Bgal Posted October 20, 2020 Posted October 20, 2020 Been seeing this guy since July. We’re friends on social media, his ex gf popped into friend suggestions and out of curiosity I snooped. I noticed she had just changed her profile pic and he “liked” it, then I ended up scrolling a bit more and saw that he had liked quite a few of her posts and pics all of which were posted after they broke up. For the record I have changed my profile pic twice since we’ve gotten together and he did not “like” it either time. I haven’t seen her like any of his stuff other than one pic of his kids. I normally wouldn’t think twice about him not liking my profile pics, but seeing that he’s liked hers is a bit of a gut punch. Am I making a big deal out of this?
Wiseman2 Posted October 20, 2020 Posted October 20, 2020 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Bgal said: Been seeing this guy since July. We’re friends on social media, his ex gf popped into friend suggestions and out of curiosity I snooped. I noticed she had just changed her profile pic and he “liked” it, then I ended up scrolling a bit more and saw that he had liked quite a few of her posts and pics all of which were posted after they broke up. For the record I have changed my profile pic twice since we’ve gotten together and he did not “like” it either time. I haven’t seen her like any of his stuff other than one pic of his kids. I normally wouldn’t think twice about him not liking my profile pics, but seeing that he’s liked hers is a bit of a gut punch. Am I making a big deal out of this? What other red flags are there? Are you sure they are exes and not just on/off? It's only been 4 mos so it seems you don't know him too well. It's not about who likes who on social media , it's about the lack of security in the relationship. When people are trying to get an ex back, they rarely admit that to whoever they're currently seeing. Edited October 20, 2020 by Wiseman2 3
Author Bgal Posted October 20, 2020 Author Posted October 20, 2020 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: What other red flags are there? Are you sure they are exes and not just on/off? It's only been 4 mos so it seems you don't know him too well. It's not about who likes who on social media , it's about the lack of security in the relationship. When people are trying to get an ex back, they rarely admit that to whoever they're currently seeing. She’s an ex from what he said. They broke up in April I believe but they weren’t together that long, around 8 months I believe. I mean we both agreed not to see anyone else, due to our schedules and covid we see each other on average about once a week. I have asked him if he’s spoken to her since they broke up, his response was he had reached out to her a few times but nothing came of it (whatever that means). I don’t really want to pry to much or ask a lot of questions about her.
d0nnivain Posted October 20, 2020 Posted October 20, 2020 You need not be worried but you would be wise to keep an eye on the situation. So far it's not bad but if your spidey senses are tingling, don't just dismiss that. Say nothing but observe. 2
schlumpy Posted October 20, 2020 Posted October 20, 2020 22 minutes ago, Bgal said: Been seeing this guy since July. We’re friends on social media, his ex gf popped into friend suggestions and out of curiosity I snooped. I noticed she had just changed her profile pic and he “liked” it, then I ended up scrolling a bit more and saw that he had liked quite a few of her posts and pics all of which were posted after they broke up. For the record I have changed my profile pic twice since we’ve gotten together and he did not “like” it either time. I haven’t seen her like any of his stuff other than one pic of his kids. I normally wouldn’t think twice about him not liking my profile pics, but seeing that he’s liked hers is a bit of a gut punch. Am I making a big deal out of this? Nope. He's leaving the door open. 2 1
Author Bgal Posted October 20, 2020 Author Posted October 20, 2020 (edited) Well if I’m being honest, I’m a bit bothered that they still follow each other on social media (and it’s not just one platform). I mean I know you can be friends with an ex, but they’re not friends and it doesn’t even sound like the relationship ended on good terms. From what he said they had a big fight and then never spoke again. I think liking a sexy profile pic of your ex girlfriend is a bit eyebrow raising alone, but the when I had seen that he liked a few of her other posts as well, I was hurt. I’m not even friends with father of my child on social media, so I just don’t understand this, but maybe that’s why I’m reacting this way. I have a friend who brushed it off saying it was no big deal, but my other friends have said that would be a red flag for them. Edited October 20, 2020 by Bgal
schlumpy Posted October 20, 2020 Posted October 20, 2020 Watch out for a rebound relationship because it's sounds like they have unfinished business. 3
Ami1uwant Posted October 20, 2020 Posted October 20, 2020 6 minutes ago, Bgal said: Well if I’m being honest, I’m a bit bothered that they still follow each other on social media (and it’s not just one platform). I mean I know you can be friends with an ex, but they’re not friends and it doesn’t even sound like the relationship ended on good terms. From what he said they had a big fight and then never spoke again. I think liking a sexy profile pic of your ex girlfriend is a bit eyebrow raising alone, but the when I had seen that he liked a few of her other posts as well, I was hurt. I’m not even friends with father of my child on social media, so I just don’t understand this, but maybe that’s why I’m reacting this way. I have a friend who brushed it off saying it was no big deal, but my other friends have said that would be a red flag for them. Why exactly? sounds like he has kids and maybe she dies too and their kids are friends which is how their dating started. they might have realized if they had a relationship it complicated their kids relationship so they ended it. he might not look st Facebook much and given the Facebook algorithm it shows her posts st the top.
Author Bgal Posted October 20, 2020 Author Posted October 20, 2020 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: Why exactly? sounds like he has kids and maybe she dies too and their kids are friends which is how their dating started. they might have realized if they had a relationship it complicated their kids relationship so they ended it. he might not look st Facebook much and given the Facebook algorithm it shows her posts st the top. She doesn’t have kids. He’s also decently active on Facebook Edited October 20, 2020 by Bgal
Author Bgal Posted October 20, 2020 Author Posted October 20, 2020 15 minutes ago, schlumpy said: Watch out for a rebound relationship because it's sounds like they have unfinished business. It’s been around 7 months since they broke up and they’re relationship was only about 8 months, I’d think he’d be over her by now.
