Miss Spider Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 6 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: Sure, there are times either or both of us feel indecisive. In those cases we tend to default to a usual spot we know we like. Fair enough, but with one of my BFs this was like 99% of the time. He had no idea what he wanted to eat ever. So most of the time I was like OK ffs let’s just go here. I’m surprised he didn’t make me choose something for him from the menu.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 2 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Why do some people struggle so hard with this decision. I really have never lol there are like a zillion things that I would love to eat at any moment that I will happily pick from I can be happy eating almost anywhere. My relationships have been fairly traditional and the man prefers to pay - so I tend to let him pick the places based on his budget. If I want to go to a fancy place, I offer to pay, though usually they wanna pay for that, too.
Miss Spider Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 1 minute ago, Trail Blazer said: There's absolutely nothing wrong with a dude who'll say on the odd occasion that he doesn't know what he wants to eat and he's happy to defer to a woman's better judgement at that moment in time. Nope. And I don’t think anyone here said there was 1
Trail Blazer Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 4 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: It's not about that - it's about giving him the opportunity to wow you. For example, my last bf asked me what my favorite food was - seafood. He then found a really good seafood place and invited me. I was very pleased, expressive of my delight, and he was happy he got to deliver such a great time. Another example is that he would always invite me on trips and suggest a place. We'd agree on dates, then he'd send me a few options for travel tickets and hotel. I'd pick my favorites, then he'd book and pay. Huge turn-on for me, a very princessy, delightful experience. I guess if he picked crummy hotels it would have been touchy, but he never did that. Yeah, I get that. My response was to another poster who seemingly takes issue with a guy who, on the odd occasion, might not have the mental energy to decide within the moment where he'd like to eat.
Allupinnit Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 @RubySlippers - men like that are fun for a while but I picked my H based on a LOT of other characteristics besides the fact that he could woo a woman (which he definitely did), but it wasn't a must-have for me anymore. I remember your ex boyfriend also ogling other women and commenting on their breasts on these awesome dates he took you on. I don't mean to pick on you, I'm just saying that if it comes down to the showmanship or character, I know which one I'm going with. 1 1
Ruby Slippers Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 1 minute ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Fair enough, but with one of my BFs this was like 99% of the time. He had no idea what he wanted to eat ever. So most of the time I was like OK ffs let’s just go here. I’m surprised he didn’t make me choose something for him from the menu. Yeah, I'm not into that. I'm attracted to decisive, take-charge men. These guys tend to have strong opinions, also tend to have their favorite spots that suit their style, where they're comfortable romancing me on a date. I have gone out with some men who will go along with whatever I want, but there's never much attraction there from my side.
Allupinnit Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 Just now, Allupinnit said: @RubySlippers - men like that are fun for a while but I picked my H based on a LOT of other characteristics besides the fact that he could woo a woman (which he definitely did), but it wasn't a must-have for me anymore. Thoughtfulness on the other hand, I think is something entirely different. I remember your ex boyfriend also ogling other women and commenting on their breasts on these awesome dates he took you on. I don't mean to pick on you, I'm just saying that if it comes down to the showmanship or character, I know which one I'm going with.
Trail Blazer Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 Just now, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Nope. And I don’t think anyone here said there was I may have misunderstood your post, then. From my end, reading your post implied that unless a guy decides every time, then you'll seemingly take some issue with his indecision. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 Yes, and I'll leave names out of it, but I recall a few of the take-charge women in this thread lamenting how their bf/husband doesn't do anything for their birthday, they have zero sex, etc. Every rose has its thorn. 1
Miss Spider Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 1 minute ago, Ruby Slippers said: I can be happy eating almost anywhere. My relationships have been fairly traditional and the man prefers to pay - so I tend to let him pick the places based on his budget. If I want to go to a fancy place, I offer to pay, though usually they wanna pay for that, too. I guess I really never considered the financial aspect of it. There was never much of a disparity there with the guys I dated, so that was never an issue. I guess there would be if I chose Michelin star restaurants all the time. Maybe I should’ve done that to got that one boyfriend to choose where to eat more often or what he wanted to do more often.
Miss Spider Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 4 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said: I may have misunderstood your post, then. From my end, reading your post implied that unless a guy decides every time, then you'll seemingly take some issue with his indecision. Oh no, that would be absurd. I thought it implicit in my post that sometimes/often times I pick. Just asking him what he wants for a change
Trail Blazer Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 11 minutes ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: Why do some people struggle so hard with this decision. I really have never lol there are like a zillion things that I would love to eat at any moment that I will happily pick from There could be more to it than somebody simply not knowing what they want to eat. I recall being with my ex-wife where, on many occasions, after a grueling 12-hour shift (complete with sleep depravity from a restless baby) I'd come home and my brain was fried. If I was exhausted, stressed and had one million other things on my mind, to even muster up the energy to think about organizing take-out, may have been a bridge too far. Look, that's an extreme example and certainly not something which would afflict me on a consistent basis. I'm just saying, however, that sometimes explanations aren't always as simple as they may appear. 1
Miss Spider Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 1 minute ago, Trail Blazer said: There could be more to it than somebody simply not knowing what they want to eat. I recall being with my ex-wife where, on many occasions, after a grueling 12-hour shift (complete with sleep depravity from a restless baby) I'd come home and my brain was fried. If I was exhausted, stressed and had one million other things on my mind, to even muster up the energy to think about organizing take-out, may have been a bridge too far. Look, that's an extreme example and certainly not something which would afflict me on a consistent basis. I'm just saying, however, that sometimes explanations aren't always as simple as they may appear. 1
Trail Blazer Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 1 minute ago, Shortskirtslonglashes said: What's that response supposed to mean?
Ruby Slippers Posted October 28, 2020 Posted October 28, 2020 Yes, we've gone off on a bit of a tangent, but the OP expressed feeling bad, irritated, thinking he's lazy. If she's already feeling that way about a boyfriend, it doesn't bode well for the future. I'm getting the sense she'd feel better about a man with a plan. At least some of the time. 1
Gaeta Posted October 29, 2020 Posted October 29, 2020 (edited) I think OP's desire for a man that plans and delivers is legitimate for a beginning of a relationship but it's not sustainable long term, as they'll move in a long term relationship the dynamic will change, most time it changes. I can count 1 couple I know that the man leads in terms of dates, trips, outings, the rest of couples around me it's the women that end up running that department. It sucks yes yes yes but I prefer planning something than pouting and ending up doing nothing. Also, it's possible her boyfriend moved into LTR mode too fast. If I look in this thread all the women here talking about it being their normal are all women in long term relationships. It's goes hand in hand with the mental charge I was talking about. Without women knowing they become the holder of the birthdays, grocery shopping, medical appointments, AND date planning. Edited October 29, 2020 by Gaeta
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