I am married, but in love with another woman. I am stuck in this emotional affair.

October 18, 2020

4 hours ago, BaileyB said:

You are chasing a fantasy. You have convinced yourself that it’s some great love story, star crossed lovers destined to be together but cruelly kept apart by fate. Pure fantasy.

Divorce your wife and get with this woman, maybe it would be the fantasy love story that you have created in your head. It’s more likely that real life will intrude and you will argue about household chore, paying the bills, and spending the holidays with each other’s family. And then, it’s likely that you will find another woman to fantasize about. People who involve themselves in affairs tend to create these fantasies for a reason... It’s safe, you get to keep the stability of your family while dreaming about another woman. It’s also a certain kind of coping strategy for life and relationships. But, it’s a little like chasing a rainbow. At some point, you will need to make a decision. You owe it to your wife to make a decision - either get another job and go no contact with this woman or divorce your wife. What you have done to your wife is not fair.

Thank you for your response. I finally came on here because I desperately need to talk about this, and because of the nature of it, I don't have anyone I can talk to. Everything you are saying about 'the grass is greener' 'chasing a rainbow' is absolutely true. I've been reminding myself of this constantly. It's just hard to talk yourself out of how you feel. I love this woman my colleague. I love her so much. She is into me the same way I'm into her.

October 18, 2020

28 minutes ago, The Macedonian said:

I love this woman my colleague. I love her so much. She is into me the same way I'm into her.

We can't always get what we want. Life isn't about total and complete gratification.

Integrity and honor matter, too.

Stop being selfish and only concerned with how this woman makes you feel.

This is all about your ego being fed as I said before. All affairs are.

October 19, 2020

12 hours ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

We can't always get what we want. Life isn't about total and complete gratification.

Integrity and honor matter, too.

Stop being selfish and only concerned with how this woman makes you feel.

This is all about your ego being fed as I said before. All affairs are.

I'm a failure as a husband, but i am a good father. I am aware that i am selfish, but I'm attracted to this woman my colleague in ways I have never felt before. There's no one single thing I'm attracted to, it's all of her.We are neighbors, we live in the same neighborhood, but we met as coworkers back in June 2013, didn't really care for each other much until we started talking little by little. We would have small meaningless conversations which eventually turned into flirting and before I knew it, I realized cared about her. I can't stop thinking about her ever since.

When she gets excited about anything, she has this amazing glow and honest happiness in her voice that can't help but make you excited as well. The way she talks and laughs, her smile, her hair. She has a huge heart. Just hanging out and talking with her is about the best thing in the world for me. Whenever I see her it always brings a smile onto my face and I always find her face within a crowd. I am completely myself with her, which is an incredible feeling. She makes me feel like I never have before. I didn't know love like this could exist before meeting her. Every second with her is fun on a level I never knew existed. We can talk for hours but it only feels like minutes. We don't share a taste in music or political views, but I could talk with her for hours about literally anything.

.

But she has a boyfriend so I'm just patiently hanging out with her. She is with the same boyfriend for over 20 years. She never cheated on her boyfriend. She has issues with her relationship. They can't get married, because they are like third cousins. His father is against their relationship.

Edited October 19, 2020 by The Macedonian

October 19, 2020

You only want her because you can't have her.

October 19, 2020

I agree with most people here that indeed you probably shouldn’t have married your wife if you were in love with someone else and then also have a kid with her while thinking of someone else but you can’t turn back time.

I think now I would just come clean to your wife and tell her about how you really feel and what is going wrong in your relationship, because clearly your relationship has issues if you are thinking of another woman. It would only be fair to your wife to decide what she wants. Either stay with a man who loves someone else or choose something else for her life.

The fact that the woman you love has a bf and clearly doesn’t want to leave him also should says something. You might fantasize of being together but if she doesn’t want to be with you then should you not try to move on? She is staying with her bf even not being able to get married and even with her father against the relationship. To me, that seems that she’s choosing him...Have you both ever talked about the potential of being together, leaving both your partners? Or is this only from your side at the moment?

October 19, 2020

The American Heritage Dictionary defines a Walter Mitty as "an ordinary often ineffectual person who indulges in fantastic daydreams of personal triumphs". The most famous of Thurber's inept male protagonists, the character is considered "the archetype for dreamy, hapless, Thurber Man".

