Harry Korsnes Posted November 21, 2020 Posted November 21, 2020 1 hour ago, SRCSRC said: I would like to add this caveat. If you do decide to end the marriage, make sure in your mind it is because you want out and you see no way of resurrecting it. Do not leave because of your infatuation with someone else. Infatuations have a way of disappearing once reality sinks in. You should be in IC right now going over your options before you make such a life changing decision. Good luck to you and your family in whatever you decide. The way i see she's not in love with her h, and dispises him right now and thats why she's looking elswhere.
Author Mia12 Posted November 21, 2020 Author Posted November 21, 2020 4 hours ago, SRCSRC said: I would like to add this caveat. If you do decide to end the marriage, make sure in your mind it is because you want out and you see no way of resurrecting it. Do not leave because of your infatuation with someone else. Infatuations have a way of disappearing once reality sinks in. You should be in IC right now going over your options before you make such a life changing decision. Good luck to you and your family in whatever you decide. I agree with that. We have been having issues for so long. I found a message from 10yrs ago when I left him for a few wks the other day. It's been a long time. Talking to my ex was a nice distraction and just nice to hear compliments and be desired again. I know it was wrong and I will not be leaving for anyone else but my son and I.
Author Mia12 Posted November 21, 2020 Author Posted November 21, 2020 3 hours ago, Harry Korsnes said: The way i see she's not in love with her h, and dispises him right now and thats why she's looking elswhere. I actually don't hate my husband. I'm not going to say I'm in love anymore. My husband has put me through a lot. I was not looking elsewhere and never have until this one time. It was attention I haven't gotten in a long time and I realize it was wrong. He got in touch with me and it got a little to deep. We aren't speaking anymore and that's over. But everything else is the same as always. I worry about my husband and where will he go etc. He isn't a mean person so it's not that we fight a lot so he would be shocked completely I think. He seems to think everything else is fine.
Harry Korsnes Posted November 22, 2020 Posted November 22, 2020 5 hours ago, Mia12 said: I actually don't hate my husband. I'm not going to say I'm in love anymore. My husband has put me through a lot. I was not looking elsewhere and never have until this one time. It was attention I haven't gotten in a long time and I realize it was wrong. He got in touch with me and it got a little to deep. We aren't speaking anymore and that's over. But everything else is the same as always. I worry about my husband and where will he go etc. He isn't a mean person so it's not that we fight a lot so he would be shocked completely I think. He seems to think everything else is fine. I did'nt say you hate your husband your disconected and your looking to be touche.
Harry Korsnes Posted November 22, 2020 Posted November 22, 2020 Just now, Harry Korsnes said: I did'nt say you hate your husband your disconected and your looking to be touched
Author Mia12 Posted November 22, 2020 Author Posted November 22, 2020 1 hour ago, Harry Korsnes said: I did'nt say you hate your husband your disconected and your looking to be touche. Despise is pretty much same thing.
Wiseman2 Posted November 22, 2020 Posted November 22, 2020 Think of this contact with the old flame as a warning sign that you need to find happiness. What exactly did your husband put you through? What you can do after the holidays, is consult an attorney to review your options. Also consult a therapist to review what divorce may entail. Consult both of these professionals privately and confidentiality. Plan your departure. Take your time, get your ducks in a row, mentally, emotionally, financially,etc
Harry Korsnes Posted November 22, 2020 Posted November 22, 2020 1 hour ago, Mia12 said: Despise is pretty much same thing. BUT what is it that you want?
Author Mia12 Posted November 24, 2020 Author Posted November 24, 2020 I have some many reasons I want a divorce. I feel like my husband is so clueless and would be so blind sided it makes me not even know how to go about it.
Wiseman2 Posted November 24, 2020 Posted November 24, 2020 3 hours ago, Mia12 said: it makes me not even know how to go about it. That's what a consultation with an attorney is for. Also make an appointment with a therapist to navigate the separation and divorce process from the emotional side of things. You need 2 things. An attorney and a therapist. With the professional advice and guidance, you will be able to navigate it. However if you are on the fence and just used to and numb to the misery, no one can help you.
