OverThinker72 Posted October 20, 2020 Posted October 20, 2020 Hi peeps! Hope you're all keeping well. I've been in a long distance relationship for many years, but we do see each other often. I live in London and he lives in The beautiful Highlands, Scotland. I was meant to move there a while ago, but we are both very close to our families, especially to our grown up children and things have happened preventing us from living together. We have faced obstacles, but we remain strong and still love each other very much. I'm often asked how we've made it work for such a long time, and to be honest we just have. We get on great, even though we are so very different. The only thing that worries me, is that we might become too comfortable with the way things are. Am I just creating a problem? So anyway, I'm curious about your experiences with long distance relationships. Would you survive a long distance relationship of many years? Granted, we both live on the same island so the distance isn't such a huge problem, although he does live in the middle of nowhere! A beautiful nowhere though 1
basil67 Posted October 20, 2020 Posted October 20, 2020 I can't speak for myself, by my father in law maintained a 20 year relationship with a partner while they both maintained their own houses and would travel a couple of hours to see each other regularly. They were both comfortable with this arrangement. That said, their trip was only about 2hrs and I think yours is somewhat longer. You mention being getting 'too comfortable'. What does 'too comfortable' look like to you? 1
hippychick3 Posted October 20, 2020 Posted October 20, 2020 I think only you can decide that. My fiancé and I were a 3 hour drive for almost 7 years. We traveled back and forth every weekend. Now he’s living with me in my house and although it’s wonderful having him around and not traveling anymore, I kinda miss the excitement that came along with those weekend trips. Actually missing each other and then reuniting again was very bonding and actually fun. Overall though, it’s nice having some help around the house and being able to actually have time to get things done (like home projects and laundry) on weekends instead of traveling. Do what works for you. There are no rules to this! 1
Wiseman2 Posted October 21, 2020 Posted October 21, 2020 Why can't you think of it as having the best of both worlds? You're near your respective families, you can visit each other. Lot's of people have 2 or more homes, why not think of it this way? People with grown families who are established where they are don't need to answer to anyone. 1
Author OverThinker72 Posted October 21, 2020 Author Posted October 21, 2020 19 hours ago, basil67 said: I can't speak for myself, by my father in law maintained a 20 year relationship with a partner while they both maintained their own houses and would travel a couple of hours to see each other regularly. They were both comfortable with this arrangement. That said, their trip was only about 2hrs and I think yours is somewhat longer. You mention being getting 'too comfortable'. What does 'too comfortable' look like to you? Thank you for your comment. I think we both might like our own space too much, we can do our own thing and have different ways of doing things. We might get too comfortable with what we have and will never get to the part we where live together. Hope that makes sense.
Author OverThinker72 Posted October 21, 2020 Author Posted October 21, 2020 8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Why can't you think of it as having the best of both worlds? You're near your respective families, you can visit each other. Lot's of people have 2 or more homes, why not think of it this way? People with grown families who are established where they are don't need to answer to anyone. Thank you for your comment. I always say "I'm off to my Scottish home" when I travel to where he lives. I do understand what you're saying and to be honest, it's how I sometimes feel. 2
Author OverThinker72 Posted October 21, 2020 Author Posted October 21, 2020 18 hours ago, hippychick3 said: I think only you can decide that. My fiancé and I were a 3 hour drive for almost 7 years. We traveled back and forth every weekend. Now he’s living with me in my house and although it’s wonderful having him around and not traveling anymore, I kinda miss the excitement that came along with those weekend trips. Actually missing each other and then reuniting again was very bonding and actually fun. Overall though, it’s nice having some help around the house and being able to actually have time to get things done (like home projects and laundry) on weekends instead of traveling. Do what works for you. There are no rules to this! Thank you for your comment. I think I would miss the reuniting bit too. We've been together for almost 7 years, and it's been great. May I ask if you and your partner had problems deciding whose house, or city, you were going to live in?
