ccas93 Posted October 22, 2020 Posted October 22, 2020 So I've been seeing this this girl for the last couple weeks, she lives about 45-50 minutes away from me. She's 28, college grad, working in real estate, very good looking Indian girl. I've been out with her 3 times. She seems to really, really like me. I'm not sure if I feel the same about her. While she is very sweet and she's been a good time all three times we've been out, I don't feel like there's much of an intellectual connection so far, which is important if the relationship is to provide me energy and isn't to become tiresome. Also, she was a self-described prude when she was in high school and college, though I figured when she told me this, she's had plenty of time to learn since then. On our third date, she got close in and cuddly with me and obviously wanted to kiss. So I eventually went in for the kiss and it was... awkward. She like, gave me some pecks on the cheek, so I tried full on kissing her or making out, and she just kind of kissed me lightly on the lips and stopped. I asked her if she likes making out, and she just gave me a giggly non-answer. I suspected she's had very little past sexual experience. I don't take women who really like me for granted, esp if they have some positive qualities themselves, which she does. However, I've been a little distant with her recently and I can tell her feelings are a bit hurt by it. Should I give her another chance and a 4th date?
d0nnivain Posted October 22, 2020 Posted October 22, 2020 You are misreading her sexually. As a self described prude, her pecks back to you when you tried for making out on the 3rd date are her non-verbally telling you that a full on French kiss let alone a make out session is waaayy more then she's comfortable with this early on. The giggly evasive response means she has limited experience, doesn't have the maturity or vocabulary to talk about physical acts & you pushed a boundary she wasn't ready to cross. I'd give her the 4th date especially because you say you don't take women who like you for granted. Try a variety of topics to see if you can get more of an intellectual conversation. Do you know her undergrad degree? Study up on that subject so you can discuss that with her. Ask about her business, the real estate market in the bay area, how it's changed since Covid, what her dream house looks like. Understand I like political discussions; they are not everyone's cup of tea. If you dare ask how she feels about Kamala Harris being the 1st woman of Indian descent to be nominated as VP. 1 1
Wiseman2 Posted October 22, 2020 Posted October 22, 2020 1 hour ago, ccas93 said: Should I give her another chance and a 4th date? Sounds like you've made enough assessments to realize the chemistry lacks. Many people are 'nice' or 'good people', however the deal with dating is finding a good romantic fit. 3 1
schlumpy Posted October 22, 2020 Posted October 22, 2020 What do you look for in an intellectual connection? I may face some fire for this but it's not been unheard of for a really smart girl to play dumb so she does not outshine her date. 1
Author ccas93 Posted October 22, 2020 Author Posted October 22, 2020 (edited) 24 minutes ago, schlumpy said: What do you look for in an intellectual connection? I may face some fire for this but it's not been unheard of for a really smart girl to play dumb so she does not outshine her date. I just look for hobbies, books, interests, geek out topics, something she's excited about and engages her mind outside of her job. If she only ever just watches TV shows and looks at dog pictures in her free time I'll eventually get bored. not throwing shade at people who do watch shows or look at dog pics, because I appreciate both lol but it just won't last that long between her and me if that's all she does. I'm not exactly sure what this girl does, she says she doesn't have much of friend circle and it seems she's usually just relaxing or not much of anything when she's not at work. Edited October 22, 2020 by ccas93
introverted1 Posted October 22, 2020 Posted October 22, 2020 So there's no intellectual connection and she's sexually prudish. What would be the point of a 4th date? 3 2
Author ccas93 Posted October 22, 2020 Author Posted October 22, 2020 14 minutes ago, introverted1 said: So there's no intellectual connection and she's sexually prudish. What would be the point of a 4th date? True. she did want me to teach her how to lift weights and that actually sounds fun. I used to coach weightlifting at a crossfit gym. Maybe we could bond over that, idk.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 22, 2020 Posted October 22, 2020 Sounds like it's not a match. I wouldn't continue with something so lukewarm. 1 1
snowboy91 Posted October 22, 2020 Posted October 22, 2020 If you're not sure how you feel about her now, then that's probably not going to improve much in the future. It's a lot of effort to put in to not get much in return. So no, I don't think you're giving up too quickly, what you feel is reasonable. 1
schlumpy Posted October 22, 2020 Posted October 22, 2020 Despite the complaints something is maintaining your interest. Is it that you don't know how she earns a living? 1
Lotsgoingon Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 You can go out with her again... but no need to press the kiss if you aren't feeling the energy between you. Basically you love intellectual stimulation and she hasn't met your mark so far ... that's fine. You might go out again, but frankly, it sounds like this is over. The bad kiss rescued you btw. Why kiss her if you felt none of the intellectual energy and engagement you like in a woman? The kiss was a waste of time. Good kissing can't substitute for intellectual stimulation. You got lucky the kissing didn't go all that well. Because had it gone well ... you be pushing forward in a relationship that was doomed to fail. 1
Chilli Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 Yeah agree with Donni she just likes to give it time that's pretty obvious and she even warned you but no matter anyway because if your not talking that much already then that'll likely just run down hill from here, early on would be the highs not lows. Besides, your iffy already.
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 Don’t waste her time with a 4th date. Go get you a mean woman who has been with many men, and is full of drama. You want the thrills and excitement, right?
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