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Blind dates: yes or no


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Posted

Maybe a 45+ yo yoga instructor with two kids is all he could persuade to date you? He does not have a constant supply of ZA Dater approved women to present you with.
It is a two way street, SHE has an input too.
You are maybe being a bit too hard on the guy, at least he is trying to set you up...
i guess this woman may be more suitable  for you than you would like to think. You are far more 36 going on 46, than 36 going on 26... are you not?

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Posted
12 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Maybe a 45+ yo yoga instructor with two kids is all he could persuade to date you? He does not have a constant supply of ZA Dater approved women to present you with.
It is a two way street, SHE has an input too.
You are maybe being a bit too hard on the guy, at least he is trying to set you up...
i guess this woman may be more suitable  for you than you would like to think. You are far more 36 going on 46, than 36 going on 26... are you not?

What you and others do not seem to understand here is this

My friend DOES NOT KNOW HER, she is a friend of a friend of HIS. Said friend does not know me AT ALL. 

I am nobody to her because she knows nothing about me so all that would happen here assuming I found the idea attractive which I don't is it would be the most awkward dinner of the year. Ultimately its just probably about trying to get me a hook up. 

 

Posted

If you don't want him to set you up on blind dates tell him. I dont see what the big deal is

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Posted
23 minutes ago, Datergirl said:

If you don't want him to set you up on blind dates tell him. I dont see what the big deal is

I did that a few years ago with the last debacle which was a farce and have done so again this time around. Told him I am better off on my own. 

Posted

What do you have to lose if you go on the date?

I had an awkward blind date with this woman who turned out to be a nympho and we had sex after barely getting through the dinner conversation.  Would do it again.

Posted
7 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

What you and others do not seem to understand here is this

My friend DOES NOT KNOW HER, she is a friend of a friend of HIS. Said friend does not know me AT ALL. 

I am nobody to her because she knows nothing about me so all that would happen here assuming I found the idea attractive which I don't is it would be the most awkward dinner of the year. Ultimately its just probably about trying to get me a hook up. 

 

And what's wrong with that?

If I was in your position I would definitely go on the date. As you say, if it doesn't develop into anything serious, which you have already made up your mind about, then she might just want to have some sexual fun, which is only a good thing. If not, then you say bye and carry on with life.

Seems the reason you don't want to go on the date is because you are already thinking she will reject you, so you would rather be the one rejecting her. Which is a very low self confidence way of thinking.

You've made countless posts on this forum over a long time, and seems learnt nothing.

 

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Posted
1 hour ago, Mystery4u said:

And what's wrong with that?

If I was in your position I would definitely go on the date. As you say, if it doesn't develop into anything serious, which you have already made up your mind about, then she might just want to have some sexual fun, which is only a good thing. If not, then you say bye and carry on with life.

Seems the reason you don't want to go on the date is because you are already thinking she will reject you, so you would rather be the one rejecting her. Which is a very low self confidence way of thinking.

You've made countless posts on this forum over a long time, and seems learnt nothing.

 

Hooking up with someone random is a good thing? How does this differ from paying someone to hook up?  I am not going on the date because she does not interest me. Good example way back when a friend at the time got set up on a blind date, the difference was the person doing the setting up was aware of what sort of person actually interested him.

Everyone I go on a date with rejects me so that thinking is fairly normal, so normal in fact I do not expect any other outcome. It also has to be said friend likes playing cupid, a few years back he tried setting someone else I know (very pretty, smart, intelligent, good career) with people I could see from the outset where wholly unsuitable and they were.

 

Posted
10 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

I did that a few years ago with the last debacle which was a farce and have done so again this time around. Told him I am better off on my own. 

Hmm. When it comes to romance, you seem to lash out rather than accept anything for what it is. My guess (this is not a diagnosis) is that you have pretty severe (to the point of being pre-emptive) avoidant attachment. That is just a guess. Make of that what you will.

Posted
On 10/19/2020 at 3:13 AM, ZA Dater said:

Someone who has no idea what I look like wants to go for dinner. Please. Really. Someone who would have lots of options wants to go for dinner with someone they have never seen never mind met. Yeah. Sure.

I know what happened here

'I have a friend, he has no experience, no luck dating, he is a sweet nice guy" Play the pity project card for all its worth. 

There is no gift here just mountains of awkwardness. Would you really consider this sort of scenario? I am a good enough person and do not need or want the pity of others. Assuming I actually wanted to date I'd rather find my own dates that subject myself to this sort of nonsense scenario.

Work keeps me busy and the various work related projects keep me going, arranging events keeps me busy and to be frank I enjoy all of those much more than I enjoy meeting people who are ostensibly only meeting me because they feel sorry for me. 