Mystery4u Posted October 21, 2020 Posted October 21, 2020 Currently in my 3rd LDR, and I've set 2 years as the max time before we are together for good. Would not go longer than that. Falling asleep next to that special person.. waking up next to them.. doing most things together .. are some of the best things in a relationship. Not sure how people don't want to do that every single day. I have no idea how you have managed 7 years.
hippychick3 Posted October 21, 2020 Posted October 21, 2020 3 hours ago, OverThinker72 said: Thank you for your comment. I think I would miss the reuniting bit too. We've been together for almost 7 years, and it's been great. May I ask if you and your partner had problems deciding whose house, or city, you were going to live in? We have actually already decided to live where he was living starting next summer when my youngest graduates high school because we like that area more. But due to Covid, he’s temporarily working remotely and is able to live here with me for now. We plan to sell my house in the spring and both go back to where he was living (and still working) by next summer. However, if my kids were all going to reside in the same town I live in now after graduating, I’d hesitate to move. So I understand why’d want to stay where you are. 1
Fletch Lives Posted October 22, 2020 Posted October 22, 2020 Most long distance relationships fail, but you have held yours together for years! Congrats! Obviously, you know what you are doing. Perhaps you should be giving us advice on this topic. Sometimes, not living with someone can actually be a benefit - it takes work to relate to someone all the time. So healthy space can actually help keep love levels up and the emotional work load of a relationship down. On the other hand, you might want to get married and/or live together. It's true that he might get comfortable with this long distance arrangement and not want to change. Many women have had to put their foot down and demand marriage. 1
Chilli Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 On 10/22/2020 at 4:56 AM, OverThinker72 said: Thank you for your comment. I always say "I'm off to my Scottish home" when I travel to where he lives. I do understand what you're saying and to be honest, it's how I sometimes feel. Yeah l agree and you've kept things going this long , still strong , says it all. l actually don't mind the idea myself although we've only been together just over 2yrs , it's a 7hr day one way with driving and the flight but l actually really enjoy it.could do it forever. Although my partner she's getting a bit sick of that part. My brothers been at it over 20yrs with his partner , they're nearly a 4hr drive apart , they spend a wk or two together at either place every few wks, l suppose if you want more someones gonna have to move sometime down the track though and hopefully you'll be able to work it out. 1
boymommy Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 (edited) I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. I am an hour away from my boyfriend for 3 years. Due to our kids being in different school districts and custody schedules we won't be able to live together for at least 3.5 more years. We see each other every weekend though and extended time for vacations and holidays. As happychick said the reuniting is very exciting and adds an element of fun to our relationship. Once we are living together it will be nice to actually have someone to share in the household chores, bills, more companionship, ect. Everything you miss out on having a LDR. Pros and cons to both! So my answer is that I think you can do it as long as it works for both of you. People make comments to me all the time asking when we will live together or get married because we have been together so long. I just reply we both see it happening at some point. If you are happy and making it work then thats all that matters! Edited October 23, 2020 by boymommy 1
Maisy28 Posted November 2, 2020 Posted November 2, 2020 (edited) Hey! I understand what you mean 100%. I myself am facing struggles of my own. I too am in a long distance relationship (I'm jealous of the distance between you and your partner as its a lot closer than I am to mine!!). My boyfriend lives in Florida, I live in the UK. We have been completely in love with each other for just over 2 years, we too face many hurdles. But you know what? Me and him are complete opposites. We handle situations differently, but the way in which we go about the 'problems' shows we learn about one another. We learn what each other need to resolve something and so when I look at hurdles, I see them as strengthening our relationship. There is no such thing as too many years. Distance is difficult, end of discussion. People with distance between them and their partner who say they dont face problems are lying. Distance affects so much. Physical touch in my case. Knowing how he smells, knowing what his actual physical presence is like. Its something that can easily be forgotten. Me and him have had plenty of arguments, even ones that happen everyday of a week. But, I stay hopeful. We both have the same intentions, that helps because it means we both have the same dream for our relationship (He is adamant that I am having his children and apparently his mother is too!). His family love me, whilst mine are unsure about him due to his career choice that again throws hurdles at us. His dream to be a marine is something I would never stop him from doing, At the end of the day, he gets his dream and I get mine. My dream is him. Always has been. I just can't wait for experiencing the many more years that it takes to prove everyone who doubted us wrong. Always remain positive, that's my advice. Never leave an argument unresolved. If you have a bad day, ensure you have a good evening and you communicate. Communication is key. Go to bed happy... Edited November 2, 2020 by Maisy28
Recommended Posts