Edited October 19, 2020 by Wiseman2

October 19, 2020

33 minutes ago, Nightowl008 said:

I agree with most people here that indeed you probably shouldn’t have married your wife if you were in love with someone else and then also have a kid with her while thinking of someone else but you can’t turn back time.

I think now I would just come clean to your wife and tell her about how you really feel and what is going wrong in your relationship, because clearly your relationship has issues if you are thinking of another woman. It would only be fair to your wife to decide what she wants. Either stay with a man who loves someone else or choose something else for her life.

The fact that the woman you love has a bf and clearly doesn’t want to leave him also should says something. You might fantasize of being together but if she doesn’t want to be with you then should you not try to move on? She is staying with her bf even not being able to get married and even with her father against the relationship. To me, that seems that she’s choosing him...Have you both ever talked about the potential of being together, leaving both your partners? Or is this only from your side at the moment?

I'm just patiently waiting for the day I can make my move. Wish I made my move earlier but the best things don't happen all of a sudden. But she is aware that i love her, and she loves me too. I can see that in her eyes. Her situation with her boyfriend/cousin is f***ed up. I can't just leave my wife because of my son. This woman my colleague is kinda jealous of my wife.

October 19, 2020

20 minutes ago, The Macedonian said:

she loves me too. I can see that in her eyes.

You have a vivid imagination.

October 19, 2020

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

You have a vivid imagination.

I wish it is all in my head. But it is not. My love for this woman my colleague is real. I am torn i cant stop thinking of her. She is my neighbor. She lives only three buildings away. She still lives with her parents. Her mother kinda likes me. But it is a complicated situation.

October 19, 2020

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

You have a vivid imagination.

I'm certain that she likes me a lot. Over the years I've tried to minimize the interaction between us so that I am not engaging her but she just kept popping up. We live in the same neighborhood, so we saw each other almost on a daily basis.I would see her at least once in three days. She's always thrilled to see me. Leaving her behind and forgetting all this seems to be the most logical move but my heart is disagreeing.

October 19, 2020

2 hours ago, Nightowl008 said:

I agree with most people here that indeed you probably shouldn’t have married your wife if you were in love with someone else and then also have a kid with her while thinking of someone else but you can’t turn back time.

I think now I would just come clean to your wife and tell her about how you really feel and what is going wrong in your relationship, because clearly your relationship has issues if you are thinking of another woman. It would only be fair to your wife to decide what she wants. Either stay with a man who loves someone else or choose something else for her life.

The fact that the woman you love has a bf and clearly doesn’t want to leave him also should says something. You might fantasize of being together but if she doesn’t want to be with you then should you not try to move on? She is staying with her bf even not being able to get married and even with her father against the relationship. To me, that seems that she’s choosing him...Have you both ever talked about the potential of being together, leaving both your partners? Or is this only from your side at the moment?

Her relationship isn't working out but it's hard for her to quit. They are together for over 20 years. Her boyfriend/ cousin is six years older than her. They are afraid to have a baby because there is a greater chance that a child of incest will have a genetic defect. So she is kinda stuck with her boyfriend. Even if she does quit, I'm not sure what will i do. I'm certain that she likes me a lot.

October 19, 2020

I would highly suggest you get some counselling.

October 19, 2020

Sounds a lot like a muse/crush and that she talks to you like a male-girlfriend about her relationship problems.

October 19, 2020

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sounds a lot like a muse/crush and that she talks to you like a male-girlfriend about her relationship problems.

She never talked to me about her issues with her boyfriend/cousin. Probably she is ashamed. Neighborhood people are gossiping about her. One neighborhood woman told me in details about my colleague's situation with her boyfriend.

October 20, 2020

She hasn't actually talked to you about her relationship, you only know because of chattering neighbors? You can't be all that close, then. I think if you were as close as you try to make out, she would have talked to you about it, even if she was ashamed.

You say you can't leave your wife because of your son. Er, what about because you're incapable of being faithful to her, and you were thinking about other people on your wedding day and the day your child was born! That's more than enough reason! Your poor wife.

You run around and cheat multiple times and now you've actually got feelings for someone, you can't have her. Serves you right.