 

 

Good lord, so don't go.

He only suggested it because he knows you have had so much trouble getting dates.

Just don't go then. Easy. Done.

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Posted
On 10/19/2020 at 4:30 AM, ZA Dater said:

He just enjoys playing cupid and after the last debacle about this a few years ago where I made it quite clear I am not interested in any of these set up dates things went quiet for a few years. Undoubtedly there is some reasoning behind this latest idea. Famously "oh come this club and meet so and so, she will set you up with her friends" sure, arrive at the club, her friends take one look at me, turn up their noses and had nothing to do with me. I am done being the pity project. When it comes to women, I live my life now how I want and frankly their opinion of me in an attractiveness context is completely irrelevant to me. 

This forum has taught me much and I am curious if anyone would really see the above set up as being viable. 

His reasoning is that he's seen you alone for a jillion years.

God forbid anybody try to be a friend.

At least come from the position of: "Look, I know you just want to see me happy. This really just isn't my thing. It never will be. Thanks all the same."

Posted
On 10/20/2020 at 1:23 PM, ZA Dater said:

What I ended up doing was simply telling him I am better left alone and totally unsuited to dating, this way I don't need to say anything bad about her and I can make myself the entire problem.  This ended the discussion. 

Fundamentally I am just not a very social person which will always make dating pretty much impossible, sure I went on a great weekend away with a group and I enjoyed chatting to everyone because there are mutual interests. I also know there is a lot more to me and it was nice to bring some of that out because I was comfortable with these people.

Look I can think of many people this friend knows who I'd rather be set up with but that's because those people fall into the category of "every guy would want to date her" because they are universally rounded attractive people. However thanks to people here I keep my feet on the ground and look at these sort of people with a big dose of reality. 

What do you mean, thanks to the people here? Were you otherwise going to ask these ^ women out?

Then ask them out!

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Posted (edited)
On 10/20/2020 at 1:27 PM, ZA Dater said:

My point is who would go out with someone who apparently wants to meet them without seeing a picture and then wants to see a picture after agreeing to go out with them. Not coffee but DINNER no less. If there is one thing I have learnt here its NO to dinner dates as a first dates.

Blind dates do have the a lot to do with it because its how cupid chooses to match people up and the specifics around that concept. The fact the blind date arranged is not suitable is an aside. 

Based on the posts here it seems most people would actually go. 

I did. A few of them. And I definitely never had any trouble getting dates. Everybody has that one well meaning friend. 

I just figured, why not?

The reason people used to do this is pretty obvious. I think today with OLD it's even more obvious. Going out with a stranger can be a little scary. Or a little cold. When you know "a friend of a friend" it's not an outright stranger. It can kind of be a relief to at least have that in common. It's an immediate ice breaker. 

The few times I went on blind dates, obviously the friend described the guy to me ahead of time. He is this height, this color eyes, he's funny, likes this kind of movie, he's the kid of guy I find cute, whatever. Of course that was before cell phones with cameras (I met my husband in 1998).

People complain that OLD is like an assembly line or shopping. They complain going up to a stranger in the street is like stalking. They complain there are no single people among their friends. They complain they go to Meetup groups and none of the girls want to be talked to. Well...that doesn't leave that many options.

 

Edited by CaliforniaGirl
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Posted
11 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Hooking up with someone random is a good thing? How does this differ from paying someone to hook up?  I am not going on the date because she does not interest me. Good example way back when a friend at the time got set up on a blind date, the difference was the person doing the setting up was aware of what sort of person actually interested him.

Everyone I go on a date with rejects me so that thinking is fairly normal, so normal in fact I do not expect any other outcome. It also has to be said friend likes playing cupid, a few years back he tried setting someone else I know (very pretty, smart, intelligent, good career) with people I could see from the outset where wholly unsuitable and they were.

 

Umm, yeah!  It's called having a bit of fun!  What's the difference between hooking up and paying for sex?  Is that a serious question?  I'm not even sure how anyone could not know the difference.  I'll try to answer it, though...

Okay, so quite literally, the mechanics of hooking up or paying for sex don't change.  Sex is sex, penis goes into vagina.  That's about where the similarities end...

When you pay for sex, you know that the person you're having sex with is only doing it for the money.  They're not horny, it's their job! 

However, when you hook up with someone, especially as a male, it feels good to know that someone from the opposite sex is horny and finds you atrractive enough to engage in sexual intercourse with you.

Seriously, dude - this 45-year-old yoga instructor probably has a tight body and she may even look young for her age.  She's probably got a big of sexual experience, so she'll know what she's doing.

If you turn this down then you may as well give up forever.  This may end up fizzling, it may end up in a sexual relationship or you may even connect on a higher level and something fairly significant may come of it.

