Nikita20 Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 Okay..I’m new here in the shack. I’ve read so many posts that have been so helpful in dealing with my breakup, however I feel that I need to tell my story to get some more input and advice. So, here it goes. This is a long story, so please be patient. I met the love of my life 2 years ago on October 3rd. When we met, I just knew he was the one. Our relationship was wonderful. We had so many similarities, it was unreal. We both knew we were meant for each other. I got along with his parents and he got along with mine. Everything was perfect. After dating him for nine months, he asked me to move in with him and I did. I was a bit hesitant because his place was small and wasn’t in a nice neighborhood. However, I knew I would be taking a huge risk, but I decided I’m in love with him, what the hell. We were good roommates, however, we both had different work schedules. I’m currently working for my sister and have been working for 3 years. This was supposed to be temporary until I found something else (I used to be an inside sales rep in the tech industry, but I got laid off.). He worked in the mornings and I worked in the afternoons. However, I didn’t work full eight hour days because I was in a rut and I hated my job. This didn’t bother him at first, however, when I started complaining about my job, is when things started to go wrong. At my sister’s, I was making significantly less money than I was in my previous position. Plus, I wasn’t happy I wasn’t living up to my full potential. What held me back from looking for a new job was fear. I didn’t know where I wanted to go, what I wanted to do, etc. Also, since I was making less money, I was financially strapped. However, I always paid for half of the rent and always contributed when it came to our expenses. He also didn’t have much money either, but we always managed to survive. Also, due to my financial situation, I’ve neglected my taxes for a year and have neglected to take the drivers courses in order to get my drivers license back (I currently have a suspended license because of a DUI I got 5 years ago). I told him all about this in the beginning of our relationship because I felt so horrible about myself and felt like such a loser. He mentioned, “Don’t worry, it’s okay, I know you aren’t a loser, plus I love you.” Just this February, he writes me in a Valentine’s Day card that he wants to marry me and hopes by next year we will be living in a new place. I was so happy. Then in March, after some nagging and encouragement from him, I got my resume updated and started looking for a job. I got a lot of hits, and even went on a few job interviews, but none of them panned out. I got discouraged, so I stopped looking. I think that this upset him, but he never said anything. Around May, he comes across this excellent job opportunity in Southern California and we both decide that he should take it. Prior to starting his new job, in June, we ended up going to France for a couple of weeks to visit his relatives: aunt, uncle & grandparents. All of them really liked me. His uncle even pulled him aside and mentioned, “You know, you have a really cool girlfriend.” Plus, I speak French, which was an added bonus and another one of the bizarre similarities we had in common. Then in mid July, he leaves for his new job. He wrote me a beautiful card prior to leaving saying how important I am in his life, how he wouldn’t be where he was today because of me, how this move isn’t to move away from me, but to take our relationship to the next step. The plan was for him to move down there first and I was to join him after finding a job down there. When I came back to Northern California after helping him with his move, I started surfing the net and looking for a job. After two weeks, of sending out resumes I wasn’t getting any responses whatsoever. This disappointed me because my resume is pretty solid. We spoke to one another on the phone everyday and he would always ask me if I got any responses back. I would tell him no. I could hear the disappointment in his voice when I would say that. One day I snapped at him because it sounded like he didn’t believe me that I was looking for a job and I was. Finally, in the beginning of August, I called a recruiter, who I sent my resume to, and asked why I haven’t heard back from him. He mentioned most companies don’t like hiring people outside the area—they usually hire local people. He mentioned to change my address to a Southern California address, which I did. In the meantime, I called my boyfriend to let him know this, he was pleased, but yet sounded a bit strange. The reason being is because he was having difficulties with his new job and wasn’t sure if he liked it. The main reason was because of his boss. I ended up going down there to see him to cheer him up. When he came to pick me up at the airport, he acted really strange and was very distant. This freaked me out and we ended up fighting the whole entire weekend. However, we did make up prior to me leaving. In fact, when I left, he left me a message on my cell phone, hoping that I have a good flight—he was bawling his eyes out. Around the end of the second week of August I start getting responses back from my resume. The 3rd week of August is when everything fell apart. I start telling him that I’m getting responses. He isn’t excited, in fact, he is extremely depressed. He says he dreads going to his job everyday because his boss is psycho and treats him horribly. He then starts to tell me to start looking up in Northern California. I told him to give the job some time and try to work things out. In another phone conversation, we ended up fighting. I asked him what is the most important thing in his life. He mentioned career, marriage, children, etc. This upset me because I wanted him to say I was the most important thing in his life. After we hung up, I called him again but left him a message to call me back. Then on August 19th, he calls and tells me that he needs to be alone. I pressure him and tell him, “Does this mean we are breaking up?” He says, “Yes.”