Gaeta Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 Like many people during the pandemic I decided to renovate. I had the visit of a real estate and she pointed to me what needed to be done to be attractive on the market. Not much, wood fireplace needs to be updated and I need a lighter color on the walls. My boyfriend told me he'll happily do it! I pointed to him he works 2 jobs and I don't want to impose this on him, he insisted he doesn't want me to spend money and he'll do it all. That was last August. He did an amazing stone fireplace with wood mantel, he rewired the room so my TV is above fireplace, looks modern etc. I love it. The problem? Since August all has been left as it is. Patched holes in the walls that have not been sanded, piles of tools in a corner of living room, half the room on primer paint, furniture pushed out of their place. I lovingly ask him when he'll have time to finish the paint, he replies always next weekend, weekend comes and he always has a job to go finish somewhere (he works renovation). I've been living like this for 2 months now. My daughter's boyfriend offered to come and finish the paint. I told my boyfriend and ...of course he doesn't want, he promises he will finish it *soon*. This morning he left for work and I asked what was his agenda for my paint....he said 'don't pressure me I will do it'. What would you do? 1
Acacia98 Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 I'd stop asking about it, and watch what happened for two months. If he did nothing, I'd pay someone to come and finish the job. 1
d0nnivain Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 I'd let your daughter's BF do it but not say anything. If he brings it up, tell him you followed his instructions to take the pressure off him 6
alphamale Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 45 minutes ago, Gaeta said: What would you do? I would dump his ass 3
Fletch Lives Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 (edited) I've been working on refurbishing a room for a home theater for more than a year. I had to finish walls, major cleanup, the room was used for storage and never properly cleaned for 30 years, it was a nightmare. Now, 15 months later, I expect it to be done in a week (except for a few add-on / bolt on items like drapes, speakers, another area rug). I read a lot of other construction projects from DIYsellllfers who take a year or more to compete a home theater. It takes a lot of time. But it saves sooooooooo much money! Sometimes tens of thousands of dollars. I'm not kidding. By the time I'm done with home-made speakers, I'll have saved over $50,000.00 U.S. dollars. Is it worth it? I sure think so! Sure it can be done quicker.........as an example, some companies who rent and buy homes have whole armies of contractors they hire to renovate a home, and it get's done in a month or two, sometimes weeks - but that's an army of workers and enough cash to finance an army! I once dated a woman who had some rental properties - she had one she just put a roof on but needed the ceilings redone........contractor estimates would have been between $2,000.00 U.S. to $15,000.00. Diy cost: Under $300.00 DIY construction with only one person working takes time...........two months is nothing. I know it sucks living like that. But I recommend patience. Just think of how much you have saved, and how well it's been done, the attention to detail, and how it's been done with love! And you can brag, "Look what my boyfriend did for me"! Edited October 23, 2020 by Fletch Lives 1
schlumpy Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 Is the problem that you want to sell right away or you are just tired of looking at it? I suspect from my own experience that he got burned out. His interest was in the mechanics of the project and the finishing details are drudgery. Just not as motivating. If you are going to show the house soon, use that as your deadline. Get someone ready and in the wings if he doesn't come through. Learn from this mistake and make different arrangements in the future. You have saved quite a bit of money if that has meaning to you. 1
Timshel Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 47 minutes ago, Gaeta said: My daughter's boyfriend offered to come and finish the paint. I told my boyfriend and ...of course he doesn't want, he promises he will finish it *soon*. This morning he left for work and I asked what was his agenda for my paint....he said 'don't pressure me I will do it'. What would you do? I wouldn't have it done behind his back Gaeta. Let him know you need it resolved, it need not become a 'thing,' but it's becoming one and there's no good reason it should. You'll either circle a date to paint together or have the bf do it. Make that decision together. 3
kendahke Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: What would you do? Hire someone to come in and finish the job. I mean, now many times can you ask someone to do something they said they'd do, but they keep shining you on? You two decided together that he'd do the job and he decided on his own it isn't important to him to finish the work. If you want it done, hire someone. Your boyfriend has made it clear for 3 months that it's not a priority to him. Edited October 23, 2020 by kendahke 1
smackie9 Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 (edited) mmmmhahaha! welcome to my world! I have a rec room that was started 10 years ago, still not finished. It's full of car parts for 2 vehicles that are not finished yet...you get the gist of it. Take matters into your own hands and have a painting party. You, your daughter and her BF get together and just get it done, order in pizza. You can have it done in a day. Or wait for him to go to work, hire a couple of students to mask up and finish it at a way lower cost. That's what my mom has always done....she never waited for her BFs to do anything, she hired people or got us to fix things. Remember a mechanic has a poor running car, a housekeeper has a messy house, an alarm/security installer (my husband) won't replace a bad camera or update the smoke detectors, etc. You BF does renos, he ain't going to feel up to it coming home to do more work. Edited October 23, 2020 by smackie9 1 3
d0nnivain Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 1 hour ago, alphamale said: I would dump his ass Overreaction. He's an otherwise great guy that it took Gaeta a long time to find. She can always pay somebody to paint her house. She can't pay somebody to be her companion (well technically she could but that is not the same) 2
Author Gaeta Posted October 23, 2020 Author Posted October 23, 2020 smackie I love the idea but my Province is in a red alert covid. We're not allowed to have more than 1 visitor at a time in our home.
