Should I contact him to ask if he is ok, or he is not into me?

[Gaeta]

Just now, girlnextdoor2020 said:

She is 15.

Ok, so not much danger associated with her having covid. I have a 16 year old and I wouldn't worry if she caught it. I would worry about ME and my BF catching it from her as we're older than average parents of 16 years old.  Kids that go to high school will all catch it eventually, probably most of them got it and were asymptomatic. 

So he has a certain level of worrisome, normal he's a parent but it's not like there is a real danger to deal with here. 

 

[girlnextdoor2020]

3 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Ok, so not much danger associated with her having covid. I have a 16 year old and I wouldn't worry if she caught it. I would worry about ME and my BF catching it from her as we're older than average parents of 16 years old.  Kids that go to high school will all catch it eventually, probably most of them got it and were asymptomatic. 

So he has a certain level of worrisome, normal he's a parent but it's not like there is a real danger to deal with here. 

 

Yes agree. I have a 16 year old niece and she has asthma, so if she had covid it could potentially be more serious than average, as usually when she has any virus it tricks an asthma attack and she usually ends up at the hospital taking oxygen and steroids. 

Have no idea if his daughter has any health issues or is healthy. Anyway, I'll take his no contact as it is: no contact, and will chat with other men as I don't want to be worried about someone whom I may never heard from again.

Edited October 24, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020

[poppyfields]

59 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

But I also wonder if he wasn't into me, why did he inform me about his daughter after our date!? That's why I am confused.

Because after meeting you in person and not feeling the same energy he felt while chatting on line, he needed an excuse to back out of this without looking like an ****.

To add, him telling you he's "working" also suggests this. 

The timing of it (immediately after your first face to face meet?) is just too obvious, plus IF he had felt the chemistry/energy on the date, sick child or not, he'd still be in touch.  

Like Ruby Slippers said, it takes two seconds to send a text, set up a second date.  

You say you're confused, but franky not sure why.  To me, it's all very clear.

Before the meet, he had an image of you based on pics and chat, during the meet, he wasn't "feeling it" and after the meet, he is looking for a polite way to back out without having to directly tell you he's not feeling it.  

That's my take anyway.  Happens ALL the time with OLD.

Edited October 24, 2020 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

32 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

If he liked you, he'd want to make sure you know that, whatever else is going on. 

This^.  And sadly, yes people are using COVID as an excuse to back off, back out, or even not see their long term partners.

Twisted or not, it's happening. Read this forum and others.   Threads like yours are not uncommon.

 

[girlnextdoor2020]

7 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Because after meeting you in person and not feeling the same energy he felt while chatting on line, he needed an excuse to back out of this without looking like ****.

To add, him telling you he's "working" also suggests this. 

The timing of it (immediately after your first face to face meet?) is just too obvious, plus IF he had felt the chemistry/energy on the date, sick child or not, he'd still be in touch.  

Like Ruby Slippers said, it takes two seconds to send a text, set up a second date.  

You say you're confused, but franky not sure why.  To me, it's all very clear.

Before the meet, he had an image of you based on pics and chat, during the meet, he wasn't "feeling it" and after the meet, he is looking for a polite way to back out without having to directly tell you he's not feeling it.  

That's my take anyway.  Happens ALL the time with OLD.

Yes that makes sense. I would rather hear the truth, because it would be easy to move on. This way I am left confused and even worried, which is just selfish. Not to say using his daughter and covid in the same sentence as an excuse it is very twisted and very sad, and if that is true, then that's a person I want nothing to do with.

[poppyfields]

20 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Yes that makes sense. I would rather hear the truth, because it would be easy to move on. This way I am left confused and even worried, which is just selfish. Not to say using his daughter and covid in the same sentence as an excuse it is very twisted and very sad, and if that is true, then that's a person I want nothing to do with.

It's very difficult for some people to tell someone they're not feeling it.  OR it's possible he needs time to let the date "marinate" in his brain, perhaps he has other dates lined up.  

