talking with someone from dating app for over a month. but Im realizing I always find myself texting first

[boymommy]

2 minutes ago, Jazzart said:

shes pretty outgoing id say.  When we chat on the phone those couple times shes got a lot to say

Well if you value talking to her maybe you could just ask her what's up directly? I know she has health issues and that's gotta be weighing on her but I don't think you are going to get answers unless you ask her about it? 

[Jazzart]

27 minutes ago, boymommy said:

Well if you value talking to her maybe you could just ask her what's up directly? I know she has health issues and that's gotta be weighing on her but I don't think you are going to get answers unless you ask her about it? 

well her basic thing is shes saying everyone , even her friends think shes ignoring them.  She says a lot of people ditched her when she got sick etc.  

[Jazzart]

No message tonight,. Of course.  F' em. I sent the the message last night, can't be just me all the time. 

Edited October 20, 2020 by Jazzart

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, Jazzart said:

well her basic thing is shes saying everyone , even her friends think shes ignoring them.  She says a lot of people ditched her when she got sick etc.  

Eh, people who say things like that are often the common denominator in broken friendships and don't want to take accountability for their own role in it. 

 

Edited October 20, 2020 by ExpatInItaly

[Wiseman2]

Sorry, but texting for a month and not meeting is a catfish until proven otherwise.

You need to stop being so dependant on this texting situation.

Why can't you communicate with someone who's not positioning themselves as a neurotic headache, who won't meet? 

Stop this frustrating situation and start talking to normal people who want to meet.

[Jazzart]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry, but texting for a month and not meeting is a catfish until proven otherwise.

You need to stop being so dependant on this texting situation.

Why can't you communicate with someone who's not positioning themselves as a neurotic headache, who won't meet? 

Stop this frustrating situation and start talking to normal people who want to meet.

Trying..I'm on like 7 dating apps..I match with very few people since I'm a guy and even when I do,no don't match with anyone id consider 

[Jazzart]

a little follow up...4 days later still no message.  Last thing she said was "im not ignoring you or my friends,  im just burned out..  if im not chatty   its absolutely not you, im burned out.  Most people think its BS. Its seriusly seriously not, i feel stress more than most people"

So I just havent messaged her again for  yet another 5 days...I dont know now.  Still trying to meet other people on an app but thats not working

[CaliforniaGirl]

What is she giving back? I think you should pull back. It sounds like she just complains and unloads on you but when is she the one to be there for you? She doesn't even bother to call or text to check up on you. It's all about her.

[Jazzart]

1 minute ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

What is she giving back? I think you should pull back. It sounds like she just complains and unloads on you but when is she the one to be there for you? She doesn't even bother to call or text to check up on you. It's all about her.

Based on the month of conversation we had, I think we would get along, having all that we do in common...and I haven't really met anyone like that before.  But yea I don't know.  We could have been talking the Last couple of weeks..but I noticed I kept initiating conversation and so I decided to stop.  In the past she would message me at least after a day or so saying sorry she's been missing etc 

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, Jazzart said:

So I just havent messaged her again for  yet another 5 days...I dont know now.  Still trying to meet other people on an app but thats not working

What is it you don't know?

This woman is in no place to date. She's making that clear as day. 

There is zero point waiting around for a stranger who makes it this hard to get to know her. You also say you're trying to meet other women on the app and it's not working, but Jazzart, this isn't working either. 

You're too attached to a woman you've never met who displays very little interest in you as a person. Why are you hanging on to this?

Edited October 23, 2020 by ExpatInItaly

[Be Cool]

On 10/19/2020 at 7:10 AM, Jazzart said:

 

When I text her, she answers, but she never initiates a conversation lately...  In the past however she would send a message at the end of the day to say  ''sorry  i  havent been around.'' But not lately. The conversation is good though. we talk nicely etc. 

Shes always got something wrong though, she has a condition, so shes always sick.. I would like to meet in person but I have to wait on that because of her having to get a covid test/results and also some doctors orders etc etc. Might be another month. I told her to let me know when..  Ive always been supportive of her condition.   Sometimes she doesnt want to talk which, if shes sick, is understandable

 So Anyway, I stopped messaging her first to see if she would actually initiate., its been like 3 days and as I thought, no message from her. 

The last time we spoke she was upset about some family stuff, I told her im here to talk anytime. I expressed the importance of chatting on the phone etc.  I felt I put myself out there the last few messages, showing I obviously have interest. 

The last few days, she even liked my facebook posts, but still hasnt message me. 

Anyway, From this point what would you do? Continue not contacting her to see if she has interest?

Im thinking about this so much because we just have so much in common, which has been a rare thing

Thanks

 

You spent too much time chatting back and forth instead of asking her out and making real moves in real life.

The phone is to set up dates, not to chat endlessly and meaninglessly.

Learn from this lesson, and move on. 

[Jazzart]

1 hour ago, Be Cool said:

You spent too much time chatting back and forth instead of asking her out and making real moves in real life.

The phone is to set up dates, not to chat endlessly and meaninglessly.

Learn from this lesson, and move on. 

See  page  one, this was explained earlier  

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Jazzart said:

Based on the month of conversation we had, I think we would get along, having all that we do in common...and I haven't really met anyone like that before.  But yea I don't know.  We could have been talking the Last couple of weeks..but I noticed I kept initiating conversation and so I decided to stop.  In the past she would message me at least after a day or so saying sorry she's been missing etc 

Unfortunately it seems to be frustrating you. Whatever/whoever it is you are chatting with won't meet and has a laundry list of excuses, problems, etc.