Whatever does happen, you have nothing to lose!  

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Posted

Practice makes permanent. Practice can hurt you rather than help you if you continue to reinforce your bad habits over and again. It can also destroy your confidence if you get exposed to too much rejection. I believe that so many rejections can damage you to the point, that you automatically assume the worst. ZA Dater, I think you're overthinking this thing. If you don't want to go on a blind date with her, don't do it. And also, find an alternative to Tinder. Online dating can be poor for average guys who want to date that conventionally attractive women that gets bombarded with interest on dating app. 

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Posted
1 hour ago, Trail Blazer said:

Seriously, dude - this 45-year-old yoga instructor probably has a tight body and she may even look young for her age. 

He doesn't actually know how old she is, he has decided she looks 45+...
 

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Posted
2 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

Umm, yeah!  It's called having a bit of fun!  What's the difference between hooking up and paying for sex?  Is that a serious question?  I'm not even sure how anyone could not know the difference.  I'll try to answer it, though...

Okay, so quite literally, the mechanics of hooking up or paying for sex don't change.  Sex is sex, penis goes into vagina.  That's about where the similarities end...

When you pay for sex, you know that the person you're having sex with is only doing it for the money.  They're not horny, it's their job! 

However, when you hook up with someone, especially as a male, it feels good to know that someone from the opposite sex is horny and finds you atrractive enough to engage in sexual intercourse with you.

Seriously, dude - this 45-year-old yoga instructor probably has a tight body and she may even look young for her age.  She's probably got a big of sexual experience, so she'll know what she's doing.

If you turn this down then you may as well give up forever.  This may end up fizzling, it may end up in a sexual relationship or you may even connect on a higher level and something fairly significant may come of it.

Whatever does happen, you have nothing to lose!  

She does not look young for her age, I have watched online videos of her, she certainly does look 45+. Add in two kids and the whole idea is unappealing. I have turned it down because its overly contrived and will only go the way as every other time people have tried to "help" which falls somewhere between very awkward and just terrible. Never when these things are set up is it a case of selling me as the person I am but rather selling me as the person I am not, I know this because I have been there when some of these poor ladies have been put on the spot "why don't you go out with my friend M" they are then forced to try be diplomatic, I can see they are not interested in me. 

All I get out of that interaction is huge self confidence knock and feel even more hopeless. 

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Posted
1 hour ago, Moves Like Jagger said:

Practice makes permanent. Practice can hurt you rather than help you if you continue to reinforce your bad habits over and again. It can also destroy your confidence if you get exposed to too much rejection. I believe that so many rejections can damage you to the point, that you automatically assume the worst. ZA Dater, I think you're overthinking this thing. If you don't want to go on a blind date with her, don't do it. And also, find an alternative to Tinder. Online dating can be poor for average guys who want to date that conventionally attractive women that gets bombarded with interest on dating app. 

Thank you for this, I genuinely appreciated it. I am off all Dating Apps. I have learnt I cant compete with Chad so those apps are pointless for me. I basically have no way of meeting anyone.

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Posted
3 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

His reasoning is that he's seen you alone for a jillion years.

God forbid anybody try to be a friend.

At least come from the position of: "Look, I know you just want to see me happy. This really just isn't my thing. It never will be. Thanks all the same."

That is pretty much the position I have taken. I find dealing with sort of stuff draining because I often look around at other people I have knows and wonder why I never get introduced t them but then I look and obviously they are not going to be interested in me. Case in point was I matched with someone who does appeal to me on Bumble, she is looking for "casual"chatted to me for a day and then never heard a thing. I lead myself to believe I had a chance there.

It might sound odd but I'd rather when it comes to dating live in a place of hopelessness than a place of false dawns. 

Blind dates can work but not for oddballs like me.

Posted

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't go on this specific blind date. It sounds like your friend doesn't really understand you and doesn't have much insight into human psychology 😆 (I'm actually curious about why you're friends. Is he a better friend in other spheres of life?). So I would steer clear of being set up by him.

I might consider being set up by somebody who actually got me at a basic level and who listened to what I said about whom I was interested in dating.

I also wouldn't mind just being introduced to people as potential friends (say, at a party) and getting to know them organically.

Posted
On 10/20/2020 at 8:22 AM, ZA Dater said:

She is 45+ and I simply do not find her attractive. He tells me she is stunning yet he wouldn't date her that's what gripes me about these set ups it's the same nonsense everytime.

Morally I can't pay but believe me it's to me the best of a list of bad ideas.

 

Sounds pretty cut and dry to me. Your not attracted to her and she doesn't interest you and she's got kids.l agree, why bother.

 

 

 

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