Who knows, it could be anything, it's all speculation.  What I wrote was my best guess, what makes the most sense simply by virtue of it happening so often.  His chill behavior and the timing of it. 

It's not even so much his sick daughter, which may be true.  It was him telling you he's "working" as an excuse for not wanting to talk for two minutes.  That's what makes his lack of interest rather obvious at least imo.

Also ask yourself, why would he wait until immediately after the meet to tell you about his sick daughter?

I dunno, again my take, I could be wrong. But to answer your question, do nothing.

Continue chatting with and meeting other men.  If he reaches out for a second date, and you're still interested, great!  

If not, so be.

I'm sorry GND, I know you like him.  There will be others, I promise you!  

Edited October 24, 2020 by poppyfields

[Ruby Slippers]

26 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Yes that makes sense. I would rather hear the truth, because it would be easy to move on. This way I am left confused and even worried, which is just selfish. 

Some men and women react poorly to disinterest or rejection, which is why people tend to let their silence speak for them. 

[girlnextdoor2020]

22 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

It's very difficult for some people to tell someone they're not feeling it.  OR it's possible he needs time to let the date "marinate" in his brain, perhaps he has other dates lined up.  

Who knows, it could be anything, it's all speculation.  What I wrote was my best guess, what makes the most sense simply by virtue of it happening so often.  His chill behavior and the timing of it. 

It's not even so much his sick daughter, which may be true.  It was him telling you he's "working" as an excuse for not wanting to talk for two minutes.  That's what makes his lack of interest rather obvious at least imo.

Also ask yourself, why would he wait until immediately after the meet to tell you about his sick daughter?

I dunno, again my take, I could be wrong. But to answer your question, do nothing.

Continue chatting with and meeting other men.  If he reaches out for a second date, and you're still interested, great!  

If not, so be.

I'm sorry GND, I know you like him.  There will be others, I promise you!  

The reason why I am questioning it is because I really liked him. I've had dates that were dull and boring, or the guys just wanted one thing, and I've had a really nice time with this one. I've had fun and felt a connection for the first time in ages. So sad it was only me who felt it. 

Yes the daughter might be true, but the "being busy at work" was very obvious.

I also guess I did a mistake with this guy. I usually like to chat a little before meeting in person, just to see if we are on the same page, but I don't text too much before meeting.

But with this guy we did feel a connection, and so we were texting all day long. He would even text me when he was on a 5 minute work break (that's why I know the being busy at work is BS). He was also calling me on the phone every day before we met and we would talk for a long time. 

Fortunately this was only a few days before we met, but it was a mistake because I shouldn't have done that with someone I didn't know yet in person. I got too involved without knowing him face to face and also got used to being in contact with him. Then I also liked him in person (in terms of personality and looks he is my type), and now I feel sad and the lack of it. So, that too much texting and talking before and sharing our days was a mistake.

Yes I'll do nothing now and will chat with other men and try to put this behind me.

 

Edited October 24, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020

[girlnextdoor2020]

Well, just an update: I just saw he posted a funny meme on his Facebook page 1 hour ago... 

So I guess all is well and he's just not into me. I am going to delete his number and move on.

[Miss Spider]

I would give him some time. If what he saying is true, he needs it. He’s not going to forget about a woman he’s interested in

Edited October 24, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes

[Beachead]

@girlnextdoor2020

Hello OP,

I know dating is scary and the scene is full of messed up people out there, who ghost others, who fade out, who cheat etc. so it's understandable why you're feeling some anxiety over this. 

Now something you may need to admit to yourself is this: Your reaching out to him when he didn't message you, was an attempt to soothe that anxiety, by seeing where he was emotionally.  It wasn't for him or out of genuine concern for his situation.  It was for you.  That doesn't make you a bad person or anything and that's not to blame you..but to make you aware of your present emotions and how they are affecting your actions or choices.  