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted October 20, 2020 Posted October 20, 2020 Sounds like he still has unresolved feelings. 1
elaine567 Posted October 20, 2020 Posted October 20, 2020 29 minutes ago, Bgal said: From what he said they had a big fight and then never spoke again. 12 minutes ago, Bgal said: they’re relationship was only about 8 months, I’d think he’d be over her by now. Not necessarily and not if he has regrets about the split. 1
Miss Spider Posted October 20, 2020 Posted October 20, 2020 Yea if they broke up because of an unresolved fight, I’m not surprised this door isn’t completely closed for him 1
Author Bgal Posted October 20, 2020 Author Posted October 20, 2020 2 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Yea if they broke up because of an unresolved fight, I’m not surprised this door isn’t completely closed for him I understand that, but I asked him when he made his attempts to reach out to her and he said it was a few months later. If he had unresolved feelings about it why didn’t he contact her sooner after the fight? Sorry, this whole thing is just confusing to me. It’s just frustrating because the few times he has spoken about it he’s been vague, but I also get it because you don’t really want to go into detail about an ex with someone you’re currently dating.
Miss Spider Posted October 20, 2020 Posted October 20, 2020 Could be a zillion reasons...maybe his pride, maybe he read some advice on here that ‘NC’ (No contact) could help him win her back. The reluctance to talk about it is also suspicious when you look at this all as a whole( along side of him liking her thirst traps etc) Think Your intuition is telling you something
smackie9 Posted October 20, 2020 Posted October 20, 2020 I would say he's still pining for her. Whos to say they are not communicating outside of social media huh?
Author Bgal Posted October 20, 2020 Author Posted October 20, 2020 14 minutes ago, smackie9 said: I would say he's still pining for her. Whos to say they are not communicating outside of social media huh? Well a few weeks ago we were talking about exes in general and he said the only ex he still speaks to is his ex wife, and that’s because of the kids obviously. Just an FYI, I snooped and looked at his ex wife’s profile, he hasn’t been liking any of her photos except for a few that are of the kids.
Wiseman2 Posted October 20, 2020 Posted October 20, 2020 1 hour ago, Bgal said: It’s been around 7 months since they broke up and they’re relationship was only about 8 months, I’d think he’d be over her by now. You would hope so. However three is a crowd in a relationship and he clearly wants to stay on her radar. 1
Author Bgal Posted October 20, 2020 Author Posted October 20, 2020 53 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Could be a zillion reasons...maybe his pride, maybe he read some advice on here that ‘NC’ (No contact) could help him win her back. The reluctance to talk about it is also suspicious when you look at this all as a whole( along side of him liking her thirst traps etc) Think Your intuition is telling you something I wouldn’t say it’s reluctance, I’d say he’s just vague but I’d chalk that up to the fact that most people don’t go into detail about their exes to new people they’re seeing. I have an ex too and i don’t really go into detail about him either but then again I’m not friends with him on social media and I’m not pining over him.
Author Bgal Posted October 20, 2020 Author Posted October 20, 2020 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: You would hope so. However three is a crowd in a relationship and he clearly wants to stay on her radar. Yea I think that’s what’s bothering me the most. I don’t think he’s actively trying to get back together with her but I do think he’s trying to stay on her radar with those likes. My gut tells me if she reached out to him he wouldn’t turn her down. Or he’s thinking to get back with her somewhere down the line or something. I remember him telling me he fell for her because she just seemed to be a really good fit for him or something like that. Also—and I don’t know if this matters—she’s significantly younger than him (10 years) while him and I are the same age (I’m actually a year older than him lol). Edited October 20, 2020 by Bgal
Miss Spider Posted October 20, 2020 Posted October 20, 2020 (edited) Dump him fr , you don’t trust him Edited October 20, 2020 by Cookiesandough
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 20, 2020 Posted October 20, 2020 1 hour ago, Cookiesandough said: Yea if they broke up because of an unresolved fight, I’m not surprised this door isn’t completely closed for him I agree. Sounds to me like there's a good chance he still has feelings for her. 1
Alvi Posted October 20, 2020 Posted October 20, 2020 (edited) Yes, this is a red flag. Yes, this is something you should be worried about. Look, there is zero reason for him to be checking on her at all. You've been dating for 3 month, it is practically a honeymoon period, it should be all about you for him. But instead he is checking on his ex. There is no valid reason for him to orbit her. Do they have kids together? You said no to that. Do they have a business together or rental property together? I assume no to that one as well. So, there is no reason for them to stay in touch. I suspect he is not quite over her yet. What I think is that he is trying to keep a door open for her, just in case. Not saying that he wants to leave you for her, but if one day the opportunity presents itself, would he say no? As of now, he tries to be a part of her life somewhat. I think you need to watch it. Right now he is not over her, it is obvious. Maybe in a few month it wouldn't even matter at all. He might put her in his rear view mirror and focus solely on you and your relationship. He may realize that the past is the past and look forward the future with you. Or he might pine after her some more. The more important question would be, how long are you willing to stick around? Edited October 20, 2020 by Alvi 1
d0nnivain Posted October 20, 2020 Posted October 20, 2020 At best it's a yellow flag. He clicked a button on a computer. Big deal. If he was talking to her or hanging out with her. . that would be a problem. The fact that you think he'd take her back in a heartbeat is more worrisome. Are you sure you are not the rebound? You are parents, not HS kids. Presumably he knows where the boundaries are.
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