Should I be worried?

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, Bgal said:

  Also—and I don’t know if this matters—she’s significantly younger than him (10 years) while him and I are the same age (I’m actually a year older than him lol).

Ah, the "fantastic" sex and the significantly younger woman, some men apparently just cannot resist that...
And she is posting sexy pics... which he no doubt likes a lot... 
My guess he tried to get back with her and she said no.

[Bgal]

31 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

Ah, the "fantastic" sex and the significantly younger woman, some men apparently just cannot resist that...
And she is posting sexy pics... which he no doubt likes a lot... 
My guess he tried to get back with her and she said no.

Honestly it was just a pic and she was showing some cleavage.  It wasn’t some overtly sexy picture in a bikini or anything but still.  Plus she’s about 39 I think so I doubt it was some crazy energetic sex you would have with a girl on her 20’s.  Also I’d say the sex between us is pretty good, doubt he has any complaints.

[poppyfields]

You're three months into dating him, very early stages.

This early stage is when you're observing and determining if a man is right for you, long term.  You're determining how you feel, if you feel happy, cherished, positive, secure.  

After my long term ex and I broke up, I made a self-imposed rule.  

In the early stages, whenever I'm feeling so off balance, anxious, and insecure about a certain behavior of whomever I'm dating, anxious enough to start a thread on a relationship forum like LS, it's time to walk away. 

Life is just too short and there are too many other men out there to feel that way and/or have to deal with a lingering EX.  

Dating/relationships should feel happy and good, especially these early stages. 

Not anxious, insecure, off balance, like you're feeling now..

Might sound harsh, but no thank you.

Next.

 

Edited October 20, 2020 by poppyfields

[kendahke]

7 hours ago, Bgal said:

Am I making a big deal out of this?

To me, it's not a good sign if he has nothing for what you post, but immediately likes what she posts

Quote

They broke up in April. Been seeing this guy since July.

Oh, girl, you're the rebound and it sounds like they have unfinished emotional business

Yeah,  at the 3 month mark you're at, you're at the point where weak foundation relationships begin breaking down. The 'on their best behavior' representatives have been dismissed and the real him/real you have come to the fore. The real him isn't done with his ex.

Be prepared for him putting distance between you two going forward.

[poppyfields]

1 minute ago, kendahke said:

Be prepared for him putting distance between you two going forward.

Just me, but I wouldn't even wait for that.  I would end it, wish him well and walk. 

Find a man who isn't still wrapped up in his EX, and with whom you feel happy and positive dating.

 

[OnlyHonesty]

When it comes to ex partners, the doors should be closed, not left ajar.

[ExpatInItaly]

If he hadn’t also tried to reach out to her, it wouldn’t be that concerning.

But he has. I’m sorry, but he’s still carrying a torch for her. 

[Bgal]

3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

If he hadn’t also tried to reach out to her, it wouldn’t be that concerning.

But he has. I’m sorry, but he’s still carrying a torch for her. 

Agreed but from my understanding it’s been a while since he reached out to her. 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 minutes ago, Bgal said:

Agreed but from my understanding it’s been a while since he reached out to her. 

Probably because she is unresponsive. 

[Hpchic]

13 minutes ago, Bgal said:

Agreed but from my understanding it’s been a while since he reached out to her. 

I’d say these random (or not so random) likes are a form of him reaching out.  He may not be contacting her directly but he’s definitely trying to remind her he’s still around.

 

i think you should also take into account the kind of posts he’s liking.  Given that they are pics of her and not just some memes or status updates that’s definitely a red flag.  You said she liked one pic of his kids, that’s not suspicious on her end, I’ve liked pics of my ex’s kids and it was perfectly innocent.  So my guess is this may be one sided as others have implied.

[Wiseman2]

Keep in mind what you happened to notice on social media is not the whole story. 

It sounds like you are waiting for the other shoe to drop. That you'll hang on until he spells it out.

[Be Cool]

20 hours ago, Bgal said:

Been seeing this guy since July. We’re friends on social media, his ex gf popped into friend suggestions and out of curiosity I snooped. I noticed she had just changed her profile pic and he “liked” it, then I ended up scrolling a bit more and saw that he had liked quite a few of her posts and pics all of which were posted after they broke up. For the record I have changed my profile pic twice since we’ve gotten together and he did not “like” it either time. I haven’t seen her like any of his stuff other than one pic of his kids. I normally wouldn’t think twice about him not liking my profile pics, but seeing that he’s liked hers is a bit of a gut punch. Am I making a big deal out of this?

I see redflags everywhere, from you:

1. You stalked not only his social media account, but also his ex-gf's.

2. You spent too much time on social media couting "likes".

3. You got paranoid when you didn't get enough "likes" from him.

So yes, you did make a big deal out of this. And it's not a healthy lifestyle.

Edited October 21, 2020 by Be Cool

[Bgal]

1 hour ago, Be Cool said:

I see redflags everywhere, from you:

1. You stalked not only his social media account, but also his ex-gf's.

2. You spent too much time on social media couting "likes".

3. You got paranoid when you didn't get enough "likes" from him.

So yes, you did make a big deal out of this. And it's not a healthy lifestyle.