Your ability to handle this lies in awarding him some trust and to a certain degree letting him go, so that you can retain your own sanity and can focus on your own affairs for the time being.  This will take away a lot of the anxiety you are currently feeling over his actions which will allow you to not make this about yourself.  If you hold on the way your'e doing right now, you'll burn out, become upset and in your pain, you'll say or act in a way that may jeopardize things with him, when all that was required was a little bit of love in teh form of patience, compassion and understanding.  Then you might regret it, which won't be a good feeling.  For now, give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he is telling you the truth and his daughter is sick with the Flu. 

Let him contact you.  

This is what love really is.  It's an expression of emotional generousity.  

In the event, you find you're subsequently ending up in these situations with him, where you don't feel right or you're beginning to burn out because he's on and off..then no matter what his reasons are, walk away, for your long-term well-being.   It means he's not available to give you what you require. You need your mental health to be the best you, you can be, for your life and the people who love you, and for potential people you meet down the road.  Without that good state of mind, your life will begin to suffer,. Don't be around people who continuously upset you.  You'll know it'll be the right time to leave because by then, you'll know you gave him a few chances. 

- Beach

 

 

Edited October 24, 2020 by Beachead

[poppyfields]

20 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Well, just an update: I just saw he posted a funny meme on his Facebook page 1 hour ago... 

So I guess all is well and he's just not into me. I am going to delete his number and move on.

Ouch, I'm so sorry, that must sting.    But lesson learned to not get too wrapped up in texting or calls before meeting.

Physical energy/chemistry is so elusive.  Pics give you an idea of someone but you still can't judge how the physical "energy" is going to be in person.  

One of my best friends is a gorgeous former model, and was recently rejected after a first meet.  And they had clicked and mentally connected for an entire month before meeting!

You just never know, it's all a risk, no guarantees.

Edited October 24, 2020 by poppyfields

[girlnextdoor2020]

9 minutes ago, Beachead said:

@girlnextdoor2020

Hello OP,

I know dating is scary and the scene is full of messed up people out there, who ghost others, who fade out, who cheat etc. so it's understandable why you're feeling some anxiety over this. 

Now something you may need to admit to yourself is this: Your reaching out to him when he didn't message you, was an attempt to soothe that anxiety, by seeing where he was emotionally.  It wasn't for him or out of genuine concern for his situation.  It was for you.  That doesn't make you a bad person or anything and that's not to blame you..but to make you aware of your present emotions and how they are affecting your actions or choices.  

Your ability to handle this lies in awarding him some trust and to a certain degree letting him go, so that you can retain your own sanity and can focus on your own affairs for the time being.  This will take away a lot of the anxiety you are currently feeling over his actions which will allow you to not make this about yourself.  If you hold on the way your'e doing right now, you'll burn out, become upset and in your pain, you'll say or act in a way that may jeopardize things with him, when all that was required was a little bit of love in teh form of patience, compassion and understanding.  Then you might regret it, which won't be a good feeling.  For now, give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he is telling you the truth and his daughter is sick with the Flu. 

Let him contact you.  

This is what love really is.  It's an expression of emotional generousity.  

In the event, you find you're subsequently ending up in these situations with him, where you don't feel right or you're beginning to burn out because he's on and off..then no matter what his reasons are, walk away, for your long-term well-being.   It means he's not available to give you what you require. You need your mental health to be the best you, you can be, for your life and the people who love you, and for potential people you meet down the road.  Without that good state of mind, your life will begin to suffer,. Don't be around people who continuously upset you.  You'll know it'll be the right time to leave because by then, you'll know you gave him a few chances. 

- Beach

 

 

I was going to do that, but then just saw he posted a funny meme on his FB page 1 hour ago. So I guess he's fine, doesn't reach out to me because he doesn't want it and I'm moving on.

[girlnextdoor2020]

9 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Ouch, I'm so sorry, that must sting.    But lesson learned to not get too wrapped up in texting or calls before meeting.

