ZA Dater Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 "Do you smoke weed, I like the feeling of being high". That would be a recent interaction I had with someone om Bumble. I have unfortunately seen what drugs do to people, a family member threw their life away and landed up in prison so people who smoke weed I generally stay way from. Which begs the question while we need to be flexible at what point are we too flexible and too inflexible. What would you say no to and what would you still sort of look past? In this persons case, tall, athletic blond, set up a meet up but I knew she would not go through it it, plenty of choice for her but again I do not feel bad about it considering the fairly fundamental difference. It would seem to me its a balance act between too much comprise and too little compromise with no real happy middle ground.
d0nnivain Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 Drugs are a non starter for me. Not acceptable. Past criminal history, financial stability & mental health status have to be evaluated very carefully. Like everyone I have certain preferences but just because I prefer medium height, dark hair, light eyes & a dry sarcastic wit doesn't mean I wouldn't date a blonde, somebody shorter than me, a person of a different faith or different political view etc.
vla1120 Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 My daughter has severe anxiety and uses medical marijuana. She's able to function in the world with the use of marijuana. She has a good job and they know her situation. I would rather my kids use weed than drink. I've seen how drinking can destroy families and I consider alcohol more dangerous than marijuana. If she only uses weed, then maybe you could look past that. I know many consider weed a gateway drug (alcohol too), however, I don't think just because someone uses weed, they're going to automatically graduate to heroin. You're right, it's a balancing act. You have to set your own boundaries. I see nothing wrong with getting to know her. If she's a functioning adult who lives up to her adult responsibilities, you can go from there. As for what I would personally say no to, I'd be more inclined to get to know someone who uses weed than someone who drinks too much. 2
d0nnivain Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 @vla1120 IMO there is a difference between medical marijuana & recreational use particularly where the recreational is still illegal. I don't date people who smoke regular legal cigarettes either because I can't stand the smell. Personal preferences are allowed. 2
smackie9 Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 For me it's a Big fat no. I had my time smokin weed, etc. It made me stupid, lazy and unmotivated about life. And that's what I see in those who smoke, that I work with. It DOES make a difference. 1
GorillaTheater Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 1 minute ago, vla1120 said: I consider alcohol more dangerous than marijuana. Way back in my prosecutor days, that was certainly the consensus. Folks who had smoked out rarely shot their friends, beat their wives and/or children, or killed people on the highway. I still don't like being around the stuff, though. 2
vla1120 Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 Just now, d0nnivain said: @vla1120 IMO there is a difference between medical marijuana & recreational use particularly where the recreational is still illegal. I don't date people who smoke regular legal cigarettes either because I can't stand the smell. Personal preferences are allowed. Good point, out of the three (pot, drinking, smoking regular cigarettes), I think cigarettes are the worst! I also won't date someone who smokes. In NJ, legalizing marijuana is on the ballot this year. It might be legal very shortly (at least, here!) Like anything, it's best done in moderation (except smoking cigarettes.) 1
hippychick3 Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 (edited) Dealbreakers: criminal history, cheating history, trump supporter, hunter, feminine voice (I like deep voices), blonde hair, overly muscular/bulky, bad hygiene, and bad teeth sorry, I see now you were specifically asking about drug use... anything aside from occasional marijuana use, I would not tolerate. My fiancé has never done any type of drugs since we’ve been together. In his younger days, he only tried pot. Edited October 23, 2020 by hippychick3 2
Fletch Lives Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 Well, drugs, alcoholism, gambling, smoking............. these are vices/addictions and can be deal breakers for most people. I'd say if it's one of the first things she mentions when you are getting to know her, she probably does it too much. I'd keep fishing. Dating is like looking for a needle in a haystack. But you only need one good one.
Ellener Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, ZA Dater said: the fairly fundamental difference. That's it though- the differences can be interesting for casual dating, meeting different people; but unlikely to work for a long-term relationship. Oh and to add- 'weed' is technically illegal most places here, and prosecuted sometimes. Edited October 23, 2020 by Ellener add to
Miss Spider Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 (edited) Things I think you should say no to are the things that make you disrespect the person. Edited October 23, 2020 by Cookiesandough 2
Weezy1973 Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 @ZA Dater I thought you were giving up dating? But now you’re back on Bumble? The cycle continues...
