy that maybe no girl could live up to because she's imaginary. Just a thought. 2
Ami1uwant Posted October 24, 2020 Posted October 24, 2020 6 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Yes I am chatting with other men. And I agree, timing is suspect. Also it was only one date so I don't know him at all to say he is with his daughter or just not into me. I just feel a difference because before our date he was texting me all the time all day long, so I'm confused now. We added each other on Facebook and he posts a lot of content every day, and hasn't posted anything since Thursday, so don't know what to think. But yeah I'll do nothing since he didn't even read my last message, and will chat with other men. The kid is dick is the classic distancing method..especially if you aren’t the only one he is dating so he might like you but wants to see these one or two others and see how thry go before deciding...or he’s not that into you. thr ball is in his court usually if he liked you and kid is duck thry still communicate with you. 1
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted October 24, 2020 Author Posted October 24, 2020 14 minutes ago, Beachead said: @girlnextdoor2020 Can you clarify this for me OP? What day did he tell you about his daughter potentially having Covid? We met last Thursday after lunch for coffee, and he sent me the message about his daughter a few hours later that same day.
Ami1uwant Posted October 24, 2020 Posted October 24, 2020 1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: I'm done too and already chatting with other men. That's funny what you said about intuition, because if I think about our date, it was good and I liked it, but it was very friendly, no romantic vibes whatsoever. And on the phone and texting he seemed very open and available, and on the date he seemed distant and different, although friendly. So yeah I guess he just didn't feel it. From my experience there are guys who create a fantasy in their minds of how the woman is, and then if she doesn't correspond in person to that fantasy, they're off. And don't even want to know the real person. My intuition tells me that was the case. Anyway I'm out. Women don’t do this either ???
poppyfields Posted October 24, 2020 Posted October 24, 2020 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: The kid is dick is the classic distancing method.. ^^Would you mind changing "dick" to "sick"? I think you still have time. Edited October 24, 2020 by poppyfields
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted October 24, 2020 Author Posted October 24, 2020 6 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: The kid is dick is the classic distancing method..especially if you aren’t the only one he is dating so he might like you but wants to see these one or two others and see how thry go before deciding...or he’s not that into you. thr ball is in his court usually if he liked you and kid is duck thry still communicate with you. And I'm doing the classic "next" method. 1
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