Has it ever crossed your mind that some women are just warm and friendly with everyone they talk to? And yes, they act pleased to see people because they are generally kind and nurturing and don't like to hurt people's feelings. Maybe her eyes shine because she uses beautifying eye drops and drinks a lot of water.

Honestly, this is nonsense. You're unfulfilled in your marriage and you want attention, excitement and a thrill, it's about your own ego. You were doing it before you even met this colleague, were the others not special, if not why did you cheat with them?

Your colleague is in a longterm relationship. She has never told you she wants to break up with him and be with you. You two haven't even talked about leaving your partners and getting together. She knows now you're the type who will have emotional affairs at work behind your wife's back, so how could she trust you in future, even if you did get together?

Enough with the silly puppy love and get real. As, others have said, counseling would be the good next step.

Edited October 20, 2020 by LateAnthropocene

October 20, 2020

On 10/19/2020 at 8:08 AM, The Macedonian said:

Her boyfriend/ cousin is six years older than her. They are afraid to have a baby because there is a greater chance that a child of incest will have a genetic defect. So she is kinda stuck with her boyfriend. Even if she does quit, I'm not sure what will i do. I'm certain that she likes me a lot.

When it stops making sense there's a song:

October 21, 2020

16 hours ago, LateAnthropocene said:

She hasn't actually talked to you about her relationship, you only know because of chattering neighbors? You can't be all that close, then. I think if you were as close as you try to make out, she would have talked to you about it, even if she was ashamed.

You say you can't leave your wife because of your son. Er, what about because you're incapable of being faithful to her, and you were thinking about other people on your wedding day and the day your child was born! That's more than enough reason! Your poor wife.

You run around and cheat multiple times and now you've actually got feelings for someone, you can't have her. Serves you right.

Has it ever crossed your mind that some women are just warm and friendly with everyone they talk to? And yes, they act pleased to see people because they are generally kind and nurturing and don't like to hurt people's feelings. Maybe her eyes shine because she uses beautifying eye drops and drinks a lot of water.

Honestly, this is nonsense. You're unfulfilled in your marriage and you want attention, excitement and a thrill, it's about your own ego. You were doing it before you even met this colleague, were the others not special, if not why did you cheat with them?

Your colleague is in a longterm relationship. She has never told you she wants to break up with him and be with you. You two haven't even talked about leaving your partners and getting together. She knows now you're the type who will have emotional affairs at work behind your wife's back, so how could she trust you in future, even if you did get together?

Enough with the silly puppy love and get real. As, others have said, counseling would be the good next step.

I joined this forum because I hoped you guys can keep an open mind and give me some sound advice, because I'm feeling a little lost.This woman my colleague hasn't actually talked to me about her relationship, because here in my country https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/North_Macedonia incestuous relationships are considered terribly shameful. For the past seven and a half years I can't stop thinking about my colleague/neighbor/friend and when I'm in bed I imagine a life with her. It's a daily heartbreak No matter how much I try to shake it off nothing helps. It's incredibly unsettling. I get these incredible feelings whenever she is around. I can talk to her for 12 hours straight and it'll feel like i only just started. I always get lost in her eyes because being near her makes everything in my mind slow down and go quiet. I naturally want to give her the world and i genuinely believe her mere existence makes life better for those around her. No other woman compares to her looks. I honestly could not pick a better person to be in love with. She's a very bubbly and cheerful woman and can light up a room just with her presence. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her.

October 21, 2020

I've said this before, but it's not love until it's been tested in an everyday relationship and survived!

@The Macedonian this was in my inbox today

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/love-relationships-blog/why-long-term-love-feels-boring-and-why-its-actually-not/

'The day I realize how selfish I had been, I cried.

I couldn’t believe that in chasing the feeling (or the appearance of love) so badly, I was missing the fact that it was right in front of me.

Love is safe.

Love is consistent and predictable—and sometimes when you feel the same feeling of comfort every single day, you can mistake this for feeling bored.

The comfort can trick your brain into thinking that you need more, even when you have everything.'

October 21, 2020

On 10/19/2020 at 7:08 AM, The Macedonian said:

I'm just patiently waiting for the day I can make my move. Wish I made my move earlier but the best things don't happen all of a sudden. But she is aware that i love her, and she loves me too. I can see that in her eyes. Her situation with her boyfriend/cousin is f***ed up. I can't just leave my wife because of my son. This woman my colleague is kinda jealous of my wife.

wait a minute...so you're just staying with your wife if and until this woman dumps her husband?
That's incredibly cruel. She's like Damcles and she doesn't even know it.