She came up in my friend suggestions, I didn’t seek her out.  I don’t stalk his account, we’re friends.

Im not counting likes, and I don’t spend too much time on social media.  You don’t know me so I don’t know how you can make a statement like that? 
 

As I said before I paid it no mind when he didn’t like my pics, but when I saw that he liked hers that’s when I looked into it.  Sorry it raised a red flag for me and I stand by looking into it.  
Please don’t twist my words.

Edited October 21, 2020 by Bgal

[Fletch Lives]

It does not mater if his "door is open". Chances are, the ex is not coming back through it, ever. Some of you watch too much TV and movies.

Women don't like their guy looking at other girls, that's normal. So get a second boyfriend and see how he feels about that.

[poppyfields]

25 minutes ago, Bgal said:

   As I said before I paid it no mind when he didn’t like my pics, but when I saw that he liked hers that’s when I looked into it.  

I'm wondering why it didn't concern you that he didn't (or doesn't) like your pics. 

I'll be honest, I would certainly want the new man I'm dating to like my pics.  Wouldn't care so much about others, but at least him. 

Might sound silly to some, but to me it's just a nice thing to do and another way to let me know he's attracted.  

It didn't bother you at all?   

But then to see him liking his EX's pics?  Letting her know he finds her attractive?  Yeah, that would be a heart dropping moment for sure.

I'm wondering, what's holding you back from nexting him?  It's only been a few months.   What's the appeal?  

You have to know that if you choose to continue dating him, your anxiety about his EX will become a festering stew, why go there?  

Just curious but good luck whatever you decide to do.  

 

 

Edited October 21, 2020 by poppyfields

[elaine567]

44 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

It didn't bother you at all?

She probably excused it thinking he was just  not a social media kind of a guy..
BUT... seems he knows exactly what the Like button is for..

[Bgal]

55 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

She probably excused it thinking he was just  not a social media kind of a guy..
BUT... seems he knows exactly what the Like button is for..

Exactly!  I’ll go further and say I just assumed he wasn’t a big “liker” if that makes sense?  And I don’t think he is, but like you said he seems to know to use it when it comes to his ex.

Edited October 21, 2020 by Bgal

[poppyfields]

27 minutes ago, Bgal said:

Exactly!  I’ll go further and say I just assumed he wasn’t a big “liker” if that makes sense?  And I don’t think he is, but like you said he seems to know to use it when it comes to his ex.

I don't mean to sound like a shrink or anything but how does that^ make you feel?

Happy, safe, secure, cherished?  Or anxious and off balance, wondering wondering wondering?  

I think it's important to pay attention to your own feelings, especially so early in.  And respond accordingly.  If that means nexting him, so be.

I've learned when something feels off, it usually is.  

I'll ask again, what's keeping you in this?  

Edited October 21, 2020 by poppyfields

[Be Cool]

2 hours ago, Bgal said:

As I said before I paid it no mind when he didn’t like my pics, 

Yes you did. Hence you opened this topic to ask about it. 

[poppyfields]

13 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I'll ask again, what's keeping you in this?  

Ok, I'll try this another way.  Maybe if you tell us the good and positive things about your relationship and how well he treats you, your mutual connection, chemistry and energy, we might understand better your decision to stay and this thread might take a turn.  

[Bgal]

34 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Ok, I'll try this another way.  Maybe if you tell us the good and positive things about your relationship and how well he treats you, your mutual connection, chemistry and energy, we might understand better your decision to stay and this thread might take a turn.  

I’m definitely thinking of ending this.  We both have young kids we need to attend to so we don’t see each other as often as we should.  I guess the relationship just suits me because it’s low maintenance for now and we’re both ok with that and understanding of each other’s situations.  I do really like him, he’s charming, romantic and makes me feel very comfortable when I’m with him.  I think we have good chemistry, but not sure that that’s enough.  Also covid is a factor since I virtually have no options for childcare.  

[Bgal]

49 minutes ago, Be Cool said:

Yes you did. Hence you opened this topic to ask about it. 

Please re-read my original posts, seems you missed a few things before you hurled your accusations at me.

Edited October 21, 2020 by Bgal

[Mystery4u]

You should definitely be worried. There's no reason for him to still be so into his exes life. She should be in his past, not in his present.

[Bgal]

30 minutes ago, Mystery4u said:

You should definitely be worried. There's no reason for him to still be so into his exes life. She should be in his past, not in his present.

I don’t know that liking a picture means he’s so into her life.  

I think it would be easier for me to justify this if it was just that one pic he liked, but seeing that it was quite a few (in particular one of her at an event and one of her from the summer at a pool) just has me thinking this is definitely a red flag.  I guess I have to seriously consider breaking this off.

[Trail Blazer]

I would find this quite concerning.  Not necessarily the liking of her profile picture, but the lack of liking yours.

I wouldn't go so far as to suggest you dump him, but I'd be paying extra attention to things from here.  I would not be feeling very secure if I were in your shoes.