Author vwisme Posted October 20, 2020 Author Posted October 20, 2020 42 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: yes. Onwards and upwards. Don’t worry about her motives. She is in the past for you. Consider how lucky you are now. You are free to do whatever you want. You don’t have to worry about making her happy, only yourself. You have all the time to better yourself and accomplish whatever goals and dreams you have. You don’t have this girl to pull you back and down with her drama. That’s so draining. In your free time, you can see all the girls you want , Consider all the positives. You’re fortunate. I can't tell you how much I needed this. I've felt like I'm missing out but for whatever reason you saying "consider how luck you are" is a revelation. I'm going to think through that. Thank you. Thank you so much. 2
Lotsgoingon Posted October 21, 2020 Posted October 21, 2020 Look, the happy breakup is overrated. I've had happy, civil breakups ... warm breakups where we wished each other well and all of that. Those breakups still hurt like hell! I had some fantastic "ending it" conversations with an ex. She actually gave me some tips about understanding myself and my strengths that helped my confidence tremendously ... She also told me some missteps I made in dating (without at all being mean or nasty). She was right about those missteps. Wonderful time after breaking up ... still hurt like hell. And had to go NC after denying and pretending otherwise for months. You're acting like you need her agreement or approval. No, you don't. If you don't want to see her, you just drop off the keys like you did and you ignore any hostile messages about that. You don't defend yourself. There's nothing to defend. She has no status. You didn't break into her house. Why are you letting her guilt trip you? 1
Author vwisme Posted October 21, 2020 Author Posted October 21, 2020 2 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said: Look, the happy breakup is overrated. I've had happy, civil breakups ... warm breakups where we wished each other well and all of that. Those breakups still hurt like hell! I had some fantastic "ending it" conversations with an ex. She actually gave me some tips about understanding myself and my strengths that helped my confidence tremendously ... She also told me some missteps I made in dating (without at all being mean or nasty). She was right about those missteps. Wonderful time after breaking up ... still hurt like hell. And had to go NC after denying and pretending otherwise for months. You're acting like you need her agreement or approval. No, you don't. If you don't want to see her, you just drop off the keys like you did and you ignore any hostile messages about that. You don't defend yourself. There's nothing to defend. She has no status. You didn't break into her house. Why are you letting her guilt trip you? I can clearly see this. Unfortunately in the heat of the moment and a very fresh break up, it was easy being a doormat. Even though it's been a short amount of time, I can see it now and truly see I'm much better without that situation. No malice or anger. Just genuine peace 1
ExpatInItaly Posted October 21, 2020 Posted October 21, 2020 11 hours ago, vwisme said: With all due respect, if someone is mentioning marriage and kids without being asked - I'd be inclined to take them seriously in that desire. This was a mistake. She had recently been noncommittal and apparently this isn't the first time you two have broken up. Given the context of these comments about marriage./children, you most definitely should have taken her with a giant boulder of salt. Like Elaine already pointed out, she's "playing house" in her head and fantasizing about the future, but the relationship between you two and her young age don't lend themselves to marriage and a family. You needed to zoom out a bit there and remember who this was coming from. This wasn't a good relationship anymore and it's better that it's over. It didn't have the legs to last.
Author vwisme Posted October 21, 2020 Author Posted October 21, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: This was a mistake. She had recently been noncommittal and apparently this isn't the first time you two have broken up. Given the context of these comments about marriage./children, you most definitely should have taken her with a giant boulder of salt. Like Elaine already pointed out, she's "playing house" in her head and fantasizing about the future, but the relationship between you two and her young age don't lend themselves to marriage and a family. You needed to zoom out a bit there and remember who this was coming from. This wasn't a good relationship anymore and it's better that it's over. It didn't have the legs to last. Hey! Thank you for this input. A little tough of a pill to swallow but you're right. The relationship definitely did not lend its self to marriage and family and it is better that it's over. I thought I was ready but I am not ready for marriage given how things went and my actions as well. Edited October 21, 2020 by vwisme
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