Author Mia12 Posted November 24, 2020 Author Posted November 24, 2020 12 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: That's what a consultation with an attorney is for. Also make an appointment with a therapist to navigate the separation and divorce process from the emotional side of things. You need 2 things. An attorney and a therapist. With the professional advice and guidance, you will be able to navigate it. However if you are on the fence and just used to and numb to the misery, no one can help you. I definitely need a therapist. So I should go to a lawyer before saying anything to my husband? For some reason I always have guilt and not sure why when he doesn't seem to. I notice my fuse is so short with him over anything like lastnight he told me why do I have to be such an a**h*** all the time. I think it's just a build up of everything. He is clueless seems like. My age has really made me wake up lately. I wish I would have done something sooner time is ticking away. I don't want to live like this forever I will be 43 in May and don't want to wake up in my 50's at the same place.
trident_2020 Posted November 24, 2020 Posted November 24, 2020 Better off talking to your husband about the big "D" and then going to mediation before going to separate lawyers. If you can dissolve the marriage amicably without going the contested litigated route with opposing attorneys you can save tons of time and money.
Author Mia12 Posted November 24, 2020 Author Posted November 24, 2020 11 minutes ago, trident_2020 said: Better off talking to your husband about the big "D" and then going to mediation before going to separate lawyers. If you can dissolve the marriage amicably without going the contested litigated route with opposing attorneys you can save tons of time and money. This is true. I really don't see him dighting On 10/24/2020 at 12:55 AM, Mia12 said: Is it more common for the married person to call off the affair? Or the person who is not married? I This is true. I really don't see him fighting me but guess you never know.
Zona Posted November 25, 2020 Posted November 25, 2020 It's possible that your husband views the marriage completely differently than you do, especially if you don't have good communication between the two of you about issues in the marriage. I have a buddy who was completely blind-sided by his wife leaving him. He thought the marriage was great, but she obviously didn't. 6 months after the divorce, she completely ghosted him (probably boyfriend didn't want her talking to her ex). He was sobbing as he signed the divorce papers, but his ex just wanted out and had no emotion. He's still a wreck to this day; a broken man. Anyway my point here is that spouses can see the marriage in a completely different light. Seeking out counselling may be a good first step for you, just don't tolerate a councilor that doesn't hold you accountable for things.
Wiseman2 Posted November 25, 2020 Posted November 25, 2020 13 hours ago, Mia12 said: I should go to a lawyer before saying anything to my husband? Absolutely. Advice from an attorney is your business and is private and confidential. No you don't discuss it with or need your husband's input. Getting confidential professional advice is not filing for divorce. It's advice as to your legal rights when contemplating dissolving a marriage. Never threaten divorce. Ever. Either you get advice, decide that's what you want to do and get your ducks in a row, or you decide you're not ready or not interested in divorcing. Since you claim the relationship is abusive, never discuss your departure with him. That's what the therapist, attorney and trusted friends and family are for.
Author Mia12 Posted November 26, 2020 Author Posted November 26, 2020 20 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Absolutely. Advice from an attorney is your business and is private and confidential. No you don't discuss it with or need your husband's input. Getting confidential professional advice is not filing for divorce. It's advice as to your legal rights when contemplating dissolving a marriage. Never threaten divorce. Ever. Either you get advice, decide that's what you want to do and get your ducks in a row, or you decide you're not ready or not interested in divorcing. Since you claim the relationship is abusive, never discuss your departure with him. That's what the therapist, attorney and trusted friends and family are for. My relationship is not abusive at all. So I'm not scared he is not physically or mentally abusive. He just has addictions and things he has done. I would not ever threaten him with divorce. When I think he would be so surprised I have guilt. Not sure why he would even be surprised but that he has to he in complete denial.
Author Mia12 Posted November 26, 2020 Author Posted November 26, 2020 On 11/25/2020 at 1:09 AM, Zona said: It's possible that your husband views the marriage completely differently than you do, especially if you don't have good communication between the two of you about issues in the marriage. I have a buddy who was completely blind-sided by his wife leaving him. He thought the marriage was great, but she obviously didn't. 6 months after the divorce, she completely ghosted him (probably boyfriend didn't want her talking to her ex). He was sobbing as he signed the divorce papers, but his ex just wanted out and had no emotion. He's still a wreck to this day; a broken man. Anyway my point here is that spouses can see the marriage in a completely different light. Seeking out counselling may be a good first step for you, just don't tolerate a councilor that doesn't hold you accountable for things. The fact he would even be blind sided is amazing to me. He has to be in complete denial. Noone could be in a relationship like ours and think things are ok. I think he just is satisfied with how it is as long as he can do what he wants. 1
Recommended Posts