October 21, 2020

50 minutes ago, pepperbird2 said:

wait a minute...so you're just staying with your wife if and until this woman dumps her husband?
That's incredibly cruel. She's like Damcles and she doesn't even know it.

I joined this forum because I hoped you guys can keep an open mind and give me some sound advice, because I'm feeling a little lost.This woman my colleague hasn't actually talked to me about her relationship, because here in my country https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/North_Macedonia incestuous relationships are considered terribly shameful. For the past seven and a half years I can't stop thinking about my colleague/neighbor/friend and when I'm in bed I imagine a life with her. It's a daily heartbreak No matter how much I try to shake it off nothing helps. It's incredibly unsettling. I get these incredible feelings whenever she is around. I can talk to her for 12 hours straight and it'll feel like i only just started. I always get lost in her eyes because being near her makes everything in my mind slow down and go quiet. I naturally want to give her the world and i genuinely believe her mere existence makes life better for those around her. No other woman compares to her looks. I honestly could not pick a better person to be in love with. She's a very bubbly and cheerful woman and can light up a room just with her presence. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her.

October 21, 2020

10 minutes ago, The Macedonian said:

I joined this forum because I hoped you guys can keep an open mind and give me some sound advice, because I'm feeling a little lost.This woman my colleague hasn't actually talked to me about her relationship, because here in my country https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/North_Macedonia incestuous relationships are considered terribly shameful. For the past seven and a half years I can't stop thinking about my colleague/neighbor/friend and when I'm in bed I imagine a life with her. It's a daily heartbreak No matter how much I try to shake it off nothing helps. It's incredibly unsettling. I get these incredible feelings whenever she is around. I can talk to her for 12 hours straight and it'll feel like i only just started. I always get lost in her eyes because being near her makes everything in my mind slow down and go quiet. I naturally want to give her the world and i genuinely believe her mere existence makes life better for those around her. No other woman compares to her looks. I honestly could not pick a better person to be in love with. She's a very bubbly and cheerful woman and can light up a room just with her presence. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her.

What does keeping an open mind look like? Telling you exactly what you want to hear - that what you're doing is OK and yes, this is true love?

October 21, 2020

On 10/17/2020 at 11:58 PM, The Macedonian said:

I cheated on my wife/girlfriend at the time regularly before i met my colleague.

You married this woman after cheating on her regularly? Does your wife know this? Why on earth did you marry her? You obviously never loved your wife as you've continued to cheat on her. You sound utterly selfish and disrespectful. How can you still have gone ahead and married her is beyond me. Your wife should divorce you and find someone who deserves her.

I don't think you are in love with your colleague, I think you love cheating...

Edited October 21, 2020 by Datergirl

October 21, 2020

20 minutes ago, The Macedonian said:

I joined this forum because I hoped you guys can keep an open mind and give me some sound advice, because I'm feeling a little lost.

And do you have an open mind receptive to what everyone responds?

October 21, 2020

2 hours ago, Ellener said:

And do you have an open mind receptive to what everyone responds?

Yes i do have an open mind receptive to what everyone responds here on this forum. But I just can't break off from this woman my colleague/neighbor/friend. She's just the most beautiful human being, both outwardly and inwardly. I just can't, I can't stop loving her.

October 21, 2020

4 hours ago, Ellener said:

I've said this before, but it's not love until it's been tested in an everyday relationship and survived!

@The Macedonian this was in my inbox today

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/love-relationships-blog/why-long-term-love-feels-boring-and-why-its-actually-not/

'The day I realize how selfish I had been, I cried.

I couldn’t believe that in chasing the feeling (or the appearance of love) so badly, I was missing the fact that it was right in front of me.

Love is safe.

Love is consistent and predictable—and sometimes when you feel the same feeling of comfort every single day, you can mistake this for feeling bored.

The comfort can trick your brain into thinking that you need more, even when you have everything.'

This is great advice, although it takes much discipline for it to be effective.

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I am married, but in love with another woman. I am stuck in this emotional affair.

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