Physical energy/chemistry is so elusive.  Pics give you an idea of someone but you still can't judge how the physical "energy" is going to be in person.  

One of my best friends is a gorgeous former model, and was recently rejected after a first meet.  And they had clicked and mentally connected for an entire month before meeting!

You just never know, it's all a risk, no guarantees.

It does sting, but my doubts are cleared now. If he is perfectly fine to post funny memes on his FB page, he would be perfectly fine to reach out to me if he wanted. So I'm out.

Yes that was a lesson to not get too wrapped up in texting or calls before meeting. Funny thing is, I thought about that before we met. I questioned why is this guy texting and calling me this much, do we have a genuine connection or is he just lonely, or is he grooming me/love bombing me in order to get something? I was feeling everything a bit too much. Lesson learned, yes.

Edited October 24, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020

[Beachead]

@girlnextdoor2020

I wouldn't draw conclusions from a FB post like this:

Quote

saw he posted a funny meme on his FB page 1 hour ago. So I guess he's fine, doesn't reach out to me because he doesn't want it 

Social Media doesn't paint an accurate picture of what someone is really going through.   It could be, he's just not emotionally equipped at the moment to have a conversation and be his best self with a woman who's opinion of him actually matters to him, when he's got a lot on his mind.  If he has contacted you for a week or two and you're seeing things like this, then I'd drop him for sure.   But since it's only been a day, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

Make sure your anxiety isn't getting the better of you.

- Beach

Edited October 24, 2020 by Beachead

[girlnextdoor2020]

21 minutes ago, Beachead said:

@girlnextdoor2020

I wouldn't draw conclusions from a FB post like this:

Social Media doesn't paint an accurate picture of what someone is really going through.   It could be, he's just not emotionally equipped at the moment to have a conversation and be his best self with a woman who's opinion of him actually matters to him, when he's got a lot on his mind.  If he has contacted you for a week or two and you're seeing things like this, then I'd drop him for sure.   But since it's only been a day, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt.

Make sure your anxiety isn't getting the better of you.

- Beach

I gave far too many chances in the past to guys who were inconsistent, on/off, hot and cold, etc. I don't want that anymore. I want someone who is open and available. Someone who keeps in touch consistently. Otherwise he's not emotionally available for what I am and want. Sorry but I'm off after seeing that funny meme.

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

Sorry but I'm off after seeing that funny meme.

Yeah I don't blame you.  He obviously isn't sitting by his daughter's bedside I bet.  I think he just used that as an excuse to move on.

[Ruby Slippers]

13 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

It does sting, but my doubts are cleared now. If he is perfectly fine to post funny memes on his FB page, he would be perfectly fine to reach out to me if he wanted. So I'm out.

Yes that was a lesson to not get too wrapped up in texting or calls before meeting. Funny thing is, I thought about that before we met. I questioned why is this guy texting and calling me this much, do we have a genuine connection or is he just lonely, or is he grooming me/love bombing me in order to get something? I was feeling everything a bit too much. Lesson learned, yes.

It's good you learned this lesson. I definitely learned to have just a bit of messaging/texts and one good phone call to establish basic compatibility and interest, then meet. 

I think a lot of women are susceptible to quick hookups in this insta-boyfriend communication atmosphere. I'm glad you're seeing through the smoke and mirrors.

[poppyfields]

32 minutes ago, Beachead said:

 

It could be, he's just not emotionally equipped at the moment to have a conversation and be his best self with a woman who's opinion of him actually matters to him, when he's got a lot on his mind.  

Beach, I'm sorry but this^ makes no sense.  IF he cared about her opinion of him, he would be making the effort to contact her, no matter what he's going through (if anything), not ignoring her.  

Most men (smart men) know that ignoring a woman especially after a first meet is a huge risk. For the exact reasons that are happening now.  GND is put off and losing interest.