. I told him to never call me again. I ended up calling his mom the next day to tell her that I couldn’t housesit for her because we broke up. I didn’t give her any details. She told me, “Aw, don’t worry you guys are just having a spat.” She writes me in an email, “No matter what happens I still like you and I hope that we can still remain friends.” I ended up calling him the following week, trying to get in touch him, but he wouldn’t answer his cell phone. I email him at work and he responds, “Please discontinue any conversation with me. IT IS OVER.” I freak out, call him at work and his boss answers the phone, which was strange. His boss mentions that he left for the day because he wasn’t feeling well. Then his boss reveals that he is going home for the weekend because of family matters—his brother’s tumor came back. I was so relieved. This made sense why my boyfriend was freaking out. I ended up calling his mom and his mom tells me that he quit his job and used that as an excuse to leave. Her advice about the situation was to shrug my shoulders and move on. She also mentioned that he didn’t want to move back in the apartment with me, which is ironic because originally it was his place. She mentioned that men are pigs. I was so devastated on how unsupportive she was. He then calls me later acting very strange and bizarre. He was upset that I called his work and he what I told his boss. I told him that he didn’t have anything to worry about. He was relieved. He then tells me in a sarcastic tone, “I’m just not into you. I want a woman I can be proud of. You are 37 and time is ticking for you to have kids. Plus, do I want someone with a suspended license driving our kids around.” I was crushed. I couldn’t believe how cruel he was after all I’ve done for him—I gave him my heart and soul, plus an immense amount of love. I am a woman that he can be proud of. I’ve had a successful career and I’m capable of having one. I’m intelligent, well-rounded, independent and cultured. He saw all that in me. When he finally came back up north, I get in touch with him and tell him that if he wants to break up he’s going to have to do that in person. I ask him to meet me at the apartment and he says no. In a frenzy, he tells me that he is interested in someone else, which I know is complete bs. We end up meeting in a park. Our conversation was very civilized. He looked extremely sad and depressed. He tells me that he loves me, thinks I’m beautiful but just can’t be with me right now. We give each other a hug and both walk away. I left him a voice mail thanking him for meeting me. I also write him an email asking him for some time apart and a 2nd chance to reconcile. He emails me back telling me my letter was very nice, however, he says for me to stop emailing and calling him because it is making things too difficult for him. He tells me to move on so that I can achieve my goals. I then vow to myself not to contact him. He then contacts me 3 weeks later, which was September 19th. He asks how I’m doing, etc. I calmly tell him that I’m doing fine. He then asks if I’m still in the apartment. I tell him that I moved out because it was too depressing to be there. Then he asks, so where did you move to? I was vague—I told him I moved to a better place. Since he works for the theater, he mentions that he recently attended opening night for a play. He mentions that I would of really liked it and he could get tickets for me and my sister. I thank him for the tickets and tell him I’m not sure if I would have the time to go, since I’ve been busy. The weird part of this whole thing is he tells me that I can call him if I want. I haven’t called him since and it has been three weeks. This whole entire thing has been complete hell for me. I’ve never gone through so much pain in my entire life. I love him so much and want to get back together with him. I’m just so confused on why he broke up with me. In the time we’ve been apart, I’ve paid off my taxes, been on several job interviews and even got a job offer. I’ve negotiated with the company on the salary, got them to pay me $10k more than what they originally wanted to offer me and now they are sending me a job offer in the mail. I just wish that I could share this with him, but I can’t. The longer this NC goes, the less hope I have of us getting back together. I guess I have to face reality and accept that it is over, but all I want is a 2nd chance. I desperately want to call him. I miss him so much. Any advice?
fatcat Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 Stick a fork in it sister, its done. I did like the fact you guys spoke French and went to France, but that's it. Y'know love does kooky things like it morphs into something that seems lasting, but this one blew up when he took the job in So. Cal. The comment he made about you being 37 and you should get your ass in gear if you want kids was pretty cruel. If he was the man, that wouldn't have uttered out of his mouth. He would have stuck with you through thick and thin. He's a jerkoff, and you should move on. Throw away his phone number and don't wait by the phone. Also, I hope you get a gig. That will blow away this sense of insecurity I get from you. Refuse any emails or calls from him.
Author Nikita20 Posted October 13, 2005 Author Posted October 13, 2005 Thanks for the advice FatCat. But what I don't understand is how this blew up in one month? He writes me a beautiful card right before he leaves telling me that I'm the love of his life, how important I am to him, how he wouldn't be where he was today if it wasn't for me. One month later he breaks up. I'm just so devistated, however I am getting better over time. Also, I don't understand the phone call. Why does he want to know where I live? Why did he offer theater tickets to me? Why did he mention that I could call him? Is he leaving the door open a tiny crack for reconciliation? I just don't get it. I'm NOT calling him though. I think it is complete bs for him breaking up with me. He needs to jump through some major hoops before I even consider taking him back. What confuses me the most, we had such a deep love for one another. I just know he will never find that again with another person. By the way, I forgot to mention that he is 29.
SmoochieFace Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 29, huh? That explains things... he is one confused laddie. Face it, this guy is an a**h***. I certainly hope you do not EVER consider taking him back cuz in all likelyhood his behaviour towards you will worsen even more. You deserve MUCH better than that. And his '37' comment is all it takes to reveal the kind of man... WHOOPS... BOY... he really is. He sounds like a prime candidate for those nutty talk shows. Do yourself a favour and stay away from him.
Author Nikita20 Posted October 13, 2005 Author Posted October 13, 2005 Thanks for the input Smoochie. I agree with you he is an a$$ for doing what he did and saying what he said. This is unlike him. I've never seen him like this before. I just think that was under major stress and pressure. This new job was an opportunity for us to get out of the town we were in and start a new chapter in our relationship. This blew up in his face, I was pressuring him and he said those things and bailed out. I know that you may think that I'm pathetic for defending him, but, in our relationship he was very kind and loving. I'm just under the impression he did this because he needed time alone to calm down and think about things. So what do you think about the phone call?
Author Nikita20 Posted October 13, 2005 Author Posted October 13, 2005 Can someone give me some input on the phone call? Is he waiting to hear back from me?
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