Fletch Lives Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 18 minutes ago, smackie9 said: mmmmhahaha! welcome to my world! I have a rec room that was started 10 years ago, still not finished. It's full of car parts for 2 vehicles that are not finished yet...you get the gist of it. Great post Smackie. Sorry about all that. Ten years to finish a room is too long. And the cars....yeah, I won't even go there.........money pits and much harder than simple house/room renovation.I'll do some basic repairs, bolt-on parts on cars, but I'm not rebuilding one of those rust buckets...... I have my limits! 2
gaius Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 Give him a hard and fast date like my wife said, maybe 2-4 weeks from now, and tell him you need it done by then or you'll have the bf do it. To just completely ignore what he said, not the best idea if you want a healthy relationship with a guy who's not a pushover. Even if he is a procrastinator. 3 1
Author Gaeta Posted October 23, 2020 Author Posted October 23, 2020 58 minutes ago, schlumpy said: Is the problem that you want to sell right away or you are just tired of looking at it? I suspect from my own experience that he got burned out. His interest was in the mechanics of the project and the finishing details are drudgery. Just not as motivating. If you are going to show the house soon, use that as your deadline. Get someone ready and in the wings if he doesn't come through. Learn from this mistake and make different arrangements in the future. You have saved quite a bit of money if that has meaning to you. I do not want to sell right away I'm tired of looking at it, and winter is coming quickly, I want a comfy home for our cold winter nights. Yes I think he's burnt out. I have noticed that when it's a big job he's all over it but when it comes down to the final touches he delays and delays. Yes he made me save money in the thousands so far. I am appreciative and I would like he finishes it as his craftsmanship is impeccable.
smackie9 Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 (edited) Nope, I wouldn't worry about his reno ego, I would announce the pressure is off that it will be finished this weekend...if he wants to join you the invite is still open. I think a gentle talk about how over loaded he is with work that this would be the best option for everyone. Edited October 23, 2020 by smackie9 2
Fletch Lives Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 I will admit, I'm surprised he turned down the offer of the other family member to paint.......painting is something most can do.....If it were me, I would have welcomed the help! 1
lana-banana Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 I married the son of a general contractor who spent all his formative years tagging along on jobs. Trust me, it's an exercise in extreme patience (but now I can identify pretty much every finish or brand from Home Depot and Lowe's on sight). Two months is honestly not that long to wait in the grand scheme of things. That being said...it's sanding and painting. It's not like you're asking for heavy up electrical. I like d0nnovain's suggestion. And it may not hurt to just say outright "hey, I'm sort of tired of waiting, I'd really like this done now." Then give it a little more time, but then let your daughter's BF take a go at it, and you can explain you were just taking pressure off. It may hurt his ego but the worst case scenario is that it doesn't come out to his standards, he gets mad, and then redoes it himself.
Author Gaeta Posted October 23, 2020 Author Posted October 23, 2020 3 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said: I will admit, I'm surprised he turned down the offer of the other family member to paint.......painting is something most can do.....If it were me, I would have welcomed the help! well...when I told him daughter's boyfriend offered his help my bf replied he won't do it as good as him. My daughter's bf painted their house and the painting looks nice to me. My bf works in renovation so he has a very critical eye.
Miss Spider Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 (edited) I agree about giving a deadline and let him know after that you will have the bf do it or do it yourself Edited October 23, 2020 by Cookiesandough
Fletch Lives Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: My bf works in renovation so he has a very critical eye. In other words he's a perfectionist in that area. I understand now. 1
Timshel Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 22 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I am appreciative and I would like he finishes it as his craftsmanship is impeccable. Then tell him you would prefer that he finishes it but that you are running out of patience, in a nice way. Are you hesitant to say this to him and if so, why? 1
Author Gaeta Posted October 23, 2020 Author Posted October 23, 2020 4 minutes ago, Timshel said: Then tell him you would prefer that he finishes it but that you are running out of patience, in a nice way. Are you hesitant to say this to him and if so, why? Oh no, I am not hesitant, I told him in a nice way, and in an annoyed way, that I am tired of living in a mess. After reading here I am leaning toward giving him a deadline. On the other hand renovation slows down in December and he'll have more time on his hand but thinking I have to look at those messy walls for another 2 months makes me moody!
alphamale Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: Oh no, I am not hesitant, I told him in a nice way, and in an annoyed way, that I am tired of living in a mess. After reading here I am leaning toward giving him a deadline. On the other hand renovation slows down in December and he'll have more time on his hand but thinking I have to look at those messy walls for another 2 months makes me moody! hi gaeta, why not withhold sex until he finishes the job?? 1 1
Ruby Slippers Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 6 minutes ago, Gaeta said: On the other hand renovation slows down in December and he'll have more time on his hand but thinking I have to look at those messy walls for another 2 months makes me moody! Of course you want the house looking nice for the holidays. I'd communicate a deadline of early to mid November and tell him if he can't get it done by then, you'll go with the backup, then do it. If he doesn't like the other person's work, he can always go back and correct it later. 1
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