Author whitebunnny Posted October 23, 2020 Author Posted October 23, 2020 I hear you all. So it's been 5 days since we had texted. Replied to his last message with a rather closed ended text. He did not reply thereafter. I have been talking to other guys but none of whom I feel any connection with, I feel like replying them is a chore. Don't even feel it's worth going on a date with. Still resisting the urge to reach out to this guy to see if we still have a chance. I really shouldn't, right?
CaliforniaGirl Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 100% flat-out honesty (this is just my perspective): it is *the change* in habits that would indicate to me that he seems to be less interested. Not the frequency of texts or anything...there are no rules...it's just that when someone has seemed really eager, then bam...kind of chilly, that would have me wondering. He was texting a lot, in a specific way and then suddenly (and immediately after the date) changed and it wasn't a one-off change. And the change seems to have included a less romantic, more "meh" attitude plus no mention of a second date. I'm not saying it's never going to happen, because who knows, but if it were me, I'd probably not put much stock in these texts, wouldn't be too anxious to answer (he's just not giving a lot to go on and 'how is your morning' just gets so flat after a while...what are you supposed to say?), and would keep being open to meeting guys. If he asked for a second date I might consider it if I were still interested by then, not sure. I mean if it were a year later, probably not.
Wiseman2 Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 6 hours ago, whitebunnny said: So it's been 5 days since we had texted.. I have been talking to other guys but none of whom I feel any connection with, I feel like replying them is a chore. Don't even feel it's worth going on a date with. Get off cheap hookup apps like tinder. Get a good profile and pics on some quality (paid) dating apps. Screen appropriately. Ignore people who are "a chore" to respond to. Unfortunately if you are going to do OLD , you are going to have to get used to some one-and-done first meets. Do not over invest in any one particular match/ meet. If there's no interest in a second date, delete and block them and move on. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 6 hours ago, whitebunnny said: So it's been 5 days since we had texted. Replied to his last message with a rather closed ended text. He did not reply thereafter What was the content of these messages?
Velvet teddy Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 8 hours ago, whitebunnny said: I hear you all. So it's been 5 days since we had texted. Replied to his last message with a rather closed ended text. He did not reply thereafter. I have been talking to other guys but none of whom I feel any connection with, I feel like replying them is a chore. Don't even feel it's worth going on a date with. Still resisting the urge to reach out to this guy to see if we still have a chance. I really shouldn't, right? I don't think he's interested, otherwise he would have pursued this. I wouldn't reach out. He's acted completely indifferent towards you after your face to face meeting. And any replies after that..his short responses should be an indicator of his lack of interest.
stillafool Posted October 23, 2020 Posted October 23, 2020 14 hours ago, whitebunnny said: I really shouldn't, right? No you shouldn't. If he hasn't replied to you within 5 days he's forgotten and lost interest. Keep talking to other guys until you find one you like who's interest matches yours. 1 1
Ruby Slippers Posted October 24, 2020 Posted October 24, 2020 (edited) This guy is obviously not interested. I'd delete and block, to guard against the possible lazy text when he's bored and looking for a hookup. Seems you might be susceptible to that. Edited October 24, 2020 by Ruby Slippers 1
Fletch Lives Posted October 24, 2020 Posted October 24, 2020 5 days and no contact - he's probably not interested.
poppyfields Posted October 24, 2020 Posted October 24, 2020 (edited) On 10/22/2020 at 8:24 PM, whitebunnny said: Still resisting the urge to reach out to this guy to see if we still have a chance. This is a serious question, but may I ask why? What makes you believe you might still have a chance? I'm really curious to know how you're rationalizing all this - his lackluster behavior after your meet. You must have some theory as to why he's cooled off and not contacted you in 5 days. Do you think he's waiting to hear from you? He's not, but many women do think this, so proceed to chase. I would not advise doing that. Edited October 24, 2020 by poppyfields 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted October 24, 2020 Posted October 24, 2020 (edited) whitebunny, it seems to me it works for some women to reach out to men they're interested in but we're all different from each other! Each benefits from figuring out her own relationship style, I think another poster mentioned earlier and I agree. Here's what has worked for me and why. See if it resonates with you or not. I tend to connect (in my mind) quickly with a man I'm attracted to. If I reach out to someone who's shown interest in me, chances are great he's going to respond. When he does, even that little bit of interaction causes in my mind a progression of emotion and seeming to me to be, a relationship. Whereas he may have responded just to be courteous. Then my emotions for him will have grown so that if it were to turn out that he's not really interested in a LTR with me, it would be more painful to me than if I'd just let it die out naturally by him not following up on the R in the first place. This because I have very sensitive emotions that respond quickly. And I'm also a creative person and a natural visionary. Meaning in my mind I can begin looking at having a future together with the guy without much reason to do so other than being attracted to him, having things in common, and sharing a few good conversations and fun times with him. It seems some women don't feel, think, and respond this way. Their emotions either grow more slowly or they're able to keep them in check so they don't get hurt as easily after enjoying times with a guy they're really interested in and things not working out for the two of them. I have found it much easier on my emotions to let the man do all the pursuing until I know he's falling in love with me. Even then, I allow him to be the one mainly pursuing me because most men enjoy pursuing a woman. I say that having observed men (brothers and sons) who are in my family up close and personal and being privy, through conversations, to a lot that goes on in the minds of men in dating relationships. However, I am anything but passive in a relationship with a guy! When a man pursues me that I'm interested in, I don't play games with him. I let him know I think he hung the moon by responding with admiration, respect and energy every time he makes a move toward me. I make it worth his while to contact me, no whining about life or moodiness allowed! The men I've been involved with and who are in my family seem to enjoy the chase but also very much appreciate a woman who responds with enthusiasm and warmth! That said, it's kind of hard to give a definitive answer to a woman on a relationship forum about whether she should reach out to a man or not. Some will say not to and that could be the best thing to do. On the other hand, some might advise to go ahead which could also be the right way to go. Depends on you! Know yourself so you can keep your emotions safe as you wait on a guy to make the moves or be a little more venturesome with contacting guys and enjoy life that way!! To each her own! Edited October 24, 2020 by LivingWaterPlease 1
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