Acacia98 Posted October 26, 2020 Posted October 26, 2020 (edited) On 10/24/2020 at 9:56 PM, CherryBing26 said: Instead of getting mad that I microwaved his tea he could’ve just said it in a nice way rather than making a face and pouring it out. Instead of getting mad I don’t have cooking utensils, yes we could have went on a trip to the store together. But let me say this, I have most basic average cooking supplies. I don’t have a cast iron skillet, no. I don’t have a peeler, no. But these are things you can easily get around. Last night we had a conversation about his Ayuahasca trip. He wanted to show me a documentary on it. I agreed and watched it. The whole time he kept looking at me to make sure I was watching it. Towards the end; he said he felt like I wasn’t interested and like I wasn’t being positive about it. He actually poured the water out? And you still make him tea?! Sorry, but he sounds like a spoilt brat. Regarding the tea, he really should make it himself: the way he wants to. Then he should offer you some in the spirit of doing something nice for you both. And regarding the utensils, he should make do with what you have or go out, get a job, and buy the ones he wants for his own home or as a gift for you. IMO, that's what a mature man would do. People who are bringing very little to the table really shouldn't make specific demands that another person spend more time, energy and money doing stuff to accommodate them. Yours sounds like an unequal relationship: He calls the shots and you comply, increasingly reluctantly. I'm guessing his parents indulge him a lot and he's gotten comfortable playing the prince. But here's the thing: he can't play the prince unless someone's willing to play the servant. Edited October 26, 2020 by Acacia98
SumGuy Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 (edited) On 10/23/2020 at 9:06 AM, CherryBing26 said: .... Other than that, he’s a great person. He is very loyal, caring, and sweet. I have never met someone i feel so connected to. He is truly always there for me when I need him, but I can’t help but feel like sometimes he could lay off the comments, especially because he doesn’t exactly have his life together.. it just seems hypocritical. Any thoughts on how I could deal with this? Based on this, talk with him. If he is fundamentally good in so man ways then it is merely a matter of open, non-accusatory conversation. I realize you feel that who is he to criticize...people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones....but throwing that in his face isn't going to help you or him get it more together. You both have major sh*t to get through in life so a conversation where you are on the same team, have each others backs, and that includes him accepting your music, etc., is important. On the job thing, that could be a long term issue if he ends up not pulling his weight. I have heard of this experience and if it helps him stay sober that is good. Hoping he gets back and makes more concerted effort on a job. Have you educated yourself on substance abuse? Had conversations with him about triggers? Second getting reaching out to Al-Anon if you decide to stay with him. Edited October 28, 2020 by SumGuy
Author CherryBing26 Posted October 28, 2020 Author Posted October 28, 2020 (edited) Well, unfortunately I think we’ve reached the end. We had an ok weekend but he continued to act like a brat. We went to the mall and I went to every shoe store with him which took 1.5 hours (He needed new shoes). I asked to go in 1 store (the candle store) and he somewhat sulked the whole time. He wouldn’t follow the covid rules of going in 1 door and out the other which was embarrassing. He claimed I was wearing a shirt that was too low. It’s a flowy shirt and I did not realize it had stretched and was definitely too low. Thankfully I had a sweater on to put over. I agreed with him and told him I’d just wear it as a night shirt from now on. When we got home he took my eyeliner and wrote on it claiming now I will never wear it out at again. This really really upset me. I felt like he thought it was a funny joke but i found it childish and a bit controlling. I told him I don’t want to wear it anymore now at all. He then ripped it up and threw it out. Last night I mentioned that we could try something new sexually. It takes a lot for me to bring these kind of things up as I’m very insecure. His response was “uhhh ok alright lol if you want to” I’m not sure why but I got extremely upset. I think it’s just the fact that I sit through Ayuhuasca documentaries with him, I sit with him throughout shoe shopping, I watched more documentaries with him over the weekend about hallucinogens that don’t interest me just to make him happy. It’s starting to make me have resentment towards him. It’s making me act sad and sometimes out of character. He’s becoming so critical and almost self-absorbed in his sobriety. I feel bad because sobriety is a good thing but the way he’s acting is hurting me. He claims I get more upset now — well obviously! I’m thinking of ending it today. It hurts my heart but things just keep getting worse. Edited October 28, 2020 by CherryBing26
d0nnivain Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 After the eyeliner thing I'm shocked that you still wanted to have sex with him. I would have been waaaayyyyy too angry. I think you are finally coming to your senses. Best wishes
FMW Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 17 minutes ago, CherryBing26 said: I’m thinking of ending it today. I know that's hard, but think that's a very good plan.
mark clemson Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 It sounds almost like you've taken on almost a parental role. Some childishness from both sides IMO as well. Those are sometimes the kinds of things that happen when a relationship is fraying. Oh well.It's true he doesn't seem to be in much shape for a relationship. You may consider asking yourself if/why you went for a "project" or fixer upper. IF that's something you actually want (some people do) consider making sure it's LESS of one next time.
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