Also, do you not find it odd that before the meet, he was quite "emotionally equipped" to text, call, every single day, and into the night? 

But now, according to your theory, suddenly after the meet, he's not?  

I assume his daughter did not suddenly fall ill immediately after their meet.  That would be just too coincidental and not likely imo.

Not to mention his "I'm working" excuse.  Sorry, not jiving.

Best of luck moving forward GND! 

Edited October 24, 2020 by poppyfields

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, Beachead said:

 It could be, he's just not emotionally equipped at the moment to have a conversation

Yes if he lost a parent or lost his job I can see a man needing to withdraw, but his 15 year old daughter showing flu like symptoms? nah! If his daughter had a chronic illness putting her at risk I am sure he would have mentioned this to OP already. And like someone else mentioned if it was a real emergency he would be by her side. 

 

[Ellener]

3 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said:

I would find at least a few seconds to send a message to the guy I am interested.

It's not about you. It was just one pleasant lunch!

When my son had problems I disappeared to the rest of the world for months. I was too preoccupied to deal with most people. 

He did send you a message to let you know he is busy, and he knows where to contact you. Let it be.

 

 

 

[girlnextdoor2020]

8 minutes ago, Ellener said:

It's not about you. It was just one pleasant lunch!

When my son had problems I disappeared to the rest of the world for months. I was too preoccupied to deal with most people. 

He did send you a message to let you know he is busy, and he knows where to contact you. Let it be.

 

 

 

Oh ok, but during those months, were you posting funny memes on Facebook as he did?

[girlnextdoor2020]

The only thing I am wondering now if that thing with his daughter is true, is if she was tested and really has Covid, because I was next to him in his car on our date, so he could possibly have it as well and passed it to me too. He should be telling me at least that. 

Edited October 24, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020

[Beachead]

@poppyfields @girlnextdoor2020

Quote

 IF he cared about her opinion of him, he would be making the effort to contact her, no matter what he's going through (if anything), not ignoring her.  

I'm no stranger to telling people when they're getting played for a fool.    But I don't believe this situation is at that point yet.

This guy has told her that his daughter was ill with the Flu and that there was some worry about her having Covid.  It's only been a day or two. The problem of discussion in her post, only began a day or two ago.  If I didn't get that right, correct me, but I'll write my post on that assumption.

That's barely enough time to draw any reasonable conclusion, especially with a guy whom she has described, to be someone who hasn't upset her before.  If this is repeated behaviour, then I'd advise her to cut him out.  But it's not repeated behaviour.  Giving him the benefit of the doubt and awarding him a little bit of time would therefore be reasonable right now.   She doesn't want to do that and that's fine, but as of right now, this ends not beause he's done anything blatantly wrong here.  It ends because she's not treating him or this relationship that they are sharing, as its own thing right now.  She's allowing the stupid things other guys have done to her in the past to evaluate who this guy is and what he's currently doing to her.  Those past relationships with those past guys have nothing to do with him.  He is his own person with his own set of circumstances and should be treated as such.  I'm sure she'd want to be treated as her own person as well, and not be judged by him over the stupid things, women did to him, in the past.  

Now that doesn't mean he's not handling her or playing her for a fool.  He very well could be...but deciding that is a bit premature right now.  And since she started this thread up because she cares for what she has with him (And she's afraid), I'm here to tell her she has the option of giving him a little more time, before she pulls the plug.  

 @girlnextdoor2020,  you do what you feel is best and as long as you feel good by your decision, then there's no problem there.

- Beach

 

 

 

 

Edited October 24, 2020 by Beachead

[Miss Spider]

It’s been one date. There shouldn’t be this much involvement. Maybe he’s telling the truth. Maybe he’s lying. It’s not possible to say with that one social media post. if he’s telling the truth, he will get back to you when things go back to normal. 
 

O btw  get tested

Edited October 24, 2020 by Shortskirtslonglashes