You need to decide if you want a chat buddy or someone to meet and date.

[Jazzart]

16 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately it seems to be frustrating you. Whatever/whoever it is you are chatting with won't meet and has a laundry list of excuses, problems, etc.

You need to decide if you want a chat buddy or someone to meet and date.

Yea very frustrating.   I did send a message tonight. I was like how was your week?  She had some sort of water issue in the basement.. Even showed a video..Geez..   I'm like definitely take care of that.     Now, just going with my instincts here,  I don't expect her to message me.  I just don't.   I'll probably send a message Sunday night or Monday  saying hope you're weekend was good.  But then I do want to finally address that I am feeling upset about it.  How would you put this?   Nothing that is confrontational..and something to hopefully make her understand that I'm just trying and not getting much back.

[Jazzart]

I'm thinking of sending something like this message below to her.  Seems good no?  I don't think it's negative and addresses the problems.  

"Hey,   hope your weekend went better than how it started.  I feel bad for all this bad stuff that happens to you.   
Anyway,  just thinking..     Obviously we're just losing contact a bit which I wish wasnt the case since we kept up for well over a month.  
I was glad we had a good bit in common, which is a rare thing for me,   so I hoped to keep in contact until we met. I understand all you told me and I'm on your side..  It sucks how your friends treated you too, sorry you have to deal  with that. 
You said you weren't feeling like chatting so I stepped  back a bit  and  hoped you would reach out...  Again, I understand what you told me...don't be a stranger and I hope you'd like to chat again, whether it be through text or a call, either way. "

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Jazzart said:

I'm thinking of sending something like this message below to her.  Seems good no?  I don't think it's negative and addresses the problems.  

"Hey,   hope your weekend went better than how it started.  I feel bad for all this bad stuff that happens to you.   
Anyway,  just thinking..     Obviously we're just losing contact a bit which I wish wasnt the case since we kept up for well over a month.  
I was glad we had a good bit in common, which is a rare thing for me,   so I hoped to keep in contact until we met. I understand all you told me and I'm on your side..  It sucks how your friends treated you too, sorry you have to deal  with that. 
You said you weren't feeling like chatting so I stepped  back a bit  and  hoped you would reach out...  Again, I understand what you told me...don't be a stranger and I hope you'd like to chat again, whether it be through text or a call, either way. "

This is all way too much for a woman you've never met. 

Don't send that. Just let this go. She's making it clear through her inaction that she's not that interested. It doesn't require a message like the above, "addressing problems." I don't mean to be harsh, but dude, where is your self-respect? 

[Jazzart]

3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This is all way too much for a woman you've never met. 

Don't send that. Just let this go. She's making it clear through her inaction that she's not that interested. It doesn't require a message like the above, "addressing problems." I don't mean to be harsh, but dude, where is your self-respect? 

Yea maybe a little long.  I do want to address it in a More brief way though.  When she's saying she's burned out and it's totally not me, I think theres a chance that there's some interest so I want to address it in some way 

Edited October 24, 2020 by Jazzart

[ExpatInItaly]

3 minutes ago, Jazzart said:

Yea maybe a little long.  I do want to address it in a More brief way though.  When she's saying she's burned out and it's totally not me, I think theres a chance that there's some interest so I want to address it in some way 

It's not just the length. 

It's the obvious emotional investment you have in a woman who does not know you and is not invested in you like that. 

[Jazzart]

Just now, ExpatInItaly said:

It's not just the length. 

It's the obvious emotional investment you have in a woman who does not know you and is not invested in you like that. 

I guess.  I'll try to dial back on that a little 

[ExpatInItaly]

It's disappointing, but you need to read between the lines here: this isn't going to happen with her. 

Instead of searching for answers or some sort of closure from her, ask yourself why you've attached yourself so strongly to this person who is a stranger to you, for all intents and purposes. Are you feeling particularly lonely? Having a hard time connecting with women in the real world? When you get the bottom of what's going on with you, you will stop pursuing women who aren't reciprocating. You will stop chasing dead-ends. 

[Jazzart]

8 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

It's disappointing, but you need to read between the lines here: this isn't going to happen with her. 

Instead of searching for answers or some sort of closure from her, ask yourself why you've attached yourself so strongly to this person who is a stranger to you, for all intents and purposes. Are you feeling particularly lonely? Having a hard time connecting with women in the real world? When you get the bottom of what's going on with you, you will stop pursuing women who aren't reciprocating. You will stop chasing dead-ends. 

If  that's how she feels I wish would just say it.. Rather than say like, if I'm not talking its not you, it's stress,  illness etc 

[ExpatInItaly]

9 minutes ago, Jazzart said:

If  that's how she feels I wish would just say it.. Rather than say like, if I'm not talking its not you, it's stress,  illness etc 

This is why you need to take more accountability for your own choices. 

It's not up to her to define where your limits are. You need to do that for yourself. People aren't always going to behave we want or expect. You have to decide for yourself that you're done and not leave it up to a woman you have never so much as met in person. 

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it seems like you are bored and lonely and this is the reason you keep this up.

[Versacehottie]

Yeah this has catfish lite written all over it. 

lol, maybe not in the biggest sense where she is trying to get you to send money but she doesn't seem like she has intentions to ever meet up & i'm not 100% buying the sick story.

Walk away.

[Jazzart]

2 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

Yeah this has catfish lite written all over it. 

lol, maybe not in the biggest sense where she is trying to get you to send money but she doesn't seem like she has intentions to ever meet up & i'm not 100% buying the sick story.

Walk away.

Well Definitely not a catfish that's for sure. She is sick and has many things online including video to show for it.