Kirstoski Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 Now before anyone says anything. My boyfriend has not said or done anything to cause this, this is all me. I was at his work, I saw all the gorgeous women he worked with and he introduced me to everyone we come across as his girlfriend. I was looking at these gorgeous people and thought why has he picked a washed up escort when he could have had someone without half the isuses I have. How do I improve my mood? How do I snap out of this. How do I create positive thoughts that I am a great person/partner
schlumpy Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 It's part of who you are. It's part of who you have learned to be. You know people and you had to understand their motivations to protect yourself. It's also called "street smarts." As good a person as you portray your BF to be, the question you just now asked is a valid one. Why you? The answer will become clear the further along you move in time with your BF. It could be fairytale stuff and he's the prince whose kiss has woke you from a deep dreamy sleep. Happily ever after is now your destiny. He could have a deep rooted need to save someone. Not so good as needing to save someone instead of loving them will not be emotionally satisfying for you. If so, that will be apparent over time. Right now, I will assume that it is because he has deep feelings for you and all those gorgeous people that he works with have just as many problems and bad choices in their lives as you do or did. No one is ever what they seem on the surface and you are intensely aware of that.
Wiseman2 Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 You already have an appointment with a doctor and therapist and that would be the best place to address your moods and transition to your new life. You need to slow way down with the BF. He can't hold your hand through this transition. You are getting much too dependant on him for everything and that's dangerous for you. Only you know what is deep inside you, your extreme mood and self esteem vacillating. The place to explore, unpack and sort out all this is with trained professionals 2
Author Kirstoski Posted October 16, 2020 Author Posted October 16, 2020 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: You already have an appointment with a doctor and therapist and that would be the best place to address your moods and transition to your new life. You need to slow way down with the BF. He can't hold your hand through this transition. You are getting much too dependant on him for everything and that's dangerous for you. Only you know what is deep inside you, your extreme mood and self esteem vacillating. The place to explore, unpack and sort out all this is with trained professionals How am I dependant on my boyfriend, I went for the drive with him to his head office. You make me out to be some dependant person and my boyfriend to be some drug. He really isn't He is the first to tell me to snap out of things.
Fletch Lives Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 God does not respect any one person more than another.
d0nnivain Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 6 hours ago, Kirstoski said: How do I improve my mood? How do I snap out of this. How do I create positive thoughts that I am a great person/partner To elevate your mood do something nice for yourself. Go for a walk. Get some sun on your face. Exercise releases mood improving endorphins. Then make your favorite meal or take a soothing bubble bath, just pamper yourself. To work on your self confidence, do talk to your therapist but make a stream of consciousness list of all your good qualities -- the profound ones & the trivial ones. List things like you are an honest person but also give yourself credit for making great scrambled eggs. Then read your lists. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted October 16, 2020 Posted October 16, 2020 This sounds like an issue of self-worth. I relate, as I used to have terrible self-esteem due to chronic childhood verbal/emotional abuse. For a long time, my dad had me convinced I was less than nothing. So when I found myself with good-looking, accomplished boyfriends who wanted to marry me, it didn't add up for me and I'd cause problems due to subconscious issues. By now I've worked through all that, and I feel that anyone who dates or befriends me is lucky, as I'm lucky to know them, because I'm a good, loving person with many fine qualities. Therapy and self-development will help you improve your self-esteem and confidence. 1
FirstClass Posted October 17, 2020 Posted October 17, 2020 Feelings of inadequacy in relationships happen a lot more frequently than you might think. You are by no means alone in feeling that way, so take comfort in the fact that it happens a lot. Doing something about it can be a really big deal. Understanding where your feelings of inadequacy come from is a start. Why do you feel not good enough? Who told you that you aren't good enough? Sometimes the journey can take a long time to sort out. For now consider that the mere fact that he is with you, and has chosen you, over what you believe are endless better options, should tell you something. You don't know these people, he does. Just because someone looks good does not mean they are good. People put on their best behavior in gatherings to impress others and to create feelings for themselves of being impressive. It sounds like many of them impressed you. Yet there can be a quiet attractiveness in humility, and it's a rare quality these days, so maybe that's what he sees in you? I don't know of course, just trying to show you there are other qualities to consider other than peoples' outward appearance. Life is not a sprint Kirstoski, it's a marathon and with hard work "washed up" people find over time they aren't really washed up at all. This relationship may work out for you or it may not. Either way, we all are unique and we all have our pros and our cons, our ups and our downs, our successes and our failures. Polish your best qualities and work to improve your not so best ones and along the way the feelings of inadequacy will leave you.
Author Kirstoski Posted October 17, 2020 Author Posted October 17, 2020 5 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: This sounds like an issue of self-worth. I relate, as I used to have terrible self-esteem due to chronic childhood verbal/emotional abuse. For a long time, my dad had me convinced I was less than nothing. So when I found myself with good-looking, accomplished boyfriends who wanted to marry me, it didn't add up for me and I'd cause problems due to subconscious issues. By now I've worked through all that, and I feel that anyone who dates or befriends me is lucky, as I'm lucky to know them, because I'm a good, loving person with many fine qualities. Therapy and self-development will help you improve your self-esteem and confidence. I also think my job will. I'm very fortunate to have it and I am getting so many different experiences 1
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