Weezy1973 Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 1 hour ago, ZA Dater said: It would seem to me its a balance act between too much comprise and too little compromise with no real happy middle ground. Compromise by definition means finding a middle ground, and is vital in relationships. I’d suggest knowing your absolute dealbreakers, and being flexible with everything else. 2
mark clemson Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 Although I'm not dating, FWIW I would note that anything except for occasional light drinking or pot would be dealbreakers for me as well. I got 2 kids, I don't need to come home smelling like weed on a regular basis. 1 hour ago, Fletch Lives said: I'd say if it's one of the first things she mentions when you are getting to know her, she probably does it too much. I'd keep fishing. +1 on that...
ShyViolet Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 There's no correct answer to this, it's all up to your personal preference. I wouldn't care if a potential partner smokes pot, as long as they are still responsible in all other aspects of their life, like being able to hold a job, following through on responsibilities, etc. I once did have a boyfriend who was pretty big into smoking pot and it didn't bother me. He was a responsible person, not a loser. He had a good job, a car, and owned his own apartment. 1
Author ZA Dater Posted October 23, 2020 Author Posted October 23, 2020 2 hours ago, Weezy1973 said: @ZA Dater I thought you were giving up dating? But now you’re back on Bumble? The cycle continues... I ostensibly have given up, swipe here and there when I have a break in my day. No harm done and no expectation. I got ghosted by this one but then I expected that from the outset, athletic, tall, blond, blue eyes= tons of dating options. Her interest seemed to wane very quickly when I said I do not smoke weed. Not that I think she was very interested to begin with. Back to the topic, I have spent some time thinking about this, for some weed is completely normal, even though it is illegal here. What made me think about this is say you find you really like someone but there is a significant deal breaker, do you walk away or try over come that deal breaker? FYI I gave up Tinder.
elaine567 Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 12 minutes ago, ZA Dater said: . Her interest seemed to wane very quickly when I said I do not smoke weed. Not that I think she was very interested to begin with. Her job may have been to sell you some..
Author ZA Dater Posted October 23, 2020 Author Posted October 23, 2020 5 minutes ago, elaine567 said: Her job may have been to sell you some.. Who knows she is apparently a massage therapist. Its not all bad I had to sit with a friend today and hear her is currently dating at least 5 different ladies, all more stunning than the next. Must be tough.
elaine567 Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 A deal breaker is just that, a deal breaker. Other things you can perhaps overcome but a deal breaker is usually set in stone. 1 1
smackie9 Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 I have friends that smoke, and I respect their space when they go out to have a toot BUT in the past have been kicked out because they were smoking in the can or by the door. Thank god they made it legal here now. They don't have to hide it. I see less people smoking up in public ever since...kinda weird.
Author ZA Dater Posted October 23, 2020 Author Posted October 23, 2020 55 minutes ago, elaine567 said: A deal breaker is just that, a deal breaker. Other things you can perhaps overcome but a deal breaker is usually set in stone. My point is there are probably times where if you do not have any decent other choice and the person ticks boxes you might need to try and overcome the deal breaker.
Miss Spider Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 Oh za!!! , this is another one of your posts where a vent about how your options are so slim is thinly veiled by a hypothetical question.
elaine567 Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 8 minutes ago, ZA Dater said: My point is there are probably times where if you do not have any decent other choice and the person ticks boxes you might need to try and overcome the deal breaker. ...but then it is not a true deal breaker if it is that easily overturned.. Dealbreakers are usually pretty serious ie alcohol, drugs, criminality, mental illness..., or where opposing fixed views are expressed, ie veganism vs meateaters or political incompatibility Right vs Left. In fact anything where there is no wiggle room, whatever the circumstances. 1
boymommy Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 (edited) Unless its for medical use and they arent getting high then any cannabis use is a dealbreaker for me. I have medical marijuana card in my state and I use capsules. I have never smoked recreationally plus I am an addictions counselor so any recreational drug use (including marijuana) is an incompatibility for me. They cant be a heavy drinker either. Only social. Again its due to my job and lifestyle preference. Edited October 23, 2020 by boymommy 1
Foxhall Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 1 hour ago, ZA Dater said: Who knows she is apparently a massage therapist this could be the lady might suit you, she will likely be a more relaxed character which could help you feel more comfortable. 1
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